Ashes, Ashes We All Fall Down
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Edward protected Bella when she needed him most, can she do the same when his life tumbles into the world of dark love? WARNING: Mature Theme, violence, abuse, D/s gone badly wrong. AH story by SDFreeze
1. Chapter 1

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

* * *

Chapter: 1

I was lying in the dirt under the merry-go-round and my heart was beating wildly. I kept my eyes shut, but my breathing was too noisy. "Shhh," Edward told me in a whisper. I stuck my hand out and he grabbed it with his. I could hear the footsteps around us slowly fade into the background.

"Bella, if they see us, you run and I will get in their way," he said, trying to be brave. I shook my head back and forth, refusing to leave him, and too terrified to act on my own.

He squeezed my hand and I finally opened my eyes to look at him. "Bella, Bella, Isabella," he started our poem.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I finished, making him smile.

I remembered when he taught me the rhyme and told me it would be something only we would know. He got so frustrated trying to tell me the meaning of the word 'fella.' When I had insisted on using 'boyfriend' he got mad, and told me he wouldn't be my friend anymore if I didn't say 'fella'.

It was a rough life in the State Children's Center. I was small for my age, so the older kids easily bullied me. Edward was very tall, for a seven year old, and extremely smart. He could usually get what he wanted without having to fight for it.

I was crying, huddled into a ball under the slide, the day he first noticed me. He promised to watch out for me and everything changed that day. He taught me how to print my name and how to count to one hundred. He told me I had to study hard, because being smart was the only way out of the bad part of the world. It sounded right to a five year old.

I could hear the steps come back towards us; I closed my eyes again and repeated the poem over and over in my head.

"Here she is," someone called out.

I screamed loudly when hands grabbed my ankles and pulled me into the sunshine. My skirt and white sweater was covered in powdery dirt which formed a cloud of haze around me. I was kicking and flailing around, but I was too small, and too weak, to fight them.

Edward was enraged and tried to fight for me, but adults were too strong for him, too. I held my hands out, trying desperately to reach for Edward, as two men held him tightly in their grasp. He was crying and that terrified me. Nothing ever made Edward cry, and I began to really panic.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," he cried.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I screamed back to him.

I was pulled into the building and put into a hot shower. I was dressed and primped and brought into a room with other adults. "Bella," I was told, "this is Charlie and Renee Swan, and they will be your parents."

The woman smiled kindly at me and came over to pick me up. "Don't cry sweetheart, you will be very happy with us, and we will love you very much."

I nodded and looked at the tall man with a mustache. His eyes crinkled as he smiled softly and picked up my small suitcase. I was carried to their car and put in the backseat. I stared at the center as we drove away and placed my hand on the window pane. "Bye, Edward," I gasped from crying.

That was eleven years ago, but the memory haunted me like it was yesterday. I never discussed it with my parents. It was not something a five year old knew how to articulate. Edward became an imaginary figure in my dreams; always seven years old, and always trying to save me.

"Bells," my father called to me.

"Yeah," I said coming down the stairs.

"I got it arranged for your work study class, if you still want it, that is."

"Yes, dad, I still want it. I hope to be a therapist someday, so I can't be afraid of crazy people," I insisted.

"I just think you have enough crazy people right here at home," he laughed.

"When do I start?" I asked, ignoring his attempt at humor.

"Just have your teacher sign this form and you can start anytime."

I took the paper in my hand and hugged him, "Thanks, dad."

I was anxious at school the next day. Everyone seemed amazed I would be willing to do my work study at a hospital for the mentally ill. There were some famous residents there, but I refused to listen to the gossip. Nobody knew I came from the state children's home, and I heard their speculations about that place, too.

I put on a brave face as I entered the shiny, tiled hallway of the hospital. I was led to the office of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was young, good looking, and extremely kind. He gave me a tour of the place and pointed out a myriad of small jobs I would be doing. He seemed impressed I would agree to work there, too.

When we got to the end of a long hallway I could hear screaming coming from a room behind some glass doors. Dr. Cullen looked distressed and turned to stare sadly at the door.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him

"Yes, it is a patient who doesn't like to be touched. He gets very vocal at shower time," he said sadly.

"Will I ever see him?" I asked, more curious than scared.

"No, Bella, he is my patient and I am the only one to see him. Only the most qualified staff cares for him."

I nodded and looked at the glass door wondering if it was locked, or if I would be able to go in and catch a peak at the mysterious patient. Dr. Cullen assured me I would only be around the more functional patients, and those requiring intense treatment would be separate from my duties.

I began working every day after school and enjoyed the people I worked with. Jasper was such a peaceful guy. He had a way of making even the most harried patient calm right down. He was working on his PhD and was on staff for evenings and weekends. Jasper was so much taller than I was, but he would lean over and stare directly at me with his clear blue eyes.

Emmett was an orderly who was used to bring order when patients got out of control. He had massive muscles and such a fun personality. His deep dimples could be seen with the slightest movement of his face, and his curly hair gave him a childish look. He usually walked me to my car every night so I felt safe, but his girlfriend, Rosalie, was the only person I was afraid of.

She was a no nonsense nurse who could give stares that would turn my blood to ice. Her stature was that of a model, tall and thin. Long, thick, blonde hair hung to her waist, and her tan skin made her look like a California girl, out of place in sunless Washington.

My favorite nurse to work with was Alice. She was tiny, but very authoritative. If she told you to take your meds, you better take them. Her short, dark hair stuck out in stylish spikes, most like trying to make he appear taller. She was the perfect complement to her boyfriend Jasper's calm. Excitement and enthusiasm exuded off of her.

I joined them all in the cafeteria one day, getting a cup of coffee before our shift, when the subject of the mysterious man came up.

"I have to shower Mr. Cullen," Emmett said in dread.

"Mr. Cullen?" I asked, wondering why he didn't say Dr. Cullen.

"Yeah, the psycho, in the room down the glass hallway," he said causing Rosalie to smack him.

"Don't call patients that," she demanded.

"Is he related to Dr. Cullen?" I asked, suddenly very intrigued.

"I think he is a nephew or something," Jasper informed me.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked, hoping I would be considered enough a part of the group for them to share.

Everyone looked at Jasper for the explanation. "He was severely abused by his parents as a child. I don't think he will ever recover," Jasper said sadly.

I felt sick inside and wanted to hold the man in my arms, or beat the tar out of the people who hurt him. I couldn't stand to hear his screams after that point. It broke my heart to hear him so distraught, when people only wanted to help him.

I saw Dr. Cullen coming from the glass door one day. I could see the pain it caused in his eyes to work with his nephew. I walked over and tried the door, but it was locked. I stood and listened to the awful moaning coming from the walls inside that glass hallway.

It was several weeks later I got my first glimpse of the man. I was cleaning in Dr. Cullen's office, dusting a large cabinet and could see a bluish light coming from the cracks. I opened the door to see a series of small monitors showing various places in the hospital, but my eyes were drawn to one spot; the room behind the glass wall, with a man sitting in the corner with his head down, rocking back and forth.

I watched him for a long time hoping he would stand or do something. He only sat and rocked until I saw Emmett enter the room. I could tell he was saying something, but I didn't know how to turn on the monitor's sound.

The man didn't respond, or move at all, until Emmett took a step towards him. He instantly tensed and pulled into a tight ball. Emmett lowered his body and tried to talk to the man again. There was no reaction until Emmett's hand reached out to touch him. The man began swinging wildly at him.

I gasped in horror as I watched Emmett grab him around the waist and lift the tall man off the ground and carry him to the bathroom. I felt tears falling down my face at the thought of the thin man being treated so harshly.

When they finally returned to the room, Emmett was panting from the exertion, but the man was calm. He was still being carried, but was now dressed in new pajamas and had wet hair. Emmett sat him on the bed and then opened a door to retrieve a tray. He sat it next to the patient and left the room.

At first the man just sat there rubbing his beard, but finally he began to eat. He never looked at the food. He stared forward as he spooned things into his mouth. When he was done he finally looked down at the tray. He stared at it for several seconds and then threw it angrily against the wall. I jumped, even though I didn't hear any noise attached to the action.

When Emmett walked me to my car that night I asked about the difficult patient. "Emmett, what is Mr. Cullen like?"

"He's just so upset; I don't even know how to explain it. I don't mind having to fight with him all the time, it is when he is quiet and just looks at me that I can't take it," Emmett said, shaking his head in confusion.

"Do you think he will ever be well?" I asked, trying not to let him hear the heartbreak in my voice.

"No, he can only stay focused in the present for small bits of time. I think he feels safer inside his mind."

I couldn't sleep anymore without seeing the man in my dreams. I was always begging people not to hurt him as he was being manhandled by everyone in the place. I would sneak into Dr. Cullen's office every chance I got to watch him on the monitor. He was always rubbing his thin beard as if it bothered him, but nobody attempted to cut it.

I was in the hallway one day when I saw Dr. Cullen enter the glass door. I ran to his office to watch him work with the mysterious patient. He pulled up a chair close to where his nephew sat against a wall. I desperately wanted to hear what was being said and searched the cabinet for a way to control the sound.

It took me almost ten minutes, but I finally found it. It was hard to make out everything Dr. Cullen was saying, but he seemed to be reassuring the man he was safe. I didn't know how Dr. Cullen could say that, when people came into the room often to touch the terrified man.

"You can trust me," Dr. Cullen said. "I would never hurt you."

The man lifted his head and I heard Dr. Cullen say, "I am so sorry I look so much like my brother. I am nothing like him, I promise."

The man nodded and I smiled at the small progress. "May I see your arms," Dr. Cullen asked.

The man shook his head back and forth. "Maybe someday," Dr. Cullen said softly. The man nodded again.

They sat quietly for several moments and Dr. Cullen finally stood to leave. "Are you sleeping, okay? He asked as he headed to the door.

The man nodded and Dr. Cullen asked, "Any bad dreams?" Again the man nodded. "Well, maybe we'll talk about those someday, too." Dr. Cullen left the room and I watched him enter a counseling session further down the hallway.

I couldn't make myself turn off the monitors; I wanted to see if there would be any change after Dr. Cullen left the room. The man began rocking again, back and forth, as he mumbled to himself. I turned up the volume trying to catch anything he was saying and heard something very softly. It was like he was repeating a phrase of some kind.

I turned up the volume even more and put my ear against the speaker. My heart skipped a beat when I heard him mutter, "Bella, Bella, Isabella."

2

My legs couldn't hold me when I tried to stand and I fell back into the bookcase, knocking over some awards belonging to Dr. Cullen. I grabbed onto the edge of the desk to get my footing and reached out for the door. I had to keep my hand on the wall as I made my way toward the glass room. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion and the hallways kept getting longer and longer.

When I finally reached the glass door, it was locked. I began pounding on it furiously. Alice came running up to grab my hand. "Bella, what's wrong," she said, as she looked at my horrified face.

"It's him, it's him," was all I could say.

"It's who?" she asked as she looked around for a doctor or someone to hand me off to.

I suddenly remembered the layout of the hospital, and pushed past Alice to head down the next hallway. I ran into the supply closet, which shared a wall with the room behind the glass doors. I pulled some bedding off a shelf and began pounding on the wall.

"Edward, can you hear me," I yelled. "It's Bella, I'm here."

I waited for some sort of noise, but nothing came. I pulled some more bedding away from the wall and climbed onto the shelf, putting my ear against the plaster.

"Edward," I screamed louder and pounded with my fist. I finally heard a soft bang against the wall, as if he sat against it. Tears were streaming down my face; I leaned my head against the cold plaster and cried.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," I heard him begin to repeat again.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I said in loud sobs, with my mouth against the wall. "Edward…." My crying became so loud Jasper easily found me. He tried to quiet me as he came close and rubbed my back.

"Bella, you need to calm down and talk to me. Something has you upset; can you tell me about it?"

I was trying to catch my breath, but every time I tried to talk the crying would return. I didn't know how to explain the greatest boy in the world was behind that wall and something was terribly wrong with him. I had to save him, like he saved me so many times.

"Bella," Jasper said calmly, "would you like something to help you calm down?"

I shook my head furiously and turned back to the wall. I couldn't hear Edward chanting anymore, and knew he must be listening to our conversation. "I….I ….. need to talk to….Edward," I managed to say.

"That is not possible, Bella. Mr. Cullen is under very intense treatment and you can't interrupt it," he told me forcefully.

I turned back to the wall and put my hand against the white paint in despair. Dr. Cullen finally came into the room, trying desperately to figure out what was going on. He came close to me, and held out his hand. I dove into his arms, crying against his white lab coat.

"Call Chief Swan," he said to someone and I instantly pulled away.

"No, I'm fine," I said panicked. I looked into Carlisle's concerned eyes and said, "I know him, I know your nephew."

"Let's go to my office and chat," he said as he smiled at me.

I looked at the mess in the supply closet and said, "I will clean this up."

"Damn right you will," Rosalie said as she winked at me.

I was even more embarrassed when we entered Dr. Cullen's office, to see the mess I had caused and the monitors turned on loudly.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled without offering an explanation. Jasper turned the sound off the monitors and began picking up the things from the bookshelf.

"Leave it," Dr. Cullen said and offered him a chair.

I sat next to Jasper and he held my hand gently, as Dr. Cullen took a seat behind his desk.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning," Dr. Cullen said.

"Is your nephew named Edward?" I asked him as tears began to fall again.

"Yes," he said, causing Jasper's hold to tighten.

"We were in the orphanage together, we were best friends. What happened to him?" I sobbed.

"Edward was adopted by my sadist brother and my mentally ill sister-in-law," he offered with no further explanation.

"They hurt him?" I asked in shock.

"Yes," he said sadly.

My head fell into my hands and I cried loudly at the thought of someone hurting my protector, when I had been given such a wonderful home. "Why, why would they hurt Edward, he was the best person I ever knew," I said in anger.

"I didn't know what was happening to him," he assured me. "I got him out of there as soon as I could."

I pointed angrily at the quiet monitors, "How could you not know, look at him, that doesn't happen to a person without someone knowing."

"Bella, we didn't even know they adopted a child. They kept him chained in a room," he tried to explain.

I covered my ears and cried out in horror, causing Jasper to wrap both of his arms around me. He rubbed my back gently and said, "Bella, this is too much for such a young person. Please let me take you home."

I pulled out of his hold and looked at Dr. Cullen, "I can help him; he remembers me. Please let me talk to him."

"He is too dangerous," he said emphatically.

"No, he only responds when people approach him. I will stay against the wall and never walk towards him. Please, I am begging you. You can watch the entire time."

Jasper looked at Dr. Cullen and said, "I could go in with her, have a syringe ready if we need it."

"No," I screamed at him, "you won't hurt him."

"It only calms him down, nobody will hurt him," Jasper said as he rubbed my arm.

The two men looked at each other for several seconds and Dr. Cullen finally nodded. "Bella, you will not go any further than against the front wall, and you will listen to everything Jasper tells you, understand?"

I nodded quickly and stood to leave. "It will take a few minutes, Bella," Dr. Cullen chuckled and Jasper left the room.

Carlisle turned the monitors back up, and watched Edward as he sat against the back wall with his eyes closed. I tried to see anything familiar in his face, but it was too covered by his facial hair. I looked at his hands, the same hands which had saved me so many times, and saw the familiar long, thin fingers.

I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching his image on the screen, giving Carlisle concern. "Bella, you cannot touch him under any circumstances. We can't set his recovery back by allowing unnecessary contact."

I looked at Carlisle and back at the comatose man on the screen. "He was worse than this?" I asked in shock.

I saw tears form in Dr. Cullen's eyes as he nodded to me. Jasper returned and held his hand out for mine. I let him lead me back to the glass door, and noticed which key he used to open it. We walked down a very short hallway and opened the door to Edward's room.

I put my back against the wall and slowly slid down to sit on the floor. Jasper walked into the doorway of the bathroom and leaned against the frame. Edward kept his eyes closed and didn't respond at all. I stared at his face as he gently rocked again.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered. "You were my savior and I did nothing for you." It was taking all of my control not to run over and hug him tightly.

His rocking stopped, but he didn't respond or open his eyes. "I never forgot you, and I still make beautiful B's just like you taught me," I smiled.

His eyes opened, but he only stared forward. I looked at Jasper and he nodded for me to continue as he wrote furiously on a notepad.

"I wish I knew what happened to you," I said as I began to cry. "I wish you could tell me."

I put my head down as I sobbed, and Edward turned to look directly at me, but as soon as I raised my head he looked away again. I wiped my face and took a deep breath.

"Edward, you were such a good reader. It's hard for me to realize you were only seven. You seemed so old to me and I depended on you, so much."

I stared at his unexpressive face and finally whispered, "Edward, look at me."

It took him several tries to meet my gaze, but he eventually locked eyes with me. "Do you want to be my fella?" I said softly.

He stared at me with tears filling his eyes and eventually falling down his cheeks. I wanted to smile at him, but I couldn't. My entire body was trembling as we stared at each other and cried. He finally mumbled, "Bella, Bella, Isabella."

"Yes," I said, "It's me."

His mantra continued uninterrupted, over and over, for several minutes. I looked at Jasper and begged with my eyes to be able to move closer, but he shook his head at me. I looked over at Edward as he continued to stare at me, and I finally smiled.

Edward stopped mumbling, and his head fell to the side as he looked at me with a quizzical expression. I was surprised by his look and instinctively moved forward.

"Bella," Jasper warned.

Edward instantly pulled into a ball, and shut his eyes tightly as he began to rock back and forth again. I was angry at Jasper for interfering and glared at him. He nodded to the door, telling me it was time to leave, and I shook my head back and forth.

"Bella, don't be difficult," he said quietly to me.

"I want to stay, and I am technically off work," I explained to him.

"That is not allowed and you know it," he said as he lowered his head in warning.

"I'm not hurting him," I said angrily.

"I didn't say you were, it is time to go," he reiterated.

I looked over to see Edward watching me, he never looked at Jasper but his sad eyes were watching everything I did. I decided to ask him what he wanted. "Do you want me to stay?" I asked him.

He nodded ever so slightly and I turned to smirk at Jasper.

Jasper walked towards me and Edward began to make a threatening sound. It almost sounded like a growl, causing Jasper to stop immediately. I scooted along the wall, further away from Jasper, and he gave me a disapproving look.

"Bella, don't make me call for help."

I knew he meant Emmett, and I knew there was no way I could hold my own against that mountain. I also knew it would upset Edward to see them drag me from the room. "Just give me a couple minutes more," I pleaded.

I turned back to Edward and smiled at him again. "Can I come visit you?" I asked.

He stared at me without responding and my heart fell.

"Edward," I begged, "I won't forget about you. I will come every day, okay?"

He finally nodded, just barely noticeably, and I nodded back at him. I pushed myself up the wall and stood as I nodded for Jasper to walk out first. He slowly headed out the door and I quickly tossed my badge to Edward before I followed.

He didn't move or try to catch it; he only stared down at the face on the plastic as he began mumbling again. I felt euphoric and hugged Jasper tightly. "He remembers me," I giggled.

Carlisle met me in the hallway and his face was excited. I ran over and hugged him too, my exuberance totally out of line, but I couldn't help it. The heartbreak I had felt earlier was now replaced with hope. We headed back to Dr. Cullen's office and I sat across from him again.

"I will have to consider your friendship with Edward into his therapy," Carlisle said happily. His eyes were bright and I could tell his mind was spinning with plans.

"I want to visit with him, everyday," I informed him. "I want to be in the room alone."

"I don't think that is a good idea," Jasper added, making me glare at him. "You will be too tempted to rush things."

"I would never hurt him," I said angrily. "You could trust me to do only what Edward wants me to do. Let him lead on this."

Carlisle's eyes moved over my head, onto one of the screens, and horror crossed his face. I turned to see Edward on the small monitor, his face filled with rage, as he tore his room apart.

Carlisle and Jasper ran from the room. I watched on the screen as Emmett held Edward to the ground and Jasper injected something into him. I reached out and touched his imagine on the screen with my finger as tears filled my eyes. All my hope began to vanish.

3

The rain was pounding hard on the roof as I sat in class, completely unaware of what was going on around me. I had not seen Edward since Friday, and my parents refused to let me visit the hospital on the weekend. The clock would not move quickly enough, so I could head to my job.

"Bella knows, don't you?" someone said to me.

I turned to see Mike Newton smiling at me and I didn't bother to return the gesture, "I know what?" I asked.

"You know who Jessica likes," he prodded.

I looked at Jessica to see her warning eyes glaring at me, and I looked away from all of them. Their problems were so petty compared to Edward's. My entire focus was on helping him.

"Are you mad at us or something?" Angela asked me.

I stood up and gathered my books without commenting, and headed out the door. I decided to skip afternoon classes and head straight to the hospital. When I arrived Dr. Cullen was not in his office. I looked all over for someone willing to let me see Edward, but nobody was around.

I headed to the supply closet, and instead of throwing the bedding to the ground, I gently moved it to another spot. I scooted onto the shelf and sat with my legs pulled against me. "Edward," I called out.

I waited for some sort of noise. "Edward, it's me, Bella. I am so sorry I couldn't come this weekend, my parents wouldn't let me."

I could hear what sounded like soft crying, and regretted bringing up the subject of parents. I tapped gently on the wall and said, "Don't cry Edward; please don't cry."

I heard the sound of scrapping against the wall, and figured he was sliding over to better hear me. "Do you want to be my fella?" I said as I put my hand on the wall.

"Bella," he whispered back to me.

"I'm here, Edward, I will always be here for you."

We sat in total silence and I finally said, "Remember when you told me oatmeal would turn my hair blonde?" I chuckled at the memory. "I ate so much oatmeal and I'm still a brunette, Edward."

I heard him say my name again, so I continued. "Or when you taught me how to jump out of the swing, and I had bloody knees for a week."

"Sorry," he muttered, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Edward, my hand is against the wall, put yours up to mine," I said.

I could hear his hand bump against the wall, and I shut my eyes, trying to imagine his touching mine. We sat that way for several minutes and he finally spoke. "Bella," his voice called out softly.

"Yes, Edward," I said.

"Did anyone hurt you?" he asked.

"No," I said as tears formed. "But someone hurt you, didn't they?"

He didn't answer for a bit, but finally said, "Yes."

"You know I would never hurt you, don't you?" I asked him. "I want to hold you, Edward, like you used to hold me. May I?"

"You can't," he finally answered. "I'm bad."

"No you aren't," I said harshly, "You are wonderful; do you hear me, Edward? You are wonderful."

"Bella," he said with anguish in his voice.

"What?" I asked him

He didn't say anything and began repeating my name over, and over. I shut my eyes, and listened to the voice which had brought me so much contentment, and wished I could do the same for him. I pressed my forehead against the wall and began repeating his name every time he said mine.

He finally stopped and I asked again, "May I hold you, Edward? Will you be my fella?" I could hear him crying again and my heart was breaking. "Hang on," I said, "I'm coming."

I headed out of the closet and began calling out for either Jasper or Dr. Cullen. Carlisle finally came out from one of the patient rooms and gave me a disappointed look.

"I'm sorry," I said, "But I need to see Edward."

"I have a session with him next, and then I will let you in for a bit," he answered.

I nodded and headed to his office to watch on the screen. I saw Edward sitting against the back wall crying and I couldn't stand it one moment longer. I rummaged through Dr. Cullen's desk and found a set of keys. I knew this would most likely get me fired, but if I was able to touch Edward it might be enough to make them reconsider.

I entered the room and slid against the wall into a sitting position. "Edward," I called out hoping he would look at me.

He only stared forward with his tears still falling.

"I was too afraid to run that day," I said softly. "I wanted to stay with you."

He began saying my name over, and over, so I slid along the wall to get closer to him. "I'm sorry I had to leave, I didn't want to leave you," I said.

This time he looked at me and seemed startled by my close proximity. His body tensed and he pulled into a ball.

"I hate them," I said as I began to cry. "I hate them for doing this to you."

He began rocking back and forth as I stared at him. "My name is Bella Swan now. My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher," I began to ramble. "I have a friend named Jessica, she is so boy crazy," I laughed. "She has a new boyfriend every week."

Edward looked at me and his eyes were so sad.

"But my fella has always been Edward," I said softly.

I put my hand out towards him and let it lay, facing upward, on the floor. He looked at it and then back up at me. He slowly extended his hand out to lie next to mine, but not touching. I had to shut my eyes when I saw the scars on his inner arms. Somebody had burned him repeatedly.

I swallowed and forced myself to look back at his eyes. He was staring at me and I smiled at him. He held my gaze and I felt the tension building in the air. "Are you still my fella?" I finally asked him.

His brow furrowed and he looked tortured as he lowered his eyes. "Edward," I said loudly getting his attention back. "I want you to still be my fella."

He began to rub his beard and I smiled wider. "You should shave it," I suggested. "I can't see your face, and you have such a great face." I extended my thumb to lap over his.

He didn't react and turned his head to lie on his knee and look at me. "I'm sixteen and you are eighteen," I giggled. A small smile formed on his face. "And you don't need to protect me anymore. I can protect you," I said with confidence, as I slid my hand into his palm.

He stared at it for a moment and then closed his hand around mine. I grinned at him like a Cheshire cat and felt a warm sensation spread through my body. "I have so much to tell you, my Edward," I said to him. "I want to show you the music I like, and bring you to my home, and let you meet my friends."

His hand tightened and his face saddened. "I can't," he whispered.

"You can't right now, but you will get better," I tried to say confidently.

He only stared back at me, so I patted my lap as I straightened out my legs. "Lay here, Edward, and let me tell you all about my life."

He looked terrified, but slowly moved to lay his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his long hair and eventually into his beard. He closed his eyes and began to relax against me.

I talked, and talked, as he breathed steadily in my lap. I was sure he was sound asleep, but I didn't care. I continued to tell him every single boring detail about my life.

I was still chatting when the door opened and an orderly stepped inside. He gave me a look that told me I was in deep trouble, but I held my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet. He held up a towel and a fresh pair of pajamas and I motioned for him to put them in the bathroom.

When he left, the sound of the door startled Edward, and he jumped up and back into the fetal position against the wall. I held still until he got his bearings and looked at me again. "Hi," I said softly, and he smiled.

"Edward," I began. "I don't like them showering you. I want them to leave you alone and let you do it. Do you think you can do it alone?"

He tensed and his eyes dropped to the floor. "I will help you if you want. Remember how I hated having my hair washed, and you told me I wouldn't drown if I let my head fall back? You told me to pretend I was an explorer on a wild river, and I should let the water splash on me, so the ride would be fun."

He nodded slightly and I laughed, "It wasn't fun, you know."

He smiled, and I nodded towards the bathroom. "You can do it. Will you walk with me?"

I stood very slowly as tension filled his body. I held out my hand and he finally took it and stood. He was still so tall, and I couldn't stop myself from bringing his hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes, as I held it tightly to me.

I led him to the bathroom, and began the shower, while he began to slowly undress. I didn't look at him as I left the bathroom, and not because I was too shy, but because I was terrified to see the marks on him.

He returned to the room with his wet hair combed and his pajamas on. I was sitting on his bed and it made him nervous, so I moved back to the wall. He slowly made his way over to me and sat down. "Do you like the beard?" I asked him.

He shook his head back and forth and I giggled. "Can I shave it off for you?" I asked him.

He nodded and I slowly reached up to run my fingers through it. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, so I moved onto my knees and pulled him to my chest, as I held him with my two arms wrapped around his head. I lowered my face to the top of his head and laid it against his wet hair.

"Everything will get better," I assured him. "I will make sure of that."

There was a very soft knock on the door and Edward recoiled away from me, back to the comfort of the wall. I watched as Dr. Cullen came in and prayed he didn't throw me out of the place. "Bella, I was looking in the cabinet," he said, knowing I would understand what he meant. "I think you should stay for the session, if Edward doesn't mind."

I looked at Edward's closed eyes and said softly, "Hey, fella, can I stay with you while Dr. Cullen talks to you?"

He opened his eyes and eventually nodded. "Can I hold your hand?" I asked him. It took several moments before he finally held his hand out to me. I moved next to him and held it tightly with both of my hands.

Dr. Cullen stayed on the far side of the room and sat in a chair. "Edward, do you remember, Bella?"

Edward nodded and I smiled at him.

"Bella is a very brave young woman, she broke into your room with stolen keys," he said.

I laughed and looked at Edward and shrugged, "Nobody was around to unlock the door."

He finally smiled back at me and I rubbed his hand with my fingers. "He wants me to shave his beard," I told Dr. Cullen.

"We have staff that can assist him," Dr. Cullen said.

I looked at Edward and asked, "Do you want staff to do it?"

He shook his head back and forth and I turned back to Dr. Cullen, "He wants me to do it."

"Edward, do you like Bella touching you?"

I let my mouth fall open, appalled at the question, and looked at Edward. "If you don't want me to touch you I understand," I said, knowing full well it would break my heart if he agreed.

He slowly pulled his hand to his own lap, bringing mine along with it, and I smiled widely at Dr. Cullen.

"Edward, remember when you told me Mrs. Spellman picked her nose and I shouldn't hold her hand?" I laughed at the memory.

"I didn't like it," he said softly.

"What?" I asked, in shock he responded.

"I wanted you to hold my hand," he said in slowly halted speech.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed, "I loved holding your hand."

We sat quietly until Dr. Cullen said, "Edward, I want Bella to leave now."

My head snapped up and Edward tensed, as he let go of my hand. "Why?" I demanded.

"This is between me and Edward, please Bella, go."

I turned to plead with Edward, but he wouldn't even look at me. "I don't want to go," I said in a panic.

Edward's head slowly turned, "I don't want you to hear this," he said sadly. He leaned in closely so he could whisper softly, "I don't want you to know what happened to me."

I swallowed and nodded my head. "Can I come back?" I asked him.

"If you eat your green beans," he said with a smile.

I raised my hand, to put it next to my mouth, and whispered, "Those still go in the trash." I stood and skipped to the door, just like I did when I was little, and turned to look at Edward's watching eyes. I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him, causing him to grin back at me.

I couldn't express the happiness I felt.


	2. Chapter 2

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 2

4

I couldn't sleep and tried to imagine Edward's face clean shaven. I still didn't share any information with my parents. My relationship with Edward was all mine; we didn't need anyone else. I thought over the years with Edward as my protector, and so many memories came to light that I wanted to share with him.

I had to force myself to stay in school the next day. I couldn't risk being grounded or dropped from the work study program. I ran right to Carlisle's office the second I arrived at the hospital. He smiled and asked me to have a seat.

"Bella, Edward is making huge strides. I want to thank you for helping him," Dr. Cullen said.

"Can I shave him today?" I asked in anticipation of seeing his face.

Dr. Cullen smiled and stood to lead me to his room. I entered and was stunned to see Edward, sitting against the wall, already clean shaven. I spun around to yell at Dr. Cullen. "Did they hurt him?" I demanded to know.

"He did it himself," Carlisle said proudly.

I smiled at Edward and began moving slowly towards him. "I am so proud of you," I said honestly.

He didn't move, but he watched me carefully walk towards him. I knelt in front of him and stared into his beautiful face. "I remember you," I said with a smile.

He smiled back and didn't tense as I moved to sit next to him. "I missed you last night, and today," I said.

He held out his hand and I took it eagerly. I stared into his eyes and watched as tension entered his face. "What's wrong, Edward?" I asked him.

"You shouldn't come here," he said sadly.

"You never could get rid of me," I teased. "And I'm not afraid of spiders anymore."

He reached over and walked his fingers up my arm, which usually caused me to scream, and smiled at my control. "I can't believe you are here," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry you are here, Edward. You don't deserve this." I could feel the tears coming and I looked down.

He reached over and pulled my face up to look at him. His face was drawn and his lips were tight. "Bella," he said with a strong voice I had not heard him use before, "I don't want you to come back again."

I froze and stopped breathing as his words sunk into my brain. It didn't make sense and he seemed like he was purposely trying to hurt me. I held tighter to his hand and began shaking my head back and forth. "No, don't do this. I just found you," I cried.

"I need a lot of help," he began, but I cut him off.

"I want to help you, like you did for me. I'm strong enough now," I pleaded.

He shook his head back and forth. "You are still so beautiful," he said softly.

"Stop it," I yelled. "I'm not a little girl anymore. I can handle anything so you don't have to keep things from me."

He slowly stood and walked to the middle of the room. "Do you want to see the rope burns, where they tied me up for days?" he raised his shirt to show scars around his abdomen. "Or would you rather see the cuts from the whip they used on me?" he turned to show his scarred back.

"Or even better," he said as he pulled his pants down to reveal a chunk of skin missing from his thigh, "where they let the starving dog loose on me."

My tears were streaming down my face and I jumped up and headed towards him. "I will look at it all, Edward. I will touch every single scar on your body and tell you how sorry I am that those bastards ever laid eyes on you."

He tried to smile, but it couldn't quite form. "You don't understand, Bella. I don't want you to see them. I want you to remember me how I used to be."

"I do, Edward. I remember the brave boy who made me feel special. Let me help you remember that boy, too."

He stepped hesitantly towards me, and I looked at him as my heart went crazy in my chest. He stood directly in front of me and I could see his body shaking. I wanted to touch him, but wasn't sure where it would be safe and not cause him pain. I finally leaned in and placed my face against his chest. He brought his arms around me softly and mine reacted in kind.

I closed my eyes, and my own body began to shake, as I held him to me. He tightened his hold, and began rocking back and forth with me, as he begged me to leave him and not come back. I ignored his pleas and concentrated on his body, which was saying something totally different.

"Edward," I said in just a whisper.

He stopped moving, but didn't say anything. "Can you kiss me?" I asked with a shaky voice.

He was quiet and perfectly still. "I don't know how," he said back and I could hear the fear in his voice.

I lifted my head and smiled, "Either do I, but I want you to be the first boy to kiss me."

He looked into my eyes for a long time, either gathering courage or waiting for me to make the first move. He finally lowered his mouth to mine, as we continued to stare at each other with open eyes. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but also the sweetest kiss in the world.

We finally closed our eyes and began to move naturally against each other's mouth. His hands moved into my hair and I felt like my entire body was going to explode. Our tongues began hesitantly moving forward until we both opened our mouths and took the kiss even further.

I was breathing heavily, just like Edward, and had no idea what my body was demanding from me. I needed to be closer to him, molded to him, feeling all of him against me, so I didn't hesitate when he moved me to the bed. He pushed me back and lined his body up to mine without breaking our kiss.

I was terrified to touch him, not wanting to embarrass him or hurt him, but I encouraged him to touch me. I wanted nothing more than to bring him pleasure anyway I could. His hands were moving quickly from one spot to the next, not quite sure what to do. When I felt them begin to slow, I moaned loudly into his mouth bringing him back to his frantic movements.

Suddenly, without explanation he jumped back and looked at me with terrified eyes. I sat up and held my hand out to him, but he moved away.

"No, don't be afraid of me," I pleaded. I stood and walked towards him causing him to turn away from me. I continued right up to his back and gently hugged him from behind. "You are a great kisser," I told him.

"I'm sorry I touched you like that," he said sadly.

"I'm not," I said and kissed his back gently.

A soft knock sounded and I knew it would be Dr. Cullen. He entered the room and stayed back against the wall until Edward turned to face him. The look on Edward's face was heartbreaking, as if he was prepared for some horrible punishment.

Dr. Cullen said, "I'm not him, Edward. You are an eighteen year old man and if you want to kiss a girl you have every right."

I was mortified that we had been watched and I could feel my face turning red. Edward protectively put his hand on my back and I looked up to see him smile softly down at me.

"Did you tell Bella what we discussed?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"I tried," Edward mumbled and I began to feel very nervous.

"Would you like me to tell her?" Dr. Cullen asked.

Edward shook his head back and forth and lowered his eyes. "Can I have time…alone…" Edward said awkwardly.

"Of course," Dr. Cullen said and left the room.

"What do you need to tell me?" I asked him.

I could see the tears forming in his eyes and it caused the same in mine. "Can I kiss you again?" he asked with emotion.

I pulled him to me and felt a new desperation in his kiss this time. The first kiss was full of need and newfound pleasure. This kiss was sad, and angry, and told me what he couldn't say. He was leaving this place and I would never see him again.

We both began to cry as we remained attached, gasping in the other's mouths as our hearts broke. I wanted time to stop and nothing to wake me from the fantasy I was living. My fella was in my arms and we were old enough to express the love we had always felt.

He pulled me back onto his bed and instead of escalating the kiss; he let it fade, until we were only holding each other tightly. "I'm going to miss you," I cried.

"I need help," he said sadly.

"Don't forget me, please," I begged.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," he whispered.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I said back.

"Yes," he said, "I do."

"Will you ever come back?" I asked him

"Only if I get better," he said sadly.

I nodded and tried to swallow my grief back down. He held me for over an hour and we never felt the need to speak. I wanted so badly to ask him so many questions, but it didn't matter. We couldn't make plans or look to the future, we weren't children anymore, but we weren't free adults either. He would have to be my childhood protector and my teenage first kiss, until time decided if our paths should cross again.

When it was time to go, I didn't look back at his face. I walked to the door, bawling my eyes out, and heard him say, "Bella, Bella, Isabella."

I stopped and answered before running from the room and down the hallway, right into my loving parents. I couldn't talk and held onto them as I cried out my heartbreak. It wasn't like Edward broke up with me and they could tell me a better boy was waiting, this was so deep they didn't have the words to comfort me.

They led me to an office and told me Dr. Cullen had called them. I shared the information of Edward being my childhood friend and all the wonderful things he did for me. It felt magnificent to tell them and not carry that burden alone, but they were only concerned about my well being, and didn't care that Edward was being take far away.

I tried to make them understand it wasn't a crush or a childhood memory being made into something bigger, but parents usually don't understand these types of things anyway. I know they were relieved a troubled boy like Edward would be away from their daughter.

I quit my internship for that year. It was too painful to contemplate going back there. I finally returned my senior year and got right back into my friendships with Alice, who was now married to Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie.

Dr. Cullen had left the facility with Edward. Nobody knew where they went, but I had faith Carlisle would take him to the best place to guarantee his recovery. I would walk down that hallway and stare at the empty room every once in awhile, trying to imagine Edward waiting for me. I had kissed a couple of other boys since then, but nothing compared to him.

I was just starting college when I met a young man who made me forget about Edward for a bit, but his memory didn't go away forever. Late at night I could hear his voice, sometimes as a child and sometimes as the troubled young man, but my heart always knew it was him. I kept it to myself and refused to completely commit to Jake on the off chance I would run into Edward again.

Our story picked up nine years later, when only an echo of him remained with me. But it was enough to give me hope, yet again, that he could be my fella.

5

I was writing on a chart when someone stuck a piece of paper in my face. I jumped back and looked up to see Jasper smiling from ear to ear. "Hi, Dr. Whitlock," I said dryly. "Your charts are ready."

"Guess where you're going?" he said enthusiastically, ignoring my comment about his charts.

I sat my pen down to prepare myself for his joke, "Where?"

"Alice can't go to the conference, so how does three days in the sun sound?" He was rocking back and forth from one leg to the other, as if he had some giant secret, smiling widely.

"Are you joking, because if you are only playing with me I will hurt you, Jasper?"

"No joke. We leave in the morning,"

"Why would Alice give up three days in Phoenix?" I asked suspiciously. I still wasn't convinced he wasn't playing me.

His face suddenly turned serious and he leaned in close, so we wouldn't be overheard, "She is pregnant and having a bit of a hard time."

My heart fell. I knew how much she wanted a baby and had already experienced two miscarriages. "Are you sure you can be away?" I asked him.

"Yes, her mom is here," he told me. "It will give Alice a breather from my constant watch."

"Is it okay to bring a lowly psychiatric nurse?" I teased.

"Lowly, you guys do all the work anyway," he said loudly, knowing it would win him huge brownie points.

"Great, I will go," I laughed as I jumped up and down, clapping.

I was so desperate for a chance to get away. Jake and I were stuck in a rut. We didn't want to go any further with our relationship, but finding it hard to just let go. We were comfortable with people we didn't especially want to be comfortable with. This would be a great chance to make a clean break.

I stood on the sidewalk of Sky Harbor Airport with my face basking in the warm sunlight. I was so grateful Jasper chose me to come with him. I knew it would be hour upon hour of lectures, but the possibility of any sunshine at all, made it worth it.

We got settled and headed to the large lecture hall. I brought a pen and paper to keep notes, but soon found my mind wandering to patients at home, Jake, and small little memories of Edward would sneak in once in awhile.

I was hoping Jake would be able to move all his stuff in three days when the next speaker was introduced. Jasper and I gasped at the same time and sat up straight. We watched in delight as Carlisle walked to the podium. Everyone cheered loudly, and Jasper whistled several times, causing Carlisle to blush. I understood at that moment how respected he was and how lucky Edward was to have him as a therapist, and Uncle.

He began talking about a center for abused children he was opening in Washington. It would specialize in not only treatment of children, but also adults who were abused as children. I felt the tears falling from my eyes and hoped he would mention Edward and his outcome.

When I saw the conference hall setting up a microphone for questions I jumped up to be first in line. I waited for over forty minutes and listened intently. Carlisle introduced a legal team helping him with the set up of the clinic. I watched as a beautiful young woman named Tanya was introduced. She spoke about legal rights for children and the problems of prosecuting their abusers.

Carlisle finally introduced the patient who inspired the program and Edward stepped onto the stage. My hand went over my mouth as I began to cry loudly. I refused to give up my place at the front of the line, so I forced myself to toughen up.

Edward spoke about his recovery and the desire to help other children. He was beginning law school in the fall and hoped to be a child advocate. I watched as he spoke so confidently; he was just as beautiful as I had remembered.

There was something odd about his interaction with the blonde woman. He looked at her constantly and her demeanor was very authoritative. I got the impression he was almost afraid of her.

When the time was finally turned over for questions my shaking hand reached for the microphone. Edward had stepped back, letting Carlisle and Tanya take the front and center location on the stage. My voice was soft when I said, "I have a question for Edward."

Carlisle motioned for Edward to join them, then Dr. Cullen placed his hand over his eyes trying see beyond the bright lights. Edward took the microphone and kept glancing at Tanya nervously. I saw her nod slightly to him and he put the microphone to his mouth and said, "Go ahead."

"Do you want to be my fella?" I asked before a sob escaped.

The microphone dropped from Edward's hand and he stepped back in shock, letting his head fall. Carlisle quickly grabbed the microphone off the floor and put his arm out to steady Edward. Tanya glared up at the lights and turned to say something to Edward, before he retreated from the stage.

"Ms. Swan, how nice to see you here," Carlisle said to calm the room. "Everyone, this is a past colleague."

I laughed at his choice of words. I was a school girl taking out the trash and nothing more. "Dr. Whitlock is here," I added into my microphone.

Carlisle smiled genuinely and invited us both to come back stage. We headed down the aisle and I kept my eyes on the blonde woman, who seemed to be seething at the thought of meeting us. We were escorted back stage and Carlisle began taking more questions. My eyes searched for Edward and found him sitting on a chair just off the stage. I thought he would come running forward to greet me, but he acted like he didn't even know who I was.

He continued to stare at the blonde the whole time, and wouldn't turn to meet my gaze. Jasper finally walked over to introduce himself. Edward would look at him, but constantly looked back at the woman. I began watching the woman, too.

She gave Edward menacing glances, as if he would be punished if he did something wrong. It began to make sense, he was afraid of her punishments. The anger grew inside me, so I walked to the stage and grabbed onto the side curtain, pulling it with me as I walked to Edward. His view of Tanya was completely obscured and his eyes became terrified.

"Hello, Edward," I said softly.

He looked at my feet and smiled, "Hello, Bella. You surprised me today."

I stood silently waiting for him to look at me. His eyes rose, but never to my face. "What brings you here?" he asked politely.

"I'm here for the conference," I told him and watched him nod approvingly. "Do you remember Jasper?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do," he chuckled lightheartedly. "I have already apologized to him."

Jasper laughed and added, "And I already told him there was no need."

I continued to stare down at his face, which refused to look at me, and my anger continued to grow. She, that blond woman, had something to do with his behavior and I wasn't going to stand for it.

"Edward," I demanded. "Will you be punished if you look at me?"

"Punished?" A voice said behind me, "Nobody better punish my fiancé."

I spun around and dropped the curtain from my hand to see Tanya standing behind me. She was tall and intimidating to most people I was sure, but I was not backing down.

"I am a childhood friend of your fiancé and I want to take him for a drink."

"Why are you asking me?" she chuckled. "Edward can answer for himself."

I looked at his ashen face and he cleared his throat and said, "I have too much to do, Bella, another time possibly?"

"Edward," I said harshly, "Look at me when you say that."

His eyes finally found mine and I saw the pain as he spoke, holding out his hand, "Tanya, shall we."

She took his arm and they walked away. I couldn't stop my legs from following. I had no control and knew Edward was somehow in very serious trouble. I saw Tanya speaking harshly into his ear. My heart was racing and I knew he was going to be punished.

"Edward," I called after him. He turned to look at me and shook his head quickly back and forth before turning his attention back to Tanya. I felt like he was trying to protect me and it was going to cost him.

I ran to find Carlisle, who was talking and laughing with Jasper. "She is going to hurt him," I said in a panic.

His eyes stared into mine for several moments and he finally said, "Probably."

I gasped and grabbed my aching chest, "No, you have to help him."

Carlisle took hold of my arm and pulled me to a quiet corner. "Bella, I have tried. Edward gravitated to this type of relationship because it works for him," he said sadly.

"This is more abuse and you know it. He can't choose to be a submissive when he is still broken. She is continuing the abuse, and then working to stop it for other people… it is crazy, Carlisle." I was getting hysterical and feeling like I was going to throw up from grief. I had opened my mouth and Edward was going to be punished for it.

"He won't listen, Bella, he thinks he deserves this," Carlisle said.

I shook my head back and forth and began thinking of ways to kidnap Edward away from the life he was living. Nothing seemed plausible and I fell to the ground and frustration. Jasper sat on the floor next to me and began talking calmly. "Bella, we don't know everything that happened to Edward. This lifestyle may truly work for him. It may be the closest thing to normal he can achieve."

"It isn't love, Jasper. He deserves love. Try to imagine someone treating Alice as a sub, how would you feel?"

"There is nothing we can do, he is an adult and can live the way he chooses," Jasper pointed out.

"Well, I'm going to give him another choice," I said as I stood and walked away. I was almost to the elevators when Carlisle grabbed my arm.

"Bella, you need to be very careful here. Tanya can be ruthless in her treatment of Edward," he said sadly.

"How could you let this happen?" I cried.

"I tried to stop it once I figured out what was going on, but she has his pain all mixed up with sex. I can't get him to separate them. He is emotionally very young and she is taking advantage of that."

"Why would you work with her?" I demanded.

"It is the only way to keep Edward close. I am trying to help him Bella, I promise."

I nodded and promised Carlisle I would not interfere and then headed to my room. I changed into some shorts and a t-shirt hoping to get a little sun, but I was too depressed. I lay on the bed, imagining all kinds of awful things until I couldn't take it anymore. I called the front desk and asked which room Edward and Tanya were in. I headed to that floor and sat down by the door.

I sat there for hours, dozing off and on, and jumping to attention every time somebody walked by. It was very late when the door opened and Edward stepped out, dressed in a swimsuit and robe, carrying a towel over his shoulder.

His eyes lit up when he saw me and then quickly looked away from me. I wanted to scream, and pound my fists into Tanya's face. I brought my finger up to my lips, telling him to be quiet and motioned for him to come with me.

We got in the elevator and I stared at the buttons. "I'm on the fifth floor and the pool is on the third, push whichever button you want, Edward."

"Bella," he said sadly, "You know I have to go to the pool."

"Then I'm going with you," I said and pushed the button. "Are you okay?"

He let his head drop and didn't answer, giving me my answer. "Because of me…she hurt you because of me?" I asked in anger.

"You don't understand," he said softly.

"Bullshit," I said forcefully. "I completely understand and that is why it hurts me so badly."

"I don't want to hurt you," he said under his breath.

"Exactly Edward, you don't want to hurt people you love."

He raised his eyes to look at me just as the elevator doors opened. I begged him with my eyes, pleading for him to come with me, but he stepped out of the elevator. I followed, so he turned to me and said, "You don't have on a swimsuit, Bella."

"I don't care; when someone is drowning you have to just jump in."

He looked around the pool area to see it was empty. "I don't see anyone drowning," he pointed out.

"Really," I said sarcastically, "Because I see someone being pulled under, and I plan to rescue him."

He shook his head sadly and walked toward some lounge chairs. "Can you swim now?" he asked.

I remembered when some big kids at the center tried to hold my head under the water in a small plastic pool. Edward told me it had nothing to do with being able to swim, or not. They were trying to scare me.

I stood on the edge of the hotel pool and dipped my toe in to feel the cool water. "Yes, I can swim," I laughed and he walked over to stand next to me. "Can you?" I teased.

He actually smiled as he nodded yes. "Oh man, look what I did," I said as I turned to look at the band on my shorts. Edward's eyes turned naturally with mine and I reached out to push as hard as I could, sending him flying into the water.

I was laughing so hard at his stunned face. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," I said between laughs.

He smiled and came to the edge, so I moved back a step. I looked down at his scarred body and forced myself to look away. "Bella, can I tell you something?" he said softly and crossed his arms on the tiled edge of the pool.

"Sure," I said and bent down in front of him.

He mumbled something with a pained expression and I leaned in closer, "What, Edward?"

He put his mouth to my ear and said, "The water's fine," as he grabbed my arms and pulled me over his head and into the water. I screamed loudly and came up gasping for air.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," he laughed.

"I would hold your head under, if I could," I said pretending to be mad.

His demeanor changed and I knew it was something he had endured in the past. I watched him swim long strokes in the water. His body was perfect for swimming, broad shoulders, long waist, and powerful legs. I sat on the steps and watched him swim laps. When he finally finished he moved to the opposite side from me.

He was breathing heavily and his eyes were finally staring right at me. I smiled and he returned the gesture. I began slowly moving towards him and watched as he tensed. I would stop and wait for a bit before moving again. When I got close enough to talk without yelling, I stopped completely.

"You're going to be a lawyer?" I asked.

"Yes, I hope I can do some good," he added.

"You were born for this," I laughed. "Nobody talks in circles as well as Edward."

"It is easier to convince childhood bullies than corporate sharks," he said without any emotion.

"I think the corporate sharks are just the bullies all grown up," I said sadly.

"So are you….with….um, you and Dr. Whitlock…."

"Oh, no, no, I'm here because his wife can't be."

I saw his eyebrows rise and I quickly tried to explain, "I mean, he is married to a psychiatric nurse. Do you remember Alice? Anyway, she couldn't come, so the hospital let me come in her place."

"You're a psychiatric nurse?" he asked with pride in his eyes.

"Yeah, I wanted to be a therapist, but this route was cheaper," I shrugged.

"I always knew you were smart," he said softly.

"You taught me the value of an education," I teased.

"I think your parents deserve the credit," he pushed.

I pretended to look shocked and brought my hands to my mouth as I said, "You mean I'm not stuck with the bad things from my youth? People who love me can change things for me?"

He let his eyes drop and didn't respond. I moved closer and he finally raised his head and looked at me. "I'm happy for you, Bella. I hope you have a great life."

"I'm an adult now, Edward. I know how the world works and what is out there. I understand alternative lifestyles."

He shrugged, acting like he didn't know what I was talking about, so I swam in front of him, still keeping my distance and stared at the thick chain he was wearing. "I know there are people who don't know what real love is, and they get it confused with other things."

"There are many definitions of normal, just because it isn't yours, doesn't make it bad."

"I wish I had a camera to document the pigs flying," I laughed.

"What?" he asked, confused by my statement.

I moved to float on my back and chuckled, "Pigs would fly, before my Edward would be full of shit."

He laughed and began floating next to me. It was peaceful and the gentle rocking of the water knocked our hands into each other often. I finally let my fingers take hold of his and he didn't move away. We held on, using just a minimal amount of pressure, but it was enough.

We had been at the pool for over an hour when he began to get nervous. I couldn't stand the thought of him returning to her, but I didn't want her to hurt him because of me, either.

"I don't have a towel?" I said as it dawned on me.

"You can use mine, I have a robe," he said as he climbed up the stairs. I followed behind him and his scarred back made me angry. I also saw fresh welts where his swimsuit came low. My hands pulled into fists and tears formed in my eyes.

He turned to hand me the towel and froze when he saw my face. I let my eyes close, pushing the tears over the rims. I felt the towel wrap around my shoulders and it sent me into full blown hysterics. Edward cautiously pulled me to his chest and I grabbed his robe with my hands to hold on.

"I am begging you, Edward, begging with everything I have for you to come with me," I sobbed.

"Bella, don't," he pleaded and I could hear the fear in his voice.

"I know you have things to work on, I understand that, but you are taking the wrong road. Every punishment you receive hurts me, Edward. I hurt with you, just as if I was the one being hit."

"No, I won't allow it," he whispered into my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his waist as I continued to cry, "I won't allow it, either."

"I have to go," he said, trying to sound brave.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I sobbed.

"No," he said softly and pulled out of my arms.

6

I was a basket case the next morning. I couldn't sleep and worried about Edward all night. Jasper could tell something was wrong the second I walked in for breakfast. He called me over to his table and pushed a cup of coffee in front of me as he went to get me a plate of food from the buffet.

I searched the room for any sign of Edward and saw him sitting with Carlisle and Tanya. His eyes stayed down the entire time and he only spoke when Tanya addressed him. My disgust was written all over my face when Jasper returned to the table.

"I know it is hard to understand, Bella…" Jasper began.

"No, it isn't," I said angrily, "She found a man too broken to stand up to her; so she is taking advantage of him. She can't date a minor, so she found a man who acts like one."

"He could walk away if he wanted," Jasper pointed out.

I took a deep breath and leaned in closer to speak to him, "I knew Edward as the confident leader he once was. He was a natural, and kids would listen to him, until he became abused. Then I saw him fight to pull himself out of the darkness. I was his first kiss, and he was gentle and loving, and wanted to be well."

I could see Jasper preparing in his mind what he would say to discount my reasoning, so I added, "I was with him last night."

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "Well, that changes things," he mumbled.

"We went to the pool last night, I wasn't with him romantically, but he did let me hold his fingers and we hugged," I clarified.

Jasper face looked stunned and he sat back in the booth and took a long breath. "That is the same as intercourse for a sub, actually it is much worse; it is intimacy with someone other than his dom."

"You don't think he told her, do you?" I asked in terror.

Jasper glanced at their table across the room and shook his head back and forth. "He wouldn't be here if she knew," he said.

"Jasper, what are my options?"

"Professionally I would tell you to run, stay as far away from this as possible, but as your friend, I would tell you to show up at the pool tonight and see if he comes."

"If he comes, what does it mean?" I asked.

"It means he is taking a huge risk just to see you. Maybe you can convince him punishment is not love, but trust and intimacy are."

"Do you think I can?" I asked feeling hopeful.

"Not a chance in hell," he replied truthfully.

I forced myself to stay away from Edward the entire day. I wasn't about to give Tanya a reason to keep him locked in her room. At the end of the last lecture for the day I looked down at my notes and saw a blank sheet of paper staring back at me.

I was headed to the elevators when Carlisle called out to me, "Bella, please join us for dinner."

He was with Edward, Tanya, and Jasper. I looked at Tanya's smirk and didn't bother looking at Edward; "Sure," I relented. Carlisle held out his arm and I took it hesitantly.

I let Jasper and Carlisle keep most of the conversation going and tried so hard to keep from even glancing at Edward. Tanya tried to engage me, but I always managed to deflect the question back to either Jasper, or Carlisle.

I had to bite my tongue when she ordered for Edward. I lost my appetite and was trying not to cry when I felt someone's foot touch mine lightly. It was coming from across the booth and from Edward's direction. I smiled behind my menu and came up with something small to order.

The conversation went on all around us as we sat totally absorbed in the feeling of our feet touching one another's. It was a simple gesture, easily covered as a totally innocent occurrence, but also something so intimate that my heart was pounding with excitement.

Tanya seemed to have given up conversing with me and began flirting with Jasper. It made me furious so I decided to jump into the fray. "How is Alice feeling?" I asked Jasper.

"Better, she is on bed rest and her mother is with her," he shared.

"Poor boy," Tanya said, "It can't be much fun for you."

"Good thing he is a man, not a boy," I said hatefully, and then wanted to smack myself.

"I was meaning the mother-in-law," Tanya clarified. "I don't have that issue since Edward doesn't have parents." Then she laughed like her comment was supposed to be funny. I felt Edward tap my foot in warning and luckily Carlisle spoke up.

"I know I think of Edward as my son, and Esme does, too. I actually wish I would have been his father and spared him so much in life."

Everyone looked at Edward, but he kept his eyes on his plate. I let my eyes wander to Tanya and she was staring directly at me. "At least he has you," I said to her face. "What a blessing you must be to him."

I could see the anger rising in her and began to worry for Edward, so I added, "My boyfriend, Jake, is so understanding of my past. It is a lot to willingly take on so you must be a very understanding person, Tanya."

I felt Edward's foot move away and I felt so empty and alone. I had to excuse myself, running to the bathroom to cry. I locked myself in a stall and let the tears fall. I heard the door open and a pair of heels click into the middle of the room, and then stop. My heart fell, I knew it was Tanya and I did not want to fight with her. I was not afraid of her, I was afraid of what she would do to Edward.

I wiped my tears, blew my nose, and walked out to face her. She was leaning against the sink with her arms crossed. I leaned against the stall and crossed my own arms.

"What game are you playing?" she asked.

"I have no idea what you mean," I said honestly.

"Edward is mine," she said hatefully.

"And you're telling me this because…."

"Because I am warning you, stay away from him."

"Dinner was not my idea, honey," I said sarcastically.

"You had a choice, you chose to come," she challenged me.

"I'll make you a deal, let's talk openly for five minutes; nothing said can be used against anyone else," I offered, "Unless you're not woman enough."

Hatred flashed in her eyes and she stood away from the sink. "Go ahead."

I smiled at her and cleared my throat. "I honestly don't give a damn about you or your chosen lifestyle. If you need power and dominance to get you off, go for it. But when you choose a man who is not emotionally stable it is the same as pedophilia, and that my dear, makes you one sick bitch."

"You are under the impression I care what you think, you are wrong. My lifestyle makes me happy, but more importantly it makes Edward happy, so suck on that," she laughed.

"So why are you here?" I asked.

"What?"

"If you are so sure Edward is happy, why are you in here declaring he is yours?"

"Because I can see the look on your face when he is around; you pity him," she laughed in an evil way.

I laughed back and pointed at her, "I worry for Edward; it is you I pity."

Her smile faded and she took a step toward me, so I warned her, "I'm not a sub, and I will beat the shit out of you if you lay one finger on me."

"The five minutes are up," she said loathingly.

"Tell Jasper I'm catching a plane tonight," I said, leaving the restroom and walking out of the restaurant. I knew she would not tell Edward I was going. She would want to see if he would look for me or anticipate seeing me again. I also knew Jasper would know I didn't really leave, but he would play along with it.

I changed into a swimsuit and headed to the pool, a little before the time I had run into Edward last night. I sat with my legs dangling in the water, with my back to the door so I wouldn't be constantly staring at it.

I heard the door open and closed my eyes, too afraid to hope it would be Edward. I heard someone walk to the chairs and then come stand by me. I still didn't speak or even move. Someone sat next to me and I slowly held out my hand, keeping my eyes closed.

After several minutes he put his hand in mine and gently squeezed it. I turned to look at his anguished face and my heart was breaking. "Tell me what you're feeling?" I said softly.

"I wish I was the little boy you loved, but I'm not," he said painfully.

"I know, you are the grown man I love," I told him.

His eyes shut and he winced like I had hurt him. I tightened my hand in his and said softly, "I would never hurt you, because I love you. Carlisle and Esme would never hurt you, because they love you, too. Bad people cause pain, and nobody deserves to be hurt."

"Bella, this works for me. It makes me feel safe…."

"No, it keeps you terrified, and that is familiar for you. And the only reason you sit here with me, holding your hand, is because it is familiar. Which feels better, Edward?"

"It is more than that Bella. It is really complicated and I need that for arousal," he said in shame.

"You have been conditioned to need that for arousal. I remember a time when you didn't," I said shyly.

He glanced at me and smiled, causing my body to react. I wanted to pull him to me and run my hands all over him, but I knew it would be the worst thing to do.

"So…Jake," he said.

"Jake is a great guy, just not the right guy," I explained.

He nodded and bit his lip for a moment.

"What, Edward, say what you want to say."

He chuckled and it was music to my ears. "I'm a bit jealous of Jake," he admitted.

I laughed lightly and bumped his shoulder with mine. "Do you want to be my fella?" I said in jest.

He turned to face me and stared directly into my eyes. It startled me and I moved back a little to match his stare. I wanted so badly to ask him to kiss me, but I wanted it to be his idea. He reached out and took my other hand in his and I began to shake. I could tell he was shaking too, and it made me smile. I remembered how terrifying our first kiss was, but he managed to initiate that.

I looked down at his hands and noticed the cigarette burns on his arms. I pulled his arm up and kissed each spot softly. It was then I noticed fresh rope burns on his wrists, so I ran my tongue very lightly over the sensitive flesh and kissed my way into his palm.

He cupped my face and leaned over to put his forehead on mine. I could smell his breath and it took me back to our childhood, when he would huddle with me under the covers as he read.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," he whispered in a tone filled with lust, mixed with despair.

"Do you want to be my fella," I said with labored breaths.

"Yes," he mouthed without saying the word.

We were moving at such a slow speed towards each other's lips when the door flew open and banged against the wall. I jumped, but Edward shut down. His head fell and his eyes never once looked up. I quickly stood in front of him, determined to protect him at all costs.

Tanya had a small clicker in her hand and she pressed it twice causing Edward to stand.

"Don't you dare treat him like an animal," I screamed at her.

She looked at Edward and smiled, "Love, do you want to come with me, or stay with Bella?"

"I want to come with you," he said right away.

"Edward, no," I cried, "She only wants to hurt you in order to hurt me. Don't go, please."

She walked over to Edward and kissed him roughly in front of me and he let her, never moving to stop her or trying to defend himself. I felt sick inside as I watched. "Tell your little friend goodbye, we're leaving tonight," she said as she pulled his hair harshly.

I looked at Tanya in anger, "You're afraid. You have no real power over him and that scares you. You have to keep him broken, so he will stay with your sorry ass, because no healthy man would ever want you."

I looked at Edward in anger too. "You know I'm right. You stay with her because it is easier to retreat back into your mind than stay present in your life." I walked over to stand directly in front of him. "And the thing that hurts the most is you choose her over me. You should have let the bigger kids bully me so this heartbreak wouldn't hurt so badly."

Edward kept his head down and I began to cry. "Look at me," I ordered him. He didn't respond, so I whispered very softly, "Edward, please look at me."

Torture was written all over his face when he finally raised his eyes to mine. I only mouthed the words, "I love you," and watched as tears filled his eyes. I nodded and walk out the door, never expecting to see Edward again.


	3. Chapter 3

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 3

7

Trying to forget Edward was the hardest thing I had ever tried to do. I now knew a version of him that haunted me as a woman. I no longer dreamed of a brave little boy or a determined young man; I dreamed of the sexually messed up man who believed abuse was love.

I would wake up screaming as I had to watch him being tortured, but that wasn't what caused me to become physically ill on more than one occasion, it was staring into his dead eyes knowing I had walked away without more of a fight.

After several months I finally went to see Carlisle. It was the first time I met Esme, and loved her instantly. She was so kind, and gentle, and I truly wished they would have been Edward's parents. I knew I was walking a thin line regarding patient privilege, but I needed some advice that only Carlisle could give me.

"I love him," I admitted. "I don't want to live without him, and I need your help."

Carlisle gave me a sad look but I pressed on, "If I have to become a dom to get him, I will. Please help me," I begged.

"Bella, he is not completely well and incapable of having a healthy relationship."

"I know," I screamed in frustration, "He will be healing his entire life and I want to be there with him. I'm not imagining Edward to be the man I love, he's it, period."

"It will be a turbulent life," Esme said as she held my hand.

"Tell me honestly, do you regret having him in your life?" I asked her.

"No, he is such a warm, loving man," she admitted.

"I can't let it go, I can't let him waste his life away until she leaves him, and you know she will."

Esme looked pleadingly at Carlisle and he nodded to her. "Bella, I still meet with Edward twice a week. He will be here this evening for dinner. Would you like to stay?"

I threw my arms around him as I jumped up and down causing them both to laugh at me. "Thank you, so much," I cried.

I finally settled back down and ask Carlisle the hard question, "What is the sub life really like, is he like a slave?"

"I can't tell you specifics about Edward, but in general, it can be as tame or as intense as the two people involved want it to be. Some people need to be dominated to feel validated in the feelings they are having. They don't feel guilty if they are only obeying the commands of someone who loves them."

"But with Edward," I asked, "It isn't love. He is too damaged, right?"

"Yes, I agree with your assessment. I warned Tanya but …." He stopped talking and I could tell he felt like he had already said too much.

I told Carlisle about my interactions with Edward at the conference and he seemed most intrigued by our feet touching under the table. It made him hopeful that Edward would be able to do that with Tanya sitting right next to him. I began to become hopeful, too.

I helped Esme make dinner and learned Edward would eat anything on his plate, never asking for a favorite or complaining about a dish. I told her he hated peas when we were little, but forced himself to eat them, so he wouldn't show weakness. The story made us both very sad.

Esme and I got along really well and I hoped to remain her friend even if things didn't change between me and Edward. The door bell rang right at six sharp. Esme squeezed my arm and held her breath. "Can I answer it?" I asked her. She said yes and pushed me towards the door.

I opened it quickly and yelled, "Ta Da!"

Edward looked flustered for a second. His eyes dropped to the ground but realizing he was alone he lifted his head to look at me and finally smiled. "What are you doing here?" he asked as I pulled him into the house.

"I came to make you eat my green beans," I teased.

"They're good for you, you know," he laughed.

I threw my arms around him and felt him instantly tense, but I ignored the reaction. "You are good for me, you know," I laughed and kissed his cheek.

He remained rigid and I took his hand in mine and pulled him into the kitchen. "Look who I found standing outside," I announced.

Carlisle shook Edward's hand and Esme hugged him gently.

"I hope you don't mind company for dinner," Carlisle said, watching Edward closely.

Edward chuckled and pushed me lightly, "Psh…Bella isn't company."

I watched Edward slowly relax and my smile continued all through dinner. "Remember when I wanted pink silverware?" I asked him.

He raised his hands in frustration, "You are still doing it. I told you it is pink cutlery; silverware is 'silver' ware."

"I was a child, Edward. You should have said, 'of course you can have pink silverware' and let me get over my phase."

"No, there is no such thing as pink silverware and I was only preparing you for the harsh realities of the world," he said adamantly with a smirk.

Our smiles faded as his words sunk in and I stared at my plate painfully. He tried to cheer me up by stabbing my vegetables with his fork and eating them off my plate. I looked up at him while he chewed and asked, "Do you even like those?"

"It doesn't matter," he replied as he looked into my eyes.

"It matters to me," I said as tears blurred my vision.

"No," he answered truthfully.

I stared at him for a moment and felt rage building inside of me. "Give them back," I said hurt and angry.

"What?" he asked me.

"Give them back to me, right now," I demanded.

"Bella, I swallowed them," he said shocked.

"I don't care, throw them up if you have to, and give them back."

He looked at Carlisle with terrified eyes and laughed nervously, "What's going on, Bella?"

"Why did you eat them, if you don't like them?"

"I know you don't like them," he said as his hands began to shake.

"Why do you get to do things for me, but I can't do anything for you?" I stood in anger and let my napkin drop to the ground.

"Because you are perfect, Bella, and I am nothing," he mumbled into his lap.

"Nothing," I screamed. "You are everything, I can't be happy without you in my life. I don't love nothing, I love you."

He kept his head down and refused to respond, so I got onto my knees and held his face in my hands. "You were my fella, Edward; do you remember being that wonderful kid who brought joy to my life?"

He tried to speak several times but he couldn't get the words out. I sat still and waited for him to work his way through the sentence. "I was weak…it burned and I couldn't be strong…I needed to breathe," he said pounding his chest in disgust.

"Yes, Edward, you needed to breathe, everyone does. And it hurts when you get burned, it hurts damn it. You can cry, and scream, and hit, it hurts and they hurt you."

"I did the things…the awful things….I didn't want to….awful things."

"You were just a kid, and they made you do awful, horrible things. So you would go away in your mind wouldn't you, Edward," I said still holding his head.

"Yes, I would play with Bella. Bella, Bella, Isabella," he began repeating.

"I'm here Edward, I will hold your hand and you don't have to do awful things ever again. No more punishment for Edward, he is done. He is such a wonderful man, no more punishment."

He began to cry as he struggled to get his feelings out, "I hate her, she tells me it is love, but I hate her."

"She lies, it isn't love. Bella is love, Edward, Bella loves you. She would never hurt you," I cried as I pulled his hands around me trying to make him hold on.

He screamed in the most heart wrenching way and clung to me as if his life depended on it. I held him back and whispered into his ear how much I loved him until Carlisle and Esme joined us on the floor. We all cried and told him how much we loved him and how wonderful he was, knowing it could only sink in so far.

Carlisle finally pulled him to the couch and sat next to him. "Edward, are you aware of what you said to Bella?" he asked.

Edward nodded and tried to smile.

"May we have a session now, and include Bella and Esme?"

Edward looked over at me and held out his hand. I came over to hold it tightly and sat next to him, leaning into his shoulder.

Esme sat in the chair next to us and sat forward to rest her hand on Edward's knee.

"Edward, when you think about Bella are they thoughts of protection, or attraction, or what?"

"I want to be….enough," he managed to say.

"Do you want to be able to love her physically?" Carlisle asked.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Okay, this is where we need to start. Bella, do you expect Edward to have sex with you?"

I could feel my face turn red when I spoke, "I love Edward on a much deeper level, but we need to get to know each other again. Sex would have to be the last thing on the agenda."

"Edward, she doesn't expect sex from you. So I can now forbid you both to engage in sex until I say it is okay."

"Um…" I spoke up, "I think I need to clear something up with Edward. When you say no sex, do you mean with each other, or at all?"

"That is something you both have to decide," Carlisle said.

I watched as Edward's hand went to the chain collar around his neck and then dropped back down to his lap without removing it. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"Edward, do you want to take your shirt off, or shall I talk about the scars?" Carlisle asked him.

"I have seen the scars," I said softly.

"Okay, Edward has scars from being beaten, but he also has scars from sex play."

"Play," I interrupted. "Play doesn't leave scars; play is wrestling around and tickling each other."

"Edward, what do you define as play?" Carlisle asked and I began to get very nervous.

"Blood," Edward said softly.

I brought my hand to my mouth and closed my eyes. I tried to contain my sobs, but I couldn't. I finally turned to Edward, but he wouldn't look at me. He didn't try to explain or apologize and I had to get through to him how abusive Tanya was. I suddenly pulled my shirt off, "Let's play," I said harshly.

His eyes widened in shock and he turned to Carlisle. I pulled his chin back around to me and said, "Come on, Edward. I've never played with you before. Let's play."

"No," he said forcefully.

"Make me bleed, Edward," I demanded. "Look at my soft skin and make me bleed, if it is so much damn fun."

Carlisle said to Edward softly, "Why don't you want to play with Bella?"

"It hurts," he answered.

"So," I yelled. "It hurts you, too."

"I deserve it," he whispered.

"Will it ever be enough pain, son?" Carlisle asked with his own tears.

"Never," Edward tried to say, but his voice was gone.

I pulled him to me and held his head to my chest, as I kissed his head repeatedly. Edward's arms came around me and he began to cry. I closed my eyes and simply held him.

Carlisle and Esme left the room and turned the lights low. I pulled him over me as I lay down on the couch and continued to hold him throughout the night. We both slept soundly and were never disturbed by Carlisle or Esme. I didn't care that I was lying in just my bra and jeans; it was the man in my arms that had my full attention.

It was morning when a door bell woke me up. Edward didn't stir and was snoring lightly. My heart swelled with love as I looked at his angelic face on my chest. The bell rang again and I heard footsteps on the wood floor.

The door opened and I heard Tanya yell, "Where is he?"

Edward jumped and I tightened my arms around him, "You're safe. You're in my arms and my arms won't hurt you."

We listened as Carlisle explained Edward was having intense therapy and needed to remain at the house. She demanded to see him and I could feel him begin to shake against me. I kissed his head, but that only caused him to shake more.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I asked him.

"I have to go," he said.

"No," I said firmly and then winced at the command. "I'm sorry; you are free to do whatever you want. I won't force you to stay." I let my arms relax and he stood. I sat up and touched his hand lightly. "If you leave, it will break my heart," I told him.

He opened the door and walked from the room. I put my shirt on and stood as I heard him speaking to Tanya. "Dr. Cullen wanted me to stay," he said softly.

"You should have called me, Edward," her shrill voice said.

"It was my fault, Tanya. I was trying a new therapy that put him to sleep. I wanted to see how well he slept and how long he would stay out," Carlisle saved.

"You will stay awake all night, for making me worry," she said angrily.

I was furious when he got into his car and followed her out of the driveway. I had the professional training to understand these things take time, but my heart was not willing to wait. I was in tears when Carlisle came into the room.

"Bella, please don't get your hopes up too soon," he said sadly.

"Don't worry," I said, "I have no hope."

8

I had to be at work by noon and everyone could tell by my expression I was not in the mood to be messed with. I worked at a frantic pace and had everything ready for the charge nurse for the night shift. Rosalie finally pulled me aside and forced me to take a break.

"What's wrong, are you manic or something?" she said.

"I don't even know how to express what is going on," I said as I shook my head.

"It's a guy," she laughed, "Confusion is always caused by a guy."

"This is way beyond confusion; do you remember Edward Cullen from the state hospital?"

"Dr. Cullen's nephew?"

"Yes, I am madly in love with a man who thinks he needs some crazy bitch to torture him for foreplay," I said in anger.

"Serious?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Sex play to him is making each other bleed," I said as I kicked the chair next to me. "Wait, let me clarify, she only makes him bleed."

"Some guys like that kinky shit," Rose said.

"He doesn't like it, he hates it. He just feels he deserves it."

She was silent for a bit and then said sadly, "Wow, I'm sorry, Bella."

"Why am I such an idiot? I throw Jake out for a man who can't even make love to me unless I beat the shit out of him."

"Do you think I could pay the chick to beat Emmett, he really does deserve it?" she teased.

"I'm going back to work, it helps me forget," I said as I headed back downstairs.

I was dragging when I got home that night. I was sliding my feet lazily as I dug in my purse for my keys and almost stepped right on Edward. I gasped and he let his head drop in shame.

"I didn't see you, Edward, but I am so happy you are here," I assured him.

He looked at me and stared with a sad face. His shoulders slumped and he seemed so lost.

"Are you okay?" I asked him hesitantly.

He held out his hand slowly and opened the palm to reveal his broken collar."No more punishment for Edward," he said with conviction. I screamed and dropped my purse as I dove into him. He fell backwards on the step with a loud grunt, but tightened his arms and laughed at me.

I opened my door and turned to him with confusion, "Where's your stuff?"

"What stuff?" he asked.

"Did you leave your clothes and things at Tanya's?"

"I don't live with Tanya," he said bluntly.

"Where do you live?" I asked.

"I have a place," he smiled awkwardly.

I stuck out my bottom lip and said, "I thought you were moving in with me."

He tensed and looked at the ground, so I pulled him into my apartment before he could bolt. "Are you hungry, or thirsty?" I asked him, still not believing he was standing right in the middle of my living room.

He shook his head and looked terrified, so I pulled him to the couch and sat facing him with my knees pulled under me. "Was she mad?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "She said I would be back."

I huffed and kept my thoughts to myself. He looked at me and said, "I don't know how to be normal with…you know….women or…..relationships."

"We'll work on it together," I promised him. "Can I ask a couple of questions?"

He nodded but I saw his eyes narrow just a bit. "After I left, how much longer were you there?" I felt it was better to phrase it that way, instead of asking him how old he was when he got adopted.

"Two years," he answered.

"And then… when you got to the hospital?" I pushed.

He took a deep breath and elaborated. "I was tortured by them until I was fifteen. Carlisle started showing up unannounced, so they only kept me chained in a dark room until seventeen. He took me with him one day," he smiled gently at me, "and then I saw you."

"When you left the hospital, where did you and Carlisle go?"

"Brazil, he has a place on an island."

"How did you meet….her?" I asked, dying to know how she got her claws into him.

"Um…her firm is working with Carlisle on the new center…she said…."

"She thought she could help you?" I prompted him.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Edward," I said while taking his hand in mine, "That lifestyle is fine for people who choose it, but when your past is used to make you be submissive to someone's wishes, it is abuse." I put his palm to my cheek and held it there. "This right here, this is more intimate than anything you have done with Tanya."

He stared into my eyes and finally admitted something, "I am terrified of you, Bella."

"Why?" I asked softly.

"I can't hide in my mind with you, when it is you touching me."

"If my touch ever makes you uncomfortable just tell me and I will stop."

He slowly pulled his hand from my cheek and back to his lap. I wanted to cry from the sting of his rejection, but I had to remind myself he was here, and he was trying.

I leaned my head against the couch and smiled at him, "Edward do you still read every night?"

"Only text books," he chuckled.

I looked at the clock and gasped, "You have class tomorrow, so you better get right to bed."

He stood uncomfortably and I quickly jumped up and reached out for his hand. "You can sleep here, Edward. I won't touch you, I promise."

I didn't want him to know I was afraid Tanya would show up at his place and force him to return with her. I wanted to know he was safe tonight, so I could sleep peacefully. I was shocked when he nodded and agreed to stay. Maybe he was afraid of her, too.

I put on my pajamas, washed off my makeup, and brushed my teeth before coming into the bedroom. Edward was in a t-shirt and boxers lying on the bed. I pulled on the comforter, so he would lift his body and let the cover lower, for me to climb under. He was staring at me in a funny way, almost like the way Jake would look at me as I climbed in bed.

I turned onto my side and lifted up on my elbow to meet his gaze. "What are you thinking, Edward?"

"Bad things," he said under his breath.

"Not all sexual thoughts are bad," I told him. "Are you thinking about touching me?"

He shook his head back and forth so I asked, "Are you thinking about me touching you?"

"Yes," he said still staring at me intensely.

"Edward, you are in charge of this situation. I would love to touch you, or for you to touch me, but it must be your decision and you have to initiate it, okay?"

"It would make you sad," he said as his eyes dropped.

I swallowed and asked, "You want me to hurt you?"

He nodded and I saw how he tensed. I reached out and ran my finger over his lips softly, "I will never, ever, hurt you."

I lay down and turned away from him, so he couldn't see my tears. It took almost twenty minutes but he eventually snuggled up behind me and let his arm drape over my waist. I stared at the scars on his arm until I heard the steady even breathing of him sleeping. I drifted off, full of hope, and love, and scared out of my mind.

It was four in the morning when he began crying out from a dream. I tried to focus on what he was saying. He was talking through clenched teeth and begging for death. I sat up and noticed his body was fully aroused.

"Edward," I said loudly, "You are safe, you are with Bella."

His eyes shot open and he was panting, "Bella?"

"Yes, I'm here with you," I said as I ran my hand through his hair.

He grabbed my arm by the wrist and looked at me in desperation. "Hit me," he begged.

I tried to pull my arm back but he held it tightly. "No," I said with a shaky voice.

"Hit me, you bitch," he yelled.

"I love you," I cried. "Please wake up, Edward."

He pulled me roughly on top of him and held both of my wrists. "I need you Bella, I need you, please help me."

"How?" I sobbed.

"Hit me," he begged again.

"No," I said as I buried my face in his neck. I began kissing him and telling him how much I loved him as his body began to slowly relax. As his body calmed, mine grew more frantic with my own need. I began moving against him as I kissed his neck and sucked on the soft skin of his chin.

I finally made my way to his mouth, but he didn't respond. "Kiss me," I begged him.

"No," he said softly.

"Please, Edward," I said as I moaned.

"Bella, I can't," he cried, shocking me back into reality.

I quickly moved off of him and began apologizing as I struggled to get my body to calm down. Edward sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. "What are we doing, Bella? This is only going to end with us hurting each other."

"I'm not giving up on you, please don't give up on me," I said sadly.

"We can't even pleasure each other," he pointed out with defeat in his tone.

I closed my eyes wondering how my hitting him would bring him pleasure, but my kisses didn't. "We need Carlisle," I whispered.

"You don't, I do," he said in disgust.

"We do," I reiterated. "There's no me without you."

We sat silently in the dark for several minutes until he finally spoke.

"Since I'm up, I might as well go home and study a bit," he said sadly.

"I know," I said trying to cheer him up, "Let's go have a greasy breakfast at some, all you can eat grand slam, place."

He laughed lightly and said, "I'll drive."

We dressed and drove in the dark to the nearest pancake house. I noticed how he didn't reach for a menu and I didn't bother to point it out. "I have died and gone to heaven," I said as I licked my lips, "Chocolate chip pancakes drizzled with hot chocolate sauce."

I looked at Edward and he tensed a bit and began biting his nails. "No?" I asked him.

"No… hot sauces," he mumbled.

"Oh," I said, hating Tanya all the more for ruining a favorite of mine.

"Eggs and bacon?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled softly, "And wheat toast," he added.

"Great," I smiled, "Order for me, while I run to the bathroom."

I saw the panic rise in his face as I scooted out of the booth, but I forced myself to leave anyway. I purposely lingered to make sure he had time to order while I was gone. When I returned I saw two cups of coffee on the table and smiled.

"Thanks for the coffee, I forgot to mention it."

He took a deep breath and seemed to relax a bit. "Hey," I said, "Remember when you stole a sugar packet for me. I thought it was the best candy in the world."

"You cried when I told you it would rot your teeth," he laughed.

"Of course I did, that one really mean girl only had two teeth left in her mouth. I thought I would wake up looking like her."

"My top four are fake," he said as his eyes saddened.

"No way, let me see."

He lifted his lips to show his four perfect teeth and then added, "He pulled them with pliers."

"Who, your dad?"

"Don't ever call him that," he said angrily through his clenched jaw.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Who replaced them?"

"Carlisle."

"He is such an amazing man, isn't he?" I said as I shook my head.

"I think he gets frustrated with me, I don't progress the way he would like."

I laughed and Edward widened his eyes in surprise. "Yeah, you're only going to law school, he must be so disappointed."

Edward dropped his head and smiled.

"Tell me about your parents," he finally said.

"I would love for you to meet them," I said and watched for his reaction.

He leaned back in the booth and crossed his arms.

"Yes, no, maybe?" I pushed.

"All of the above," he teased.

"They are very down to earth and easy to get along with. My mom is a bit ditzy, but my dad is cool."

"I am so happy to know you were loved, you deserved a great home," he smiled lovingly at me.

"So did you, Edward. Out of everyone in the center, you deserved it the most."

"They picked me because I was evil like them," he said without any emotion.

I chuckled from the absurdity of his statement. "They told you that to break you. They picked you because of your gentleness and kindness, so they could have the upper hand. Do you really think they wanted someone evil like them? What fun would that be? Plus, they are cowards."

He listened to me but didn't react in any way.

"Are they in prison?" I asked him, hoping they got life for hurting him.

The waitress walked up and sat down our plates. I looked at Edward in shock that he ordered me the pancakes and himself the eggs. I could hardly wait to tell Carlisle, but my joy ended when the waitress walked away and Edward picked up his toast and said, "They aren't in prison. I killed them."

9

I felt a chill run through my body as I continued to wait for him to tell me he was joking. He picked up his fork and began to eat as if he had just commented on the weather. I remembered Carlisle telling me years ago Edward was dangerous, and for a moment I was actually afraid of him.

"Edward," I said as my heart beat frantically, "You killed them?"

"Yes, on purpose. I could have reached them, my arms were long enough, but I didn't."

I had no idea what he was talking about and I wasn't sure if I should make him explain or wait until Carlisle was around. He seemed perfectly calm, but I decided to change the subject.

"What kind of lawyer do you want to be?"

"I can't argue in a courtroom, obviously, so I want to work on contracts, especially those involving children's rights."

I smiled at him and watched him eat, something about it made him appear so young, the Edward I loved and trusted with all my heart. "When you told me you wanted to be an Engineer, I thought you meant on a train."

He laughed loudly and leaned in to tell me a secret, "I did, I had no idea what the other kind was."

"You faker, you made me learn the word 'manufacturer' just because I said I wanted to make Barbies."

"I was so full of shit, only a five year old would believe me," he laughed.

"Is that why you hung out with me, my innocent ignorance?" I said trying to sound offended.

He sat his fork down and looked at me. "Do you remember when I first met you?" he asked as something flashed across his eyes.

"Yes, I was hiding under the slide."

"No, you were in the hallway, crying."

I was trying to remember back but nothing clicked. "You wet the bed," he said without smiling, "and they made you stand in the hallway while they changed the sheets. You were crying and I came to see what was wrong."

I looked at him as my head fell to the side, and a vision of what I had believed to be an angel came into my mind.

"That was you?" I asked.

He nodded, "I thought you were sleepwalking or something."

"You stood in front of the light so it shined around you, I couldn't see your face, and I thought you were an angel."

"You were so tiny," he said softly.

"You told me yes," I whispered. He gave me a questioning glance. "When I asked the angel if it loved me, you said yes."

"The angel does love you, very much," he admitted. "But there is an evil side now, it is so angry all the time."

I reached out to run my finger along the knuckles of his clenched hand, "I love the sweet angel and I love the angry little boy, who has every right to be so damn mad."

He leaned in close and my head followed, expecting him to confess something quietly. I stared into his eyes, just inches from my plate, when his hand shot out and pushed my head right into the pile of whipped cream on my pancakes. He laughed hysterically which buffered my anger. It felt so good to see him laugh and have him act natural without any worry of being punished.

I wiped my face and took a long sip from my water glass, keeping eye contact with him the entire time.

"Don't do it," he warned.

The waitress walked up to see if we needed anything and I was forced to swallow. Edward laughed and said to the waitress, "Thank you for attentiveness. I am very grateful."

"You're not getting away with it, Edward," I warned him.

His eyes darkened and he smiled a crooked smile that made me swoon. "I think I need a spanking," he said in a sultry voice.

A chill shot through me and I couldn't respond, but the waitress said, "If she won't, I will."

He continued to stare at me, ignoring the young woman's flirtatious attempts until she finally walked away. I finally shrugged and said, "And what will that accomplish."

He finally looked away and answered, "Don't be stupid, Bella."

His remark angered me, but I refused to let him bait me. I decided to set up a meeting with Carlisle to get the answers I needed. I went back to my breakfast and soon he did too.

When we pulled up to my apartment the sun was just starting to rise. I didn't quite know how to say goodbye, so I decided to be honest. "I'm not sure where we are in our relationship, Edward. I love you with all my heart, but I don't know how to act around you."

He nodded and stared forward as he said, "Can you come to my session this evening?"

"Sure," I smiled. "I think that is a great idea. May I hug you?"

He took a deep breath and turned towards me and opened his arms. I was stunned when he pulled me so tightly against him and felt him kiss my hair. "Bella, Bella, Isabella," he murmured into my ear. I never wanted him to let go and I squeezed him tightly.

"I'll see you tonight," he said.

"Have a great day at school," I said as I got out of his car.

I watched him drive away and felt like I was tied in knots. His moods changed so quickly and so often it exhausted me. I knew I was only scratching the surface of the problems we would face, but I was determined to make it work.

I showed up at Carlisle's an hour early and hoped he would be willing to meet with me. I sat with him and Esme in the kitchen as I asked questions. "I know you told us no sex, but what type of intimacy is allowed?"

"That is something we will explore in a session with both of you present," Carlisle said.

"He tries to get me angry, like it arouses him or something," I said with a red face.

"When someone wants attention, even negative attention will do. It is all he has ever received so he craves it. Positive attention is not something he recognizes. It will take time."

"I think I understand, it is just so hard to know how to respond. He told me he killed his parents."

Esme looked shocked and Carlisle just shook his head. "No, when I first pulled him from the home I was working with him and took him to the house he was tortured in. My brother tried to destroy the evidence and set it on fire. There was an inner chamber they thought they could hide in and be presumed dead, it wasn't fireproof."

"Edward said he could reach them but he didn't," I said sadly.

Carlisle nodded and said, "I'll talk to him about it. He may want to believe he killed them to ease his guilt, feel like he defended himself."

"We want to be close, but our needs are so different. How do we reach each other?" I asked in frustration.

"I will give you assignments to work on during the week. It will help, but again, slowly is the only way. I also want to tell you something that will most likely worry you."

"Great, like my life is so stress free," I said rolling my eyes.

He laughed and then took my hand. "Bella, Edward's body has been very conditioned for intense sexual activity. He will experience withdrawals and there is a very real possibility he will return to Tanya."

My face must have looked horrified because he tightened his hold on my hand and spoke faster. "Not for good, but for release, much like an addict who falls off the wagon. You need to set up very strict ground rules on what you will tolerate and what you won't."

"Carlisle I would rather he use my body than go to her," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Are you willing to hurt him, make him bleed?"

I let my head fall into my hands and wondered if we could ever really make it work.

The doorbell rang and I let Esme answer it. We all ate dinner together and Edward seemed talkative while I was wallowing in my thoughts. He finally put a piece of hair behind my ear and asked, "You okay?"

I smiled and nodded, afraid my voice would betray me. When we finally went into the family room for a session I was terrified. Edward began, setting the tone for the session.

"Last night, Bella and I needed each other, but neither one of us could do what the other wanted."

I burst into tears which startled and upset Edward. I looked into his eyes and said, "Please don't go back to her."

"Why are you saying that?" he asked.

"Because she can please you, and I can't," I cried.

"Bella, it is why we are here. I want it to be you I need, not her," he put his arm gently around me as I wiped my face.

Carlisle cleared his throat and asked us to sit opposite each other. I smiled at Edward's serious face and he relaxed and smiled back. "Bella," Carlisle instructed. "Do something to show Edward you care about him."

"Can I touch him?" I asked.

"If that is the gesture you want to use."

I leaned over and placed my palm on his cheek.

"Edward, when Bella does that it means she wants you to know she cares for you. Now you show her."

His shoulders tightened and he bit on his lip before he finally leaned over and ran his hands over my knees and onto my thighs. I smiled at the feeling it produced in me.

"Okay, now kick it up a notch, and show Edward how you will touch him if you want to show desire."

I happily leaned in and kissed his neck up to his ear and licked him softly. He didn't respond at all, but at least he didn't tense up.

"Edward," Carlisle instructed.

I was stunned when he reached over and ran his hand around to the back of my neck and then grabbed a fist full of my hair harshly.

"Ow," I screamed, and he instantly let go and moved away from me. I rubbed the back of my head and glared at Edward as he kept his head down.

"Bella, was it how hard he pulled or the fact he pulled at all?" Carlisle asked me.

"I guess it was partly the surprise and partly how hard he pulled," I answered truthfully.

"Okay, Edward, try it again, with less force, and tell her what you plan to do."

He came closer hesitantly and said, "I love your hair and I want to feel it in my hand." He lightly touched my neck and brought his hand into my hair and let it glide through the strands over and over again before making a light fist."

I began to laugh and said, "That was so hot."

"Edward," Carlisle said in a tone that frightened me. "Now, tell her what you were imagining while you did that."

His eyes lowered and he spoke very softly, "That I was ripping your hair from your head."

I began to cry, not from his words, but from how far apart our worlds were. "Why?" I asked him.

He looked at me with such a hurt expression and said, "Because if I hurt you, you would punish me, and when you hit me and I feel the pain, I know I'm really alive."

I moved over and sat on his lap, noticing how his hands stayed on the sofa. "When I do this," I lifted his chin to kiss his lips softly before running my tongue over his mouth. I made my way to his ear and said, "It makes me feel alive."

"I want to be able to make you happy," he said sadly. "I could do anything you wanted, if you would promise to hit me."

I shook my head and said, "I will never hurt you."

"This is great progress," Carlisle said, but we felt a huge chasm between us. "I told you both it takes time. Edward will be having physical withdrawals, but once his body adjusts he will be better able to respond to new stimulus. Now, I need some time alone with Edward."

"That was what I wanted to say," I giggled causing Edward to look at me and smile.

"That reminds me," Carlisle said to us both. "No more sleepovers. You need to date and do everything as normally as possible."

I nodded but deep inside I knew right then I would never be able to keep Edward from Tanya. He couldn't keep my gaze, because he knew it, too.

I left the room and waited with Esme for Edward and Carlisle to get finished. We talked about going shopping or possibly meeting for lunch. I promised her I would call and kept staring at the shut door. She finally pulled me from the room and we took a walk.

"Am I crazy to think this can work?" I asked her.

"No dear, you are in love and that is always worth fighting for. I know a little of what Edward is going through," she admitted.

I looked at her and she smiled and locked her arm in mine as we continued to walk. "I was married to a man who drank too much. He would become abusive and I would help him hide it. I was embarrassed and began to believe him when he said I deserved it. The bad stuff is easy to believe, the good stuff takes a lot longer."

"Esme, last night Edward wanted me to hit him and he was so aroused. When I kissed him instead, he lost….you know….it."

She chuckled and nodded as I turned red. "I'm not privileged to what Carlisle and Edward do in therapy but I do see how far Edward has come. He used to refuse any contact at all. Don't discount the fact he lets you touch him. That is a big step."

"I wish he was ugly," I said with a sigh.

"What?" she laughed.

"I am so attracted to him and when he uses his charms, it is so hard to resist him," I admitted.

"I'm willing to bet he will say the same thing about you," she said. "I see the way he looks at you."

"Really?" I asked with hope.

"Why is he here and not at Tanya's?" she pointed out.

"Maybe he just needs to build up his blood supply," I said with despair.

"Or maybe he is in love, too."

We got back to the house just in time to see Carlisle hugging Edward. They pulled apart and I saw Edward use his sleeve to wipe his face. I walked up and put my palm on his cheek.

"You are so brave, Edward."

He looked at Carlisle and received a nod before taking a deep breath and saying, "Bella, I love you."

10

It was finally Saturday and I was going to take Edward to the zoo, something he missed out on as a child. I had not seen him for two days and spent them working and sleeping. I had no idea how Edward spent his days and had to only hope it was not with Tanya.

When I opened the door, after a very loud knock, he walked in without even saying hello. His jaw was tight and he was pacing like a wild animal. I watched him for a couple of moments and then began to laugh.

"I think somebody needs to get laid."

He stopped pacing and glared at me. "I'm glad you find it so funny, because I am about ready to put a gun to my head."

"Can't you, um…like, handle it….yourself?" I really wished I had brothers so things didn't embarrass me so easily.

"Sure, I'll get the gel while you get the whip," he yelled.

"Cool Whip," I teased.

He took a deep breath and walked to the door. "Are you ready?"

"Treat me like a real date, Edward. Give me a hug and kiss and say hello."

"My real dates start with me on my knees with a gag in my mouth," he said hatefully.

"Okay, kiss me on your knees and I will put my tongue in your mouth," I said as I shrugged.

He smiled and came over to pull me to him. I put my face in his neck and took a deep breath. "I love how you smell like a boy," I said with a sigh.

He chuckled and said, "Tell me if I ever smell like a girl, and I will change soap."

He pulled back and kissed me very chastely on the lips. It was nothing near what I wanted but it was a start. I watched him very closely as we walked around the zoo. He seemed oblivious to all the animals but watched the families very closely.

"Do you want children?" I asked him casually.

"Never," he said with force.

It surprised me but I tried not to show any reaction. We walked in silence for a bit and he finally asked, "What is your favorite animal?"

"The Kangaroo," I smiled. "She carries her babies in her pouch, warm and snug."

"And safe," Edward added.

I reached out and took his hand, sad that I had to be the one to initiate it, but he didn't pull away. "What is your favorite animal?"

I watched him tense and close his eyes tightly and shake his head to clear his mind, "No pets," he said harshly.

"Okay, look at me, Edward."

He opened his eyes and I rubbed his back lightly under his shirt feeling the scars with each pass. "Let's get an ice-cream," I suggested.

He put his palms into his eyes and rubbed them vigorously. "Shit," he exclaimed loudly, getting a reproving look from a mother behind him. "I need…." He let out a long breath.

"Her?" I asked sadly.

"Don't do that, Bella. I tried to tell you…."

"At least make me believe you are trying," I yelled back at him.

"Trying, look at me, I'm a mess because I am trying so hard."

I stepped closer to say what I needed to say without drawing a crowd, "Maybe you're not the only one needing a little passion, Edward. You don't see me bitching about it."

"Well maybe looking at warm, fuzzy, animals doesn't do it for me, like it does for you," he said back, trying to keep his voice down.

"I'm sorry, I should have taken you to the slaughter house, how stupid of me," I screamed, not caring who heard.

"No need," he screamed back, "I lived there."

"Then shut the hell up and enjoy something new," I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Fine, where's the damn ice-cream?" he yelled matching my volume.

I suddenly became aware of all the people staring at us and looked to see Edward looking around, too. We both began to laugh and the crowd began clapping. "Kiss her, Kiss her," they chanted.

Edward pulled me into his arms, leaned me back and laid a kiss on me that would rival any movie kiss. The crowd cheered and I was walking on clouds the rest of the day.

When we got back to my apartment I asked him to stay and let me make him dinner. He agreed but wouldn't say what he wanted to eat. I tried to think back to our childhood but I knew his tastes had to have changed since then.

I was making sweet and sour chicken when someone knocked on the door. Edward opened it causing Rosalie to gasp. Emmett looked at her and said, "You weren't shitting me."

I hurried into the room and took hold of Edward's arm. "Edward, do you remember Emmett and Rosalie from the state hospital?"

"Yes," he said without any emotion. "You called me a dumb ass," he said to Rosalie.

"She calls everyone that," Emmett laughed.

"Well, you were kind of a dumb ass," she said as she winced.

Edward laughed loudly and I began to relax a bit.

"So what's up?" Emmett asked.

"I'm making dinner and Edward is experiencing pon farr," I laughed knowing what a Star Trek geek Emmett was.

"Dude, I have the perfect cure," Emmett laughed.

"No strip clubs," I yelled from the kitchen.

"No, kick boxing. It relieves the tension, if you know what I mean," he said to Edward.

"What are we talking about?" he asked confused.

"You free now? I'll take you to the gym and let you work off some steam, until Bella starts to put out for you," Emmet asked Edward.

I shook my head at Rosalie and was shocked when I heard Edward agree. I ran into the other room and spoke to him quietly. "Can you do this?"

He leaned in and spoke into my ear, "I'm not going to get all worked up and rape the guy, if that is what you mean."

"I only mean, will it release tension or make it worse?"

"I guess we will find out," he said and followed Emmett out the door.

I felt like a mother watching her child go off to school for the first time. I wanted him to become friends with Emmett, but I worried about him being bullied. I knew he attended law school but that was not fraught with macho guys wanting to prove themselves.

I was staring at the closed door when Rosalie laughed at me, "he's coming back you know."

I walked back into the kitchen and tried to focus on my conversation with Rosalie.

"He's hot," she teased.

"A hot mess," I sighed.

"So you guys still haven't done the nasty?"

"Not even close. We had some kind of freaky foreplay at the zoo today in front of all the impressionable children," I said sarcastically.

"Cool," she laughed.

"No, not cool, very not cool."

"Do you think he will talk to Emmett about it and then I can tell you what he says," she asked as her eyes lit up.

"I seriously doubt it. But I can guarantee it would freak Emmett out. It wasn't just slap and tickle he was into. It was bondage, choke until you almost die, kind of stuff."

"Do you think he can change?"

"Yes….no….I hope so. I'm just terrified he will give up and go back to her. Dr. Cullen says he probably will fall off the wagon a few times, or in his case, fall onto the whore a few times."

"I should appreciate Emmett more," Rosalie mused.

"You really should," I told her.

It was almost two hours later when they came back. Edward was dripping in sweat, but smiling like crazy. Emmett looked proud but just a little freaked. I was so worried and offered Edward the shower just so I could question Emmett.

"He has some serious rage," Emmett whispered. "He punched the living shit out of the bags."

"Is this a good therapy, or should I call Dr. Cullen?" I asked.

"It has to be good for him. He is totally relaxed now. He will be sore as hell tomorrow, but I think you should encourage him to keep it up."

"Thank you so much, Emmett," I said almost in tears.

"Tell him to call me; I'd work out with him, anytime."

I had the table set and the food warmed by the time he came back to the kitchen. I smiled at his happy face and he came over and kissed my cheek. "Emmett said to call him; he wants to work out with you again."

"Okay, I really enjoyed it."

I dished out his food and he dug in with gusto. I sat and watched him eat with a sense of pride that he liked my cooking.

"Emmett also said you will be pretty sore tomorrow," I laughed.

"No, I won't," he said with a mouthful of food. "Tanya was way more of a workout than this."

I stared at him, too stunned to say anything. He mistook my silence for need of an explanation.

"She used to put me in positions way harder than yoga poses. It gives you core strength," he said proudly.

I let out the air I was holding and stood as I said in numbing anger, "Maybe you have a video of Tanya fucking you, I could watch."

He froze with his fork in mid air and let it slowly drop back to the table. His jaw tightened and he turned to look at me. "There are several, do you have anything specific you want to see or should I surprise you?"

I stormed over to the bookshelf and grabbed a DVD in an unmarked case and threw it at him. "I'm sure she didn't teach you this, watch how a real man makes love to a woman, although I'm sure Jake doesn't have your 'core' strength."

He stared at the case in his hand with an open mouth. "You, this is you and another man?"

"Surprise Edward, some men find me desirable."

He opened the case and broke the disc in two. "Are there anymore?" he yelled with rage.

"You started this. Do you think I like hearing about you and Tanya?"

"This afternoon I was so pent up I couldn't even say her name for fear I would go running back. Emmett showed me how to get rid of it, so yeah, you're going to hear about her. This is what Carlisle wanted me to accomplish, so I could separate my feeling for you, from the abuse from her."

His voice softened but he continued talking. "She loved to tie me up and gag me, and I never understood that because I never screamed, not even when she separated my shoulder. She would order me to get an erection and I would fight it, God, I would fight it, because I wanted her to use the whip on me and you know why? Because I would go numb and not be able to feel her, I hated the feel of her body."

I walked over to where he stood shaking and leaned mine chest against his. Each breath rubbed us together and I wanted him to know I would never treat his body the way she did. I removed my shirt but stayed up against him as I took his hand and put it on my bare flesh.

He stared into my eyes and he let his fingers lightly move around. When he flattened his palm against my bare back, I sighed loudly. "I don't want you to hate my body," I said softly.

He pushed me back a foot and ran his fingers down my chest and stomach before pulling me back to him. "You have a beautiful body, Bella," he whispered.

I reached for the hem of his shirt and he tensed. "Just let me lightly touch you, that's all," I pleaded.

He pulled the shirt over his head and I swallowed as I tried to remain calm. I ran my fingers lightly over his chest and noticed for the first time scars from bite marks and scratches. I gently kissed his shoulders as I ran my fingers down his back.

"So good," he moaned.

"May I give you a back rub, Edward?"

"With what?" he asked with fear in his voice.

I ran my hands up his back again and said, "Just my hands, that's all."

He nodded and I led him to the couch. I straddled him and began applying a little pressure. I could see the deep old scars as well as whip marks. I saw where she burned him, most likely with hot wax or sauces, and leaned over to kiss him gently.

"This is amazing," he sighed.

Within minutes he was fast asleep. I sat and stared at him for hours. I could see the determined little boy in the bow of his mouth, and the tortured young man in the taught line of his chin, but his eyes held the soft curve of a man deserving of love, so his eyes were where I stared.


	4. Chapter 4

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 4

11

Carlisle glared at us both with a disapproving look as we hung our heads like naughty children. "What part of no sleepovers did I not make clear?"

"He slept on the couch," I defended.

"With you lying on the floor next to him," he pointed out.

"I didn't want to wake him up because he slept so soundly," I pouted.

"Don't treat him like a child, Bella," Carlisle warned. "He can be woken up and sent home."

I nodded and kept my frown painted on my face. He turned to Edward and said, "Why didn't you do what I asked you to do?"

My interest was suddenly piqued and I looked at Edward. "I'm not ready," he said sadly.

"Yes, you are," Carlisle said back to him.

"Do I need to leave the room?" I asked, hoping the answer would be no.

"Edward was supposed to invite you to his home, but he didn't. Tell her why you didn't," Carlisle pushed.

Edward slowly turned to look at me and said softly, "Because it's mine."

I didn't understand what he meant and shook my head lightly.

"It is the only thing that is all mine, nobody even knows where I live."

"I get that," I said to Carlisle, wondering why he was pushing Edward to invite me there.

Carlisle smiled and said, "Edward, tell me something about Bella's apartment that shows you more about her?"

Edward laughed and said, "She has five clocks."

I sat and counted in my head and sure enough I have five clocks. "I live alone and have to make sure I'm not late for work," I said in my defense.

"You have a weird doll in your bathroom that has toilet paper under her skirt," he said as he laughed with Carlisle.

"My mother made that for me," I said offended.

"Do you see why it is important for Edward to invite you over? It will give you insight into the real him," Carlisle said.

I crossed my arms and mumbled, "I'm redecorating."

Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Start with your DVD collection."

"You broke my only good movie," I said in a huff.

He ran his hand lightly over my neck and pulled back to let my hair fall through his fingers. "I'll help you make a better one."

I stared at him in shock, he was being seductive without any mention of pain or punishment, and quite frankly it was the last thing my poor, tightly wound, body needed. I chuckled but it sounded more like an appalled gasp.

Carlisle was watching with fascination and I think he was more excited than I was. "I have to say Edward; the kick boxing has been the most positive therapy for you. I'm really disappointed in myself for not thinking of it."

"I may become a cage fighter," Edward teased.

"Carlisle," I said, "I would like to take Edward to Forks to meet my family. Do you think that is a good idea?"

"That is a wonderful idea. Edward has a very negative view of adoption and it would help temper his opinions."

I furrowed my brow and said, "I want my parents to see how great he is, not temper his views on anything."

"I'm sorry, the therapist rules the man sometimes. Go show him off to your family," he smiled.

Edward tensed up and took a deep breath. "I don't think my life is something to share with others."

I took his hand and rolled my eyes, "I'm going to say you are in law school, you like my cooking, and you are the love of my life. I'm not going to say you are an irritating ass that likes to get smacked around."

Edward smiled at me and shook his head back and forth.

"What?" I asked him.

"It was so much easier when you were tiny and listened to everything I said."

"You only think I listened, I usually had no idea what you were talking about."

Carlisle was beside himself with joy. "I love the playful banter and the ease you show with each other. This is wonderful."

"Okay, let's get to the hard stuff then," I suggested. "What am I going to find at Edward's house, manacles, and torture chambers?"

"I would show you that without batting an eye," Edward said softly. "That is all fake; it is the real stuff that scares me."

"Give me an example?" I pushed.

He only shrugged so I asked, "Do you have any photographs out?"

"One," he whispered.

"Do you have artwork on the walls?"

He kept his head down but he smiled to himself, "A couple of valuable pieces."

"Really?" I asked, as I pictured Rembrandts hanging on his wall.

"What color is your bedspread?"

"White," he said softly.

"How many pillows?" I asked, having no idea why that popped into my mind.

Edward took a deep breath and said, "Fine, come over. Just stop with the questions."

I laughed loudly and looked at Carlisle, "He really couldn't argue in court, could he?"

We all laughed and Carlisle put his hand on Edward's knee, "May I have some time with Edward now?"

I went to find Esme and we took another long walk. I told her of my plans to take Edward to Forks and she told me how much she would love to meet my family some day. I was really starting to think of her as Edward's mother and looked forward to introducing her to Renee.

When Edward and I got into his car he turned to me and said, "Do you want to go past my place?"

I smiled widely and said, "If you think you are ready, I would love to see your place."

"Carlisle thinks I'm ready, so I guess I have to trust him."

I was so excited and tried to figure out where he was driving since the area was not familiar to me. I was also surprised it was so far from where I live and knew it would make it harder to send him home at night.

He pulled in front of a security gate and punched in a code. "You live in a gated community?" I asked.

"No, just my place," he mumbled.

We drove down a long driveway and pulled in front of a huge, huge, home.

"You're kidding?" I said in shock.

He shook his head and I noticed how his hands were shaking.

"What the hell, Edward. You have to explain this to me."

"They had money," he said softly. "And Tanya sued the state on my behalf."

I turned to lean against the window and debated saying what I wanted to say. He waited for me to speak so I went ahead. "It angers me that she was fighting on your behalf as she was continuing to abuse you."

"She doesn't see it that way," he said with a full voice.

"Do you?" I asked and grew angrier when he shook his head back and forth.

"Let's go," I said and opened my door.

He didn't move and kept his hands on the steering wheel. "You go," he said and lifted a remote to unlock the door.

"You're not coming with me?" I asked in surprise.

He only shook his head and I could see the fear in his eyes.

I was too curious to get back into the car, so I headed into the house. I expected something dark and gothic but it was modern and ridiculously neat. It looked like a model home and unlived in. There was nothing personal of Edward, but obviously professionally decorated. I wandered through the large rooms wondering why he would not want people to see the house.

I found the master suite and looked at the huge poster bed. I could easily imagine Edward lying there and hoped it was something I would see some day. My eye caught something on his nightstand and I walked over to see my badge from the state hospital. It was framed. The only photograph he had was an employee badge from when I was sixteen.

I wiped my tears and turned around to see three framed pictures on the wall, drawn with crayon, in the handwriting of children. One was a stick figure of a girl, with a perfect B written under it. Another had two stick figures of a boy and girl holding hands, and the final picture was more detailed, obviously drawn by someone a little older. It showed a car driving away from a building and a face in a window with tears falling down.

I was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of his bedroom when I felt him kneel behind me. I couldn't speak and he slowly wrapped his arms around me. I felt extremely guilty for not having one thing from my past with Edward, when he had so much from me.

"Don't cry," he said into my ear.

"I love you, so much," I blubbered.

"I know, Bella. God, can you imagine how that makes me feel," he said against my hair.

I turned on my knees to face him and placed my hand on his cheek as I stared into his eye. He looked at my lips and slowly lowered his mouth to mine. It reminded me of his kiss from the hospital when he had so much love in the gesture. It wasn't cold or forced like his kisses now were.

We were careful not to take it any further, but the fact I could feel need behind the kiss made my heart soar. He stood and took my hand in his as he showed me around his house. I was particularly interested in his music and DVD collection, but Edward pulled me away when I headed that way.

"You don't want to see that," he said sadly.

"Maybe I want to break them in two," I said, suddenly very curious.

"I'm sure you do, but please don't look at them," he begged.

"Okay, maybe the next time I come over they will be gone."

He looked away and part of my bliss began to fade.

"You are extremely clean; does my place drive you crazy?" I asked.

He looked around his house and sighed, "I don't like it to look like I exist."

It broke my heart to hear him talk like that. I wanted him to have fond memories here and want to exist in such a beautiful home.

I leaned against him and asked, "Can we make a fire and stay here for a bit?"

He nodded, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. He turned on the fireplace with a remote and I patted the space on the couch next to me. He sat down and I leaned into him, running my hand up and down his chest gently.

After several minutes he laid back and pulled me over him so my head was lying on his chest with our legs intertwined. I listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and watched the flames as they danced around.

"Bella," he said softly, "I want to touch you, but I don't know how much control I have."

"I'll tell you if I want you to stop," I said confidently.

"I'm not sure what is….normal," he said shyly.

"We'll talk our way through," I said, feeling my face turn red.

"Can you lay on me," he asked hesitantly.

I scooted over onto him and looked down into his beautiful face. He ran his hands down my back and placed them on my butt before pulling me into him. He sighed and shut his eyes. I kissed his lips softly and his hand moved to my head and deepened the kiss.

I could feel my heart racing and the heat building in my body. I tried to let him lead but we were both losing control quickly. "Let's go to my bed," he said with labored breath.

I stood and he quickly followed pulling me into his arms, so I wrapped my legs around him. We were frantically kissing as he shut his bedroom door. I moved to his neck and bit him too harshly.

He suddenly sat me on my feet and pushed me with unbelievable force into the wall. My head snapped back against the drywall hard enough to make a dent, and my vision blurred. I began to slide down the wall when he grabbed my hair and pulled my face into his aroused crotch.

"You want to bite something, Bella," he screamed at me.

I reached back to pull his hand from my hair and felt warm liquid oozing from my scalp. He pulled me back to my feet and his eyes were wild with excitement. "Hit me," he said filled with lust.

He grabbed my hand and forced it onto his erection and yelled into my ear, "Hurt me, damn it."

I was terrified of him and felt guilty for pushing things further than Carlisle would allow. I wasn't sure I could bring him back and thought he was going to hurt me even more. I said the only thing that came to my mind. "Do you want to be my fella?" I cried.

He dropped me and jumped back in shock. The look on his face was worse than anything he had just done to me. He stared at his bloody hand like he wanted to cut it from his body. "We're done," he said as he backed out of the room.

"No," I screamed and ran after him.

He was making his way to the front door as his hand left a bloody trail along the wall. I caught him in the foyer and yelled. "Stop or I will whip you." I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but I was panicked at the thought of losing him.

He froze so I walked up to him and grabbed his shirt making him acknowledge me. He took a deep breath and finally looked up. "I'm sorry, Edward. This is my fault, not yours."

His eyes were dull and blank as he continued to stare at me. "We are not ready for this and I should not have bitten you," I tried to explain.

"Let me take you home," he said dully.

I watched his face the entire time and couldn't see any emotion or change of expression. When he pulled in front of my apartment I finally asked him, "Edward, tell me what you are thinking?"

He turned to look at my face and said, "I'm thinking I want you to get out of my car, so I can go to Tanya's."

12

My head was aching and my chest felt like he punched me right in the heart. I opened the car door and slammed it as hard as I could. I wanted to beg him, plead with him, find some magic word that would make it all better, but I had nothing.

He had to make this decision on his own and live with the consequences. I had to decide if I would take him back if he truly did go to Tanya's. Who was I kidding; he would never come back if he ended up going to her house.

I got an ice pack for my head and changed into some pajamas before curling up on my couch to cry. I kept staring at one of my many clocks, hoping Edward would come back. I jumped for joy when the doorbell rang and rushed to open it.

"Jake," I exclaimed in shock.

"Hey girl, I was in the neighborhood and thought I would say hi. But, I can see it is not a good time, are you okay?"

I began to cry so he stepped forward and held me in his strong arms. "Come on, Bella, spit it out."

I pulled away and he followed me into my apartment and onto the couch. "What happened to your head," he asked as he looked at the small cut.

"I bumped into a wall," I said to explain.

"Backwards?" he asked suspiciously.

"Forget it," I mumbled.

"Just tell me this…did anybody hurt you?"

Having Jake feel like he needed to defend my honor made it so much worse. Edward was supposed to be my hero, not Jake. I felt sick inside when I remembered how Edward treated me this evening, but it didn't compare to the feeling of possibly losing him to Tanya.

"I said, forget it," I said louder.

"Who," he pressed with anger.

"Just go," I said and began to cry again.

"I mean it, Bella; give me his name so I can hurt the son-of-a-bitch."

"Get in line, it seems like everyone wants to hurt the son-of-a-bitch, especially himself," I yelled.

He sat quietly, knowing from experience how best to handle me when I was upset. I finally looked at him and tried to smile. "You are a great guy Jake; I hope some woman really appreciates you."

I didn't understand why my heart was so set on Edward, when someone like Jake was available. It didn't make sense, but Edward was all I've ever wanted.

"I hate to see you upset. Anything you want to share?" Jake asked sweetly.

"No, it's really complicated and I have a professional helping me, but thanks."

"Okay, but you have my number if you need anything, right?"

"Yeah, thanks."

I walked him to the door and gave him a hug before opening it to see Edward walking up the steps. His eyes went right to Jake and then to me. "Shit," I said under my breath causing Jake to turn and see Edward.

Jake looked at my lowered head and back to Edward's angry face. "Did you hurt her?" Jake yelled at him.

I grabbed Jake and placed myself between the two men. "Stop it, right now," I yelled.

"Go ahead, Bella." Edward said with a sneer, "It would solve all of our problems. We can love each other, but then fuck whoever we want."

"You want her?" I screamed at him. "You're standing in front of me admitting you want her, is that what you're saying, Edward?"

"Don't pretend this is news, Bella. I tried with you and ended up making you bleed. How did you like playing, doll?"

"Don't talk to her like that," Jake screamed and I had to push him back.

"You're right," Edward said to Jake. "In fact, I won't talk to her at all." He turned to walk away and I yelled for him to come back, but he got in his car and squealed away.

"Damn it, Jake, now look what you did," I said in anger.

"You don't need that freak, Bella. Don't put up with that."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, so just go," I said as I headed back into the house.

I grabbed my phone and called Carlisle. I begged him to go to Tanya's and get Edward, but he told me I had to let him choose. He had to be able to handle the ups and downs of relationships without returning to past behaviors.

I asked the question my heart was begging me not to ask. "Do you think that is where he went?"

Carlisle exhaled loudly and said, "I'm sure it is."

"Can you tell me where she lives, just so I can know for sure?"

"No, Bella. I can't."

I hung up and crawled into my bed. I listened for any noise that would lead me to believe Edward was coming back, but I fell asleep without hearing even the sound of a car.

I was in such a horrible mood at work my supervisor actually threatened to send me home. I had to force myself to cheer up so I wouldn't lose my job. I didn't hear from Edward and showed up for his therapy appointment to find him already locked in a room with Carlisle.

Esme took me for a walk and let me bare my soul to her. She stopped and took hold of both of my hands before telling me something difficult. "You need to be prepared, Bella. Edward looks awful."

I nodded thinking she meant he was depressed or un-rested, but she explained, "Both of his eyes are black and his jaw is so swollen I don't know how he can talk."

I gasped and grabbed my heart. "She beat him that badly?" I cried.

"I just want you to be prepared, dear. It startled me and I don't want you to have the reaction I had."

I shook my head back and forth as I stared out into the forest. "I can't see him. I can't look at him and know he enjoyed her doing that."

Esme hugged me and walked with me to my car. "Don't tell him I was here," I begged.

"Of course," she smiled. "Do you want Carlisle to call you?"

"I don't know…I might go home for a few days...get my head on straight."

She nodded and I got in my car and drove away. I called my supervisor and got permission to take some time off and packed a bag for home.

My mother screamed for joy when she opened the door and as soon as her arms wrapped around me I collapsed into tears. I needed my mother to hold me and assure me everything would be fine, but not even a mother can pretend when the problems were as big as mine.

"Bella, I knew a woman who was into a relationship like that. The man made her wear a dog collar and everything."

"Mom, treating Edward like a dog would be a huge leap forward from how he was treated as a child. He was tortured, plain and simple."

"So how could he want more torture?" she asked.

"The woman got his sexual feelings all mixed up with the pain. He can't tell one from the other."

"How's Jake?" she asked making me laugh.

"Now, that wasn't obvious at all," I teased.

"Relationships are hard enough Bella; I think you need to stay away from this Edward."

"If someone told you to stay away from Dad, could you?"

"Your dad is adventurous in the bedroom but not anything…."

"Mom," I screamed as I covered my ears. "Gross, I don't want to hear about your sex life."

She hugged me and left me alone for the rest of the afternoon while I stayed in my room and tried to work things out in my mind. It was right before dinner when she came to my room and told me Edward was on the phone. I shook my head, so she told him I was with Charlie.

I was purposely keeping my phone turned off and surprised he called my house, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I was home for two days when Rosalie called the house.

"Why is your phone off?" she yelled.

"I don't want to talk to anyone, obviously," I told her.

"Well, Alice went into labor."

"This early?" I asked.

"It is only five weeks, that isn't too bad," she said sounding unconcerned.

"I'll come home tomorrow, keep me updated."

"Emmett said to talk to Edward," she added quickly.

"He's seen him?" I asked in shock.

"Yeah, they work out all the time."

The news surprised me. I thought he would consider his 'core' training with Tanya to be enough. I spent one last night with my folks and headed home early the next morning. Rose called when I was about an hour away from home to tell me Jasper Junior had made his appearance into the world and all was well with mother and baby.

I drove right to the hospital and got to hold the baby, who happened to look exactly like a cherub. He had rosy cheeks and white curls all over his head. I had to admit to my aching heart that I wanted children very badly.

I ran into Rose and Emmett as I was leaving and he immediately asked me if I had talked to Edward.

"No, we are working through some stuff," I told him.

"What did you think of the offer he got?" he asked with a smile.

"What offer?"

"To train professionally."

"I have no idea what you are talking about?"

"So where did he get the shit kicked out of him?" he asked not believing my answer.

My eyes got watery and I looked away. Rose gasped and said, "You think his old girlfriend beat him up?"

Emmett looked confused and said, "Edward spared with a dude that was nationally ranked and didn't even wear any head gear. It was evenly matched the entire time and Edward has never trained."

"When was this," I asked him.

"Last week, you should have seen him Bella, he was so proud of himself."

I didn't have the heart to tell him Edward would love someone beating him up. Instead I ran outside and dialed his number. He answered after the first ring, "Bella, thank God you called."

"Where are you?" I asked hoping he didn't say Tanya's.

"I'm at the airport; I'm boarding now, so I don't have a lot of time."

I would have rather he said Tanya's. "Where are you going?" I gasped.

"Go see Esme, she has all the information."

"Edward," I said quickly, "I'm sorry, I thought you went to Tanya's."

"I was going, Bella. I was shaking with relief at the thought of going there. I came over to end it with you, but seeing Jake scared me straight. I can't let another man take you away from me. I love you, Bella. I just need to learn to love myself. I'm going to do it for you. I'm going to fight like hell for you."

"Edward," I cried unable to finish my sentence.

"I have to go; the flight attendant is going to castrate me."

"Don't run off with her," I teased.

He growled into the phone and then quickly said, "love ya," and hung up.

I rushed over to Esme's house to see what information she had for me. She handed me a thick envelope and told me Carlisle was gone with Edward, too. I pulled out a set of keys and a letter which told me Edward, was leaving for the entire summer.

"What about school?" I asked Esme.

"He took his finals early, since there were only two weeks left."

His letter told me to move into his house, which I had no intention of doing, and make any changes I wanted. He was excited and optimistic about his ability to change. He left me an email address but told me we couldn't talk on the phone.

I also found a letter from Carlisle; he explained it was next to impossible for Edward to make the necessary changes unless he removed himself from sex and pain completely. He encouraged me to stay in contact through e-mail and told me to brace myself for hearing things Edward was going to need to share.

I hated the idea of not seeing him for the entire summer, but if it gave us a better chance to make it work, I wouldn't complain. I went right home and wrote an email so it would be waiting for him in Brazil.

_Edward,_

_I am so proud of you. Emmett told me you have some pretty wicked skills when it comes to kick boxing. I'm sure you realize that is not the only reason I am so proud. You didn't go to her, and that means the world to me. I will wait for you Edward, so take as much time as you need. I know this will be a difficult summer and you will be in my thoughts always._

_I love you. Come back to me knowing what an amazing man you are._

_Bella_

The next day I rushed home from work to check the computer. I actually screamed and bounced in my chair when I saw an email from Edward.

_Bella,_

_We arrived safely and I was happily surprised to find an email from you. I hope you had a great time with your parents and I am sorry I didn't get to meet them yet, but all in good time. I have a real affinity for Emmett; he saved my life, most likely literally. Going to Tanya's would have been a huge mistake and having somewhere else to go makes it easier to look in the mirror._

_I am starting some regression therapy with Carlisle and we plan to begin tonight. I will share any changes with you. Thank you so much for waiting. I love you, my Bella, Bella, Isabella._

_Edward_

I read the email over and over again, trying to read between the lines and overanalyze everything. I missed him already and decided to go to his house to feel closer to him. I used Esme's directions to find the place and felt weird punching in the code when Edward wasn't home.

I walked around the house and laughed when I opened the fridge to see it all cleaned out and a large note that said, "Fill it with whatever you like."

I walked down the hallway to see my blood cleaned from the walls. I remembered the movie collection and ran to the family room over to the built in cabinets. Everything was gone and a card was lying on the shelf. I opened it and read:

_Bella,_

_Do you really think I would be this stupid? I got rid of it all that night. Enjoy the tub, and make everything feel like home. It is you I want to return to, not an empty home._

_Edward_

I ran to the bathroom to see a basket of bath salts, candles, a bottle of champagne and a small picture frame with Edward's smiling face. I decided right then I would move into his house when my lease was up.

13

Time began to pass so slowly and my emails from Edward were getting smaller and darker and then suddenly stopped. I was ready to jump on a plane and go see for myself what was going on when I finally got an email from Carlisle.

_Bella,_

_I want you to know Edward is doing a remarkable job. Your love and support have helped him face some truly horrific things. I am encouraging him to share them with you and ask that you be honest in your reactions while trying to stay supportive. He has been working with a Capoeira Trainer, which is a Brazilian form of martial arts. It has a rich history in music and dance which helps Edward move the focus from the brutality. I am confident you will see a big change in him, so hang in there for a bit longer._

_Feel free to email me with any questions. Give Esme my love,_

_Carlisle_

I began looking up anything I could about Capoeira so Edward could share his new passion with me. I also began hitting the gym to increase my own 'core' strength the old fashioned way. It was three days later I got an email from Edward that sent me into a downward spiral.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry I haven't written for awhile and want to thank you for your continued emails. You are the one bright spot in my life and I love you with all my heart. I know I have always loved you, it wasn't always apparent to me, since the love of children is so innocent. I thought the center was the cruel, harsh world, but there were things so much uglier out there. _

_Parents and family were concepts I didn't understand and I never tried to reach out to others for help or defend myself. It was something that plagued my mind. I now know the reason, Bella. In the mind of a child things don't always make sense. I honestly thought if I could take it, if I could live through each day, then somehow you could too. I believed you were living the same nightmare I was and I had to stay strong to believe you would. If someone helped me, who would be there to help you? I began to heal the moment I saw you in the hospital and I knew you were okay. I just got on the wrong path, but I'm working on the right one now. _

_The mental abuse started first. I would be forced to say bad words and then locked in a closet until I would be forgiven. I would be give plates of food, and then have them covered with dirt or some household chemical. I would be dragged from my bed in the middle of the night to be locked outside in the dark. Those are the easy things I can tell you, the others are too difficult at this time._

_I love you, I need you in my life, you make it all worth the fight._

_Edward. _

I screamed from the pain it caused me to know he endured everything for me. We were two small children trying to take on the world and he took all the pain for me. I was warm, and safe, and loved, but he didn't even have that knowledge for peace of mind. He was beaten and starved and assaulted all for me, my unnecessary hero.

I was physically sick from the realization and ran to the bathroom to vomit. I curled into a ball on the cold tile and screamed out my heartache. There were children out there still fighting to survive each day, never saying a word because of their own confused perceptions. They needed a voice and Tanya's was not the one they needed. I vowed to expose her for the hypocrite she was and make her pay for hurting Edward further.

I couldn't sleep and called in sick the next day. I knew I had to email Edward and I stared at the computer in fear. I emailed Carlisle first and told him I wanted to be involved in his new center when it opened in any capacity I could. Next I wrote to Edward.

_Edward,_

_I'm angry for being so small and so weak. I'm angry for leaning on you so much when you were a child yourself. I am mostly angry for going to sleep each night in a loving home and not thinking of you. How can you still love me after doing so much for me without gratitude? The marks you wear are symbols of my weakness, not yours. Everything in my life always comes back around to you and it is all so good, look what I gave you, only pain._

_There is only one thing I can offer to replace the pain I have put upon you, and that is my love. I know I always loved you, I knew it the moment you promised to help me. I looked up into your beautiful face and knew you were the only boy I would ever love. _

_Give me the chance to love you forever. Let me help you heal from what I caused by waking in your arms every morning and praising God for you every night. _

_I'm here when you are ready to come home, waiting to love you, if you still want me._

_Bella_

I heard back from Carlisle telling me he would be happy to have a nurse with my credentials on board but I didn't tell him part of the deal was Tanya had to go. It was a full week before I heard from Edward.

_Bella,_

_Of course I still want you; everything I do is for you. I would face a lifetime of punishments for you. You are in my thoughts and my dreams and my sweat and blood. I want to be the man you deserve and nothing less._

_It is difficult to come to terms with the distortions of normalcy I allowed to penetrate my life. I grew to hate the adults so much that being hung by ropes from the ceiling fan and beaten with electrical cords made me know I was at least different from them. The blood dripping down my back was different from theirs and I needed to be reminded of that fact. _

_I was treated like an animal but when they ordered the dogs to attack I knew I was above the vicious cruelty of an animal. The darkness became a safe place where I could run and play with you. You held out your small hand and took me with you. Don't be angry for being gone. You were always there for me. You saved me Bella, just like you are now._

_For the first time since the day they drove away with you, my body aches with need for your gentle touch. There is no more darkness to meet you in; it is the daylight where I need you now. I want to see you so badly but I am not ready. Time is what I am asking for, and then I promise you my forever._

_All my love,_

_Edward._

I got a call from Esme saying Carlisle was coming home for a board meeting and would like to meet with me while he was home. I was desperate for any news about Edward and hoped he would be willing to share. I made dinner and invited them to Edward's home, where I was now living. I was shaking like a leaf when they pulled into the drive.

I ran out to meet them and quickly ushered them into the house. "How's Edward," I asked Carlisle without thinking to ask how he was.

"He is doing great. He has made tremendous strides."

"When can he come home?" I asked with hope.

"That is what I want to talk to you about. I am advising Edward to stay until Christmas," he said while watching my face closely.

"Christmas," I said softly as my heart broke.

"We are working through his childhood stuff quickly, but his stuff with Tanya will take more time."

"I hate her," I said emphatically. "I have no idea how she can be a child advocate and do what she did to Edward."

"A lawyer isn't judged by his or her preferences in the bedroom. We can't invade someone's privacy; only judge them on their professional skills."

"But you know about her private life now, why are you still working with her?" I said in disgust.

"When Edward graduates and passes the bar that will change. He will handle my legal matters."

I tried not to sulk throughout dinner and keep up with the small talk. Carlisle had my full attention when he said, "Bella, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I need to bring up a sensitive subject."

"Yeah," I said and got very nervous.

"I will need to introduce masturbation back into Edward's care plan and I think it would help if he had some pictures of you."

I looked at Esme in shock and dropped my head. It was more than a sensitive subject. It was downright humiliating. How does one choose a picture for her guy to masturbate with?

"Can I send them to Edward?" I asked with a red face.

"Of course, you may e-mail them if you feel more comfortable doing that. And Bella, they don't have to be erotic pictures."

"Oh," I said stupidly.

"The point is to get Edward used to associating you with pleasure," he clarified.

"Yeah, I get the point," I said quickly, hoping he would shut up. "What will happen if Edward misses a semester of school?"

"He will have to start his final year the following fall. If he stays until Christmas he will miss out on the entire year, but I feel this is more important."

"Christmas seems so far away," I sighed.

"We still have a lot of work to do, unfortunately," he sighed in return.

"Carlisle, are you doing all of this out of guilt?" I asked him pointedly.

"Partly, I do feel responsible for my brother's actions. But I also love Edward very much. I don't have a son, and I honestly think of Edward as my child."

"As do I," chimed in Esme.

"He is lucky to have you both," I smiled. "Has he said anything about not wanting children?"

"He did long ago, but his life was not conducive to parenting. He may feel differently down the road."

Our dinner ended way too soon and I was so sad to see them leave. I went back to my routine of work, gym, sleep, and any word from Edward. I snuck down to a local mall and got a few glam pictures taken to send to him. I didn't have the nerve to send them for almost three weeks, but my own fantasies propelled me to be brave.

His e-mail was hysterical.

_Bella,_

_Thank you for the pictures, no really THANK YOU! I can't stop looking at them. You are so beautiful and my fingers want to feel your hair glide through them. My lips want to be upon yours and my entire body comes alive at the sight of you._

_I sound pathetic don't I? As much as I love Carlisle, he just doesn't quite do it for me. I know why he asked you to send the pictures and I have to admit it rushed his plan a bit. It turns out I am not as unaffected by tender thoughts as originally guessed. Your body has been my constant companion in my dreams and I miss you more each day. _

_Oh hell, I am trying desperately to be romantic, but in reality I have a constant boner and it is your entire fault._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

_My dearest Edward,_

_You too, my love, have been constantly in my dreams. I reach out for you in the bed only to find a cold pillow where you should be. I lie naked in the bath wishing the hot water was you bringing relief to my tense muscles. I ache for you, I yearn for you, and I scream out to the vision of you._

_The sun rises and sets so slowly just to taunt me. I try so hard to keep myself busy, but at night as I lie in your bed time stands still. I close my eyes and run my fingers lightly over my body as I imagine your hands on me. I arch back into the light touch wanting more, and more, until all that is left is the sensation of you. It is in those panting breaths that I miss you the most._

_You are my everything,_

_Bella_

_Bella,_

_Oh. Dear. God!_

_Edward_


	5. Chapter 5

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 5

14

We were torturing each other and the ache of missing him only grew. I purchased a large calendar and filled it with mindless activities just to pass the time. My parents were thrilled that I was coming home so often, but it was actually just for the long drive. I felt like a small child again, counting the days until Christmas, only this time Santa knew the one thing I wanted.

I was sitting with Alice and Rosalie at a Restaurant when something happened that made my entire body begin to shake with anger.

"Bella, what's wrong, you are as white as a ghost," Rose said.

"That's her," I whispered with my head down.

"Who?" Alice asked while looking around.

"Tanya, the woman with the long blonde hair."

"Go kick her ass," Rosalie encouraged.

I watched as she sat with her back to me, giving me a perfect view of the man with her. He kept his eyes down and I felt sick when I saw the metal chain around his neck. I couldn't finish my meal and I couldn't take my eyes off their table.

Tanya ordered a large meal for herself and only a small dinner salad for the man. I saw how his eyes looked at her steak often during the meal. I finally scooted out of the booth and stood.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Alice warned.

I walked slowly over to Tanya's table feeling total numb inside and stared at the young man. "Are you hungry?" I asked him.

He didn't respond and he didn't look at me. I looked at Tanya's angry face and said, "Feed him, now."

"He's dieting," she said with a smile that sickened me, so I grabbed the fork and stuck it into her steak and threw it on the ground.

"Then so are you," I said hatefully.

She sat back calmly and looked into my eyes. "You just earned him a whipping," she smiled.

Something exploded inside me and I swung my hand to backhand her across the face, knocking her head into the beam behind her. "Then so did you," I screamed at her.

The entire place became silent and Rosalie and Alice quickly rushed to my side. Tanya lifted her face to show the blood dripping from the cut my ring had caused. "I will sue you for assault," she threatened.

I leaned over, placing both of my hands on the table to get right into her face, and laughed. "Please do, I would love to discuss the definition of assault with you in front of a judge." I picked up her water glass and threw it into her face, "You're bleeding all over your expensive suit," I said and walked away.

I couldn't believe what I had just done and felt a mixture of pride and humiliation. I hated that she could make me lose control. I wanted to think I was above that, but hitting her just once for Edward made my day.

I decided it was time I confront Edward on the relationship once and for all. I was waiting for him to share some things, but I was tired of waiting.

_Edward,_

_I ran into Tanya today. She has a new man to torture and it broke my heart to watch her humiliate him in public. I know you think it is a lifestyle choice between two consenting adults, but you are wrong. You willingly gave her something that means the world to me, your gentle spirit, to treat like trash for her own enjoyment. I can't stomach the thought of that!_

_Every single time she caused you pain, and told you it was sex, she took something from me. Every time she demeaned you, and told you it was love, she cheapened my feelings for you. I won't let you ever tell me again it was okay. Dominating another human is never okay. _

_I need to hear the words Edward, I need you to tell me it was wrong and for you to understand why it was wrong. I love you and I will never hurt you._

_Bella_

_P.S. I hit her, and I'm glad I did._

_Bella,_

_When I met Tanya the only affection I knew came from a sweet five year old and the beautiful kisses of an innocent sixteen year old. Every other touch was painful or humiliating. I didn't know how to be tender or loving with a woman. I had no idea how to touch a woman to bring her pleasure. I was twenty four years old when I met Tanya._

_She took me to her home and asked me about my past partners. When I confessed I didn't have any she embarrassed me and laughed at me. She told me she would teach me everything I needed to know and began by making me strip and tied me to her bed. It terrified me because my only experience with bondage was for beatings. She told me real men like being hit because it turns women on and makes the sex so much better. _

_She would hit me, then stimulate me, then hit me again. By the time she finally let me ejaculate it was such a pleasure I couldn't imagine anything better in the world. She slowly introduced the verbal abuse, telling me I was worthless as a man and as a lover. Because of my past it felt right. Only after severe beatings would she tell me she loved me and treat me with kindness. I longed for those times and took anything she was willing to dish out just for those few moments. When Carlisle told me it was wrong, I felt like I deserved it, and Tanya would tell me it was the only relationship I would be capable of._

_I was a grown man and believed the only love I was worth was conditional. I had to let her hit me to love me. That is why I wanted you to hit me so badly, I honestly thought it would mean you loved me. The self hatred, mixed with the pain and sex, made me incapable of a normal relationship. What I need to know now, is why I loved it so much._

_I finally know it wasn't right; I just need to understand why I crave it so badly. It is so easy now for me to imagine holding you in my arms and loving you tenderly; but when I try to imagine you making love to me, it always involves violence. I'm trying so hard to change, Bella, but I can't tell you what you need to hear just yet. I'm sorry._

_All my love,_

_Edward_

_P.S. My first thought was…why couldn't she hit me and be glad she did it? Forgive me._

I read his email and began to cry. I could see the growth, but I could also see the distance he still needed to go. I decided to learn more about the Dom/Sub lifestyle and began looking up things online. Everyone talked about it being something that meets the needs of both partners and is a loving relationship where the sub has all the power. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the claims.

I found someone in the Seattle area willing to answer question couples had about the lifestyle. I grabbed the phone and called the number. I talked with a woman named Victoria for almost an hour. She invited me to meet her and her partner at a local restaurant and ask anything I wanted.

I couldn't believe how normal they looked and expected one of them to be cowering like Tanya's men always were. I noticed the collar around the woman's neck and pointed to it. "That is one thing that really bothers me," I said in anger. "Why do you make her wear a collar?"

"It is symbolic of our relationship. It is like a wedding ring says you belong to someone. Her collar is an outward symbol of commitment. It doesn't have to be a collar, many couples use rings or bracelets," James told me.

"You don't find it degrading?" I asked Victoria.

"It has a four caret diamond, so no, I don't find it degrading," she smiled at me.

"Do you have scars from him?" I asked her directly. "Like bite marks, and burns?"

"No, but I know some women who do."

"You don't consider that abuse?" I asked.

"Some people enjoy very intense sex. When the adrenaline is flowing and you are aroused you don't feel the pain. The release is intense and that is the only thing you remember. You begin to crave it, like a drug," she explained.

I sat and thought about Edward; maybe it was the intense release he was craving and not the pain. "Is it possible to have the intensity without the abuse?" I asked curiously.

"Oh yes," James said with a smile. "Creativity is the key, not brutality."

I bit my lip and became too afraid to ask what I really wanted to know. James reached out and put his hand on mine. "Would you like some information you can view in private?" he asked.

I shook my head and he promised to send some videos to my e-mail address. We finished our lunch and I watched as he took Victoria's hand and led her away with his hand tenderly on her back. It was so different from what I saw with Tanya and I began to wonder if some sort of compromise would work for Edward.

I was so worried about bringing it up to him. I didn't want to set back his progress, but I also wanted to know Christmas would be the very latest I would see him. I watched the videos James sent me and found most of them involved role playing. The whips were soft cloth, and the gags were easily removed. Each one also had a safe word, where the partner would be required to stop all play if the word was used. I finally felt like I had enough information to share with Edward.

I was shaking as I typed the email and had a really hard time hitting send. I refused to look at my mail for two days for fear of what I would find.

_Edward,_

_I need to talk to you about some information I have been looking into. I still believe Tanya was abusive but I have a new appreciation for the Dom/Sub lifestyle. I have found it can be a loving, tender, relationship when done the right way._

_I learned about safe words and role play. I learned costumes can be used to symbolize power and authority without causing pain to the other person. The sex play is about experiencing new positions and ways to please each other, not causing your partner to bleed._

_If the intensity of sex is what you are craving, we can work on that together. As long as it is loving and positive I would be willing to try and meet your needs. I don't want to ruin your recovery; I just think we can find something that works for us both._

_I would be willing to dress in leather and use and riding crop (of feathers) if you wanted that. I won't hurt you, Edward. That is totally off the table, and I also insist you be the masked man once in awhile._

_Is it doable?_

_Love,_

_Bella_

I sat in front of the screen and finally pulled up my mail. I had nine e-mails from Edward and took a deep breath as I clicked on the first one.

_Bella,_

_WHAT? I can't even think right now. Let me get back to you._

_Love,_

_Edward_

_Bella,_

_Are you serious? _

_Love,_

_Edward_

_Bella,_

_Please be serious._

_Love,_

_Edward_

_Bella,_

_You can't write something like that and drop off the face of the earth. I'm in serious trouble here, I can't eat and I can't sleep until I hear from you._

_Crop? Mask? Shit!_

_Love,_

_Edward_

_I'm not playing around Bella. I need to hear from you. I'm about ready to have Carlisle sedate me._

_I had long talk with Carlisle and he thinks it is absolutely doable. Although he is NOT the one I want to talk with. Get on the damn computer Bella!_

_I'm going to work out with my trainer. I better have an e-mail waiting when I get back._

_You are trying to kill me, aren't you?_

_Bella,_

_I just had a very productive session with Carlisle, thanks to you. He asked me to tell him under what conditions I would have used the safe word, if I had the use of one. I was able to get a lot of things off my chest. I was violated as a child with several instruments, and would be filled with rage when Tanya would do that to me. I hated it and I would have used the safe word to stop her._

_I guess that is one thing I would have to insist be off the table. I didn't think I would ever be able to tell you that information and you made it so easy for me to come out with it. Thank you, love. It is out in the open now and I don't feel the mortification I thought I would. _

_I need you so badly, please e-mail me._

_Love,_

_Edward_

_Bella….Please!_

I felt horrible for staying away from the computer but also grateful he was able to share something so painful with relative ease. I hurt for him, carrying the shame and humiliation on his shoulders for so long. I knew there was other stuff, but he seemed to be able to purge some really big things. I e-mailed him back immediately.

_Edward,_

_You have absolutely no patients. What if sun spots disrupted internet service, or I had to pull two double shifts at the hospital? Your world would continue to turn if I dropped off the earth; it is mine that has been brought to a screeching halt without you._

_Of course I am serious. I would do anything to bring you pleasure without causing pain…and I mean anything!_

_Thank you for sharing something so difficult with me, it is off the table and never a possibility. I also want to remove public sex from the table; partly because I am too inhibited, and mainly because you are too beautiful to share with anyone else. Let them find their own perfect man!_

_Thirteen days until Christmas, am I getting my wish?_

_Love,_

_Bella_

And for good measure I added a photo of me wearing nothing but a tiny Christmas bra and panty set.

15

I fell asleep waiting to hear back from Edward and checked my email right when I awoke the following morning. He only said to email back when I received something he was having a courier send to me. I assumed it was a picture of him in return, but didn't understand why a courier would need to bring it. Nothing had arrived by the time I left for work, so I shot off a quick note telling him he would hear from me in twelve hours.

I was feeling so much more confident and everyone could tell by my change of attitude. I finally realized I was going to have to meet Edward part way and let him lean on me for a bit. I knew we could do it and I also knew he would be slowly sharing his secrets along the way.

I got home and found an envelope stuck inside the security gate. I was too excited to take it up to the house to open, so I turned off my car and opened it right then. It contained a plane ticket to Brazil along with cash to purchase summer clothes for the opposite season. It had one sentence written on a piece of paper…Bella, come get your man. Love, Carlisle.

I sat in absolute shock at the idea of going to an island for Christmas. My mind was going a million miles a minute as I thought of seeing Edward. I drove to the house and called Esme. As soon as she answered I broke into tears and couldn't speak.

"I'm assuming you got the ticket," she laughed.

"You knew?" I cried.

"I'm going with you, to go get my guy, too," she informed me.

"What do I need to buy?" I asked her, suddenly excited to go shopping.

"Tiny things," she laughed. "It is a very romantic place."

I finally sat down to email Edward and cried through the entire letter.

_Edward,_

_I am stunned. I am so excited I can't contain the joy. I will have you in my arms so soon and that is better than any island experience. The anticipation of being able to touch you, and hold you, and love you, is so consuming that it brings me to tears. _

_I want to make you happy, Edward. I want to fulfill your fantasy and make everything perfect, please tell me what to bring with me. What do you find erotic or pleasing as a man? We're doing this Edward; we are actually making this work._

_I love you,_

_Bella_

_Bella,_

_Everything about you makes me happy, the Santa lingerie makes me extra happy, bring that for sure! The only fantasy I have is being able to love you the way you deserve. It is my biggest wish and my biggest fear all wrapped into one._

_I want to tell you I am totally fixed, but that is not the case. I am on the right path and I will continue on that path as long as I have you by my side._

_I am counting the minutes until I see you again. It is not a pain I enjoy._

_Love,_

_Edward _

I knew I needed help with the shopping I had to do, so I called the only person I knew who could help me. Victoria gave me an address and told me to meet her the following morning. I was shocked to see the adult shop she sent me to and could only imagine what my father would say.

She was waiting for me outside, knowing I would never walk in the place by myself. She smiled widely at the way I kept my head down and refused to make eye contact with anyone. "So give me a place to start," she inquired.

"A woman of power, wonder woman, one of the girls from X-men, something like that," I mumbled.

"That is too cartoonish, let me show you something real," she suggested and pulled me down an aisle.

She was holding a small basket and began loading things into it. She knew exactly what she was looking for and didn't stop to see if I was on board. "I don't want anything that can hurt him," I pointed out.

She picked up what looked like a simple school ruler and asked me to hold out my hand. She hit my arm with the ruler and it quickly folded around my skin. "It is called a slap wrap. It makes a loud noise but as you see it doesn't hurt at all," she smiled.

I smiled widely back at her and began to get excited with the possibilities. She handed me the basket and began pulling things out to show me what she had gathered. "School teacher?" I laughed.

"Sexy school teacher," she corrected.

"My mother is a teacher," I said as I looked closer at the things in the basket.

"Believe me, real occupations are a lot easier to act out than the cartoon characters."

I decided to take her word for it. She pulled me to another aisle and handed me some liquid edible body paint. "This will be great if you decide to be an art teacher," she suggested. I tossed it into the basket.

"Victoria, how do you do all this, I mean how do you get it started?"

"Since this will be your first time, go in the bathroom, make sure the lights are low and when you come out Bella is gone and Ms. Swan takes her place. Give Edward orders and make sure he knows he will get detention if he doesn't please you. Just let go and have fun with it. Drag it out until he is practically begging you to give in."

"I'm terrified," I admitted.

"You'll see, once the costume goes on the inner vixen emerges," she assured me.

"Do we have to do this every time?" I asked her.

"No, this is only for special occasions or to spice it up a bit. Keep him guessing, that will be half the fun."

"Okay, I'm ready," I laughed, hoping I sounded more sure than I was.

I came home with two large bags and stared at the things with anticipation. I decided to share my day with Edward and got on the computer to find an e-mail from him.

_Bella,_

_I had another very productive day with Carlisle and I feel more confident everyday that I will be more than ready when you arrive. I was concerned with the possibility I would view your body the same as Tanya's, since hers is the only one I have known. Carlisle talked me through some visualization exercises and I know everything about you is different from her, so I will experience you differently too. _

_I have to admit I worried about competing with Jake; his body is not scarred and mangled like mine. I will have to trust in your love for me and let my jealousy and insecurities go._

_I wish you were here right now. I stare up at the sky to see the millions of stars and worry about all the possibilities of losing you. Why Bella love, why in the world would you want someone like me?_

_I love you madly,_

_Edward_

_Edward,_

_There are as many reasons to love you as there are stars in the sky. I want to spend the rest of my life telling them to you. _

_The difference between you and Jake has nothing to do with physicality, I never loved Jake like I love you, and that my dear is the biggest difference of all. I'm not worried about you confusing me with Tanya, my touch will be nothing like hers, because mine is only love._

_I went shopping today, and I have a few surprises in store for you. You better be well rested and make sure you do some carbohydrate loading. You're gonna need it!_

_See ya soon,_

_Bella_

I went shopping for a Christmas present for Edward. I had no idea what to buy him and was desperate for any ideas. I wanted something that would say how much I loved him without being trite or cliché. I wandered around all day looking in every store at the mall.

I was sitting on a bench in despair when a conversation between two elderly women gave me an idea. I drove right to Esme's house and got her in on the plan. She was excited to have a project to work on and promised to have everything I would need by the time we left for Brazil.

The final week I had to work every night. I was packed and ready to go as I marked off each day one by one. I couldn't believe the day finally arrived when I heard the cab with Esme honk for me. I was so hyper and couldn't sit still. The flight was excruciating. It took forever just to get the Huston where we changed planes.

I was a wilted, exhausted mess when we landed in Brazil. A car met us at the airport and drove us to water taxi. I was hoping Edward would be waiting at the pier, but we were loaded into a boat alone and quickly ushered away.

I expected to see a small town with timeshares covering the island, but there was one dock with one house. The driver helped me onto the wooden pier and when I reached for my luggage he assured me he would get it. I turned to look for Edward and saw him step out from the house.

I screamed and ran at top speed down the long dock towards him. My heart was racing and not from the running. I could feel the tears begin to flow as he grew nearer, and nearer. I crashed into his arms as he spun me around, holding so tightly I could barely breathe. He sat me on my feet and backed me into a large beam at the edge of the dock to steady us.

His face was covered in tears too, as his mouth descended onto mine. My mind couldn't process the sensory overload it was experiencing. I wanted to focus on his hands, his mouth, his smell, his face; it was almost a painful frustration.

I heard Carlisle say something and Edward grunted, but I had no idea what it was. He began pulling me toward the house and I hung on, refusing to let any space come between us. He finally had to pull away from my mouth to get us through the door, but I quickly reattached myself to him the moment we were inside.

"Bella," he said against my mouth, "let me look at you."

"Later," I said as I wrapped my legs around him, causing him to laugh and begin walking.

He carried me into the bedroom and we fell onto the bed together. I was finally able to revel in the feeling of his body against mine. Our kisses grew longer and less harried until we were finally able to think clearly.

He placed his forehead against mine and held my head in his hands, "Hi," he grinned.

"Where are my manners, hello, Edward," I teased.

"You can forget your manners anytime," he said as he kissed me deeply. I sighed and ran my fingers down his back, feeling the hard muscles his training produced.

He pulled back again and said, "You look so beautiful."

"So do you," I smiled, "and so tan."

"Deep soul searching goes very well with sunbathing," he laughed.

His hair was longer and streaked with gold from the constant sun. Small lines appeared around his eyes on his weathered face.

"You seem happy, Edward."

"This is the best moment of my life," he said with a serious face that made my heart skip a beat.

I held his face in my hands and stared into his eyes, "I love you," I said.

"Are you really here?" he asked as tears filled his eyes.

I wrapped my arms around him again and squeezed tightly. "Yes, I'm here, in your arms, and I'm never letting you go," I promised.

"Can I love you, Bella?" he asked softly.

My heart was drumming so loudly I thought the entire house would be able to hear it. "Do we need to talk with Carlisle or anything?" I asked him.

"We're alone," he said nervously. "Carlisle went back to the mainland with Esme."

My jaw dropped and I realized I was a little too preoccupied to notice how much Carlisle and Esme needed each other, too.

"Um…do we need to talk or ….I mean, I have some stuff…." It was not going the way I had imagined.

He smiled and shook his head back and forth, "I just want to love you, as simple as that."

16

I had been in a physical relationship before. I was nineteen when Jake first asked me to spend the night with him. He was kind and gentle, but my focus was more on the act and becoming a woman. This was completely different. Edward was the man I loved more than anything, and this time, it was all about him.

For Edward it was the first time he would be expressing love for someone. It was terrifying for him and I was just as nervous. We needed this to work, something so natural and so instinctual, had too much symbolism attached to it for the two of us.

I took a shaky breath and nodded to him. He moved slowly over me and kissed me tenderly. I pulled him to me and gasped at the feeling of his body coming alive in response to mine. I began pulling his clothing from his body as he moved to help me undress him.

He swallowed deeply and said, "I'm sorry my body has to remind you."

"Edward, I love your body. I'm sorry it has to remind you."

He rolled us so I was now on top and began removing my clothes, he was shaking and he continued to stare into my eyes. I smiled at him and kissed his chest causing him to sigh. His shaking increased so I slowed things down to give him time to work things out in his mind.

He rolled us again and I saw he now had his eyes closed tightly. "Edward," I said gently, "Open your eyes baby, look at me."

He opened his eyes and instantly relaxed. "Bella," he whispered and a soft smile formed on his face.

"Do you feel how much I love you," I asked as he positioned himself.

He moaned loudly and let his eyes close as I struggled to stay coherent. "Look at me," I said with a breathy whisper.

He stared into my eyes as we moved together. It wasn't awkward or unbalanced, but perfectly synchronized as if we had been lovers for years. His face began to show the tension and his eyes widened in the newness of what he was experiencing, sending me arching into him as I screamed his name. He followed and grabbed the wrought iron bed frame, shaking the bed as he yelled in passion.

We did it. We gave each other pleasure without causing any pain. I was crying with joy as Edward rolled to the side panting with a huge smile on his face. I rolled onto him and laughed at his expression.

"Better than kickboxing the pro?" I asked.

He ran his hand through my hair and took a deep breath. "It took me so long to get here, and the feeling is indescribable. I am so sorry for the other stuff at my house, before..."

"Stop, this is all that exists now," I told him.

"I'm supposed to call Carlisle," he smiled.

"Why?"

"He wants to know if I need any help, or if there was anything that triggered a post traumatic response."

"What are you going to tell him?" I asked a little worried.

"First of all, I don't need any help."

"Amen," I laughed.

"And secondly, the only response triggered was certainly not traumatic."

He reached for his cell phone and I cuddled against his side. I could only hear his side of the conversation but I could figure out what was being said.

"Hi, Carlisle."

"Great, better than great actually."

"Not at all."

"Form one to ten? I'd say a twenty."

"Thanks, give Esme my love, bye."

I smiled and laid my head on his chest, "A twenty?" I asked.

"Absolutely," he responded.

"Wow, I can hardly wait to break out the costumes," I teased.

He looked around the room and muttered, "Where are those suitcases."

I hugged him tightly and kissed his chest. We were silent for awhile, knowing the conversation we had ahead of us. Edward finally brought it up by asking, "You looked into the dom/sub lifestyle?"

"Yes, and I'm not saying I want that, I'm just willing to incorporate some of the stuff into our relationship. I met a couple James and Victoria, who were willing to share their experiences with me. It is nothing like…you had."

I didn't want to discuss Tanya right now and I didn't want to hear him try to compare his abuse to the love Victoria and James had.

"What didn't you agree with?" he asked.

"I don't like the collars, or the submissive behavior outside of role play. I don't want you to have to obey me. I don't even see how that is a turn on. It would make me feel like your mother or something. And I want you to be in charge sometimes, too."

"Okay, but I need you to understand I may say something in role play that will trigger certain unwillingness in you. We need a way to know if it is just part of the dialog or if I'm going too far."

"I don't get what you mean?"

"Okay, say I ask you to spank me, and you do. If I ask you to do it harder, am I playing the part or asking for pain?"

"I will never use anything that can cause actual pain, so ask all you want, it won't ever happen."

He smiled and hugged me tightly. "Okay, do we even need a safe word?" he asked.

"Yes," I insisted. "For both of us."

"You choose," he instructed.

I thought for a moment and then said, "Fella."

"Perfect," he laughed.

"Is there anything you want to share, or tell me? It can be anything." I asked him.

He nodded quickly and his eyes turned sad. "Yes, I want you to really look at my body. I want everything out in the open and you can ask any questions."

It took me a minute to screw in my courage and I sat up next to him. He lied perfectly still and let me start from his toes. I noticed some of the joints on his toes were enlarged as if they had been broken. I moved up his shins to see the calcified bulge in one from a break. I scanned his thighs to see the damaged skin from the dog bite.

When I got to his genitals I began to cry. He was scarred with cuts and small puncture wounds. I couldn't look anymore and moved back to his side. He held me to him and kissed my head as I tried to get the images out of my mind. I couldn't ask the questions I wanted to know, not now when I was so happy to be in his arms.

"Edward, remember the story you told me of a world where every wish came true?"

"You told me you would wish for us to be in the same family," he said softly.

"I'm glad that didn't come true," I laughed and then instantly apologized. "I didn't mean…"

"I know what you meant, it's okay," he said sincerely.

"Now I would wish for a place where just you and I existed. Where we can lie in each other's arms and forget everything bad."

He rolled over to look down at me. "This is your wish, Bella," he whispered as he kissed me. I melted in his embrace and nothing else existed for the rest of the night.

The next day we spent exploring the island. We went snorkeling, kayaking, and making love on the beach. It was truly heaven. That night I made grilled fish for dinner and Edward made a huge announcement.

"Bella, I hate spaghetti," he said with pride.

"I'm not making spaghetti," I told him.

"I know, I just wanted to let you know that I don't like it and I won't ever eat it again."

"Okay, and never tell me to eat my green beans again either," I laughed.

I watched him eat and every time his mouth opened to take a bite of food I wanted to attack him. He was so sexy and had no idea the allure he held for the female population. I was so lucky he was mine.

After dinner I went in the bathroom and dressed in the sexy school teacher costume. I stared in the mirror at the woman looking back at me and had to laugh. This was so not Bella that I could easily pretend to be someone else. I picked up the body paint and ruler and headed into the other room.

Edward was just finishing the dishes and when he turned around to see me standing in the doorway he dropped the pan he was drying.

"You're about to be schooled," I said seductively.

He smiled and headed towards me so I yelled, "Stop right there, young man."

He stopped and I noticed how his breathing picked up and his eyes darkened. I walked over and turned off a couple of the lights and said, "Take your clothes off."

He began to quickly undress so I yelled, "Stop. When I give you instructions what do you say?"

"Yes, mam," he replied.

I hit the slap wrap on my hand making a loud noise and noticed how he jumped. "My name is not mam," I chastised.

"Yes, Ms. Swan," he corrected.

"Better," I smiled, "now remove your clothes."

He began moving quickly again so I yelled for him to slow down. He stared into my eyes as he removed all of his clothes making me the one who was now panting.

"Come kneel at the side of the coffee table," I instructed.

A funny smile grew on his lips and he said forcefully, "No."

"Use the safe word if you need it," I said as I stayed in character.

He only smiled at me, so I repeated my command for him to come kneel. "No," he said defiantly.

I felt my anger rise and I marched up to his face to repeat my command. He stared into my eyes with pure lust and repeated, "No."

I wanted to grab him by his ear and march him over there, but I refused to hurt him. I was shaking with the need to force him to submit and realized how easy it would be to blur the lines during role play. I remembered James saying it was about creativity not brutality, so I leaned into Edward's ear and whispered, "Do what I say and teacher will take something off."

He made a small gasp and hurried over to kneel by the coffee table. I reached up under the small skirt I was wearing and pulled down my panties. I picked up his shorts from the floor and tucked them into his front pocket.

I then walked over to the coffee table and stood on it as I looked down at him. His eyes ran up my legs and when he leaned in to look up the skirt I stepped back a bit. "Did I tell you to look up my skirt?" I said harshly.

"No, Ms. Swan," he smiled.

"Put your hands behind your back," I commanded.

He quickly obeyed. I sat on the coffee table with my legs straddled on both sides of him and opened the body paint. I ran the soft brush up and down his body with the red peppermint flavored color. It looked like blood and seemed to arouse him even more. I took long licks of the paint as he moaned loudly.

"Are you ready to graduate?" I asked him in his ear.

"Yes, Ms. Swan," he said with difficulty.

I leaned back on my elbows and said with force, "Show me what you've learned."

He lifted the small skirt and pulled me to him covering me in the red paint from his body. I threw my hands over my head and grabbed onto the arm of a chair as I experienced the intensity I never knew existed. He was ravenous with his passion and our bodies were transported to a place where the only thing that truly existed was us.

Tanya was successfully removed from his mind. He found a new way to find the intensity she had trained him for, but it was within the bounds of love. The relief I felt was beyond verbal expression. Tomorrow was Christmas, and then I was taking my man home.


	6. Chapter 6

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 6

17

I walked into the living room to find Edward wrapping presents. I tried to sneak up on him, but his lifetime of listening for anyone coming near gave him heightened senses. He leaned over the gifts and yelled, "Hey, beat it."

"Edward, I told you I won't do that," I said trying to sound serious.

He spun around and ran toward me, sending me screaming back into the bedroom. I ran to the far side of the bed and he stopped half way into the room and grabbed his foot. "Shit," he yelled.

"Did you step on something?" I said rushing over to him.

He quickly grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder, as I screamed and kicked. "That's not fair," I complained.

"Don't be so trusting, Bella," he warned, as he carried me into the bathroom and set me on my feet.

"I'm not hiding in the bathroom all morning," I said as I crossed my arms.

"Get in the shower and I'll join you in a couple of minutes," he promised.

I kissed his nose and gave in as he ran off to finish wrapping. We were dressed and snuggling on the porch swing when Carlisle and Esme arrived. They carried presents and food with them, so we ran down to the boat to help them with the load.

"How did it go?" Esme asked in a hushed voice.

I gave her the thumbs up and smiled as she winked at me. Edward talked quietly with Carlisle and I made sure to give him his privacy. I was sure he would tell me anything I wanted to know by just asking. We ate a great meal and sat in the living room to exchange gifts.

Edward handed me a small box and said, "I know we don't have a Christmas tree, but this ornament is for our tree, when we have one."

I took the box and opened it to find a sterling silver heart with a dark liquid center. I held it up and Edward took my hand. "Bella, you would never ask me to bleed for you, so I willingly give you my blood, along with my heart."

I stared at the ornament in shock and said, "Edward, how sweet….and thoroughly disgusting."

Esme and Carlisle laughed along with us. "Okay," he said, "here is your real gift."

I took the wrapped gift and quickly tore off the paper to see a simple white box. I opened the lid and instantly knew what it was. Tears fell down my face as I lifted the chain to reveal a pendant made from a Penny. I gave the coin to Edward the morning I was told I would be leaving the children's center, right before he tried to hide me.

"It was supposed to bring you good luck," I cried. I couldn't believe he had kept it through all the horrible things he had to endure.

Edward lifted my chin and wiped the tears away, "It did; you're here, aren't you?"

Esme reached around Edward and handed me a box. "Edward, this was my idea, but Esme did all the work. If you are not ready for this, it is okay. I just wanted you to know what your blood is made of."

He took the gift from my hand and stared at it with apprehension. "Go ahead," Esme encouraged him.

He opened the box to show a bound book with the words 'Edward Anthony Masen.' His eyes stared at the words as if he was frozen and unable to move. I looked at Carlisle and he motioned for me to give Edward a moment.

We all waited silently until Edward lifted his head and looked at me with wet eyes. "How…." He was unable to finish.

"Carlisle has your file from the center and Esme hired a professional genealogist. Your whole story is there Edward. Where you come from, and who you are related to, all the way back to the 1500's."

He looked back at the book and I noticed how he began to shake. I gently took the book from his hands and said, "It's here, when you're ready."

He nodded and took a long breath to steady his emotions. Carlisle handed Esme her gift, a charm bracelet. It had a diamond to represent her, a heart for Carlisle, a sun for Edward and a bell for me. We were all touched by the gift. Esme gave Carlisle a new laptop and they both gave me and Edward a collection of the latest DVD's, making us both laugh with appreciation.

We all drank a toast and Carlisle put on some music and asked Esme to dance. Edward and I sat together cuddled in a chair as we watched them sway to the music.

"Bella," Edward whispered into my ear, "There is something that belongs to you in my pocket."

"I'll get them later," I whispered back.

"No, you need to get it now," he pushed.

"Edward," I said as I glanced at Carlisle and Esme.

"They won't notice, go ahead," he pressed.

I reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of black material. I looked at it closely to see it was a mask. I giggled and put it in my pocket. "Wrong pocket," he whispered in my ear again.

"Do you have a whip in the other one, Zorro?" I asked in hushed tones.

"No, it's yours, hurry," he said as the music began to wind down.

I reached into his other pocket and pulled out a small box. I looked at Edward and he only looked away, so I opened the box.

I stared in stunned silence at the diamond ring staring back at me. I slowly turned to see Edward smiling. "You already live in my house, will you take me along with it?" he asked.

"This is so much better than the first ring you gave me," I cried as he took it out of the box and put it on my finger.

"You're worth more than a quarter now," he teased.

I kissed him and said, "I always knew I would marry you."

Carlisle and Esme gave us both a hug and I could see the concern in Carlisle's eyes. I didn't' miss the way he glanced at Esme and shook his head lightly. I understood Edward was not totally healed, but he had come far enough for us to work together the rest of the way.

"Come dance with me," I said as I stood to pull him to his feet.

"I don't dance," he said.

"Why?" I asked, wondering if it was something Tanya had ruined in him.

"I don't know how," he said lowering his head.

"You just hug me and move provocatively," I smiled.

"That isn't called dancing," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I reached out and grabbed his shirt with my fist and pulled him roughly to me, as I whispered in his ear, "Dance with me now and I will arrest you later."

He laughed and leaned into my ear and said, "Nice try, but one of the musketeers plan on visiting you tonight."

"No Zorro?" I laughed.

He sighed in irritation and said, "What's wrong with a musketeer?"

"They are kind of gay looking," I said with disappointment.

"Okay, Batman," he offered.

"Kilmer, or Bale?" I asked.

"Forget it," he said in a huff and tried to walk away.

"Edward, you can't be the dominating one if you just give up," I said as I ran after him.

"No, I can't be the dominating one if you have to approve my every decision," he pointed out.

"I'm not trying to give my approval, I'm just…."

"Dominating," he pointed out.

I stopped talking and looked at him in amusement. He jaw clenched and he threw his hands up in the air. "What?" he asked.

"You're right, but look how you backed down. If you want to be a musketeer, tell me to shut the hell up and pull out your sword."

"You took my mask," he mumbled and looked at the floor as he put his hands in his pocket.

"What?" I asked and moved closer to him.

"You took my mask," he said louder, but kept his head down.

He looked like a scolded child being told he can't have some candy. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. "Then take it back, you big baby."

We both remembered at the exact same time that we were no longer alone in the house. We turned to see Esme smirking and Carlisle watching the exchange with fascination.

"Sorry," I said as I turned red.

Edward stuck out his chest a bit and said, "I can apologize for myself, sorry," he added.

"Ooh, way to take charge," I mumbled and looked away when he turned around to glare at me.

Carlisle cleared his throat and took Esme by the hand, "We'll take a walk and give you two a chance to talk."

I crossed my arms and prepared for a fight when Edward turned around and smiled at me. I tried to remember what we were even fighting about and had no idea why I was mad at him. He walked over and picked me up bridal style in his arms, so I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He walked out the door causing me to ask, "Where are you taking me?"

"I want to show you something, Bella," he smiled.

I laid my head on his chest as he carried me to the dock. He stopped half way, so I lifted my head. "What did you want to show me?" I asked.

"I want to show you how I take charge," he said and I looked at him in confusion. "Let me see your hands," he said sweetly.

I pulled my hands from around his neck and held them out for him to see. He smiled and leaned over to kiss them both… then threw me with all of his might, right into the water.

"Suck on that, sweetheart," he said to my gasping, sputtering face, and then walked away.

I was furious when I dragged myself out of the warm surf and marched angrily into the house, not caring if I dripped on the floor, or not. I went to the bedroom and began stripping off the wet clothing as I ran a shower. I was covered in soap when Edward climbed into the shower with me.

"You keep your mouth shut and do what I say, or I swear to God, I will drag you out of this shower and toss you right back into the ocean," he demanded.

I nodded and swallowed hard. "Put both hands on the wall," he instructed.

I turned slowly and placed my hands against the cold tile. "Higher," he said harshly.

I had no idea what he was going to do and made sure I had the safe word front and center in my mind. I was surprised when he began soaping me lightly and erotically. He was so methodical and sweet even though his instructions were authoritative. Keeping my hands on the wall became more and more difficult and made the entire experience so intense, I decided Edward could be the dominating one whenever he wanted.

I was sound asleep, after lying in Edward's arms all evening, and rolled over to an empty bed. I sat up and looked around the room only to find it empty, too. I listened for any noise and all I could hear was the rhythmic breaking of the waves.

I walked into the living room to find Edward reading through his book. His back was to me so I couldn't see his face, but I could hear him sniffle every once in awhile. I wasn't sure if I should leave him alone or try to comfort him. He held out his hand giving me my answer.

I walked over to sit on the arm of the chair. He looked up at me and let out a long shaky breath. "I have an uncle," he said softly.

I nodded, already knowing his mother had a handicapped brother and his father was an only child. Edward's uncle lived in a care center and was in his 70's. His parents were in their late forty's when Edward was born and were killed in a car accident when he was two. He was their only live birth after losing several babies.

"Do you know your story?" he asked me.

"Yes, my mom got pregnant by her boss. He paid handsomely in child support, but she used it for drugs instead of my care. The state took me away from her and my father refused to acknowledge me."

Edward took my hand and kissed it softly. "I'm sorry, love."

"Charlie and Renee were a much better situation. You had wonderful parents, Edward. I'm sorry they died."

"I think my heart would have found you no matter what our situations were," he said staring into my eyes.

"I love you so much, just because you say wonderful things like that," I smiled and leaned over to kiss him.

He pulled me onto his lap and I put my lips to his neck and heard him sigh. We sat quietly in the dark and I listened to him breath in and out as he thought about things in his mind.

"Why don't you want children?" I finally asked him.

"Abused people become abusers. I won't do that."

I wished there was some way for Edward to gain back everything that was stolen from him. He was a beautiful, loving man, and no matter how hard he worked he still didn't see himself as others did. I ran my fingers through his hair and watched him close his eyes with contentment.

"We're a family now, forever," I whispered in the darkness.

"Forever," he repeated and then whispered, "Bella, let's go home."

18

We left the island almost four years ago. I would love to say, our life had been wonderful and easy. I would be happy to at least say, we were together and working as a team, but the only thing I can say, is I love Edward with all my heart, but we are no longer together.

Our trip to Forks to meet my family was a disaster. I wanted my parents to see the wonderful things about Edward like I did, but they only saw a man struggling to fit into a world that terrified him. We decided to barbeque some steaks, so Edward took the tray from my mom and headed onto the back porch just as Charlie lit the grill.

A large fire ball whooshed into the air; Charlie always let the gas fill before lighting the switch to flash flame any old grease. Edward dropped the tray of steaks and was curled into a ball against the house mumbling as he tried to brush off the imaginary flames.

I ran over to him and spoke softly. "Edward, there is no fire. Look at me, honey, you are safe and there is no fire."

His eyes slowly began to focus on me and he looked at his legs searching for the flames he had seen in his mind. "Are they still laughing?" he asked in a whisper.

"Nobody is laughing, Edward. You are in Forks at my house, nobody wants to hurt you," I assured him.

My mom picked up the tray and began trying to salvage the meat. I pulled Edward to his feet and heard him whisper, "I want to leave."

"Mom, Dad, I'm sorry but Edward is not feeling very well. We are going to head out," I apologized.

Charlie and Renee were gracious, but I could see the sideways glances they gave each other as we packed and left. Edward didn't speak the entire way home.

Our sessions with Carlisle became more and more silent. I felt it was due to the normalization of our relationship, we simply had nothing to share or work on. Edward saw it as his inability to move to a deeper level. He studied hard, I worked long hours and we ignored any issues.

I am still holding a grudge for his behavior when we ran into Tanya for the first time. It was the grand opening for Carlisle's center. The champagne was flowing and everyone was filled with pride and enthusiasm. I saw her walk in with another man with a chain around his neck. I wanted her tossed out on her perverted ass, but Edward walked toward her stunned face and hugged her tightly.

"Tanya," he said, "I know something awful must have happened in your life, and I am sorry."

He turned and walked away, leaving me standing there staring in rage. Tanya got very flustered and quickly left.

"Do you want to explain that to me?" I yelled in the car.

"She is obviously very messed up. I can blame her for things other people don't blame me for. Why am I the only one to be forgiven?"

"Because you are actually trying to change, she is not," I pointed out.

"That doesn't mean she is not a victim, too."

"She is a perpetrator not a victim, Edward," I said appalled.

"She didn't become that way naturally, somebody messed her up, and I'm sorry if you can't be sympathetic and I can."

I wouldn't talk to Edward for almost a week, and he just gave me my space until I got past the anger.

We slowly stopped talking about a wedding. I knew it wasn't something important to Edward since he didn't really have anyone to invite. He graduated, I began working for the center, and life became ordinary and mundane.

I was kneeling in front of a toilet at work when Rosalie opened the door. "Are you pregnant?" she asked.

"No, I just have the flu," I told her as I looked at her bulging belly.

"A flu that only comes in the morning," she smirked.

"I'm on birth control," I said as I began to get nervous.

"Have you been on antibiotics?" she asked.

I thought back to the infection I had a couple of months ago and nodded in fear. "You are so pregnant, Bella," she laughed. "How do you think I ended up with baby number two…antibiotic birth control failure."

I jumped up and ran past her to find Carlisle. I was in a panic and he calmed me quickly. "Let's run a blood test and know for sure," he said. "Edward will know you didn't try to trick him, he will be happy."

I didn't tell Carlisle how unconvincing he sounded. I could tell he knew this was not a good thing and he was hoping for the best. I wanted to call Esme and get some motherly comfort, but I knew I had to tell Edward before I told anyone else.

I tried to think of the best way to tell him. Everything had too many painful memories attached. I couldn't get any 'I love my Daddy' bibs or shirts because that would hurt Edward. I wished it was news we would be excited about and I could give Edward the blood test results and watch him cry for joy.

Instead I was terrified to tell him and wanted to make it low key and without stress or fanfare.

I sat at the kitchen table waiting for Edward to come home. I was biting on my fingernails in nervousness and kept picking on the two cupcakes I had in front of me. Edward walked in the door and saw me sitting at the table.

"Hi," I said and noticed how much we seemed to pass each other coming and going.

"Hi," he said back awkwardly.

I pulled out the chair next to me and nodded to it. Edward walked over and sat down, looking at me hesitantly. He looked so handsome in his designer suits and carrying a briefcase. I almost lost my nerve.

I took his hand and smiled causing him to smile back. "I have a treat for you," I said.

"Okay," he said with caution.

"Which do you want?" I asked and nodded to the blue and pink cupcakes.

He looked at the small treats with miniature bottles and booties attached, and his eyes narrowed and he began to grow tense. He didn't move or show any emotion whatsoever.

"Edward… say something," I pressed.

His face turned pale and he stood and walked from the room. I jumped up and followed him to our bedroom where he began to patiently change his clothes. His calm was not comforting, it was terrifying. It was like his mind had made some decision and it was not up for discussion.

"Edward?"

"No," he said softly.

"What?" I asked.

"No," he yelled with force.

"No, what?"

"No, this won't happen. No, I won't choose a damn cupcake. No, we aren't becoming parents. No!"

"I didn't plan this," I yelled at him. "I didn't stop taking the pill. It failed due to the antibiotics."

"You're a nurse," he accused with pure rage in his eyes.

"And you're a lawyer, what does that have to do with anything?" I asked.

"Get rid of it," he said softly.

My heart wrenched in my chest. "No," I said adamantly.

"I won't be a father, Bella."

"You already are," I cried.

He grabbed his tennis shoes and walked from our room. "Don't walk away from me, Edward. We have to work this out," I yelled running after him.

"You are not having this baby," he screamed at me.

I stared in shock as he put on his shoes, "Edward, what happened to us," I said in tears.

He took a deep breath and looked at me with such sadness it made me cry harder. "It's always there, Bella. I can't make it go away, and I can't forget. It is in every thought and every dream."

"What is, tell me about it?" I begged him.

"You want to hear about my dreams? About how I dream of you choking me to death , or of you cutting me and drinking my blood, and how it thrills me more than I can even put into words? Is that what you want to hear about? Or maybe you want to hear about the screaming in my head as I relive being beaten or violated as a child over, and over again."

"Stop it," I yelled.

"That's just it, Bella. I can't stop it. It doesn't stop," he screamed at me. "And you expect me to bring a child into my world? No, Bella. I won't do it."

"I won't kill my baby," I said with conviction.

"You knew this, Bella, I never kept this a secret from you. No children, ever."

"We need to work it out. This child is a piece of both of us, we can't let it die." I fell onto my knees as I sobbed, begging him to let us be a family.

"I have nothing more to say," he said as he walked out of the house.

I sat in the dark and stared out the window as realization slowly filtered through me. I couldn't love Edward into being well. I couldn't fill his head with our memories and expect him to lose all of the others. He had been damaged and no matter how much new paint or glue I used on his soul, it was still broken.

I had to choose, my Edward or my baby. I didn't get to have them both.

I waited for two months for him to come home. He never came. I finally decided to return home to forks and raise our child on my own. I took the keys to Carlisle and Esme and told them of my plans. If Edward wanted to find me they would be able to tell him where I was.

I delivered a baby girl at the Forks hospital and decided to name her after Edward's birth mother, Elizabeth. I e-mailed Edward some pictures of his daughter but I didn't hear anything back. I adored my child, but my heart ached every time I looked at her. She looked so much like her father and I couldn't believe she would never know him.

I walked to the mailbox one afternoon and found a package from Edward. My hands were shaking as I opened the box to see a book titled 'Child's Play'. It was a book about Edward's life. Everything he experienced was laid out for the world to read. He called me Stella in the book and I was able to read how much he loved me, but how much he also kept from me.

The following month I saw him on a national talk show. He spoke about the lasting effects of abuse and how he was still paying for the things that happened to him. He talked about having a daughter and how he snuck into the hospital to see her when she was born.

The host asked him if he had returned to the submissive lifestyle; I noticed how he deflected the answer and instead began talking about the dynamics of the two people involved. I didn't know if he had or not. He was finally asked the question I wanted to know most. "Will you return to Stella?"

His eyes filled with tears and he said, "I love her too much to hurt her anymore."

I had my answer; Elizabeth and I were never going to see him again.

I needed to find a way to move on with my life and make a future with my daughter. I began working back at the medical hospital with Alice and Jasper and rented a small apartment close to work. The hospital had a daycare center for employees, so I was able to keep Elizabeth close.

I was walking to my car one afternoon as Elizabeth told me about her day in the childish chatter of a two and a half year old, when someone called my name.

"Jake," I laughed and hugged him tightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm getting physical therapy for my shoulder," he said and smiled at Elizabeth.

"This is my daughter," I explained and said to her, "Beth say hi to Jake."

She grabbed my leg shyly and Jake laughed. "Hi Beth, you are as pretty as your mommy," he said making her smile. "I didn't know you were married," he said to me.

"I'm not," I said without explaining.

He gave me a sympathetic look and I turned away to avoid the pity. "Do you still have the same phone number?" he asked.

"Yeah, I do," I told him.

"Would you mind if I give you a call?" he asked me.

I picked up Elizabeth so he couldn't see my shaking hands. "Sure, I'd like that," I said.

He nodded at walked away before the tears spilled down my cheeks. Jake was a great man, he just wasn't the man my heart wanted. I had to force myself to think with my head and not my heart and began to hope Jake would actually call.

19

I walked toward the center nursing station with a sense of foreboding. I was making plans in my head for the chance Beth was sick and wouldn't be allowed at day care. At least it was summer and there were teenage girls available so I wouldn't miss out on my work hours. I needed every cent I could earn.

"Hello," I said in dread, answering the call from the day care center.

"Hi Bella, this is Mrs. Cope from downstairs. There is a man here to see Beth, says he's her father."

I almost dropped the phone in shock but was able to say, "Put him on the line."

A very tentative hello came over the phone.

"Edward, meet me in the cafeteria in ten minutes," I instructed him and hung up.

My hands were shaking so badly that Alice took the contents in my hands from me. "Bella, Edward is here?"

I nodded.

"Don't let him mess you up again, things are good for you, now," she said in anger.

I nodded and reached for the things she took from me.

"You are not dispensing medication," she said as she pulled her hands to the side of her body.

I shook my head to clear the brain fog and assured her I was fine to finish what I had been doing. I took my time with my patient and it was almost fifteen minutes later when I walked into the cafeteria to find Edward sitting at a table with two coffees.

He was still very good looking, but he was neither the angel, nor the demon I had made him out to be in my mind. He was just a man, a man who had let me down when I needed him the most.

I sat across from him and saw him smile very slightly. It was a polite smile, not a smile of happiness or warm welcome.

"She doesn't know about you, Edward. You can't just show up and see her."

"I didn't want to talk to her, I only wanted to look at her," he said sheepishly.

I huffed and looked past him as I shook my head.

"Why aren't you taking the money I send?" he asked angrily.

I looked at him again and crossed my arms and only stared in silence.

"You don't believe I deserve an answer," he said as he nodded in understanding.

"Why didn't you tell me about the molestation at the center?" I asked him as my annoying tears began to form.

"Why did you think I was up that night, when you wet the bed? Did you think I just wandered the halls in the middle of the night?" he said hatefully.

"You told me my crying woke you up," I pointed out.

"Well, I lied," he said in disgust.

"You led me to believe Tanya sued the state over your adoption, not the molestation that happened in state custody," I pointed out.

"There was a lot I couldn't tell you, that's why I sent you the book." He looked away from my stare and began bouncing his leg up and down.

"Look at me," I demanded.

He looked back and I asked directly, "Are you wearing a collar?"

"No," he said emphatically.

We locked eyes and I began to feel my resolve begin to fall, so I looked away. "Don't hurt her, Edward. I am begging you not to walk in and out of her life."

"Bella, you know we would have ended up the exact same way without the baby."

"You can play 'what if' all you want, but the fact is 'the baby' as you call her does exist. I felt her kick and you weren't there. I delivered her alone, because you weren't there. I took her home, and you weren't there. I nursed her, and rocked her, and loved her, and you weren't there. I listen to her say, 'Mommy, a boo-da-foe day,' when it is raining outside, and the thought that runs through my head is….Thank God, I didn't have her sucked down a sink."

He winced at my words and tried to explain. "It wasn't enough time, Carlisle told me, but I wouldn't listen. I was too anxious to have you and didn't take the time I needed for me. I had to do something for me, for the first time in my life I had to put me first," he said as if it would make any difference to me now.

"I don't give a shit about you, Edward. My focus now is on Elizabeth. If you are not one hundred percent, walk out that door and never come back."

"I will never be one hundred percent," he said forcefully.

"Bye," I stood to leave and he said something that turned my blood to ice.

"She is my daughter too, I have rights."

"Are you threatening me with legal action?" I asked in shock. "Because I have a book that pretty much documents what a fucked up father you would be."

I knew it was hitting below the belt. I knew I was trying to hurt him in retaliation for hurting me, but I was also terrified his money and legal connections would be able to take my precious daughter from me.

"Sit down," he said forcefully.

"Now you decide to be dominating, Edward," I said hatefully.

"Shut up," he said as he kicked my chair out for me to sit. His forcefulness did shock me a bit. I was used to Edward giving in. I sat back down and looked at him defiantly.

"I want to meet my daughter," he started, "I want to pay for her care and I want to slowly build a relationship with her. You can think whatever you want to think about me, but I want my daughter to love me."

I felt the tears begin to fall down my face and I look at him in pain. "We needed you," I cried softly.

He stood to come to me, but I put up my hand to stop him. "I don't want her to meet you here," I said. "Do you have a pen?"

He pulled one from his pocket and I wrote my address on a napkin. "Come for dinner tonight and we will talk to her together."

"Can I bring anything?" he asked.

"Sure, we're having spaghetti," I said in anger. "Bring the bread."

I heard him chuckle as I walked away and I was glad he couldn't see me smile. Jasper was waiting for me when I got back to the nurse's station. I wanted to smack Alice for pulling him away from patients who really needed him. He waved me over to a consultation room and offered me a seat.

"Bella, I know this is really stressful for you. Is there anything I can do to help?" he offered.

"He wants to meet Beth," I told him.

Jasper nodded and said, "And…"

"He's coming over tonight. I told him we have to talk to her together. What do you say to a three year old?" I asked in frustration.

"Keep it age appropriate. Let her lead and answer her questions honestly in a manner a child can understand," he explained.

I nodded and tried to smile, "I just can't get away from the crazies, can I?"

Jasper laughed and then chastised me, "We don't call our patients that, Bella."

"I know," I laughed.

"Um…one last thing," he said causing me to tense a bit. "A father is very important in the life of a young lady. Make sure he knows this will be the most important relationship she has."

"Thanks Jasper, you just put a stamp of ruin on my daughter's life," I said in misery.

"Give him a chance, he may surprise you. Did you tell him about Jake?"

"No," I said and looked at my hands.

"And why?" he pushed.

"Because I will always love him, Jasper, it is how pathetic I am. It will always be Edward my heart wants."

I picked up Beth that afternoon and watched her run towards me with Edward's eyes and hair. I waited until we were in the car before telling her we were having a visitor for dinner.

"Gampa?" she asked.

"No, this is a special guest," I smiled.

"Chake?" she said and clapped her hands.

"No, not Jake," I laughed.

"Santa!" she yelled.

I laughed again and tried to change the subject. "Can you help me make spaghetti?"

"I do pagetti," she clapped.

We both took a bath and I made sure to clothe her in one of her dresses. I wanted a picture of them together in case he disappeared from her life again. I was letting her break the noodles into pieces and drop them into the water when the doorbell rang.

I lifted her off the counter and brought her with me to answer the door. Edward was holding flowers for both of us and some Italian bread. I stepped back and he followed me into the apartment and kicked the door closed with his foot.

I motioned for him to follow me into the kitchen and sat Beth back on the counter before taking the bread.

"Thank you," I mumbled, and noticed how he couldn't take his eyes off of Beth.

"I brought flowers," he said to us both and Beth clapped her hands again making Edward laugh.

He held a small bouquet out to her and she took them in her tiny hands. "Whe da wata, mommy?" she said to me.

I reached for a cup for her to place her flowers in as Edward inquired, "She gets flowers often?"

I looked at him in irritation and said, "No, I do."

"Oh," he said.

"Elizabeth," I said nervously, "This man is named Edward."

"Edwawd," she repeated.

I smiled at her and nodded. "He is your daddy," I added with much trepidation.

"Hi daddy," she said as if I told her something as ordinary as Sesame Street was on.

Edward looked down so she wouldn't see his tears, but I let mine freely fall. She picked up more noodles and began breaking them again. "I do pagetti," she told him

"Make a lot, Beth, daddy loves Spaghetti," I said as I laughed.

He glared at me and then looked at Beth again. "You are the best Spaghetti maker in the world," he said making her giggle.

"Sugar, Mommy has to turn on the stove now, so run and play with Daddy while I cook." I lifted her down from the counter; she took Edward's hand and began pulling him from the room.

"Bella," he called out softly. I looked up in surprise.

"Thank you," he mouthed to me. I could only nod.

I took my time making the sauce and enjoyed the sounds coming from the other room. Beth was laughing often and Edward seemed so at ease with her. I collapsed into tears when I heard him showing her how to make a B on her little chalk board. I could also hear the emotion in his voice as he remembered teaching me so long ago.

I took some time in the bathroom to clean off my face and reapply my make-up before returning to the kitchen. I finally had everything ready and picked up the camera for my picture. I walked into the room to see Beth asleep on Edward's lap as he rocked her in the recliner. He was singing softly to her and I quickly took a picture. He looked up and smiled at me.

"You realize she will be up all night, if you let her sleep now."

"I'll stay up with her," he offered.

I walked over and knelt by the chair and ran my finger down her full cheeks.

"She's beautiful, Bella," he said softly.

"She looks like you," I admitted.

"She has your mouth," he observed, "Especially when she smiles."

"I have to wake her, and she won't be happy," I told him.

"Can't we let her sleep?" he asked.

"She hasn't eaten and I really don't want to mess up her schedule."

He nodded sadly and I pulled her from his arms. "Beth, the spaghetti you made is ready. Wake up baby girl."

She tried to lay her head on my shoulder so I pulled back and bounced her up and down a bit. "Come on, Beth. Daddy wants to eat your spaghetti."

"I can't wait," Edward said trying to sound convincing.

She finally looked at him and held out her arms. His entire face lit up and he quickly reached for her. We sat at my small table and Edward ate about as much as Beth, which was more bread than actual spaghetti. I took pictures often and even got them both to pose for a couple. I was shocked when he picked up the camera and held it out at arm's length to take a picture of the three of us together.

I began filling him in on Jasper and Alice and the fact that Rosalie and Emmett were now married with two kids. He was shocked and laughed loudly. "Emmett finally got married?" he asked.

But that shock was nothing compared to his face when Elizabeth announced, "Mommy and Chake awe ge'ing mawied."


	7. Chapter 7

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 7

20

I watched the color drain from Edward's face and quickly nodded toward Beth to remind him we could not discuss it right now. He took a deep breath and said, "Anyone up for ice-cream?"

Beth raised her little arms into the air and screamed, "Me, me." Edward and I both broke into laughter at her enthusiasm. I got the small portable stroller and we headed down the street to the local McDonalds.

Edward pushed Beth, and I had to stick my hands in the pockets of my Capri's to stop myself from taking his arm. "So, are you working for Carlisle and the clinic?" I asked him.

"No, not at the moment, I wrote another book, it will be released in about six weeks," he said proudly.

"What's this one about?" I asked in surprise.

"The underworld of the…._lifestyle_ …I used to live."

I wasn't sure if he was being careful with his wording for my sake, or Beth's, so I asked, "There is an underworld?"

"Oh yeah," he looked at me with a funny sideways glance. "I knew Victoria and James quite well; they were less than honest with you."

We walked in silence for awhile as I tried to get my emotions in check. I felt stupid, and betrayed, no matter how much it helped me deal with Edward in the beginning. I could see how they were making everything sound so easy and wonderful, but I saw how simple it would be to head down a slippery slope.

"What's the title?" I finally asked.

"Adult's Play," he chuckled.

I only nodded.

"How's Esme?" I finally asked.

"Great, she would love to see you….and Beth. I actually live with them," he added.

"You sold your house?"

"No, it just didn't feel right being there alone. I may move back now, and make a room for Beth."

I stopped walking and felt my own face drain of color. He looked back and instantly added, "So if you ever need a break or I'm babysitting. I'm not going to try and take her Bella, I promise."

"Edward, I need to be really confident, and I mean really, really confident in your skills before I let you be alone with her."

His face hardened and saddened at the same time. "I wouldn't touch her," he said softly.

I gasped and quickly held his face in my hands, "I know that, Edward, I would never think that. Look in my eyes. I would never think that."

He swallowed hard and gave me a slight nod, so I dropped my hands in embarrassment.

"I just meant a toddler can be hard to handle at times and let's face it, you are a pretty big pushover," I teased as I elbowed him.

"I used to be a pretty big push over," he teased back. "I pretty much tamed your ass today."

I looked at him in shock and then rolled my eyes, "Yeah, you made my biggest wish come true, way to show me whose boss."

He stopped walking and looked at me in surprise, "Your biggest wish?"

I sighed and looked at my oblivious daughter as she sang some made up song to herself. "I want you in her life, Edward. She has a great father and I want her to know that."

He let his head fall back and stared at the soft light of a summer evening. "I had to miss so much, for her, I had to miss it," he said, more for his own mind than mine.

Beth began bucking in the stroller to keep us moving toward the golden arches, which were so close to her waiting tummy. We walked to the counter and the manager greeted us, "What can I get such a beautiful family?" he asked with a smile, causing my heart to literally hurt.

"A small vanilla cone," I held my fingers up to let him know I meant very small, without Beth hearing me, "And two small chocolate cones."

Edward stepped forward and said, "And one large half and half cone."

"Oh, wait," I said to the manager. "I ordered you a small chocolate," I said to Edward.

"I don't want a small chocolate," he said with a smirk.

"You're just doing this to prove a point," I accused him.

"I didn't get much for dinner," he said raising his eyebrows at me, "So I want a larger cone."

"You always get chocolate," I pointed out.

"Sir," Edward said to the confused man behind the counter, "Do I appear old enough and mentally capable of ordering an ice-cream cone?"

The man chuckled and said, "You better do what the misses says, if you get my drift."

"I'll have a number one and a large half and half cone," Edward announced proudly.

I turned around and pushed the stroller to the play area and let Elizabeth out to run around. She ran to the container of balls and became instant friends with another little girl. Edward soon joined me with just his food and one cone for me.

"I asked them to wait on the others until she is ready," he said making me happy with his decision making.

I ate my cone as he ate his burger. He finally pushed the fries towards me, "I'll share," he smiled.

I grabbed a fry and dipped it in my ice-cream causing him to pull the bag back to him. "If you're going to do that, I'm not sharing," he said in disgust.

"You wuss," I laughed.

"So, when's the wedding?" he asked as he took a bite of his food.

"Next year," I said without looking at him.

"Why so long?" he pushed.

"We just barely got engaged," I said nervously.

"Do you love him?" he asked, causing me to almost choke on my cone.

"He's a great man, Edward."

"I'm sure he is, but I didn't ask you that."

"Yes, I love him."

"More than you love me?" he asked.

I felt the tears sting my eyes and I looked directly at Edward. "What makes you think I love you?"

He took a sip of his coke as he continued to hold my stare, "Hope, I guess."

I felt something stir inside me and it angered me that he could waltz back into my life and make me want him again. "Jake is one hundred percent," I said to hurt Edward.

He nodded and looked away for a moment. "I will never be one hundred percent, Bella. Others killed a part of me bit by bit, but the part that remains loves you very much."

"I don't doubt it, Edward. I just don't know if there is enough left of you, for me," I said honestly.

Beth came running up wanting her ice-cream so Edward lifted her into his arms and headed to the counter. I sat and watched him talk with her and he seemed enthralled with her every movement. I glared when he headed back and she held a full size small cone.

"It's a celebration," he laughed.

"You get to clean her off when most of it ends up all over her," I warned.

"Gladly," he said as he wiped her already dripping chin. "You are so beautiful, Bethy girl."

"Yes, boo da foe," she repeated making us both laugh.

"And very confident," Edward added, "just like your mommy."

"Suck up," I accused making him laugh harder.

We walked back to my apartment and I stuck Beth in a tub to get the sticky ice-cream off of her. Edward stood at the door and watched my every move as if he was taking mental notes. Once Beth was clean and in her nightgown, he laid next to her and read her a story.

"Beth, tell daddy thank you for coming and you will see him again, soon," I told her.

"Daddy, tank you for da ice-queem coming," she said in an attempt to remind him of her favorite part.

"Thank you, for letting me spend the evening with you," he said as he kissed her head and stood.

She held out her arms and said, "I kish you, daddy."

Edward had to cover his mouth from the sob that wanted to escape and I had to force myself to look away as he held her tightly in his arms. He was wiping his eyes frantically when he came back into the living room.

I walked over and picked some home movies off of the shelf and handed them to him. "Here, it's stuff you missed," I said, not trying to be mean.

He nodded and tried to say something, but gave up and walked to the door.

"You don't have to leave," I told him. "I mean, if you want to talk, or anything."

"Anything?" he questioned. "I seriously doubt you mean that."

I laughed and shook my head, "Men," I teased.

He came back to the sofa and sat down. I sat next to him and pulled my legs up to face him. He moved a little to the side and put his elbow on the back of the couch. I could feel my heart beating like crazy and couldn't make myself look at him.

"I saw you on a talk show," I finally said to break the tension.

"Yeah? I will be doing a press tour again when the next book comes out."

"Is it hard to talk about?" I asked genuinely curious.

"Only the stuff about you and Beth," he admitted.

"Stella," I laughed, "God that is awful."

"It had to rhyme with Fella," he explained.

"You came to the hospital?" I asked, already knowing he did.

"I was glad you didn't listen to me," he whispered.

"I was glad you sent the book, it gave me so much insight and I know you would have never been able to tell me some of those things."

"It was cathartic. As much as I never wanted to face them again, I kind of needed the closure, so it gave me a chance to say what I needed to say."

"I have to admit I'm really looking forward to reading this next book," I teased him.

"It isn't going to be erotic if that is what you're hoping," he said with his head down.

"No, that wasn't what I was hoping," I said as I turned red.

We sat in silence for a bit and I finally decided to be brave and just ask what I wanted to know. "Are you seeing anyone?"

His head snapped up and he looked right at me. "Are you joking?" he asked.

I was a bit startled and got a little flustered. "Um… no, I was just….you know…curious."

He took a deep breath and said, "I thought I was engaged."

My mouth fell open, "To me?" I asked in shock.

He looked away as I continued to stare, not knowing what to say. I finally made a weird chuckle and said, "Edward, you left me."

He didn't respond so I felt the need to defend myself. "I didn't cheat on you, I moved on with my life. I have to make sure me and Beth are okay."

"I sent you money," he pointed out.

"To wait?" I asked.

"No, to make sure you and Beth were okay."

"I didn't want your money, Edward. How am I supposed to introduce your daughter to your money?" My voice was getting loud and I had to force myself to calm down.

"I have met so many people who experienced things similar to me. They are now great parents and successful professionals, so I learned I won't hurt her. I know for a fact Beth will always be safe with me."

"I knew that all along," I told him.

"But I didn't. I know it now, so I am here, now."

"And you expect me to just welcome you back into my life?" I said angrily.

"No, I expect you to let me prove to you how much I love you and want us to be a family."

I stood and walked to the door to open it, "We were a family, and you walked away."

He stood slowly and came to stand next to me, "Can I take you and Beth to the zoo on Saturday?" he pleaded.

"The zoo?" I challenged him, remembering the last time we were there.

"Yes, I get the point of the place now, and I'm not horny this time," he added with a smile.

I tried so desperately to keep the smile from forming, but he could tell it was just below the surface. He leaned over to look directly into my eyes and grinned, causing me to smile in return. "Fine, the zoo," I said, "And only because you aren't horny."

He laughed loudly, and then said with all seriousness, "Thank you for this evening, it meant the world to me."

"It was life changing for Beth, so thank you," I told him.

I stepped forward to give him a quick hug, but he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. "Bella, Bella, Isabella," he whispered.

I couldn't finish it, no matter how badly I wanted too. I belonged to Jake now; he was my fella, so I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and held him tightly as I sobbed.

21

Shoes were a constant battle with Beth. She loved anything that made noise and I loved anything that protected her feet. I stared down at the sandals with a small heel. "If you wear those, you have to stay in the stroller the whole day," I threatened.

"No," she cried, "Daddy will yike em."

"Beth, there is animal poop all over the zoo. Do you want it to get on your toes?" I knew it wasn't right to lie to her, but I wanted her to put on the damn tennis shoes and stop fighting me. Her eyes got big and she finally stuck out her foot for me to put on the shoe.

When Edward knocked on the door I opened it and whispered, "Make a big deal over the shoes."

He walked in and looked down at Beth's shoes, then he threw his hands up and yelled, "Oh, my gosh, we both have on white tennis shoes."

She ran into his arms and he tossed her into the air. "I'm so glad I wore my shoes that look like yours," he added.

"Thank you," I mouthed silently.

We loaded up the gear, changing the car seat to his car, and headed off to the zoo. Edward was so patient with Beth's constant climbing in and out of the stroller. He would hold her high to see over the crowds of people and made the entire day about her. We finally spread out a blanket on the grass and opened the picnic lunch I had packed.

"Darn, no spaghetti," Edward said trying to sound sad.

Beth giggled and I added, "Daddy is such a stick...or something that rhymes with it."

"What is it with the zoo that makes you always go there," he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him and handed Beth her sandwich. The day was warm and sunny and we ended up lying on the blanket after the meal and watching Beth sleep.

"I watched the home movies," he said softly. "You are a wonderful mother, Bella."

"Thank you, it means a lot," I said.

"I can't believe how brave you are, doing this all on your own," he sighed.

I wanted to tell him I got my bravery from him, but it would have just been one more thing in his life that was taken from him. Instead I said, "I'm not alone, my parents have been there for me, and then recently Jake."

He was quiet for a bit and I wanted to slap myself for lashing out like that. He finally said, "I moved home, and I have a room for Beth. I would love for you to come see it and give your approval."

"I'm sure it is fine," I told him, "But I need to spend some time there with her before I can let her be with you alone. I know you won't hurt her, but I'm not sure you can handle the little day to day problems that arise."

"For instance?" he asked.

"Like the shoe drama. Would you let her play in the woods with sandals on?" I asked him.

"Sure, and I would give her scissors and tell her to run around as she drug an electrical cord through the water."

"Go ahead and make fun, but I guarantee you she will have you pinned under her thumb in one afternoon."

He reached over and ran his fingers through her curls. "As it should be," he sighed.

He looked at me and smiled, "When you ran her to the bathroom an older gentleman told me I have a beautiful family. I felt like I crested Mt. Everest."

I knew what he meant. I felt so content and full of joy laying here with my daughter and Edward, but the truth was we were no longer a family. I was going to have to work Jake into the mix and I needed Edward to understand that.

"I think it would be a good idea for you and Jake to meet," I told him.

"Do you think that will confuse Beth," he asked.

"No, she needs to begin to understand the difference between the two of you," I said sadly.

"Do you think it will confuse Jake?" he asked.

"Why would it confuse Jake?" I ask him.

"Because he thinks you guys belong to him, and you don't," he said seriously.

"I think you are the one confused, Edward."

"No, not at all, Beth is my daughter and you are the love of my life," he said confidently.

"She has met you twice," I pointed out, "And you broke my heart," I added softly and then looked away when he turned onto his elbow to look down at me.

"Bella, can I ask just one thing," he said to the back of my head.

"What," I said angrily.

"Turn around here and look at me," he said forcefully.

I turned, but didn't look at his eyes I looked at his neck, as I felt myself begin to tremble. "What is your one thing?" I asked nervously.

"I want you to kiss me, just once."

I jumped up and dusted off my shorts before quickly adding, "I'm running to the restroom, keep an eye on her."

I stood in the dark cement bathroom with pictures of animals painted on the walls as I shook uncontrollably. I knew why he wanted me to kiss him and he knew it, too. My body would never be able to deny what my words were trying so hard to do. I loved Edward, I would always love him, but that didn't mean we should be together. In actuality, I was terrified to give my heart to him again.

I was gone a long time and when I walked out of the ladies room I was surprised to see Edward standing there holding Beth. "Look who woke up," he smiled, "And she needed to use the restroom. I didn't want to take her to the men's room, but we were getting very short on time," he explained.

"I trust you," I said as I took her from his arms.

"She wants to see the Kangaroo's," he informed me.

I smiled and told her they were my favorite. We gathered our stuff and continued on with our day. Edward never brought up Jake, and neither did I.

We finally made our way to the car loaded with balloons and a stuffed animal from the gift shop. I was exhausted and not paying attention, so it shocked me to look up and see Edward pull in front of the security gate at his house.

"I really need to get her home and bathed," I told him with a shaky voice.

"I just want to show you the room," he smiled.

I stared at the house which had been my home and felt a familiar ache in my chest. "Beth," he said, "this is daddy's house, and I have a special room just for you. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes," she cheered, while refusing to let go of a balloon. He pulled her from the car and I reluctantly followed.

Everything was exactly the same as the day I walked out the door and gave Carlisle and Esme the keys. I followed Edward to the spare room and gasped when I saw the sight. Beth's eyes were so big she couldn't process what she was seeing. The entire room was made into a fairy castle. It was a fantasy room any little girl would be in heaven to have, and it made me cry.

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"I love it, but Edward, come on, it's a bit over the top."

"Not for my princess," he said.

"Thanks, I'll never get her to come home," I added, only half kidding.

"Want to see your castle?" he said in jest.

"I'm sure it has a dungeon," I added dryly and then felt awful for making fun of him. Instead of being offended he roared with laughter.

We stood in the doorway and watched her play; both of us lost in our own thoughts, until Edward cleared his throat and wiped his eyes.

"Let her stay," he pleaded. "I'll feed her dinner and play with her all evening. She can sleep in one of my t-shirts."

"I'm not sure she will," I told him. "She may cry to come home."

"I promise I will bring her if she does," he added. "You're welcome to stay, too."

I ignored his invitation and said, "She needs a pull up."

"What's that?" he asked.

I laughed and remembered I had one in the diaper bag. I also remembered I didn't have my car. "I would have to call Jake to come get me," I said hesitantly.

"You can take my car. I'll call if she wants to come home, if not, just join us for breakfast in the morning," he offered.

"Beth," I called out to her. "Do you want to stay and play with daddy?"

She didn't even answer and ran to the next toy that caught her interest. "Just go," Edward encouraged, "we'll have a tea party."

Beth looked up at him and ran to the little table with the tea set. Edward joined her, bending his long legs to fit onto the small chair. I watched them talk back and forth and finally slipped out of the room. I saw our old bedroom and stepped inside. The same pictures of us sat on the bed stand, as if time stood still.

I looked in the closet and the clothes I left behind were still hanging from the rack. I walked over to the bed and touched the bedspread with just a brush of my fingers. It brought to mind all the wonderful nights I had slept in his arms, but also all the nights I cried waiting for him to come home. I turned around to see Edward standing in the doorway holding a little tea pot.

"I'm sorry," he said earnestly.

"I know," I whispered. "I just don't know if it's enough."

He smiled and held up the tea pot, "Go find out, while I make some imaginary tea."

I left and drove straight to Jake's house. It was totally opposite of Edward's house, just like the two men. It was lived in and messy and covered in pictures and personal memorabilia. It was the kind of house you instantly felt welcomed in.

His friends were over, which didn't surprise me. Jake constantly had a house full of people. I walked in to see them perched in front of the television watching a baseball game and eating pizza. He raised a slice and yelled, "In the kitchen, and grab a beer for yourself, too."

I walked into the kitchen and looked at the mess. I began to clean up when he walked in to see what was keeping me. "Just leave it Bella. Where's Beth?"

"She's with Edward," I said and watched his face for any response.

"Do we have the whole night alone?" he asked with a smile.

"If she doesn't cry, I expect to get a phone call," I told him.

"Want me to kick the guys out?" he asked, but I knew he wouldn't want me to say yes.

"No, go finish the game. I'll do the dishes."

He headed to the other room and then stopped. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm just feeling a little replaced," I smiled.

I puttered around his house and couldn't lose the anxious feeling. I was worried about Beth, but I was also feeling left out and unneeded. The game finally ended and Jake was sitting around shooting the breeze with the guys when my phone rang.

"Is she crying?" I asked without saying hello.

"No," Edward laughed. "She is sleeping soundly in her own bed."

"Wow, that's great," I said with a pang of hurt that my child was fine without me.

"Fighting dragons is apparently exhausting and did you know she makes coffee for her husband at day care," he asked with a hint of jealousy.

"Relax, her husband is a stuffed monkey and the coffee is a plastic container that says juice on the side," I laughed.

"I'm so relieved. She brought up a bra," he laughed loudly.

"I hope you confirmed her little camisole is indeed a bra and didn't cause me a major problem," I warned him.

"I ignored it, like any good father would," he assured me.

I laughed and the conversation moved into an awkward silence. I heard Edward exhale loudly and then drum his fingers on a hard surface.

"Are you with Jake?" he finally asked.

"Yeah," I said softly.

"Can you see him right now?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered, having no idea why it mattered.

"Okay, I want you to look at his face," he instructed.

"Okay," I said as I looked at Jake laughing with his buddy Quill. Jake was always laughing and constantly in a good mood. I often wondered what it would take to make him have a bad day.

"Now I want you to do whatever you need to do, and then come get in our bed."

And the line went dead.

22

I was mad, not mad, pissed. Not pissed, livid, I was livid. Who the hell did Edward Cullen think he was to say something like that to me? Did he really think I would rush over to his bed just because he managed to act like a normal human being for two meetings?

I paced back and forth for awhile until I heard Quill yell for Jake to come with them. I looked up to see Jake standing in front of me and his friends waiting at the door. "Sure, yeah, go," I said waving my hand and having no idea what Jake had said to me.

"Will you be here later?" Jake asked.

"No, I'm going home, I'm beat," I smiled and kissed him gently.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said as he looked at my face with concern.

"Great, I'm fine, go have fun," I said and pushed him away.

I drove home and got in my pajamas and went to lie in Beth's bed. I missed her and the house felt weird without her funny little noises. I tossed and turned and couldn't relax enough to sleep so I got up to make some hot tea.

It was two a.m. when I got a text from Edward_. Is it normal for her to giggle in her sleep?_

My heart ached for my baby as I answered. _Yes, she is probably dreaming of what an ass her father is._

_At least it makes her laugh, what's your deal?_

_You are my deal, you piece of shit!_

_Call me_

_NO!_

_If I call you, will you answer?_

_NO! _

_Why?_

_I don't want to talk to you._

_What do you think you are doing right now?_

_BITE ME!_

_I don't do that anymore._

I finally turned off the phone and threw it onto my couch. I sat in anger as I sipped my tea and then became terrified that Beth would wake up crying and Edward wouldn't be able to get hold of me. I brought my tea to the couch and turned my phone back on.

I sat there thinking about how this would be my life now. I would worry about Beth, as she spent time with Edward, and listen to my heart ask over and over again why Jake couldn't be Edward.

I woke up as the sun filled the room and the sound of birds chirping in the trees. I looked at one of my many clocks to see it was seven a.m. Beth always woke up around this time so I dragged myself into a shower and tried to look presentable, albeit exhausted, and headed out to Edward's.

I entered the back door and could hear both of them working in the kitchen. Beth was instructing Edward on how to make pancakes and he was pretending to need her coaching. I stood in the doorway to see her drowning in one of his tees with her curly hair all over the place. Edward was dressed in long cotton pants and a tank top.

Beth noticed his scars and reached out to touch one, "Daddy, you get a owie?" she asked.

"Yes, sweetheart, daddy has lots of owies."

"Why?" she asked.

"Daddy needs to be careful," he explained.

"I faw down," she said and pointed to her knee. "I cwy."

Edward looked at her knee, now missing the small cut she got ages ago and frowned. "You need to be careful, too," he said and then kissed the alleged sore spot.

It was so fun to watch their tender interactions. Jake was good to Beth, but he never acted like his world revolved around her. Edward was her father and that bond was evident. I walked into the room to see both of their faces light up with joy.

I hugged Beth and gave her a big kiss and then hugged Edward and whispered, "I'm still mad at you."

He laughed and said, "Beth is making pancakes."

"I heard, and very dominating, too," I teased.

"I knew the years of submission would come in handy some day," he teased back.

I sat at the table and smiled at Beth, "Did you have fun with daddy?"

She giggled loudly and looked at Edward, "I chump on da bed."

"Don't get daddy in trouble," Edward said making her laugh louder.

"What happens if you jump on the bed at home?" I asked her.

She stuck out her lip and furrowed her brow, "Time out."

"I think daddy needs a time out, for allowing it," I said and raised my eyebrows at Edward.

"I think daddy has been on a three and a half year time out," he said softly as he handed me my plate.

"You can't stick yourself in time out," I said in a huff.

He gave me an angry look and glanced at Beth. "Do you have a sitter, so we don't have to use innuendo to talk?"

I looked at Beth and saw her watching Edward and I very closely so I smiled and said, "These are the best pancakes I have ever seen."

He pulled out a chair to reveal a booster seat and carried Beth from the counter to the chair. I cut up some pancakes and made her a plate as Edward poured some juice. We all began to eat just as the buzzer from the front gate sounded, letting us know a car was coming. I looked up and Edward smiled.

"Esme and Carlisle," he said. "They want to see Beth.

I jumped up and ran to the front to meet them, squealing like a child myself. I hugged Esme and cried into her hair as Carlisle put his arms around us both and hugged tightly.

"You look great, Bella," Esme said.

"Come see, Beth," I said and pulled them both into the house.

Edward was cleaning off her hands when we walked into the room and then said, "Beth, this is my mommy and daddy. They are your Grandpa and Grandma Cullen."

I stared at him in shock. I had always felt like they were Edward's parents, but I had never heard him refer to them in that manner. I loved the idea of Beth having another set of grandparents. She smiled up at them and I tried to tame her crazy curls. Esme was completely taken with her and spent the next hour laughing and praising her for everything she said and did.

"Beth, show Grandma and Grandpa Cullen your room," Edward suggested. She ran off holding the t-shirt nightgown up so she wouldn't trip as Esme and Carlisle followed.

"I hope you don't mind," Edward said cautiously.

"No, I love it. She can't have too many people loving her."

"So why are you mad at me?" he asked, reminding me that I thought he was a pompous ass.

I turned my attention to him and glared. "That was a pretty low thing to say to me last night," I said.

"What exactly did I say?" he asked.

"Don't play stupid, Edward. You ordered me to your bed like we were role playing?"

"I told you to do what you needed to do first," he said in all seriousness.

"And what is it you suppose I need to do?" I said as I tried to lower my voice.

"You need to end this nonsense with Jake and come home."

"Nonsense," I repeated as I shook my head. "It was at home where I put up with all the nonsense. I did everything I could think of to help you, and look where it got me."

"I could be all philosophical and tell you it got you right back here, but I'm a little afraid you'll kick my ass if it do, so I will just tell you to look at the larger picture. We keep ending up back together; no matter what life does to us, we find our way back to each other."

"I can't just come back and forget, Edward. I'm too hurt."

"That I can understand," he said softly.

Beth came running into the room and tripped on the long shirt and fell onto her knees. Edward got his first shot at the drama Beth was capable of. She screamed as if she had been impaled by a javelin. He lifted her up and she pushed away and held her hands out for me. I took her into my arms and said, "You're fine, calm down."

She pushed away from me and held her hands out for Edward, making us both laugh. Edward took her back and sat her on the counter as he checked the horrid wound she was sure he would find. He assured her it was very swollen, to a trained eye, and got some ice to place in a cloth.

Carlisle walked in and asked her what happened.

"I faw and it schwoowen," she said with a fresh round of tears.

I headed out to the car to get the clothes I brought for Beth and came in just as Esme got her to smile by offering a piece of candy. "You guys are creating a monster," I warned them.

"What are grandparents for," she said without taking her eyes off of Beth.

My phone rang and I saw it was Jake, so I stepped from the room to answer. I noticed how Edward's face fell a bit, but I needed to get him used to Jake being in my life.

"Hi babe," he said happily.

"Hi, I'm picking up Beth and I'll be home later, why don't you come by and meet Edward," I suggested.

"Yeah, okay. Do you want to go fishing today?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, I knew he was really just telling me the guys had asked him to go fishing and he wanted to go. "Why don't you go and come by this evening, you can meet Edward later," I told him.

He agreed and I walked back in the kitchen and sat down. "You need to go?" Edward asked.

"No, I'm good," I said and noticed how he smiled.

"Want to come with me to pick out playground stuff?" he asked.

"For Beth?" I asked stupidly.

"No, just random kids who happen to come over," he laughed.

"You're going all out," I laughed.

"I'm actually going all in," he corrected.

"Why don't we watch Beth and you two take your time," Esme suggested.

I listened to Beth chatting away with Carlisle in the other room and quickly handed Esme her clothes. "Call if you have any problems," I said to Esme. "Hurry and dress," I said to Edward.

He ran down the hall and came back quickly looking absolutely adorable. We snuck out to the car and headed for Playland. I watched him closely as he drove and smiled when he caught me.

"What?" he asked.

"How did you get her to bed so easily?" I asked him with a bit of jealousy.

"Easily?" he laughed, "I had to wear the living crap out of her going up and down the stairs to slay dragons. My legs are so sore today."

"Lost your core strength?" I asked in jest.

He winked at me and said, "Only when fighting dragons."

"How are you at fighting demons?" I asked hesitantly.

"Are we still speaking in innuendo?" he asked.

"I guess I just want to know if you think you are done working on… things."

"I don't have the desire to get you to hit me, if that's what you want to know."

"How did you…fix it?"

"Writing gave me incredible insight. I also realize how distorted the whole dom/sub thing is. It is like giving someone a taste of a very powerful drug and expecting them not to want more. You can't contain power when it is directly tied to sex. I hope my next book can open a few eyes."

"I can't believe I wore all those costumes," I said slightly embarrassed.

"That is just couple fun, there is nothing wrong with that," he said as if he was answering a question from an audience member.

"Can I ask a really stupid question?" I asked and blushed.

"Sure, ask away."

"Which costume was your favorite?"

His face pulled into a huge smile and he licked his lips unconsciously, "By far the angel. The see-through teddy with the halo…that was so hot."

I turned my face and looked out the car window so he wouldn't see me smile.

"What was your fav?" he asked shyly.

"Of mine, or yours?" I asked for clarification.

"Mine," he said.

"That's easy, the invisible man."

I remembered when he came into the kitchen one night completely nude for a drink and I had laughed at him. "Don't laugh at my costume," he had said sadly.

"What costume?" I asked.

"I'm the invisible man, you can't see me," he'd insisted.

He walked up to stand only centimeters from me and whispered, "Don't move, you can't see me and you can't feel me."

My breathing picked up and I moved only to have him stay right even with me. "Um, I hate to tell you this, but part of your costume is indeed touching me," I'd laughed.

"No," he whispered, "You can't feel it."

"What's the use, if I can't feel it?" I'd challenged him.

"The use is… I have to do my best to try and make you feel it."

"Ah, I get it," I told him and moved to the table.

I shook my head and made myself stop remembering and noticed Edward smiling at me. "I still have the costume," he laughed.

"I can't believe I just ate on that table," I mumbled as I got out of the car.


	8. Chapter 8

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 8

23

Everything in my life was in a state of flux. Edward was wanting more and more time with Beth, which she loved of course, and that meant I was spending more and more time with Edward. Jake wasn't complaining, but he was hanging with the guys a lot more, which had me totally worried. My parents called every night just to remind me Edward was not capable of having a relationship, so I stopped answering my phone.

I knew something had to give. It wasn't working this way and I was constantly feeling guilty. I decided to set some limits. "Edward, I can't keep showing up with Beth. You can see her on Wednesdays and keep her every other weekend."

His smile faded and a look of panic took over his face. "That's not enough. How can you expect me to go that long without seeing her?"

"Because that is standard visitation," I explained.

"Bella, she is my world, please don't do this to me," he begged.

"You did this to yourself, Edward. Don't blame me," I yelled.

"Move in here, you can have your own room and Beth won't have to go to day care," he pleaded.

I sighed very loudly and was stunned he was fighting me so hard on this. "She goes to day care for socialization, and so I can see her throughout the day, plus you leave for a book tour in three weeks."

"Is that the only reason you won't move in here?" he asked slyly.

"No, you really expect me and Jake to date right in front of you."

"You aren't seeing too much of him, as far as I can tell," he mumbled.

"You're right, because you keep interfering. I don't have a free moment that isn't spent over here with Beth." I pointed out.

He smiled and it angered me further. "Come on, be fair to me. Beth loves you and you spoil her rotten, of course she wants to be with you. We need some sort of structure for my sake."

"Okay, every Wednesday and every weekend," he offered.

"No, weekends are the only time I get to do stuff with her."

"That wouldn't have to change," he smiled.

"So you tag along with everything we do?" I asked just to clarify what he was thinking.

"Not everything, you can take her into the ladies room and I won't follow," he laughed.

"How about this, every Wednesday, and the weekends you don't have her you come over for either lunch or dinner?"

"Deal," he said and extended his hand.

I shook it and smiled, but he didn't pull his hand back. He left it lying in mine and I stared down at the familiar fingers. I couldn't help but run mine softly down the curve of his and he gently turned his palm upward. I stared at the lines marked with counter running scars and burns and knew at that moment my heart belonged to Edward.

It wasn't some huge revelation marked with a romantic kiss. It was looking at the scars on the hands that had held all my hope since I was a small child. I no longer wondered about each and every mark on his body. His book gave me all the answers and it also told me why he would never be completely well.

I finally looked into his eyes. Jake's eyes were always so open and full of happiness. Edward's were guarded and held secrets he couldn't put into words. Both pairs of eyes held love for me, and I was going to have to choose. Sometimes the heart wants what it shouldn't have; I didn't know if I was strong enough to choose what was good for me.

"What are you thinking, Bella," he said softly.

"I was thinking life is pretty confusing," I admitted.

"We can figure it out together," he offered.

"You promised me that before," I pointed out.

He winced and nodded slightly before moving in and laying his head on my shoulder. I put my arms around his waist and held him as we stood in the middle of the room and came to some kind of unspoken understanding. I needed to talk to Jake and it was not something I was looking forward to.

Beth came running into the room yelling about a squirrel so Edward took her hand and let her lead him away.

I called Jake and arranged to meet him for lunch. I knew Edward would let me leave Beth with him, but I didn't want him to get his hopes up by telling him where I was going. I told him I had something to pick up and asked if he could feed Beth and put her down for a nap. He agreed and walked me to my car.

"Bella, I'm sorry to put you through so much. You are a wonderful woman," he said with a straight face.

I only nodded, because right now I felt anything but wonderful.

Jake showed up late and walked in to the restaurant with a huge smile, just like always. He sat in the booth and said, "Do I know you?"

I laughed and said, "I think I used to date you."

"So what's up?" he asked getting right to the point.

"I'm trying to get things…untangled….in my life," I started.

"Bella, listen, I don't want to be 'tangled' in your life. The hard truth is, Edward is Beth's father and if there is any way to make that work, you owe it to her to try."

"That easy?" I said feeling like he was pushing me aside.

He shook his head and took a drink of my water. "No, not easy at all, but I know you love him, so combined with Beth, you have to work it out."

"You have to know I love you, too," I pointed out.

"Yeah, I do, but I'm not ready to just stay home with a wife and child. You never tried to push me into that either, but now with him it's different. He is ready for that, and it has already put a wedge between us."

I laughed and pointed out, "First I tell you I'm not ready to get serious and then years later you tell me, we just can't get the timing right."

"I'm glad he's back, Bella. I don't have to worry about you now."

"Something tells me there is some young thing chasing you and you want to be free to let her catch you," I said as I narrowed my eyes at him.

He smiled and put his arms across the back of the booth, "Always, Bella, always."

We had a great lunch and promised to keep in touch. I couldn't help the tears that formed as he hugged me goodbye at my car. I really did like Jake, and enjoyed my time with him, but it just wasn't enough. I headed to Edward's house to pick up Beth and decided to keep the break up to myself until I had time to figure out my feelings for Edward.

When I got there Beth was still asleep, so we sat at the table and drank some coffee.

"I have a copy of my book for you, but it won't be easy reading, sure you want it?"

"Of course, it helps me as much as it helps you," I told him. "I can hear your voice as I read."

"My editor told me they are getting a lot of crap about it being released."

"The religious right refusing to accept deviant behavior exists?" I asked with a huff.

"No, people involved in the lifestyle don't want the truth out there."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked in shock.

"Can you imagine an entire population of Tanya's joining forces," he laughed.

"You should have killed the bitch when you had a chance," I mumbled.

He laughed louder and gave me a disapproving glance. "Why Bella Swan, I believe you are still jealous."

"Watch it Cullen, if you have any desire to keep your testicles I suggest you change the subject right now."

He stood to pour more coffee and said, "I have to keep them, we make beautiful babies and Beth needs a sibling."

I spit my mouthful of coffee across the table and tried to keep it from dribbling onto my white blouse. Edward laughed and tossed me a napkin. I tried to busy myself by cleaning up the mess and ignored his comment completely.

What happened to the man that walked out on me because I wouldn't get an abortion? Now he wanted more babies and wrote bestselling books. I felt like I fell asleep during a movie and woke up at the end, missing the entire middle.

"Bella," he said sweetly. "Let me take you on a date, an adult's night out. Esme would love to watch Beth."

"Not to procreate, right?"

"Let's leave everything on the table and see what happens," he teased.

I was actually nervous when he met me at Carlisle and Esme's house. I was going on a simple date with a man I had knows since I was five, but this felt like anything but a simple date.

He opened my car door and held my hand as he led me into the elegant penthouse restaurant. We looked at the city lights and I felt like I was at the top of the world.

The tension was there all through dinner. He was polite and charming and I wanted to climb across the table and attack him. Every movement of his mouth tortured me. When he used his magical fingers to tear the bread I almost swooned. I was drinking way too much water just to give my hands and mouth something to do.

"Will you dance with me?" he asked.

"You don't dance, remember."

"It can't be that hard, I just hug you and move provocatively, right?"

He stood and held out his hand and my heart exploded in my chest. My legs were shaking and I hoped I didn't trip on the way to the small wooden dance floor in the middle of the room. He pulled me against him tightly and whispered in my ear, "You're shaking, Bella."

I couldn't even respond and I heard him chuckle lightly and move his hand up and down my back to relax me. This should have been heaven. I had longed for him to dance with me so many times, but it was actual torture to have him in my arms and have to refrain from grinding into him. He kissed my head lightly and I had to pull my hand into a fist to keep from unbuttoning his shirt.

"I think we need to order some wine," he said softly.

"Why?" my shaky voice asked.

"You need to relax," he chuckled.

"I'm driving from Carlisle's, so I better just stay tense," I reminded him.

"They wouldn't mind keeping her for the night," he whispered.

"I don't sleep with a guy on the first date," I smiled.

"I think the spaghetti was our first date," he murmured as he kissed my neck.

"I think you're right," I said, totally lost in the feeling of him and not thinking clearly.

His mouth slowly came to mine as he trailed light kisses across my cheek. I saw stars, literally I saw stars, as he inhaled and tighten his hold on me. Something had changed in this man and the constant caution was gone. He was finally able to give himself over completely to what he was feeling without hesitation or worry.

I had to scream at myself to slow down and not give in to temptation. We had a child to think of and couldn't just jump into something we weren't ready for. I forced myself to pull away and saw the disappointment in his eyes.

"Edward, I'm just not ready," I said with a broken heart.

"Okay, love, I'll give you time," he said and kissed my forehead.

We drove back to pick up Beth and Edward carried her to my car and strapped her into her car seat.

"Thank you for the wonderful evening," he said to me.

"It was wonderful," I agreed, "everything about it was wonderful."

He kissed me lightly, and I ached for more, but got in my car instead. Beth went right back to sleep when we got home and I took some cold medicine just to relax me enough to fall asleep. I woke up at seven and listened for Beth. I didn't hear anything and climbed out of bed to make the coffee.

When I entered the living room I saw the front door open. My heart fell and I ran into Beth's room to find her bed empty. I ran out of the apartment and screamed her name over and over as loud as I could. I ran back inside and looked in my room, then the bathroom, then back in Beth's room. It was then I saw the broken window.

I grabbed my phone and called Edward. "Did you take her?" I screamed into the phone.

"What… take who?" he said with a sleepy voice.

"Did you take my baby?" I screamed and fell onto my knees.

"Beth's gone?" he yelled back at me.

"God, Edward," I cried in torment as I beat my fists against the ground. "My baby, someone took my baby."

24

My small apartment was full of policemen, when Edward ran inside with a look I had never seen before. He was frantic and quickly pulled away from the officer trying to hold him back. I lunged at him and held on with all my strength.

"She's gone," I cried, and he cried right along with me.

Some men in plain suits told Edward they needed to talk to him. He nodded at them and held my hand, until the very last moment, as they led him away. It was the last I saw of Edward at the apartment. The detectives walked outside just as Alice came through the door. She pulled me to the couch and held me as I cried. People were coming and going and asking me the same questions over and over again.

I vacillated between anger, fear, and total despair. Esme and Carlisle showed up and told me the police had taken Edward to the station for a polygraph and blood sample. There was nothing in the world that could convince me Edward would ever hurt Beth.

A man approached me and held out a phone telling me the national center for missing children wanted to talk to me. "No," I screamed and pushed the phone away. "If I talk to them it is real, and she becomes a face on a poster," I said in a panic. "I can't talk to them, she's okay; Edward will find her."

Esme took the phone and walked into the other room. I needed Edward and I didn't understand why they would keep him away from me. Jake showed up and was quickly taken away, too. I tried to tell them they were looking in the wrong place; I didn't have dangerous people around Beth….did I?

I looked at the clock to see it was nine thirty. Time was passing too quickly and she wasn't home yet. The door to door searches were not producing any results and I was feeling the awful realization building inside me. Jasper showed up and began talking very calmly to me. It helped, but only on the surface.

"Do you need any medication?" Jasper asked me.

I gasped and looked at him in repulsion, "I took some cold medication, that's why I didn't hear anything. I wanted to fall asleep and I let them break in and just walk out the door with my baby."

"Bella," he said softly with authority. "Cold medicine did not condemn your daughter. This is not your fault."

I heard his words, but I didn't believe them. I should have stayed with Edward. I should have let go of my stupid pride and gone home with him behind the large security gate. I was making him agree to see Beth less, and causing more time away from his safe house, because I was selfish and not thinking of my daughter's protection.

"Will they find her?" I asked Jasper, needing him to lie to me.

"They are doing everything they can to find her. Emmett and Rosalie are helping canvass the neighborhood and Carlisle headed to the police station to check on Edward."

It was ten o'clock when an officer approached me and told me I was needed at the station.

"Why?" I asked in fear.

"I don't know, I just need to bring you there."

"Did they find her," my heart was beating wildly.

"I don't know," he said without emotion.

I grabbed onto Esme and looked at her with pleading eyes. "Did they find her?" I asked.

She looked at the officer and said, "May I come with her, I'm the grandmother?"

He nodded and we climbed into a police cruiser. I laid my head on Esme's lap and tried to keep my mind from visualizing my daughter's cold, dead body. I also knew that was the least of the things that could happen to her. Edward knew the realities of the evil in the world and now our daughter would too. I cried out in Esme's lap as the horror of what could happen to my daughter worked its way into my brain.

I walked into the station and was led to a room where Edward was waiting. His eyes were red and swollen and we grabbed each other trying to find the strength to continue on. An officer walked in holding an envelope and asked us both to sit down.

"Mr. Cullen," he started, "Your editor received a package this morning. Can you verify this is your daughter?" He laid a photograph on the desk in front of us and I saw my precious baby wearing a blindfold and cuffed to a wall covered in whips and chains. It was all my poor heart could take and blackness swirled around me until everything was gone.

I woke up lying in a room with my mother and father kneeling next to me. I wanted to believe I had a terrible dream, but their faces told me otherwise. My mother pulled me into her arms and cried as my dad rocked us back and forth in his arms.

I knew it was a four hour drive from Forks and having my parents right in front of me told my brain time was still moving way too fast.

"Dad, who has her?" I asked as the photograph ran through my mind.

"I don't know honey, but we have some pretty good leads."

"Why would anyone take Beth?" I cried.

"They are demanding Edward not release his book," my dad said with disgust.

"His book, this is all over a stupid book?"

I knew at that moment Edward was shouldering all the blame for whatever happened to Beth. It would destroy him, he would never work his way out of this tragedy. I jumped up and demanded to be taken to him.

"He's being interviewed, trying to come up with possible suspects," my dad told me.

"Tanya," I yelled. "She did this."

"They are picking her up right now," he said.

I actually hoped it was Tanya who took her and Beth would be walking through the doors at any moment. I would wait until I had her safely in my arms and then I would rip the hair right from Tanya's head.

"If Edward cancels the book, will they give her back?" I asked in hope.

My parents looked at each other with a sad glance and said, "We hope so, honey."

"What?" I asked, "You gave each other a funny look, what are you thinking?" I said almost in hysterics.

"Calm down, honey," Charlie begged. "Criminals are just that, you never know what they will do. We have to hope they would never hurt a child."

"I have to know what's going on, please take me to Edward," I begged.

We headed down a long hallway just as a door opened and Tanya walked in. I was incapable of logical thought. I ran at her, with the speed I didn't know I had, and knocked her to the ground. The officers quickly pulled me off of her, but I was kicking and punching and landing a few blows on her body.

She was screaming about suing me, and I was screaming about killing her if she was involved in any way. Edward came running into the hallway and I expected him to hold me back, but he passed me and grabbed Tanya.

"Where is she?" he screamed into Tanya's face.

Her eyes flashed with anger. "Edward, down," she commanded and pointed to the ground.

He stepped back, in absolute shock, as he stared with wide eyes. His hand rose in almost slow motion and slapped her, hard, across the face. Two officers grabbed Edward and threw him against the wall as I pleaded with them to stop hurting him.

Tanya laughed at me and raised her eyebrows, "You've trained him well; that almost hurt."

"Tanya, I'm begging you, do you know where my daughter is, or have any information about this?" I pleaded with her.

"I'm only used to Edward begging, make him ask me."

The officers let him go and I looked at Edward with hopeful eyes. He stared back at me, and I saw some sort of light extinguish from deep inside of him, and he turned to face Tanya. I watched as he lowered his head in submission and said quietly, "May I speak?"

She laughed loudly and said, "On your knees."

He took a deep breath and lowered to his knees. I closed my eyes and refused to watch. It was physically painful to see years of progress go down the drain, all for his daughter. I could hear the rage in his voice as he asked one more time if he could speak. Tanya waited for what seemed like an eternity and finally told him to go ahead.

"Do you know where my daughter is?" he asked calmly.

"No, but I know a lot of people are upset with you Edward. You have been a naughty boy, but I will tell the officers what I know," she promised.

I opened my eyes and she looked at me and smiled, "He'll always have it in him, you can thank me later."

"Go to hell," I said hatefully.

Edward stood tall and erect and said only to me, "Don't waste your breath, she doesn't have a soul."

He wrapped his arms around me and I whispered, "Thank you, for doing that for Beth. I love you."

"We'll get her back, Bella. If it costs me my own soul, we will get her back."

An officer pulled us into a room and talked to us about making a public statement. He told us to use Beth's name as much as possible and tell any personal things that would make her recognizable or stand out. If someone in the sub/dom world was holding her we needed to appeal to the sub, make them feel guilty for keeping quiet.

"That will never work," Edward said sadly. "The loyalty to the dominate is too strong."

"We only need to make one person grow a conscience," the officer said and Edward nodded softly.

A room was set up with local reporters and I cringed at all the bright lights in our faces. I was handed a large picture of Beth that had been taken from a frame in my house. I saw the picture of her standing with the blindfold blown up into a poster behind us, and I looked away.

When we were given our cue Edward began speaking.

"Our daughter Beth has been taken from her bed and stolen from us. Beth is being held as ransom to stop publication of a book. Beth has nothing to do with this and she needs her mother."

I sobbed silently at his side as his own voice broke, but he carried on.

"Beth has bronze curly hair and green eyes. A small mole is just under her right eye and she can't pronounce her R's. Beth will be three next month and we love her very much. If you have any information about the people holding her, please call the police. Any punishment is worth the life of a child, Beth didn't choose this, and speaking out is the right thing to do."

Edward lowered the microphone to my mouth and I said softly. "Beth, be a brave little girl. Mommy and Daddy love you and we will see you soon. You are our little Princess, Beth," I couldn't speak any further and buried my face in Edward's side.

Edward took the microphone and said, "Your issue is with me, not Beth, send her home and I will do what you say. You know my history and you know what I mean."

I looked at him in shock and realized he was offering up himself in place of Beth. I tightened my grip on him and pulled him with me from the room as the officers led us away.

"No, I can't lose you, either," I cried into his chest.

"I am so sorry, Bella," he wept into my hair. "I did this to her, I should have protected her and I caused her to be hurt."

"I need you to be strong," I cried and tightened my arms around him. "I can't face this alone, Edward. I need you right here with me, please don't fall away with blame."

We created our own little bubble as we clung to each other. The world was going crazy around us with reporters begging for interviews and policemen trying to answer questions. We ignored them all and hung onto each other, as if our will alone would return Beth to us.

My mind took me back to the center, when we were small, and the world couldn't touch me as long as Edward was my protector. He used to stand over me as I ate my sandwich, refusing to let the bigger kids pull it from my hands, but I had no idea what was happening to him in the cold darkness of night. It was the same now, he stood to protect me, but he alone knew what was going on in the dark world that stole our daughter.

I heard Edward whisper in a voice so broken with pain and regret, "Dear God, please help us."

25

I sat on the couch and stared out the window as the sun rose over the tall trees. It was the morning of the third day and I was totally numb inside. I watched as Edward was slowly eaten away with guilt and frustration that he couldn't do more.

He would sit quietly and then fly into a fit of rage as he turned over furniture and threw things against the wall. His thoughts were harder for him than mine were for me. I had no idea what happened in the dungeons of people like the ones who took my baby. I could imagine, but I couldn't picture it like he could.

Every time we called the detectives they would assure us they had some positive leads, but no details were ever shared with us. My dad worked frantically with the local police as my mom kept vigil with Esme and Carlisle as they watched over me and Edward.

Edward's phone rang and he answered in haste. I saw a weird look flash in his eyes and he stood to leave the room. My eyes followed him looking for any sign he was receiving news about Beth. I turned back to stare at nothing outside the window.

He came back and sat next to me on the couch. "Bella," he said softly. I turned to stare at his blank eyes with my own blank gaze.

"You know I love you with all my heart," he said as a statement. "Letting me know my daughter was the best gift you could have ever given me. She is amazing," he smiled with tears in his eyes.

"I need her," I whispered.

He nodded and swallowed hard. "Can I ask for a huge favor," he said looking ashamed of himself for bothering me.

I tried to smile and put my hand over his, "Anything."

He choked up and the tears spilled over his eyes, "Will you please kiss me," he cried.

I placed my lips on his and we cried together. It wasn't sensual or needy; it was just simply touching our two mouths together to feel each other. "I love you," I said against his mouth.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," he whispered.

"Do you want to be my fella," I whispered back.

He leaned against my forehead and said, "Forever." Then he arose from the couch and left the room.

I continued to stare at the window and pushed the plate of food away that my mother placed in front of me. I couldn't eat anything and when I tried it came right back up. I looked at the stuffed animal sitting next to me on the couch and remembered Edward buying it at the zoo. I picked it up and held it tightly to me as I sniffed the familiar scent of my baby.

I got up and walked to her amazing room. Everything was just as she left it. Her carriage bed was lying unmade and I fell into it and sobbed into the pillow. I hadn't planned on falling asleep, but the ringing of my phone startled me awake. I saw it was my father calling.

"Dad," I yelled into the phone.

"We got her, Bella," he cried into the receiver.

I jumped from the bed and ran towards the kitchen as the house phone began to ring. "Where is she?" I cried.

"Come to the hospital, they are taking her there."

I hung up and entered the kitchen just as Carlisle was hugging Esme and Renee with the news. I was laughing and crying at the same time and couldn't explain the relief I was feeling. My mom pulled me against her as my entire body began to shake with joy.

"Get Edward, we have to go to the hospital," I told Carlisle.

He ran from the room and Esme join me and my mother in a group hug. We headed out the back door when Carlisle came down the hallway yelling for Edward. He didn't answer and I looked at the house with dread.

"Was he in his study?" I asked.

"No, I checked every room," Carlisle said. "Let me check the basement."

We waited for a few seconds and then ran back into the house and began checking each room again. He was nowhere to be seen. I ran into the garage and his car was still there. I began to panic as I yelled for him into the thick forest surrounding his house.

Carlisle came outside and I could see the color draining from his face as he realized the same thing I did. "He got a call," I yelled to Carlisle, "Over an hour ago."

We both grabbed our phones at the same time. I called my dad and Carlisle called the station. "Dad, Edward is gone. He got a call before Beth was released and he was acting really weird. I think he traded himself for her."

"Let me look into it, go meet Beth at the hospital and I will contact you there," he said, sounding very worried.

We all jumped in the car and headed to the hospital as I shared my fears with everyone.

I was sure Beth's release had something to do with Edward and my mind was imagining all kinds of horrible things. Carlisle stopped at the hospital door to talk to the officers as I ran into the emergency department and began screaming for Beth.

She was sitting on a gurney, smiling at me and eating a sucker. I grabbed her harshly into my arms as I sobbed into her curls.

"No mommy, you bwokt it," she complained as the stick to her sucker broke against me. I backed up just a tiny bit and held her face in my hands and I inspected every inch of her beautiful features.

"Mommy missed you so much," I cried.

A doctor approached me and said softly, "Do you mind if we examine her?"

I shook my head and stepped to the side keeping a firm grip on her little arm. "Hello, Beth," the doctor said kindly.

"Hi," she answered and then held up her sucker, "Mommy bwokt it."

"We will get you another one," he laughed. "Do you have any owies?" he asked her.

"Daddy has wots of owies," she told him.

"Did you eat yummy food while you were gone?" he pressed.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Did a mommy, or a daddy, take care of you?" he asked as the officer took notes.

"Yeah," she said again.

"Both a mommy and a daddy?" I asked again.

She nodded and looked back at her broken sucker.

"Can you lie down and let me listen to your tummy?" he asked showing her the stethoscope. She quickly lay down and lifted her shirt, causing the policeman to give me a thumbs up, finding her willingness as a good sign she wasn't molested.

The doctor listened to her chest and stomach and then pushed on various places on her body. She giggled and chattered and acted like nothing had happened to her. I began to relax and the doctor began to lift her legs to look for bleeding or trauma, causing me to tense up again.

I let out the breath I was holding when he told me they would take a few x-rays but she appeared to be fine. The officer wanted me to ask her if she knew the names of the people she was with.

"Beth," I smiled, "do you remember who was babysitting you?"

She nodded and said, "Belwa and Edwawd."

"They had the same names as mommy and daddy? I pushed.

She nodded again and said, "And Sissy."

"Who is Sissy?" I asked.

"Da doggy," she smiled.

The policeman interrupted and asked, "If we show you pictures of doggies can you tell us which one is Sissy?"

"Yeah," Beth answered with a smile.

I followed them to the x-ray department and was relieved to see my dad when we returned. I ran up and hugged him and asked, "Did you find Edward?"

"No, we're trying to get his cell records right now."

"Where did they find Beth?" I asked him.

"She was sitting on a fallen log off the side of a remote road. They got a call to look for her there," he explained.

"Who called?"

"It was a digital voice coming from a pay phone," he said and I wanted to cry.

"Someone picked up Edward, he traded himself for her," I told him in a panic.

"They picked up Tanya, but so far she claims she doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Find out if she has a dog," I told him and headed back in to be with Beth.

A child life specialist showed up and wanted to interview Beth. I waited outside of a two way mirror and watched as they played with her and asked her questions. From all appearances she was never molested or treated harshly. I had to hope whoever had Edward would be just as kind. I somehow doubted it.

We got to finally go home and I took her to Edward's, swearing I would never spend a night in my apartment again. I gave her a bath and let her pick whatever she wanted for dinner. She was the center of attention and I listened to everything she said for any clues to who could possibly be holding Edward.

I noticed how Carlisle kept looking at the clock and I wish I had something to say to give him a bit of peace. He called the police one last time before I put Beth in bed. We got the standard line, lots of leads with nothing new.

I put Beth in Edward's bed, so I could keep an eye on her all night. I snuggled next to her and said, "Mommy missed you,"

"I mish you, too," she said and put her little hand on my cheek.

"We're you a good, brave girl?" I asked.

"Yeah, da pow scawed me."

"The pow scared you?" I clarified.

"Yeah, it go pow."

"Like a gun?" I asked her.

"No," she stuck out her arm and said again, "pow."

I tried to think of anything remotely familiar she could be talking about. It had to be a loud noise but that could be anything. I rubbed her back lightly and watched as she slowly fell asleep. I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling when my dad came into the room. My heart skipped a beat.

"Did you find him?" I asked.

"We found his cell phone. It was in his mailbox. The records show he got a call from a pay phone at a mall. We checked the surveillance video and found this person of interest," he held out a photo and I took it in my shaking hands. It was a large African American man with dreadlocks talking on a pay phone.

"Do you know him or has Edward mentioned anyone that fits his description?" Charlie asked.

I shook my head and looked again and the large muscles on the menacing looking man. "Do you want me to ask Beth?"

"No, she would have mentioned the hair; it is pretty unique looking to a kid. We need to keep her from any influence so her testimony is pure."

"Has the Editor heard anything more?" I asked.

"No, nothing, maybe something will be delivered tomorrow," he said to give me just a glimmer of hope.

It was such a long night and I spent most of it reading Edward's book. I could only read it in small spurts because it was so disturbing to me. I got up and decided to put on one of Edward's shirts. I rummage through his drawers and found some of the costumes I had worn while we were together.

I pulled out the glittery angel wings and smiled as my tears fell. I found the slap wrap ruler and a pair of plastic fangs. I laughed when I pulled on a small swatch of black silk to reveal the mask Edward bought but refused to ever wear because of my remarks on the island.

I dropped everything on the floor and pulled his shirt over my head before heading back to bed and snuggling up to Beth to finally fall asleep. She woke right at seven and pulled on my nose.

"Mommy, cook eggs," she said to make sure I was actually awake.

"How about cereal?" I suggested not feeling up to cooking.

"I get daddy," she said and slid down the bed.

My heart lurched and listened for any noise to signal Edward was indeed home. I heard Beth gasp and giggled loudly. I sat up and looked around expecting to see Edward sneaking up on me. I felt sick to see she was reacting to the pair of wings on the ground.

"Mommy a faiwy," she cried.

"You can have those, sweetie," I said and lay back down.

She was trying to put them on as she chattered away and my brain slowly focused on the words, "I no want da pow."

"Beth," I called as I sat up again. "Show mommy the pow."

She picked up something and ran over to the bed and handed me the slap wrap. I looked at it in shock and grabbed the phone. "Dad, I know who has Edward."

26

I sat with Edward's book skimming through the pages for any information on Victoria and James. I tried to find their online ad, but it was no longer there. I couldn't believe I had spent a day shopping with Victoria and she would betray me like she did. I was furious, but also very worried about Edward. Any work he had done would be ruined, effectively ending our relationship as well as his ability to parent Beth.

Several detectives finally arrived to get any information I could give them. I found a section in Edward's book about a local club that held meetings for the dom/sub community. The police were aware of the place and were contacting the owner for a last name or address for James and Victoria.

I shared with them the shopping trip with Victoria and they told me that particular adult shop had closed down, but they would check with other local shops. I was hopeful when they left, but also feeling a sense of anxiety. I had no idea what shape we would find Edward in.

"Bella," my dad said with a sad voice, "What are you mixed up in?"

"I'm not mixed up in anything, Dad. I talked to James and Victoria about helping Edward. They lied to me and told me it was only role playing and dressing up. I never got any deeper than that."

"You need to get Beth away from Edward, he is nothing but a problem," dad said forcefully.

"Edward loves Beth with all his heart. He is a great father; go look at her room, dad. Everything he does is for her," I yelled, wanting desperately for Charlie to understand what an amazing man Edward was.

"He's just had….so much," he added.

"Exactly, why did I get a loving home and not him? Why did I meet a good man like Jake and he met Tanya? He has had too much, dad. That is why I love him so much, he keeps digging himself out of the sewer and I am not giving up on him."

Esme came walking into the room holding Beth's hand and smiled at me, "Beth got to see some Koi fish while she was….away."

I looked at my dad, and he mumbled, "I'm on it," and left the room.

I held my arms out for Beth and she climbed onto my lap. "Did you get to feed the fish," I asked with a smile.

"Yeah, and I feed Sissy, too."

"When daddy gets home we'll ask him about getting a dog," I said causing Beth to cheer.

"Wheaw daddy?" Beth asked.

"We think daddy is at the same place you were; do you think he will like it there?"

"No," she giggled loudly. "Daddy not fit in a cwib."

"Were they nice to you?" I pressed.

"Yeah, I bweak my neckwas," she said with a sad voice.

"A necklace, they wanted you to wear a necklace?" I said with terror in my voice.

"Fo da pitcha."

"Did they take lots of pictures?" I asked.

"Yeah, fo mommy," she smiled and leaned in to kiss my cheek. My blood was boiling and I wanted these people found and soon. I was terrified for Edward and knew he would pay for writing the book.

When Carlisle came into the room I asked my mom to go play with Beth so I could ask him some questions. Beth loved being in the spotlight and quickly led Renee outside to the swing.

"This will ruin him, won't it?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"I honestly don't know. I have counted Edward out many times and he constantly surprises me. I never thought he would come back here, and look around, this is no longer just a house; it is his home."

"He told me meeting other abuse victims who were good parents changed his mind about Beth," I said with tears.

Carlisle nodded, "Writing the book saved him. The therapy gave him coping skills but writing the book helped him get everything locked in his mind out into the open. It was a brave thing to do."

"Did you help him write it?" I asked, wondering what had happened to make Edward now call him father.

"No, he went to our cabin in Alaska…alone. I have to admit there were times I thought I would end up dragging his frozen body out of there, but he came home totally at peace with himself."

"I was so angry with him," I admitted as fresh tears fell. "I didn't know if I could forgive him, now it just seems so stupid. I would give him my entire heart, if he would only walk through that door."

We both stared numbly at the door which remained sturdily closed. I could tell Carlisle was as afraid for Edward as I was, but we had to remain strong for each other. My biggest fear would be having to tell Beth her daddy was never coming home. I didn't know if I could look into her eyes, which are so much like her fathers, and give her that news.

Esme made lunch for everyone and I only managed to pick at my food. I hated the large clock that ticked off the seconds so rapidly. I put Beth down for a nap and lay in her wonderful room until she fell asleep. I headed back to the large picture window at the front of the house and tried to imagine Edward walking down the drive and back to me.

When the phone rang we all froze for a second and I nodded for Carlisle to answer it. I was terrified to hear any bad news and tried to decipher the look on Carlisle's face to know if it was about Edward or not. He let out a long breath of air and then his eyes darted to me. I took a step towards him and held out my hand in hope. He spoke quickly and only used words like… yes, I see, of course.

He finally hung up and smiled, "They found him. He's alive."

My heart let the dam burst forth and I sobbed uncontrollably. Everyone circled me as we all hugged out our relief. My baby was home and now my man would be, too. I was finally getting my heart's desire.

"Bella and I are going to head to the station," Carlisle announced. "They will debrief him there."

I kept inundating Carlisle with questions the entire way to the station but he just kept reaffirming he didn't have any details. We entered through the front and were sent down a long hallway to wait for them to bring Edward through the back.

I had to wrap my arms around my chest to stop the shaking and prayed Edward was okay emotionally and physically. Carlisle was more nervous than I was and kept doing breathing exercises to remain calm.

The door opened and I saw my dad leading Edward in through the door. I couldn't force my legs to move. I was frozen to the ground and waited for Edward to look up at me. His hair was a mess and his clothes were torn and bloody. His knuckles were raw and dripping fresh blood.

His head slowly rose and his eyes locked with mine. A huge smile formed on his face and we both ran towards each other. I jumped into his arms as he wrapped his bloody hands around my waist. I was kissing him frantically on any piece of skin I could get my lips on. He was laughing and crying at the same time and I wouldn't let him speak due to my kisses.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked him.

"I'm perfect, now," he said.

"Why did you do that, Edward, how am I supposed to live without you?" I cried.

"How's Beth?" he asked, reminding me exactly why he did what he did.

"She's great, they didn't hurt her at all," I told his relieved face.

Edward turned to hug Carlisle and I walked over to fall into my dad's waiting arms. "Thank you, dad," I sobbed.

We all headed to an interrogation room and Carlisle began treating Edward's knuckles with a first aid kit. He winced and pulled back his hand, "Shit, Dad, that hurt worse than pummeling the guy's face," Edward said and then blew on the sensitive skin.

"You did that hitting someone's face?" I asked in shock.

"Not just one person," Edward said and went back to his blowing.

A detective came in with a tape recorder and we all took a seat. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I knew Edward needed my support but my reaction to his words may cause him more pain. I gave myself a quick pep talk and was determined to be brave.

"Start at the beginning son," the detective said. I expected Edward to cower shamefully, but he spoke loud and clear.

"I know this world," Edward said with anger. "When I offered myself, I knew they would jump at it. Every dom would want to make a name by teaching me a lesson for sharing their secrets. I got a call and they wanted to make a trade."

I took a deep breath and felt a shiver run down my spine as Edward continued.

"James and Victoria were holding Beth, but when Laurent picked me up I knew exactly where I was going."

"Laurent?" the detective asked, pushing the picture of a man at the pay phone towards Edward.

"Yes, that's him. He is a sub for a man named Aro, a real sick bastard that makes Tanya look like mother Teresa."

"How did you find Edward?" I interrupted.

"Actually, your father found him," the detective announced.

I turned to look at my dad and he smiled gently at me,"The koi, it gave us the break we needed. I found a tropical fish store next to an adult shop and the clerk recognized Laurent."

We all turned our attention back to Edward for him to continue the story.

"Well the one thing old Aro didn't figure on was the changes I had made. I wasn't about to let that sick fucker touch me without a fight, turns out Capoeira comes in really handy."

He turned to look into my eyes with a glint I had never seen before. "I fought them, Bella. I stood up for myself and beat each one of them down. They didn't touch me."

I laughed at his expression and threw my arms around his neck. "Of course, you did," I said. "You were always my hero and now you can be your own."

We finished at the station and Edward was anxious to see Beth. I snuck into the house and got him a clean shirt before he faced her. He snuck into the living room and stuck his head around the corner; Beth saw his face and screamed, "Daddy's home."

She ran to his waiting arms and he hugged her tightly before tossing her into the air.

"Did you sleep in da cwib, daddy?" she asked.

"No, I told them I was too big for a crib," he laughed.

"We get a doggy, mommy said," she announced.

"Absolutely, a huge, mean, guard dog," he agreed.

"No daddy, a wittle nice doggy."

"I missed you," he said with tears and kissed her over and over again.

"I mish you, yucky," she said and wiped his tears from her face.

He sat her on the ground and she noticed the bandages on his hands and put her little arms on her hips and said, "Daddy, be cawfoe."

We all laughed and he made his way to Esme to hug her crying body. He whispered something into her ear and she closed her eyes and held him tightly.

Edward took a long hot shower, as we all waited to spend the evening together. I walked to his room to see what was keeping him. He was dressed and standing by the bed staring at the picture he took of us all eating spaghetti.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him and whispered, "I got it developed and wanted it to be here waiting for you."

"I didn't know if I would ever see you and Beth again," he said into my neck.

"I wouldn't be able to go on without you," I admitted.

"Are you home?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm home to stay."


	9. Chapter 9

Name: **Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and D/s gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

Sandi has always said that THIS is her favorite story.

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 9 chapters, but each chapter has many sections.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for THE CUBE story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 9

27

**EPOV of his trade**

I walked to the edge of the trees looking for the car I was supposed to flag down. They promised me Beth would be released as soon as I stepped into the waiting vehicle. Bella would have her baby back and they could go on with life with Jake. I was expendable.

I saw the SUV and stepped out from the trees. The windows were covered in dark tint and I couldn't tell how many people were inside. The passenger side door opened and I climbed inside to see Laurent, my heart dropped. It was Aro wanting to teach me a lesson. The only man everyone in the underworld of the dom/sub society feared.

Aro wouldn't have Beth; children wouldn't interest him, and women didn't either. "Who has my daughter?" I asked Laurent.

"That is no concern of yours anymore," he said in his French accent. "She is free, and as of right now, you have no daughter."

I turned to stare out the window at life passing me by. Everyone continued on with their day just as they always did, never knowing what goes on in the basements of sadistic people in their midst. We pulled into the circular drive and someone opened my door.

I immediately lowered my head and sat perfectly still until I was ordered to exit the car. I got on my knees with my head down, kneeling onto the hot pavement. Someone came to my side and breathed hot air into my ear, "Edward, we are going to have so much fun."

I closed my eyes as the memories came flooding into my brain. I was right back to where I began, the small boy afraid to cry out in the night. I felt a metal collar being placed around my neck and something stirred deep within me. I wasn't this man anymore and I wasn't going to let this happen without a fight.

I knew it most likely meant my death. Aro had a reputation for 'extinguishing' bad subs. I was pulled to my feet and pushed into the house and down a flight of stairs. When I entered the padded room I lifted my head to see Aro's eyes flash with anger.

"You dare to look at me," he screamed.

"You won't lay a finger on me," I said in defiance and squared my body to take him on.

He grabbed a whip off the wall and swung, but I caught it in my hand, feeling the familiar sting, and held on. Aro's eyes widened and he dropped his end to the ground. I quickly pulled it towards me and held it tightly in my bleeding hand.

He smiled and stepped out of the room. I knew what he planned. He was getting muscle to come subdue me so he could have his fun.

It was less than fifteen minutes later when Laurent walked into the room in only a small pair of boxers. His muscles were bulging and I began to fear I wouldn't win this fight. I moved to the back wall and tried to keep the whip hidden in my hand.

"Don't make this difficult, Edward," he warned.

"I'm gonna make it down right impossible," I told him.

He lifted his arms to pull his hair back and I quickly flicked the whip making contact across his abs. He screamed and looked down to see the faint line of blood begin to seep. He stood stunned for a moment, he was a sub and used to following orders. He didn't know how to think on his feet.

I ran at him and landed a blow to the side of his body knocking him to the ground. The door opened and another man walked in, so I swept my feet over the floor and knocked him to the ground, too. He was much smaller than Laurent, so I placed my foot on his neck and flicked the whip at Laurent's back as he tried to stand. He immediately fell to the ground again.

The guy on the floor was able to push my foot and cause me to lose my balance, so I fell to the ground and rolled the way I had been taught, coming back around to my feet. I threw a kick hitting the guy right in the side of the head knocking him out cold.

Laurent was now standing and I shuffled my feet back and forth confusing him as to whether I was attacking or moving back. He backed up and yelled for someone to open the door. The guy on the floor was waking up and I moved back against the wall giving them both space to leave.

I was nervous and anxious as I paced back and forth in the large room. I looked at the ceiling and saw all kinds of shackles and binding gear and knew I had to keep them from pinning me down. If I got cuffed it was all over.

It was well over an hour when the door opened again and three men came in. I couldn't let them get me surrounded, so I stayed against the back wall and brought the whip forward. I notice one man was James and my rage increased.

"I'm going to kill you," I said to him calmly. "If my daughter has so much as a stubbed toe, I will kill you with my bare hands."

He looked a little shaken and then laughed along with the other men. They were only used to people fighting once they were caged or cuffed. They were apprehensive about fighting a man who could look them in the eye and stand up to them.

They tried to rush me all at once and I rolled on the ground and came up behind James and grabbed him around the neck. I pulled him with me against the wall, keeping him in front of me, and tightened the grip of the whip across his neck.

He tried to hit at me, but I pushed harder against his throat causing him to bring his hands up to pull on the pressure cutting off his air supply.

"Stay back," I warned the others.

Aro walked into the room and both free men quickly fell to their knees and lowered their eyes.

"Your boys are going to need a little training from the real world," I told him.

He casually walked over to the smaller man, not Laurent, and put his finger under his chin to lift his face. "I am very disappointed," he said softly and then brought a club across the man's face breaking his nose. Blood spurted everywhere and the man began to scream in pain, but quickly quieted.

I wanted to vomit, but I forced myself to meet Aro's gaze with no reaction. James began to shake in my arms.

Aro walked over to stand behind Laurent and kneeled behind him draping his hands over his shoulders onto his bare, bloody stomach. Laurent stayed perfectly still as Aro ran a finger through his blood and brought it up to his mouth to lick it off.

"You won't disappoint me, will you?" Aro purred.

Laurent remained quiet. "If you capture him, I will let you have a turn with him, too," Aro smiled at me as I looked at Laurent with revulsion.

I pushed James as hard as I could towards Aro sending him crashing into the older man, and causing Aro to step in the dripping blood on the floor.

Aro screamed in rage and tried to wipe the blood from his bare foot. "Everyone out," he ordered.

They backed out as the door opened and I felt a sense of relief. Aro stopped at the door and said, "We will let you get hungry and tired and see how well you fight. I promise I will be extra hard on you for this."

"You might as well go jerk off old man," I screamed. "You won't lay a finger on me."

The door shut but I continued to scream, knowing the room would be sound proof, but also knowing a camera and speakers would be installed, too. "I'm not anybody's sub, you hear me you sick bastard, I don't take orders from anyone. Send whoever you want through that door, but they are going to have to fight like a man. You won't touch me!"

My rage kept me alert and ready for most of the night. By three in the morning I was sitting against the wall and fighting fatigue. I closed my eyes and pictured Bella and Beth in my mind and it made me smile. I would fight to the death for them. They could bury me knowing I didn't submit.

I wanted to believe Jake would take care of them for me. He loved Bella, and he was good to Beth. She could finally let go of any hope in a future with us together. I would ache for her for eternity, but she could be happy with Beth.

My hand automatically tightened on the whip and I heard a soft voice somewhere deep in my soul, "Edward, my sweet boy." I knew I wasn't sleeping; maybe I was hallucinating from the stress I was under. There was something comforting and familiar about the voice. I knew that voice from a far away echo in my past.

"Mother," I called out softly as a smile grew on my face. I didn't dare open my eyes; I wanted to keep her with me for as long as possible. If she was coming for me, death couldn't be so bad.

"Fight," I heard her yell to me, and I jumped to my feet right as the door swung open. I ran forward and landed a kick to the guy's cheek just as he swept his leg and knocked me to the ground. He dove on top of me and I rolled us over so he was pinned under me as I punched him repeatedly in the face.

Just as my arm came up for another punch I was pulled backwards into the waiting arms of Laurent. He clamped his arms around my center locking my own arms to my sides. I began to panic, feeling like they were getting the upper and began to lose focus.

The man on the ground stood with his bloody face glaring at mine. "You're going to pay," he said as he spit blood onto the floor.

I took a deep breath and thought of Bella. "You overlooked one thing," I said as he took a step towards me. He hesitated and moved back a bit.

"What?" he asked.

"I have something to fight for," I told him with confidence.

He laughed loudly and walked towards me. Right when he got close enough I twisted my hips enough to land a kick into his groin collapsing him to the ground. Laurent tightened his hold so I bent down and back, toppling his large frame over the top of me.

I was now lying on top of him and brought my heel into his groin effectively causing him to let go of me. I spun around to punch him hard in the face stinging my knuckles as the flesh made contact with the bone of his jaw. I grabbed my whip and moved back against the wall.

My clothes were torn and bloody, but none of it was mine. The first man I kicked began vomiting onto the matted floor and stumbled his way to the door. It flung open to reveal Aro standing there and he allowed both men to scamper away.

"You're next," I told him.

"I'm done with you," he said. "This room will serve as your coffin. We'll see how anxious you are to obey when you are dying of thirst and starvation."

He shut the door and I slid to the ground in exhaustion. Aro was going to wait me out, so all I had to do now is hope the police could find me before I lost my strength to fight.

It was close to noon when the door opened again. I stood to see Aro standing in front and Laurent and the man I had kicked in the groin behind him. They were carrying food and water and sat it down in the middle of the room.

There was no way I would eat or drink anything. I was certain it was drugged. The smell was making me a little dizzy and I tried to breathe through my mouth.

"I want to make you a deal, Edward. You want to go back to your family, no?"

"What kind of deal?" I asked already knowing it would be something I would never agree with.

"You can choose the game we play," Aro said as he licked his lips. "I will have my two friends demonstrate my favorites and you can tell me some of yours."

I felt sick to my stomach. I would have to watch or they would take advantage of my distraction to jump me. I heard the sound of a motor and some shackles began to drop from the ceiling. I tried not to show any fear and let my eyes move quickly back and forth from the two men to where Aro was moving against the wall.

Laurent grabbed one of the descending apparatuses and I saw the sharp spikes sticking out of the leather harness. I swallowed hard and remembered Tanya using something similar but not near as lethal looking.

"Stop," I yelled when Laurent went to strap it on.

"You've chosen already?" Aro smiled.

I spoke to the two men. "Aro is old and weak, you don't have to do this, and you don't have to be in pain for him. Pain isn't love." I knew as I said the words they wouldn't listen. Bella had tried to tell me the same thing so many times and it took losing her to convince me.

I never got the correlation until I wrote the book. My mind had been too brainwashed to focus on the abuse as a child and not the love of my parents. It had been buried so deeply the first night the janitor entered my room at the orphanage.

But I had Bella now, and Beth, and Carlisle and Esme. I knew what love was and this was not it.

Something flashed past the door and I smiled at Aro. "Okay, I've chosen which game."

Aro was delighted and his face looked eager with anticipation, "Anything my boy, anything you want to bring me pleasure."

"I want the police to come in here and drag your ass to jail, but I'm afraid it will only give me pleasure," I said as I shrugged.

"You do have wild fantasies," he laughed.

Charlie placed the cocked gun to the back of Aro's head and said, "I just made his fantasy come true."

I stepped up to Aro's stunned face and said, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" and then punched him right in the face knocking out his front tooth.

Charlie called my name and nodded to the door, so I ran out as he backed out slowly, keeping his gun trained on Aro. We shut the door, locking them inside and Charlie called for backup.

"Any of that blood yours?" he asked as he pointed up and down my body.

"Only the knuckles and the palm, the stuff on my shirt is theirs. Am I in trouble for punching him in front of you?" I asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I didn't see a thing. Let's get you out of here and call Bella," Charlie said as he led the way upstairs.

28

I began to feel nervous when everyone cleared out of the house. I wasn't sure if Edward was ready to be intimate or not. Charlie and Renee were invited to stay with Carlisle and Esme, giving me and Edward a night alone. We sat on the couch in the dark and when his arm came around my neck I pulled his hand to my lips and gently kissed his raw knuckles.

"It's all better now," he whispered into my hair causing goose bumps to run down my body.

I looked into his now confident eyes and spoke the truth, "I'm so proud of you. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

He smiled softly and shook his head back and forth. "I'm so proud of myself, Bella. Tanya is wrong; it won't always be in me. When I felt all was lost I heard my mother, my real mother. If you can still love me, and Beth still loves me, and even my mother, I'm worth something."

"You are worth everything," I said with tears running down my face. "I will always love you."

"Will you love me now?" he asked as he ran his finger down my bare arm.

"Costumes?" I asked and watched Edward shake his head back and forth.

"Role play?" I added.

"No," he mouthed silently.

"Just me and you?" I said moving toward his lips.

"Oh yeah," he breathed and met me half way. He kissed me with undeniable passion and pent up urgency. We began wildly pulling on clothes and running our hands all over the other's body.

He finally pulled his mouth away and asked, "Did you do what you needed to do?"

"Yes," I breathed, "Before Beth was taken."

He suddenly froze and pulled back further. "You broke up with Jake, before Beth was taken?"

"Are you seriously going to stop to talk about Jake?" I asked in anger.

"I just don't understand why you didn't stay with me that night, if you broke up with him?" he questioned.

"I told you I wasn't ready, it didn't mean Jake, it meant forgiving you," I explained.

"But I would have tried harder to convince you, if I knew you ended it with Jake," he pressed.

"Edward, I'm pretty much panting in your arms right now, and you are kind of ignoring me," I pointed out.

He looked at me and laughed, "Well, get in our bed like I told you to."

I jumped up and ran to the bedroom with him chasing close behind. He fell on top of me and placed his elbows next to my head as he looked into my eyes.

"You are so authoritative," I teased.

"You haven't seen anything yet," he said with a sensuous voice.

"Should I be afraid," I whispered.

"No, just very, very grateful," he said as he began kissing his way around my body. I tried to be careful of his knuckles but he didn't seem hesitant to use his hands in any way. He moved with certainty and remembered every way to bring my body gratification. I was putty in his hands and just let go and basked in the feelings he was producing.

I no longer noticed his scars or had to wonder if his hesitancy was related to a certain blow or a deep seated pain. He moved with abandon and was the most incredible lover any woman could want.

"Edward?" I whispered in the dark as we lay tangled with each other.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm starving."

"Me too," he laughed.

"I want pizza," I said.

"I want ice-cream," he said.

"Ooh ice-cream and pizza; that would be perfect."

We loaded a sleepy Beth into the car and made a run to Pizza Hut and Dairy Queen. The beginning of our forever was ideal.

Three weeks later Beth and I stood at the airport saying goodbye to Edward as he left for the book tour. He insisted on installing a state of the art security system and I was all for it.

"Tiny Bella, I mean really, really little," Edward said as his eyes tried to hide the fear he was feeling over getting a dog.

"Beth, how about a cat?" I asked her, wanting to spare Edward.

"No, a doggy," she insisted.

"Get her what she wants, just make sure it is very tame, if it bites her I swear I'll…"

"Edward, it is okay to use the word no. If you don't want a dog, we will deal with it."

"I'm not going to punish Beth for my fears, it will be okay, or good, it will be good," he said trying to convince himself.

"Beth, how about a bird?" I asked her.

She hesitated before insisting on a dog again. Edward picked her up and tossed her into the air eliciting happy giggles from her. "It's for her birthday, so let her get what she wants. I'm going to miss you, Bethy girl."

"Color pwetty in you book, daddy."

He looked at me with an, 'aw so precious', look and announced, "I can't go."

"Oh you are going," I told him. "We didn't go through hell just to let them win. There are a lot of people needing to hear what you have to say."

"I'll call you every night," he promised.

"Daddy, I not haf a phone," Beth said sadly.

He looked at me with a surprised expression and forcefully said, "No, Beth, you are not getting a phone."

"You are so hot," I laughed.

He winked at me and gave us both one last kiss and headed through security. I took Beth to an animal shelter and let her look at the dogs. She wanted every single one and I had to use the no word often. We finally settled on a small Bishon which Beth named Dora.

I couldn't force myself to go back to my apartment. Esme was kind enough to have everything moved over to Edward's and I finally felt at home. Beth adjusted well and I loved being a stay at home mom. I was lying in bed watching the national news when I heard Edward's name. I turned up the volume and saw a report on the protesters who lined the sidewalk in front of the studio where Edward was speaking.

They all carried signs of support and insisted prosecutors go after abusive partners. I was so proud of Edward. He carried the weight of his past for so many people. He wasn't just my hero; he was the voice of adults and children who were treated worse than animals.

Beth was still awake when Edward called that night. I let her answer the phone and instead of saying hello, she decided to tattle on me. "Daddy, mommy tewl Dowa, don't chit in my house."

She listened for a moment and then looked at me and said, "Daddy say he spank you, mommy."

I took the phone and said, "And what would that accomplish?"

"Don't be stupid, Bella," he laughed. "Hey, I got an offer from my publisher, to write two more books."

"Really, about what?"

"I think I want to write about Beth's abduction, get it out of my head and into the open. Would that bother you?"

"No, not at all, I think it is a good idea."

"And I was giving something else a lot of thought, how open are you to the idea of another baby?" he asked cautiously.

"Will you pick a damn cupcake this time?" I laughed.

"I'll bake the damn cupcakes this time," he said.

Beth walked over to my bed and said, "I want damn cukcakes."

Edward laughed loudly, overhearing her remark. "I never knew a family could make me so happy, what was I afraid of?"

"Hindsight is easy, don't regret taking the time you needed," I told him.

"I regret the time away from you and Beth, but it got me here, and God, I'm so happy, Bella."

I couldn't keep the grin from my face and all my fears of him relapsing after being taken were wiped away. He was finally the strong boy I remembered. He could stand up for us, because he could stand up for himself.

My eyes were pulled to the drawings he kept hanging on the wall. They were no longer sad for me to look at; it was evidence of our belief in each other. The stick figure with the letter B reminded me of Beth and the stick figures holding hands were Edward and I watching over her. The crying face, as the car drove away, was the pain we all felt when we were apart, but we always returned and that was something to smile about.

"Edward, get your ass home and let's make a baby," I said and then grimaced when Beth repeated, "get you ass home, daddy."

Edward was locked in his office writing his third book as I sat on the bathroom floor hanging onto the toilet for dear life. I knew I was most likely pregnant, but I wanted to know for sure before I told him.

I was grumpy all evening because Edward insisted on grilling fish and the smell was making me sick.

"You don't look so good," he teased when he got into bed.

"I'm sure I have fish poisoning, and it is your entire fault," I spewed at him.

"Sure you aren't just getting your period?" he asked innocently.

"Why, because every tiny change in my mood would have to be tied to my hormones, it couldn't be you are just a pushy ass who had to have fish," I said and instantly burst into tears.

"You are definitely getting your period," he mumbled and turned over in the bed.

"No I'm not, and I will bet you a new lamp," I offered.

"What's wrong with the lamp?" he asked as he sat back up.

I leaned over in a huff and pushed it off the bedside table shattering it on the ground. "It's broken," I pointed out.

"What is your problem," he said angrily. "You've been like this all day."

"I'm upset," I admitted.

"For a reason, or just at the world in general," he asked.

"At you."

"Why, what did I do?"

"You've knocked me up twice and I still haven't had a wedding," I cried.

"I told you we could…..twice?"

I didn't move and refused to answer. He scooted over and peered across my body to see my face. "Are you pregnant?" he asked.

"No, my ass always explodes to look this huge," I said in disgust.

He leaned back to look at my butt and chuckled. "Wow, how do you carry that thing around."

I gasped and flipped onto my back to glare at him as he laughed hysterically. "Bella, yes or no, are you pregnant?"

"Yes, but not with your baby," I said with a pout.

"Fine, get that guy to marry you," he said and turned over.

I turned onto my side and wrapped my arm around his stomach. "I can't, he's not hot like you," I said and kissed his back.

"Then why are you having sex with him?" he asked in mock anger.

"He ordered me, and you know how submissive I am."

Edward howled with laughter and turned over to pull me to him, "You are many things, but submissive is not one of them."

"Just try me," I smiled.

"First of all stop looking at me," he said staring into my eyes.

"But your eyes are so pretty," I complained.

"And don't talk unless I give you permission," he continued on.

"Not even to complement you?" I asked.

"You just failed rule one and two," he laughed.

"What's rule three?" I pushed.

"Remove your clothes."

I quickly pulled my nightgown over my head. He positioned himself over me and whispered, "Now, close your eyes."

I instantly shut them.

"Now, don't speak," he said as his mouth fell onto mine.

I willingly submitted to anything he wanted at that point.

29

Our wedding was held two weeks later with just close family and friends. Beth looked adorable in her little flower girl dress and I walked down the aisle nauseous due to the crab cakes Alice ordered, or as Beth called them, cwap cakes.

My father walked into the room and looked at me in my wedding dress and whistled loudly. "You look beautiful, Bells."

I reached out and took his hand, "I'm sure there were times you regretted choosing me for a daughter."

He reached out and placed his finger on my mouth to stop me from talking. "You've brought us nothing but joy. We will be here for you always, and remind Edward, I'll be watching."

"Dad, he is an amazing man."

"Well, he proved he'll go throw hell and back for you, so I guess I need to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"His next book is about abuse victims having successful family lives. He's helping a lot of people, Dad."

"The only thing I can see is, he's taking my little girl away from me, it's hard to take."

"Your little girl has a daughter and a baby on the way, it's about time he takes me away from you," I laughed and hugged my father when tears filled his eyes.

"You ready to go married the guy?"

"Yeah, I'm really ready."

We wrote our own vows and it was so touching to hear Edward express himself. I think it finally changed my father's mind about him.

Edward turned to face me and held up his hands. "Bella, I was scarred, and battered, and broken, in every way imaginable for a man, but one thing nobody was able to touch, was my love for you. It stayed like a fire in my heart to warm me in the coldest times, to light my way during the darkest times, and to act as a beacon to bring me home when I was lost. You trusted me as a child, you broke through to me as a teenager, and you loved me as a woman, but the greatest gift was making me a father. You alone did that and I thank you, and also beg for your forgiveness. It took me a long time to learn to stand up for myself, but standing up for you and Beth came easily. The joy I feel knowing another child will join our family is insurmountable. Today I thank you for the past, and ask for you to join with me to face our future together, and as a family. Bella, Bella, Isabella."

My vows were much simpler, but just as heartfelt. "Edward, you saved me from pain, and grief, and experiencing the horrible things you did. You are my savior and the only love my heart has ever known. I look at Beth and see the child inside of you, the one evil tried to extinguish. By loving our children I get the chance to nurture that hopeless child from long ago. I cherish that opportunity. I will stand by you through all the good and bad life brings our way. Do you want to be my fella?"

We took a family honeymoon and went to Disneyworld.

We were standing in the airport in Florida when a young man approached Edward. He was nervous and spoke quietly. Edward placed his hands behind his back a slumped his shoulders to appear shorter. "Mr. Cullen, do you think it would help my girlfriend understand…things…if I have her read my journal?"

"Have you read over your journals?" Edward asked him.

"Some of it," the boy admitted.

"My advice would be for you to start on the first page and read it, add more if memories arise and once you can read it, have her read it. It doesn't matter if she understands, it matters that you understand."

"Do you ever stop hating people?" he asked.

"You only need to stop hating yourself, don't worry about the others."

"Thank you, I didn't mean to bother you," the boy back up and Edward held out his hand to shake. I noticed scars on the boy's arms and my heart ached, as he finally reached out and shook Edward's hand.

"Son," Edward said softly. "Approaching me was a huge step; I know you're going to be just fine"

The boy smiled and stood a bit taller as he walked away. "Beth, go tell daddy how much you love him."

Beth ran over to Edward, still wearing her Mickey Mouse ears and wrapped her arms around Edward's legs. He looked down and pulled her into his arms. "You need a kish daddy?"

"I really need a kiss, Bethy girl."

She placed her tiny hands on his face and giggled, "You have scwatchies, daddy."

"I'll shave, I promise," he said with a smile.

She leaned in and kissed his lips and laid her head on his shoulders. He hugged her tightly causing her ears to fall off and then sat her down. His eyes met mine and I wiped my tears.

"I love you," he mouthed silently.

I placed my hand over my heart and mouthed back, "Thank you."

We had been married for almost two years when Edward's fourth book was released. He was appearing on the nation's number one talk show and I promised him I would watch.

"Damn you, Edward Cullen," I screamed at the television screen as I kicked it with all the force I could gather. "Shut your mouth."

"Damn you, daddy," Beth repeated and I instantly changed my behavior.

"No Beth, we can't call daddy bad words. Mommy's sorry."

"I want to go swimming, now," she complained as she went into full princess mode. That was what Edward called it when Beth would place her hands on her hips, stomp her foot, and demand action.

"I have to finish watching Daddy on T.V and we have to wait until your brother wakes up from his nap."

I turned my attention back to Edward as he continued sharing details about the birth of Edward Charles, who we affectionately called 'Fella'. He was making impressions of the look on my face as I pushed during childbirth and the entire audience was laughing. I was going to kill him when he got home.

Edward got to be at the birth of our son, something he always regretted missing with Beth. He was so hyper and kept sticking his flip camera in my face.

"How do you feel right now, Bella?" he asked for the record.

"I feel like I'm going to shove that camera up…"

"Whoa momma, this will be saved for all of posterity," he laughed.

"Where is that damn anesthesiologist," I cried.

"Just breathe, Bella," Edward had the nerve to say to me.

"Sweetie, come here," I said as lovingly as I could muster during a contraction.

He quickly came to my side and I reached out and grabbed his testicles. "Just breathe, Edward," I seethed.

"Okay, okay, I get it," he yelled. "I'll look for the anesthesiologist."

He left the room and the nurse looked at me and laughed, "At least he's cute."

"You want him, he's yours," I offered.

"Husbands are like Bee's," she told me. "You like the honey, but the buzzing drives you crazy."

"Too bad they don't implant their stinger once and then die," I said as another contraction hit me.

Edward came back into the room with the doctor and said loudly, "Put the top half of her to sleep."

Both men laughed and I said to the nurse, "I knew I should have brought the baby's father with me, instead of my husband."

When the epidural was firmly in place I looked at the monitor to see it spiking with a contraction and I felt nothing. I reached for Edward's hand and pulled him to me.

"Don't divorce me for being such a bitch," I begged.

"I love you…and all your personalities," he said before kissing me.

"I'll happily talk in the camera now," I told him.

He smiled widely and held it up to film. "How do you feel, Bella?"

"I'm so excited to see you little guy. I will miss carrying you, but we want to hold you in our arms and give you all of our love," I smiled into the camera.

Edward turned it to film his own face and said, "She's so full of shit, she has done nothing but complain for the past three weeks about you sitting on her bladder."

"Edward," I yelled. "Stop it, right now."

"Me take orders?" he laughed, "Never."

"I liked you better as a sub," I teased. "Oh my God, my water just broke."

Edward lowered the camera and I yelled at him to stop filming. The room came alive and the bed was broken down into a delivery station with stirrups and a bright light. Nurses began to instruct Edward on how to coach me and he kissed me with gusto, "Here we go, love."

I began to push as Edward counted to ten and then looked down in disappointment not to see a baby lying in the doctor's arms "Again," I yelled to him as I pushed once more. He quickly began to count again as my face turned beet red.

He looked at me and howled with laughter, "Are you trying to shoot him across the room?" he asked.

"No, I'm trying to get him the hell out of my vagina. Shut up and count."

"Here he comes," the doctor said, "Another big push."

Edward lost his ability to count and watched with fascination, "Wow, that's gotta hurt," he whispered.

Another big push and our son was officially out into the big, scary world.

Edward began to cry and held my face in his hands, "He's perfect, Bella, absolutely beautiful."

"I love you," I cried.

Edward cut the cord and brought our son up to meet me. "Hi fella," I said as I fell madly in love with our little man.

"That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I'm in awe of you, Bella."

"He'll only know love, Edward. He'll never be hurt or treated like an animal," I cried as I looked at his long fingers, so much like his fathers.

"I'll protect him, always," Edward vowed.

When I got to my room I was sitting in bed holding my wonderful son when Edward brought Beth in. She squealed and climbed up to see her 'baby bwotha.'

"Hi," she said as she reached out and touched his dark hair.

"His name is Edward," I told her.

"I howld him," she said trying to take him from my arms.

"He's too heavy to hold, Beth, but you can touch him," I explained.

"Can I sing him a song, Mommy?"

"He would love for you to sing him a song," I smiled and motioned for Edward to begin filming.

Beth scooted closer and sang sweetly, "Wing awound the Wosie, Pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

It was the perfect little song for our family. We had been through so much pain and had fallen so many times, only to stand and try again. It wasn't the falling we concentrated on, it was the singing. When you find the inner strength it is the melody that matters, not the words. So I hummed along as Beth sang, with no fear of ever falling again.

**EPOV from when he finds out Bella is Pregnant until he shows up to see Beth**

I pulled into the driveway and saw Bella's car sitting in the garage. I had to actually look at my phone to see what time and what day it was. Bella had been working extra shifts at the center while I worked overtime for an up and coming law firm. I hated my job, it was boring and mundane, or maybe my life had been so screwed up, normalcy wasn't enjoyable for me.

I walked through the back door and found Bella sitting at the kitchen table. Just the fact she was home surprised me, but to see she was waiting for me made me nervous. Maybe she was mad and we could have a fight, I instantly shut that thought down, knowing I would get my hopes up for something that wasn't going to happen.

I never tried to make her angry, but in my dreams she would tell me what a loser I was and then beat me. I would imagine it every time I made love to her. She would say tender, loving things, but in my mind where I let my body experience hers, I would imagine her crying to draw me in, and just when I would reach her she would pull out some sort of instrument and swing it wildly at me. I could feel it hitting my body and drawing blood. I would imagine her words cutting into me as I screamed in passion.

But it wasn't real, it was never real. Bella was gentle and sweet, and would never leave marks to prove she loved me. I hated how she would love me so, normally.

Bella smiled when my eyes met hers and I felt awful for the things I would imagine. The worst thing she ever did was saving me from Tanya, she should have left me there…where I belonged.

She spoke softly, telling me she had something for me, and then asked me to pick one. I looked at the plate in front of her and saw two cupcakes. I figured she got them from the hospital until I looked closer. They were covered in tiny plastic ornaments and frosted in pink and blue. I had to dig my fingers into my palms to stop from hitting her.

"Say something, Edward," she said and I could hear her voice shaking.

I couldn't speak. I felt the need to vomit and I rose and headed to the bedroom. I was changing my clothes when she followed me. I knew she would want to discuss it, and there was nothing to discuss. If she was asking me if she could have a baby the answer was no. I would never bring a child into my world. I had a hard enough time having a relationship with Bella that forced me to keep my fantasy life separate from her. I worried constantly about hurting her as I tried to act tender when I imagined evil things.

She knew this, damn it, she knew I would never allow a baby and now she was crying and trying to pretend it could work. I could hear Carlisle's words echoing in my head…._it is too soon Edward, you haven't learn to communicate with Bella yet._

I didn't listen to him,I wouldn't wait. I enjoyed watching her smile and hearing her laugh, she was my Bella and I wanted her more than my own life. I tried so hard to keep the darker side of myself far from her, but instead it only pulled me under faster.

When she refused to get an abortion I did the only thing I could do, I left. I imagined throwing her up against the wall, to see if she would fight to protect the baby. I could feel myself getting hard just thinking about her turning feral and coming at me with all she had to save the child. I had to get out of there fast.

I checked into a hotel and couldn't sleep. I thought about Tanya, she would be able to give me what I needed. I would let Bella go on with life and take whatever punishment Tanya wanted to give me. It would be rough; she would be so angry and want to be extra hard on me.

I reached for my keys with shaking hands and then threw them across the room. I didn't want Tanya, I wanted Bella. I grabbed my hair tightly in my hands and cried out, "God, why can't I be normal."

I knew the answer, it was buried deep in my soul where I wouldn't have to look at it, but I knew it was there. I couldn't be normal because as a child in the darkness of the night, the sounds of footsteps terrorized me, and then I would spend the daylight with Bella. I would take care of her, but I knew it was just a matter of time before the footsteps came for her, too.

When a family took her away I knew her terror began. She would know the pain and the shame I had tried so hard to keep from her. It got her, because I wasn't strong enough or smart enough to help her. There wasn't a day that went by I didn't hate myself for allowing her to be hurt. I deserved the beatings and the torture because I had let it happen to her.

When I found she had been loved the joy was unbelievable, until I found love, too. Love was no better than torture. It was humiliating and painful, but so intense and for a few brief seconds the pleasure was worth it all….until the intensity left.

I had to know why me, why was I chosen to be treated so badly? What was it about_ me_ that made people have a desire to hurt me? I grabbed a sheet of paper and began writing down my very first memories. It wasn't like the time Tanya had me give a deposition. I wrote details, every single thing I could remember. When the memories became painful I headed to the hotel bar and bought a bottle of vodka. I was up most of the night drinking and writing. The more I wrote the less I drank.

I found words for what had happened to me. Words to show what cowards the adults had been and words to tell them exactly what I thought of them. My memories which had been buried so deeply rose to the surface and there wasn't enough time in the day to write them. After a week I left the hotel for good and drove to Carlisle's house.

I knocked on the door and could see his concern at my bearded, dirty appearance. "I need a session," I demanded without even asking.

"Come in, Edward. I'm here alone," Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, I've been writing, getting everything out of my head and it is flooding out of me. I can't make it stop, it just keeps coming."

"Are you processing what you are writing?" he asked.

"It's just all over paper, not in any order," I explained.

"Edward, you need to focus on putting things down chronologically. Read what you write and ponder it before moving to the next memory."

"I need to get away, where I won't be interrupted. Can I go back to the island?"

"Sure, but your passport is expired. I'll help you get it renewed."

"No, I don't have time. I have to do this now or I'm lost, Carlisle. I'm just barely hanging on as it is."

"Son, what about Bella?"

I could feel the tears spill over my eyes as I forced myself to admit the truth. "I'm going to hurt her one way or another. I would rather it be emotionally, than physically."

"Are you having dark fantasies?" he asked, knowing just how sick my mind could be.

I clenched my jaw as I fought to hold the images at bay and simply nodded my head.

"Have you acted on any of them?"

I knew he wanted to know if I had returned to my life as a sub, and I shook my head adamantly.

"I have a cabin in Alaska, it is pretty remote but you would have some privacy. I'm just not sure if it is wise for you to be there alone. I don't want you being pulled back into your mind again."

"I'm going to write it all down, Carlisle… all of it. I want it out of my head and I want to say out loud what those bastards did to me. I need this or I can't go on, it has finally come to life or death."

He pulled me into his arms and I could feel the doubt pouring from him. He didn't think I could do this and it scared him. It was all over for me if I couldn't, so I had to try.

I stopped by my house when Bella was at work to pack a few things. I didn't need much and she would most likely not even know I had been there. A pillow and blanket was on the couch and I wondered if she had been sleeping there, or left it for me in case I came home during the night.

I walked over and picked up the pillow and breathed in her scent. Her hair always smelled like strawberries and I tried to imagine it flowing through my fingers. I was glad she would have a baby to focus all of her love on, it was never going to work between us, and this was just a reason to leave. I knew she would hate me, but it didn't matter, I hated myself, too.

I spent the next year writing furiously. I never answered any calls or texts and Carlisle actually sent the police to check on me a couple of times. I only responded to one message, it was from Emmett, telling me Bella had gone into labor in a hospital in Forks.

I took a plane to Port Angeles and drove to Forks. I waited for nightfall before sneaking in to see the babies behind the glass. There were three, two boys and a girl. I tensed when someone approached the glass to look too, but it was nobody I knew and I was not easily recognized. I had a full beard and bushy hair.

I saw a card attached to an isolette with the name, Elizabeth Marie Swan. I had a daughter. I stared at her beautiful face and knew I had made the right decision. I would only cause this child pain and the thought stuck like a knife into my heart. I would give her the same gift I gave Bella, and stay far from both of them, some more deserving man could raise her and love Bella like she needed.

A group of people came up and began commenting on her, my daughter. I recognized Renee and pulled my baseball cap down lower and headed back down the hallway. Just as I rounded the hallway I heard someone call out for Bella. I couldn't stop myself from peaking around the corner to see her dressed in a robe and holding our baby. I felt like I had been sucker punched and had to gasp for air. She was so close, all I would have to do is take one step around the corner and my family would be right there for me.

I took a deep breath and walked away.

I took my writing to Carlisle to read and see what therapy I needed now. He read it all the way through in one seating and called me into his office. "Edward, you have to get this published. This is amazing and people need to know things like this are real and they exist."

"Nobody would want to read my fucked up life," I said calmly.

"You are so wrong, Edward. Look at the calm it has brought to you, it can help people."

"How do I go about getting it published?" I asked never believing anyone would take it seriously.

Carlisle picked up the phone and called a friend from Chicago who asked for a copy. I sent it off never expecting anything to happen. Six weeks later I had a contract and an agent. When the first copy arrived I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it, I sent it to Bella.

She was a big part of the book and I wanted her to finally know why she shouldn't love me. My agent set up a book tour and I travelled around to various bookstores for various signings. Soon I was getting offers for talk shows and interviews. When word of my former lifestyle got out, doms would show up hoping to lure me into a relationship with them.

They never understood the depth of my knowledge of that life. I wasn't just playing around with intense sex, I was part of the secret world nobody talks about and pretends doesn't exist. I saw young girl after young girl showing up with collars and chains asking me to submit to them. They had no idea what they were playing with.

"Mr. Cullen," a girl called out, obviously a college coed with an impressive boob job. "If I ask you to get on your knees and obey me, would you do it?"

"If you asked me it wouldn't be a command, would it?" I pointed out to her.

She giggled and placed her hand on her hip, "If I tell you to do it, would you?"

"You are still asking," I said, shaking my head at the waste of tuition her parents were paying.

"Fine, get on your knees," she said and then laughed with her friends.

"Let me ask you something…."

"Lisa."

"Let me ask you something, Lisa. If I cracked your skull against that wall, how would you punish me?"

I saw the look of shock cross her face and she frowned, "I thought you only do what I tell you to do."

"But if I wanted you to do more, I would force you to punish me. The more I hurt you, the more you would punish me. Get it?"

"Why would you want to be punished?" she asked.

"Because it is never enough, the more intense the relationship becomes the more intense the sex becomes. You have to be willing to take a beating just as much as you are willing to give one. I think you are too smart for that, Lisa. Go find a nice boy, who knows what real love is."

She walked off silently with her friends and I felt like I had given her an invaluable education.

I decided to write another book and expose the underworld for what it was. Too many young people were getting involved with something they didn't understand until it was too late. I spent every spare moments writing and the publisher was ecstatic over what they were seeing. When the book was ready to be published I was a new person.

I no longer had the desire to be dominated or humiliated. I had only one desire and it was to see my daughter. Carlisle told me Bella was back in Seattle and working at a local hospital. I showed up one day to ask Bella for forgiveness for being gone so long, and to see if she would allow me to know my daughter.

When I walked into the hospital I saw a sign for a daycare center. I wondered if Elizabeth would be there and headed down the hallway. I opened the door and found an office area with a large glass window. I stood by the window looking for any child that could possibly be my daughter.

"May I help you?" a woman asked me.

"Yes, I'm Elizabeth Swan's father, could you show me which one she is?"

The woman gave me an odd look and picked up a phone and asked for Bella. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to see her walk through the door. I wasn't prepared for the greeting I got when the woman handed me the phone.

Bella was pissed.

* * *

**The sequel is Sins of the Father...Beth is sixteen and finds out about her father's past.**


	10. SINS OF THE FATHER  ASHES SEQUEL

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 1

Edward and I talked about the day Beth would become aware of his past. He never hid it from her, although we removed his books from the bookshelf when she was ten. We decided to answer her questions as they arose and try to keep it as age appropriate as possible.

She was thirteen when she first asked about it. Some friends at school told her Edward wrote dirty books. He assured her his books were adult in nature, but absolutely not written to titillate or glorify sexual activity. He told her they were written to give victims of abuse a voice. It appeased her for awhile.

I knew the moment she finally read them for herself. She was sixteen and had spent the weekend with a friend. She walked through the back door on a Sunday morning to find me, Edward, and Fella sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hi, Bethy girl," Edward said from behind his paper.

She refused to look in his direction and mumbled as she spoke, "I need to clean my room and do some homework."

She quickly left the room and I sat with a dry mouth, watching the spot where she had been standing, stuck in my sense of foreboding.

"I think Beth is doing drugs," Fella said in his soft style.

He was so much like Edward as a child. He was very tall for his age and had such a gentle spirit. Beth was all drama, all the time, but Fella was like a warm blanket that could wrap around you and soothe the worst of moods.

"Why do you think that?" Edward asked him, finally putting his paper down.

"She said she was going to clean her room, I would make her pee in a cup," he suggested.

I smiled and defended his dramatic sister, "She is entitled to want to clean her room once a decade."

Edward leaned over to whisper to Fella, "We should take a picture, nobody will believe us otherwise."

They both laughed and went back to eating. I couldn't force myself to eat another bite and debated in my head what to say to Beth. I was working on several different explanations when Edward reached out and placed his hand on mine.

I looked down at his long fingers and took his hand and turned it to see his scarred palm and burned arms. He had endured so much, and how was I supposed to get a sixteen year old girl to understand how much he went through. I didn't want her to know what evil existed, but to truly know her father; she would have to know he went through hell and back.

"Dad, if the rain stops can we practice batting?" Fella asked.

"Sure, go check the weather and see if there will be an opening today," Edward suggested and Fella ran to look at the computer on Edward's desk.

I finally had my opening to tell Edward what I suspected about Beth. "Honey, I think Beth read your books, did you see her face when she walked in, something is up."

He exhaled loudly and let his head drop a bit. "Okay, I'll talk to her," he said and stood.

I grabbed his hand and asked, "Do you want me to do it?"

"No, love," he said with a soft smile and he ran his finger under my chin. "I've been preparing for this."

"May I come with you, or do you want to do it alone?" I asked not really sure what he would prefer.

He didn't answer but held out his hand for mine and we walked together down the hallway to her room. It was no longer a castle, but now the room of a teen. She had the walls covered in posters and her furniture was bright and modern.

Edward knocked and she opened the door and gasped when she saw us both standing there. Her eyes went right to me and didn't look at Edward once. "What?" she asked quickly.

He let go of my hand and gently took hold of her chin and brought her face around to him. She began blinking quickly as she tried so hard not to cry. "Oh Bethy girl, I am so sorry," he whispered as his own tears began to fall.

She pulled away and moved back into the safety of her room, but we followed her and closed the door behind us.

"This is my room, and I want my privacy," she said with a shaky voice.

I was ready to tell her it was our home and she would get her privacy when we decided to give it to her, but Edward stepped forward and looked around the room.

"I remember when I decided this would be your room. I loved the way the light came through the windows. The room felt open and bright. I never wanted you to feel like you had to live in the darkness, because I knew what that felt like, and my baby would never know that feeling," he said as his voice filled with emotion.

Beth sat on her bed as her tears fell and asked, "Grandma and Grandpa Cullen aren't your parents?"

Edward smiled and said, "Oh yes Beth, they are my parents. Parents love you no matter what; and that is what Esme and Carlisle did for me. I remained a child for a very long time, and they loved me completely."

"My friends said," her voice gave out and she couldn't finish her sentence. She kept her head down and shook it lightly.

"What did they say?" Edward encouraged.

"They said you're gay," she said softly.

"Beth, abuse is not about sex. It is about humiliating someone to feel powerful over them. When the boys at the orphanage would take your mother's food away from her, it wasn't because they were hungry. They had plenty to eat. It was to scare her and make her weak, so they could feel strong."

"Why didn't you tell?" she asked and my heart broke for Edward.

"Who would I tell? All the adults in my life were dangerous; I didn't know you could trust adults."

"Did you really want…" she broke into sobs, covering her face with her hands and said through her tears... "You wanted mom to get rid of me?"

He pulled his daughter into his arms and cried right along with her. "You have the bravest, smartest, most loving mother in the world. We owe her everything, Bethy girl. She gave you life and she gave me the reason to live."

Beth raised her face to look at me and asked harshly, "Do you hurt him, mom?"

My mouth fell open and I shook my head quickly, "No, I would never hurt him, ever."

"I don't need that anymore, Beth. That life is over," he assured her.

She wiped her tears briskly and looked at Edward, "My friends know all this stuff; I'm too humiliated to go back to school."

Edward laughed loudly and I was ready to go postal on Beth. I couldn't believe she could read those books and worry about herself.

I took a step closer to where they were sitting and said, "I found your father in a mental hospital when I was your age Beth, and I never once worried about my reputation. I worried about him and I didn't think his abuse reflected on me at all."

I was so angry tears began to fall and my hands were shaking. "He gave his life to save you, Beth, don't you dare be ashamed of your father."

"I'm not ashamed of him," she yelled at me. "I just don't want my friends knowing such intimate things about my dad, it's gross."

"Beth," Edward said calmly, "If they bring it up, just tell them there are kids out there who experience this every day. Ask them what they're going to do to stop it. This is what I am doing, and I am very proud of the fact I can help."

My heart swelled with pride for my amazing husband. He was still my hero and I stared at him with awe. His life could have ended up so differently, but he overcame every obstacle he faced.

"Dad," Fella yelled down the hallway. I walked over and opened Beth's door and her brother peeked in. "The rain stopped," he said to Edward and then glanced around the messy room. "Guess she doesn't need to pee in a cup."

Beth glared at him as Edward and I chuckled. He stood and leaned over to look into Beth's eyes. "You can ask me any questions, any time," he said and she smiled at him. "Ah, now see, I would live through it all again, just for that smile."

Beth threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "You're still my princess," he whispered in her ear and headed outside to work with Fella.

I walked over and sat on her bed and took her hands in mine. "Beth, your father loves you so much, and I want you to be proud of him. It would have been so easy to just give up and remain in the life he had, but he fought so hard to change."

"My friends said it isn't torture but sexy…and Dad was just using it as an excuse."

"You're friends are too young to understand. If you liked a boy, would you want to hurt him and make him bleed to show him you love him?"

"No," she said and began looking at her hands nervously.

I could tell she had so many questions, but she was either too inhibited to ask them, or felt I would get angry. I squeezed her hands and she looked back up at my eyes. "Beth, I learned my lesson about being angry with your father. I almost lost him forever; I will never take his love for granted again."

"Mom, does it make you look at him differently, knowing what has happened to him?"

"I fell in love with him as a child, I fell in love with him as a broken teen, I fell in love with him as a confused man, and I fell in love with him as the father of my children. There was a time I was very angry with him, but, never a time his past made me look at him differently."

I gave her a hug and went back to the kitchen to clean up our breakfast dishes. I could see Edward and Fella throwing a baseball back and forth in the yard. There were little things in Edward's behavior that I knew came from the fear he held for so long, but the kids never noticed, like when the baseball was overthrown and rolled against the dog's cage in the yard. Edward asked Fella to get the ball and he set up a batter's box.

Dora had passed away a year ago and Beth begged for a husky. Edward insisted she keep the dog outside and he never came into the yard if the dog was out of his cage. Beth named him, Hunk, and Edward jokingly called him, skunk, to anger her.

I watched Edward carefully throughout the day for any signs of stress over his discussion with Beth. He appeared fine. We all climbed in the car late in the afternoon to attend Fella's baseball game.

"Dad," Fella asked on the way, "Did you ever play baseball as a kid?"

"I was never too athletic," Edward said.

"Just be quiet," Beth snapped at her brother and went back to staring out the window.

"She's acting irrational again; maybe she should pee in a cup after all," Fella sighed.

"You are such a little doofus," she said angrily.

"I'm taller than you," he retorted and then smiled largely, "Mom, Porter's sister thought I was in high school. She was shocked to hear I was in seventh grade."

"Porter's sister will hit on anything with a penis, don't be flattered," Beth said and I instantly gave her a warning glare, but Edward laughed and held his hand out to Fella for a high five.

"Don't compliment him, Dad," Beth said appalled. "He gets his height from you, not from his own doing."

"Beth is just mad because she's short and cursed with a rotten personality," Fella said but added for affect, "I'll always love you, Beth."

"Dad, can you drive faster?" Beth pleaded and Fella laughed.

We pulled into the parking lot and a group of Beth's girlfriends were standing off to the side. I noticed how she kept her head down and didn't acknowledge them as we drove past. When we parked she quickly exited the car and walked away.

I looked at Edward to see if he noticed, but he only smiled at me and held out his hand. We walked to the bleachers and sat on the top row. I noticed a few of the mother's glance at Edward and wondered if I was being paranoid or if they were simply looking at him because he was so handsome.

The game was close and most of the fathers yelled out instructions to their sons and argued over every call from the umpire. Edward smiled at Fella when he was on deck and gave him a thumbs up as he walked to the plate.

"Come on, Cullen, get aggressive," a father yelled to my son.

I glared at the man but Edward remained calm. Fella swung and the ball soared toward the fence bringing the people in the stands to their feet. It just barely cleared the fence and Fella jogged around the bases with a big smile on his face.

I heard a couple of fathers talking next to me, saying, "Maybe his mother teaches him to bat, since his father is such a wuss." They laughed loudly and I felt the urge to take a bat and see if I could hit a homerun with their heads.

I glanced at Edward and he shook his head, "Don't worry, I've heard worse."

"You intimidate them, Edward, because all their wives are salivating over you." I looked back at the men and noticed how their jaws tightened, knowing I was right. I suddenly worried about Beth and all the stuff she was going to have to hear. I hated how petty people could be.

Fella walked up to the backstop and yelled up to Edward, "Thanks for the batting practice, dad."

All the mothers gave a collective sigh and all the fathers rolled their eyes. Edward swelled with pride. He needed the extra attention after Beth's drama today. I headed for the bathroom and then took an extra minute to look around for Beth. She was with a group of friends, laughing and flirting with a bunch of boys and I smiled.

Her curly hair and green eyes attracted the boys, but Beth was always level headed when it came to the male gender. I noticed one of the boys grab her by the arm, she let her head fall and she stopped laughing. I felt my heart begin to beat frantically and I moved to the other side of the snack bar to watch further.

The young man ran his hands through Beth's hair and she backed up a bit, but he only moved closer again. He was smiling as he talked but she didn't look happy at all. The boys finally walked away and I saw Beth roll her eyes at her friends and the girls walked over to the game.

I felt sick to my stomach and when I made my way back to Edward he noticed right away. "Did something happen?" he asked.

"No, I just feel a bit nauseous," I lied. I didn't want to worry him if I misunderstood what I was seeing. I planned on talking with Beth about it later.

I watched Beth and her friends more than I watched the game and felt a bit guilty for missing out on the excitement of such a close game. When we all headed to the car I put my arm around Beth and said, "Is everything okay with you?"

"Yeah, why?" she asked with suspicion.

"That boy seemed to be bothering you, is he a friend of yours?"

Her eyes grew angry and she pulled away from me, "Do you spy on me the whole time?"

"Spy on you, I looked for my daughter to make sure she was okay, how is that spying on you?"

We all climbed in the car and Edward turned to face the kids in the back seat. "Fella, you had a great game, Bethy girl, you better watch your mouth when you speak to your mother or you won't be leaving your room all week."

"I thought you took orders, not gave them," Beth said under her breath and I actually gasped. Edward looked like he had been kicked right in the heart. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to smack Beth, I wanted to hug Edward, and I wanted to cover Fella's ears.

Edward started the car and we drove home in silence. When we got home Beth sprang from the car and ran to her room. Fella got his bat bag and mumbled, "I'd make her pee in a cup."

I stayed in the car waiting for Edward to say something. He only stared at the wall in front of him, so I said, "Edward, she is mad, and hurt, and confused…."

"I know, Bella. She found out I wanted you to abort her; it has to take an emotional toll. I'll have my dad talk to her."

We went inside and I began making dinner as Edward worked in his office. When we sat down for dinner Edward announced Grandma and Grandpa Cullen were coming over for a visit and I noticed how Beth ruffled at the news.

"I'm guessing they want to reward me for the homerun," Fella surmised and we all laughed.

"Don't hit them up for money," I warned him.

"Can I go to Bailey's?" Beth asked.

"No, you were gone all weekend. You need to stay and see your grandparents," I told her and she crossed her arms in anger.

"Grandparents, yeah, right," she said hatefully.

"Fella, why don't you go play some video games," Edward suggested, "Take your plate with you."

Our sons eyes grew wide and he looked at his sister in shock. He picked up his plate and walked slowly from the room as he mumbled, "I guess I'm getting a different sister." Edward waited for him to make it all the way down the hallway before turning to talk to his daughter.

"Okay, go ahead," Edward said to Beth.

"With what?" she asked with a hint of fear in her voice.

"You're just dying to tell me what an ass of a father I am, so go ahead."

"I never said that," she said in anger.

"No, you said something much worse," Edward said calmly. "You are belittling a relationship which is very precious to me. Carlisle and Esme loved me when not a single person on the face of the earth found me worthy of love, but more importantly Beth, they have loved you unconditionally."

I wanted to point out I never stopped loving Edward from the time I was five, but he was trying to make a point with his smart mouthed daughter, so I remained quiet.

"Beth if you want to hear me apologize, I will. If you want to hear me admit I was horribly wrong, I will. Tell me what you need to hear from me," Edward pleaded.

I reached out and placed my hand over his and said softly, "Edward, you apologized long ago, don't you dare feel like it is necessary again."

I then turned to Beth and said, "You are healthy, and live in a beautiful home with a mother and father who love you more than their own lives. What do you have to be angry about?"

She looked at me with defiant eyes and said, "Nothing, mother, my life is perfect."

I wanted to tell her damn right her life was perfect, but I knew there was more going on than simply reading Edward's books. "Beth, you need to tell your father your mood is not his fault. We both know it is over a boy and not the books."

Beth was saved by the buzzer telling us her grandparents had arrived. I began cleaning off the table as Beth headed to her room. Carlisle and Esme walked in and I hugged them both before they made their way over to Edward. Carlisle hugged him for an extra amount of time and whispered in Edward's ear. I felt tears threatening so I went back to getting the dishes loaded in the dishwasher.

"Did you work your way through the book with Beth or just let her ask questions?" Carlisle finally asked.

"She only asked a couple of questions, and just to warn you, she will throw your relationship to Edward in your face," I said with sorrow.

Carlisle chuckled and said, "Teenage girls, Gods greatest practical joke."

I laughed and Fella came walking into the kitchen. "Grandpa, I hit a homerun today," he announced with pride.

"Promise me you'll only sign with the Mariners," Carlisle said with a smile and hugged Fella, "I couldn't bear it if you lived far away."

Esme reached in her purse and handed Fella a twenty. I glared at him, letting him know he better refuse the money. "Grandma, I don't want your money. I'll hit one for you next time, okay?"

She pulled him into a tight hug and kissed him repeatedly on the cheek. I was so glad they got a bit of 'grandparent' time before facing Beth. I was so worried how they would handle her wrath when they had loved her so much over the years.

Fella told them all about the game and when I finally sent him off to do homework he whispered loudly to Esme, "Are you here to make sure Beth pees in a cup?"

"Fella, that's enough, your sister is not taking drugs," I said adamantly.

"We'll come see you before we leave," Esme promised and Fella nodded before leaving the room.

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the confrontation. Edward and Carlisle sat down at the table and Esme and I joined them. Edward's expression was so youthful, as he looked at his father for support. Carlisle reached his arm over to place on Edward's shoulder and said, "All of this is normal son, please don't worry.

I was going to add some information to mix it up a bit, "Carlisle, I saw Beth with a boy today who seemed to be intimidating her. He grabbed her harshly and she responded by dropping her head and keeping quiet."

"What?" Edward screamed and I startled at his response.

"I don't know what was going on, or what was said, it may be nothing," I said to calm him.

"Let's go into the family room and have Beth join us," Carlisle suggested.

We all headed into the family room and I called down the hallway for Beth. She came into the room with her arms crossed and refused to acknowledge her grandparents. I could see the hurt on Esme's face but Carlisle remained unfazed. Beth collapsed into a chair and said, "Now what?"

Edward's jaw tightened and he placed his fingers over his mouth and leaned onto his elbow. Carlisle spoke first. "Beth I used to have sessions with your father, we are having one tonight and would like for you to be here for it."

Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened in fear. "I don't want to hear anything," she said with a shaky voice.

"It won't be anything salacious or uncomfortable, Beth," he assured her. Carlisle turned to face Edward and said, "Son, has the knowledge Beth read your books brought up any anxiety for you?"

"I'm afraid she won't understand why I left Bella when she was pregnant. The other stuff I couldn't care less about."

"Beth, do you understand why your father left?"

"Yes, he was a chicken," she said looking right into Carlisle's eyes.

"I can assure you, sweetheart, what your father did took more courage than most people posses in a lifetime."

Beth's phone vibrated and she looked at the message she received and began texting someone back.

"Beth," Edward said holding out his hand for her phone.

"You're taking my phone?" she gasped in shock.

"Only until we are finished talking," he said and I watched her eyes as she slowly handed Edward the phone. I was suddenly very curious to see that phone.

Carlisle continued on with Beth. "Are you upset he left or the fact he wanted your mother to have an abortion?"

Beth turned to look at me and asked, "Why did you take him back?"

I smiled at Edward and said, "Because he was such an amazing father. When he was with you, I knew he had changed forever."

"Why did you come back?" she asked Edward.

"Because I was finally healthy enough to be a father, and my heart was in so much pain from being away from you. Did you not feel my love for you, Beth? Have I done something to make you doubt me?"

She began biting on her lip as she struggled to hold back tears and Carlisle said softly. "You may not use your father's struggles to excuse your own, honey. Navigating your way through this period of your life is so difficult. It will be…tempting…to just give up and blame everything on your father.

Her tears finally spilled over and I saw Edward close his eyes in pain for his child. Carlisle cleared his throat and stood to offer his hand to Beth, "Let's take a walk, Beth."

She took his hand and he led her out the door and down the driveway. I walked over to hug Edward and he held on tightly to me. "I used to be her everything, what happened?" he asked in my ear.

"She's sixteen, Edward. You're lucky she even talks to you," I told him.

He smiled at Esme and said, "Let's go talk to Fella, see if he still loves me."

They left the room and I worried so much about Edward's ability to face yet another crisis in his life. I noticed Beth's phone sitting on the arm of the chair and I quickly grabbed it. There were several texts from a boy named Riley. My blood turned cold as I read through their conversation.

_I told you your father didn't care if you lived or died_

He's trying to be all nice about it

_Of course he is, he needs to control you since he wasn't man enough to control women his age_

Riley stop, he really did have a bad childhood

_You watch, he'll start taking your privileges away and try to keep you from me, because I tell you the truth and he can't take it_

Yeah, they already refused to let me go to Bailey's

_He has no idea how to be a man, I love you Beth and I would always be the man you need_

My mom saw us together at the game

_So what, the bitch is clueless, she took him back after he basically screwed her over, for his money I'm sure_

I got to go, they are calling me

_Stay strong and don't let them push you down to make you weak. I will be strong for you, if you need me_

I was so stunned my hands were shaking and I had to sit down. My mind was rushing with all the plans I wanted to make. I wanted to ground Beth, I wanted to call Riley's parents, I wanted to spare Edward, but mostly I wanted to hold my baby girl in my arms and save her from the heartache heading for her.

Edward returned to the room and I tried to smile but it wouldn't form. "Bella, don't worry, she'll adjust and get over this phase of her life. She's my Bethy girl, I know she loves me."

I pulled him to me and held onto him with all the strength I had. I felt my tears fall when Beth and Carlisle returned to the house. I wiped my face and looked at Beth's red, swollen eyes. She walked over to Edward and he pulled her into his arms and held her as they both cried together.

Carlisle winked at me and I wanted to have another baby, just so I could name it after him. He nodded for me to follow him and I gladly walked behind as he headed into the kitchen.

"Beth is in a pretty psychologically abusive relationship. You and Edward need to keep an eye on things for a bit."

I handed him the phone and watched his face as he read through the conversation. He seemed angry and worried all at the same time. He began quickly typing a message and sent it off before removing the sim card and putting them both in his pocket.

"How did this happen, Carlisle?" I asked in tears.

"Guys like this search for a weakness and then exploit it. Although Beth was quite young, she lived through something traumatic; this boy is using her vulnerability to control her. I'll make sure to keep her talking and see if we can build her self esteem a bit. She'll be fine, Bella."

"Beth has always seemed so confident and secure, did I miss something?" I asked him as my own guilt weighed heavily on my shoulders.

"It is normal for girls at this age to begin looking back instead of forward. They begin to question who they are, looking back for Beth brought on some fear. She knows this relationship is wrong, we'll just help reaffirm her own discomfort with this boy."

Fella came walking into the room with a stunned look on his face and said, "I just got a text from someone threatening me."

Carlisle took his phone and I yelled for Edward. Beth and Edward came into the kitchen and Carlisle looked very concerned. I reached for the phone and read.

_Tell your sister to call me or you'll be batting with broken arms _

I handed the phone to Edward and he read it in confusion, "What's going on?"

"Son," Carlisle said softly, "Beth met a boy who is trying to pull her into an unhealthy relationship. I texted the boy and told him her phone was no longer working and she was ending the relationship. The message is from him."

Beth's eyes grew wide and she held on tightly to Edward. He looked at the phone again and his body grew stiff with anger. He called the number and put the phone to his mouth.

"Who is this?" he asked when someone answered. "Well, Riley, this is Beth's father. If you ever try to contact her again, I'll call the police." He listened for a moment and his eyes flashed to me and then to the ground. He finally chuckled and said, "You have no idea what you're talking about, just try me, punk."

He shut the phone and put it in his pocket. "Fella, I'll get your number changed and then return your phone."

"I'm scared," Beth said softly.

"Don't worry, Bethy girl, we have a state of the art security system, he will never get in here," Edward assured her. "Bella, call Charlie and see what he advises us to do."

Fella walked over and wrapped his arms around his sister too, saying, "I'll protect you, Beth."

She wiped her tears and looked at Edward with terrified eyes and asked, "Can Hunk sleep with me?"

"Sure, I'll be locked in the bathroom if you need me," Edward teased and Beth actually laughed.

I explained everything to Charlie and he advised us to keep Beth home from school the next day and set up a meeting with Riley's parents. We were told to document everything and take out a restraining order if necessary. Esme asked if they could take Beth with them for the night and I felt better having her somewhere Riley wouldn't be able to find her.

And in one day our lives changed forever.


	11. SotF chapter 2

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 2

Beth and Fella attended a private school and I was certain they would help me protect my children. I headed to the school early the next morning and asked to speak to a counselor. I informed them of what was going on and asked them to set up a meeting between us and Riley's parents.

I found out Riley had not been at the school for very long and seemed smitten with Beth from the moment he arrived. They had two classes together and I instantly got her moved to another time. Everyone assured me Riley seemed polite, a good student, and came from a good family. I could tell they felt I was overreacting and I truly hoped I was.

I dropped by the Cullen's to pick up Beth and we joined Esme for lunch. Beth seemed agitated and I finally got her to tell me what was going on. "Riley got me to read dad's books, not my friends. I think he wanted me to get mad at dad."

"How did you meet him, Beth?" Esme asked.

"He transferred here and became my lab partner. He was just so…commanding…I felt so young and stupid around him," she said in shame.

"Beth, when someone loves you, they make you feel special, not stupid," I told her.

She looked around the restaurant before leaning in and saying, "Dad said I could go to one of his seminars and see what he does, but it kind of scares me."

"There is nothing scary about what he does," I assured her. "I think he wants you to see how many people he is able to help. Your dad didn't choose to be an expert in this field, but he is making something positive out of all the negativity in his life."

"Is there something about us, that attracts people who want to hurt us," she asked with tears and I remembered Edward telling me his adoptive parents chose him because he was evil.

I smiled softly at her and said, "Beth, you and your father are physically attractive people, everyone is attracted to you. It is the innocence you have that makes bad people want to exploit you. Learning to be strong is easy; learning to recognize evil is a lot harder."

"So, should I say anything to Riley or just ignore him?" she asked.

"I saw the way he grabbed your arm, Beth, I think he is very dangerous so stay away from him at all costs."

After lunch I took Beth to get a manicure and pedicure to make her feel a bit better. I enjoyed spending a day with my daughter, alone. The truth was I had grown a bit jealous of the close relationship Beth and Edward had. I used to think he was trying to make up for missing her early years, but they understood each other in a way I never could.

We drove by the school to pick up Fella on our way home and he smiled when he saw Beth sitting in the car. He was so much like Edward and warmed my heart with his sweet nature.

"Are you feeling better, Beth?" he asked his sister.

"I got to miss a day of school, of course I'm feeling better," she said rolling her eyes at him.

"Well, I thought about you often, today," he said and she actually turned to smile at him.

The rain was beginning to fall as we pulled into the driveway and punched in the security code. The large gate swung open and I drove into the garage. I keyed in the code for the doors and we all walked inside. Beth headed to her room and Fella headed to the family room to play video games.

There was a message on our phone from Riley's mother asking us to come over for coffee and meet with them. I had hope for a quick resolution. Edward walked through the door and I pulled him into my arms, feeling the peace and comfort they always gave me.

"How's it going?" he asked after a quick kiss.

"Great, we're meeting with Riley's parents tonight. Beth is in her room and Fella's in front of the television. "

"My dad told me Beth insisted my mom sleep with her last night," he informed me.

"She'll be okay, it will just take some time," I told him.

He kissed me again and I melted in his arms. He leaned over to whisper in my ear, "I think I need help changing my clothes."

"I'm not your mother," I teased him.

"Okay, then come let me strip for you," he bargained and I instantly followed him down the hallway.

When we passed Beth's room her door swung open and her face was pale. She ran past us and we quickly followed her trying to get her to stop and talk to us. She ran out the back door and through the rain to Hunk's cage. She screamed and turned toward us before falling onto her knees.

"Get in the house," Edward yelled at me as he lifted Beth into his arms and ran back to the kitchen.

"What's wrong," I asked him as my heart was beating out of my chest. Beth was crying hysterically and Edward grabbed the phone and dialed the police. Fella came into the kitchen and I led both kids into my bedroom. I pulled a sheet off the shelf and wrapped it around Beth's wet clothes before laying her on my bed.

Edward came into the room and pulled Beth into his arms, "Beth, how did you know to check Hunk?" he asked her.

"I got an email," she cried.

Edward jumped up and ran to Beth's room. I followed him and looked over his shoulder at an email from an anonymous address which said: _Your dog is dead, bitch, you're next._

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. Edward printed the email and folded it into his pocket before turning to me. "Bella, it is impossible to get in here unnoticed. The alarms never went off. I checked the history when I got home."

"Somebody killed the dog, Edward, maybe there is a fault in the system?"

"If the system goes down it alerts the service, there wasn't a fault," he said as he shook his head in shock.

The bell at the gate rang and we walked into the kitchen to see a police car on the monitor. Edward opened the gate and we walked to the door to let the officers in. We all sat in the living room and Beth silently cried as Edward told the story. Edward pulled the email from his pocket and then led the officer's to the back to see Hunk.

I saw the dog lying with his eyes open and fixed as if he was simply sleeping when his heart stopped beating. The officer picked the dog up to look for any signs of injury. His body was stiff without a mark on him. "We'll want an autopsy on the dog," a policeman said and Edward nodded.

"Do you have a bag we can put him in?" the other officer asked and I ran back to the house to get one.

They placed Hunk in the bag and put him in the trunk of the police car before coming back inside and letting us fill them in with what was going on with Riley. They asked us to keep the appointment with the parents and leave out any information about the dog. They would investigate and contact the parents depending on the autopsy.

Beth was told to take down any social networking sites she had and shut down her email. She agreed and asked the officer, "Can you arrest Riley?"

"Not yet, we don't have proof it is him doing this, but we'll find out," the young officer said with a smile. I didn't believe him and wondered if Beth did.

We dropped the kids off at the Cullens and drove to meet with Riley's parents. I worried about him being there and Edward being able to remain calm. We pulled in front of a huge home and were met by a housekeeper. She led us to a large library and I sat while Edward walked around the room looking at the various books.

A stylish woman of Mediterranean descent walked into the room and was followed by an elderly man with long hair pulled into a ponytail. They both had strong accents and welcomed us to their home.

"Mrs. Volturi," I began, "I hope we can have your assistance with an issue involving your son. He seems to like our daughter, Beth, but we don't allow her to date and would like him to stop pursuing her."

"Is there something offensive about our Riley?" the man asked me.

I had to take a calming breath before saying, "Not at all, Beth is not a girl who is mature for her age and we feel it is better for her to wait before having a boyfriend."

"We will talk with Riley," the woman said with a stern face.

Edward walked over and took my arm to pull me out of the chair. "We've taken too much of your time already. My wife is a very protective mother and I trust you'll handle things with your son as you see fit."

The man stared at Edward with disdain and said with threatening eyes. "You are a bit of a celebrity are you not, Mr. Cullen?"

I saw Edward's jaw tighten and he swallowed loudly. "Don't mistake my calmness for weakness, Marcus, you target my kid and I'll do the same."

My mouth fell open and I stared at the couple and looked back at Edward for an explanation. He seemed to know these people but didn't show any recognition when they first came in. I felt like I had missed part of the conversation.

"You are at fault for his death," the man said to Edward.

"Good, I rid the world of a vile presence and he won't be missed at all," Edward was holding onto my arm as if someone would try to steal me away from him.

"Who are we talking about?" I asked with a terrified voice.

"This is Aro's brother," Edward said with a sneer.

I looked at the couple in front of me and felt my knees go weak. It wasn't over, they were still coming after Beth and I felt so exposed and vulnerable. I looked right at the woman and stared into her eyes. "She's my baby; you have to know how that feels. She has nothing to do with this," I begged.

"Bella," Edward said softly, "She's wearing a collar."

I finally noticed the large jeweled chain around her neck. I wrapped my arm around Edward and said to the woman, "What a shame, you seemed like an intelligent woman, but you're only a broken toy he is too selfish to fix. I'm truly sorry."

We walked out of the house and when we got in our car I began to cry. As we pulled out of the circular drive I saw a young man standing at the large window, smiling hatefully at us as we passed. We had a huge fight coming our way, and I wasn't sure we had the strength to go through it all again.

Edward felt differently. He chuckled and shook his head.

"How can you be so calm?" I asked in shock. "Our nightmare is happening all over again."

"We know what we're up against this time. These people are sheep who follow orders, Riley is a pawn and they tend to be less creative. I have no worries about dealing with Riley."

I was happy Edward was so confident but it did worry me a bit. He had to literally fight for his life last time and if my father hadn't saved him, I would have lost him for sure. "What should Beth do?" I asked with a dry mouth.

"She's going to school tomorrow and acting like nothing happened. Fear feeds these people and they won't control us for another moment."

"How did you know who they were?" I asked him.

"I was looking at his books and noticed mine were there, then I noticed the family crest. Aro kept it everywhere and talked constantly about his two brothers, Marcus and Casius. Marcus lived in America but Casius didn't.

We picked up the kids and came home for a family meeting. Edward began by telling the kids how much he loved them and would give his life to protect them. He also informed them they would be signed up for Capoeira lessons.

"You expect us to beat up people?" Beth asked in shock.

"Oh man, I'll have to beat the girls off me with a stick if I become a martial arts expert," Fella said totally serious.

"It gives you confidence," Edward explained, although I felt Fella just proved he didn't need any more confidence. "Beth, I want you to totally ignore Riley, no matter what names he calls you or what rumors he starts, just ignore him."

She nodded and looked a bit nervous.

"Fella, you don't speak a word of this to anyone. Don't mention the dog or the name Riley at all."

He furrowed his brow but nodded.

"What?" Edward asked him.

"Well, I just think when someone threatens to break your arms, you should be able to talk about it a bit," Fella said with irritation.

"You can talk to me about it," Beth said angrily.

Fella turned to her with a smile and said, "Beth, your psycho boyfriend wants to break my arms, how do you feel about that?"

"Shut up," she said and looked away from him.

"Nice talking to you," he chuckled.

Edward and I laughed and told the kids to get ready for bed. I noticed how Edward stayed up until both kids were fast asleep, and how often he checked the alarm system. I began to feel like maybe his confidence was just for show.

He finally came to bed and lay on his stomach as he looked at me, "Bella, Bella, Isabella," he said and my eyes filled with tears. It had been years since I heard him say that to me. I tried to finish it but my emotions were too raw. He smiled as he remained on his pillow looking at me.

"I never believed this would happen," he whispered and his words coupled with his happiness confused me.

"To Beth?" I asked.

"No, to me; I never thought I would have so much to protect. It amazes me and fills me with courage."

"We have to be sure about what we're doing, we can't risk the kids safety," I told him hoping he wouldn't think I doubted his ability to protect us.

"Did you ever go hungry at the orphanage?" he asked and I smiled and shook my head.

"Did I get Beth back?" he asked and I nodded.

"Am I going to rock your world?" he said as he slid over me and attached his lips to my neck.

"Absolutely," I said and gave myself over to him completely.

The following morning I headed to the kitchen to make a big breakfast. If I was sending my kids out to face the cruel, harsh world, they would at least do it with a full stomach. I noticed Beth dressed particularly stylish knowing most likely she would be the topic of much speculation today. Fella came in wearing his tight jeans with a colored t-shirt under an open shirt, looking more like a high school kid than a seventh grader.

"Good morning, Beth," he said as she growled at him.

I called Edward from his office to come eat and he walked in dressed in running clothes. "Are you going to the gym?" I asked him.

"No," he answered without further explanation.

I got them all fed and headed out to drop them off at school. I took Fella first, which was not the usual order. He got out of the car and then turned to speak to Beth. She rolled down the window and he leaned in to say, "I really hope you have a good day, Beth."

"Why can't you be a nuisance, like a normal little brother?" she said as she rolled the window back up. But I noticed how she winked at him and it warmed my heart.

Beth was literally shaking when we pulled up to her school. She looked around the lot and saw a couple of friends waiting for her. "Don't forget you have a new schedule," I reminded her and she took a deep breath.

She opened the door and my heart lurched in my chest. "Beth," I said quickly and she looked back at me. "Be a brave girl, you're our princess and I love you."

"I love you, Mom," she said and walked away from the car.

I watched until she entered the school and then drove home. Edward's car was gone and I made sure the alarm was set before getting my house work done. After lunch I got a buzz from the front gate. I looked on the monitor to see a delivery van.

"Yes," I said over the intercom.

"I have a delivery for Beth Cullen," a young man answered.

"Do you know who it is from?" I asked worriedly.

"Yes, from an Edward Cullen."

"Hold it up to the camera," I instructed and the young man held up a bouquet of flowers and a white teddy bear.

I opened the gate and got my purse to give him a tip. I placed the gift on Beth's bed and knew she would be thrilled to have a little surprise after such a stressful day. I was hopeful when it was time to pick her up that nothing had happened and we could get on with our lives.

Beth walked out of the school surrounded by girlfriends and she had a large smile on her face. She got in the car and told me she had not seen Riley once all day. Fella seemed a bit disappointed that a swat team or snipers weren't dispatched on his behalf, but I told him there was always tomorrow.

I told Beth she had a surprise in her room and be sure to thank her father when she saw him. Fella practiced batting off a tee and Beth spent the rest of the afternoon in her room. I had dinner fixed and waiting when Edward walked in.

"Dad," Fella said the moment he heard Edward inside the house. "I talked to Benjamin and he said the coaches say I'm hard to pitch to, because of my height."

"Take advantage of it son and don't swing at just anything. Make them hit the sweet spot."

"Isn't Fella's whole body a sweet spot," Beth said as she rolled her eyes meaning his disposition, but sounding totally inappropriate.

"Gross," Fella laughed, "you're not supposed to comment on your brother's rockin bod."

"Totally gross, as if you even have a rockin bod, stretch Armstrong."

"Did you have a seminar today?" I asked Edward and he mumbled something unintelligible and left the room. I followed him to his office and watched him sit behind his computer and totally ignore me. I finally walked over and said, "Are you eating with us?"

"Not tonight, I have a lot to do," he said and blew me a kiss. I walked away feeling something was up and whatever it was, Edward was trying to hide it from me.

We ate dinner and spent the evening doing homework and watching television. When the kids got in bed Edward started his nightly vigil. When he finally got in bed I scooted over to snuggle up to him. "You're a wonderful father," I told him and he squeezed me. "Did Beth thank you for the delivery?"

"What?" he asked with a yawn.

"The flowers and the teddy bear, did she thank you?"

He sat up and looked down at me, "I didn't have anything delivered."

"You didn't send her flowers and a bear today?"

"No, I didn't send anything," he repeated.

We both jumped from the bed and ran to Beth's room. The white bear was sitting on her bedside table and Edward grabbed it along with the flowers and brought them to our room. He inspected them closely and finally grabbed a knife and cut into the bear. He pulled all the stuffing and inspected every inch before removing the eyes.

"Shit," he yelled and held up a small device in the eye.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A camera," Edward said as he grabbed a black sock from his drawer and dropped the device inside it.

"Edward, it has been in her room all day," I said in a panic. I had put it in there subjecting my own daughter to danger. I wasn't good at this game, and hoped it didn't doom my daughter because of my own inadequacies.

He grabbed the card from the flowers to see where they came from and put it in his wallet. "Nothing comes in here, okay, nothing," he said to my crying face.

"Edward this is more than we can handle, let's get my father involved," I begged him.

He nodded but I could tell he was deep in thought and wasn't really listening to me. He walked away and I quickly followed him into his office. He brought up the video surveillance and zeroed in on the dog cage.

"When was the last time you heard Hunk," he asked me.

"That morning, when I took Fella to school."

He backed the tape up to eight in the morning and began watching it. "Edward, this will take hours," I said, "Come to bed and look at this tomorrow."

"I'll be there in a sec," he said, but I knew he would be up all night looking for clues on the video.

I went back to bed and vowed to call my dad the first thing in the morning. We needed professional help and Edward was too blinded by his sense of responsibility to see it.

I felt someone shaking me and I jumped up out of a deep sleep. "Bella, come see this," Edward was saying.

"What time is it?" I asked with a groggy voice.

"I don't know, come on, I need to show you something," he said as he pulled on my arm.

I followed him to his office and he sat me in front of his computer. "Okay, tell me what you see," he said and hit play.

I watched Hunk as he stood looking at the yard from his cage. He turned his head and then walked over and began eating something. Edward hit the stop button and asked me what I saw.

"Nothing, Hunk was just standing there and then ate something," I said.

"Okay, watch again," he started the footage rolling again except in slow motion. I saw something flash across the screen and Edward stopped it.

"What was that?" I asked him.

"Watch how it falls into the yard, and then Hunk looks in that direction. His head suddenly turns to look behind him and then he goes over to eat something. Whatever was used to poison Hunk came from above."

"How," I asked, "There are too many trees to fly over the property with any precision."

"What about a sling shot or a bow?" he said watching the images again.

"Oh my God," I said, "Anyone could climb a tree and catch one of the kids outside."

"I'll call the security company and see if they have anything they can suggest. I'll buy the surrounding property if I have to," Edward said adamantly.

"E mail a copy of that section of the coverage to my father," I said, "I want to get his opinion, too."

Edward switched screens to open his e-mail and saw he had been sent something from Beth's school. He opened it to see a file of pictures. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, picture after picture of Beth changing her clothes. I gasped and broke into tears, but Edward went ballistic.

He jumped up and headed toward the back door after grabbing one of Fella's bats. I was running after him, holding on for dear life, as I begged him to stop and think about what he was doing.

"I'm going to hurt him, Bella, he can't do this to her and get away with it," Edward screamed.

"Dad," Fella called from the hallway, "What's wrong."

"Go to bed, son," Edward instructed as I continued to beg Edward to calm down.

Our sweet son walked up to his father and placed his hand on the bat, "Dad," he said calmly, "I hit a home run with this, and I really want to continue liking this bat."

His words left Edward deflated and he allowed Fella to remove the bat from his hands and then let his head fall. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to bolster him amid my own meltdown. Edward buried his face in my neck and cried, "I can't let them take it all away, I can't."

"We're a family," I told him, "We are together no matter what."

Beth came walking into the kitchen hesitantly as if she couldn't handle anymore drama. Edward turned to look at her and she began to cry when she saw his face. "Daddy," she said softly, wanting him to spare her from the coming pain.

"Bethy girl, please forgive me," he said and she ran into his arms. He held her tightly as he had so many times over the years, but this was different. He was so afraid she was going to pull away from him, blame him for her life turning upside down, or worse, look at him differently because of his past.

Fella came over to me and put his arm around my waist, trying to offer whatever comfort he could without understanding what was going on.

"Let's all sit down," I said and we all gathered around the table.

"Beth, things are worse than we thought," I began and she burst into tears again. Edward took her hand and held it as I continued.

"We found how Hunk was poisoned and it came from the trees in the woods. Someone used a slingshot or bow to shoot poison into his cage to eat. I also found out your father did not send the bear or flowers."

My voice broke and I had to take a long pause before I continued. "Your father found a camera hidden in the bear. Someone took pictures of you changing and posted them on the school server, sending them out to all the students."

Beth stared at me with no reaction. Her face was blank and her eyes didn't move at all. I became worried she had gone into shock and Edward leaned over to look at her closer. Fella chuckled and we looked at him with surprise. He was never mean spirited and we couldn't believe he would laugh at his sister's pain.

"She's on deck," he said with a smile, "And she's going to swing hard when she gets up to bat."

We all looked back at Beth and she slowly stood before taking a deep breath, then everything came erupting out of her. Fella was right and she let go with a vengeance.

"I don't give a damn what he put on the web. I was never naked in my room and my bikini is more revealing than my underwear. He can post pictures of me taking a shit and I won't care, because he is not going to make me afraid to live my life. I am not a sub, sorry dad, but I don't back down and I don't take orders. Riley Volturi can take his little game and shove it up his ass. And he is going to replace my fucking dog!"

She stormed from the room and began getting ready for school, having no idea it was still way too early. Edward and I sat in stunned silence and Fella shook his head back and forth before saying, "I think we need a swear jar, Beth could end up paying for my college."

Edward laughed and said, "I think we'll let it slide this time, she earned the right to cuss a bit." Edward stood and bent over to whisper in my ear before leaving the room, "She's not getting another fucking dog."

I laughed, and then shook my head when Fella waited for me to let him in on the secret.

Edward went to his office and called the police, leaving a message for the detective in charge of our case to give us a call.

Things had gone from bad to worse.


	12. SotF chapter 3

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 3

I was never more proud of my daughter than when I dropped her off at school. She held her head high and marched with authority into the building. I almost pitied Riley for what was coming. Beth wasn't known as the stubborn Cullen for nothing.

I looked over at the sweet Cullen and he smiled at me, "I bet you get a call from the school today, mom."

"You think so, why?" I asked as I drove away.

"Beth is mad, and she won't be happy until somebody is in pain or bleeding."

His words made me think of Edward and I felt the same foreboding enter my soul as it had years ago.

"Well, think good thoughts for her today, maybe she'll surprise us all and let it go," I said without a smidgeon of belief in my own statement.

When I pulled up to his school he got out of the car and leaned so I could see his face and waved at me. My heart swelled, he was a soon to be teenage boy and still loved his mother openly. I waved back and blew him a kiss while he still allowed it.

I arrived home to see the police were there, and I noticed Edward and two officers in the back yard. I walked out to join them and saw several dead spots on the lawn. Edward put his arm around me and said, "They think it was a liquid poison, frozen into projectiles. Whoever did it, had to shoot several before hitting their target."

"What can we do about it?" I asked.

"We can have patrol cars make extra passes around here," an office offered and I huffed in disgust.

"I'll hire a security firm to guard the woods," Edward said to give me the comfort I was looking for.

"What about the email?" I asked.

"We are trying to trace the breach, but these things are not always easy to pin down."

"I can save you the time and give you the address of the punk who did it," I said and knew my father would be upset at my disrespect to the officers.

"Now you said all of this is tied to a book you wrote?" the quiet officer asked and I watched Edward's shoulders slump a bit. He nodded and led the officers back into the house and we all sat in the living room. It gave me an odd feeling of déjà vu, I had been in this room with officers before and it made me uncomfortable.

"I wrote a book about abusive relationships, specifically the submissive/dominant relationship. I was threatened to keep the book from being released thirteen years ago and my daughter was kidnapped."

"Could it be the same people?" the officer asked.

"Yes, Riley's father is the brother of a man behind the kidnapping plot. He was able to drag the trial out so long he died before being found guilty."

"I'll read through the old file for any information," he mumbled and Edward rolled his eyes at me.

They finally left and I stared out the window at the trees around us. Someone could be out there and I was suddenly terrified of my own home. Edward's arms came over my shoulders and stuck out straight in front of me. I held onto his biceps and looked at his scarred forearms. I wondered when his pain would be enough. I felt like something evil had set its sights on Edward and he would have to fight his entire life.

"How are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'll do whatever it takes to protect my family," he said with conviction.

"Beth said you asked her to come to one of your seminars?"

"Yeah, I think it would help her see I don't do this for fame or celebrity. I believe in what I do and I want her to see it."

"Fella has a game tonight, should we go and leave the house empty?" I asked not sure which answer I wanted to hear.

"I'll hire a guard to sit out front and some in the woods. Maybe we'll get lucky and catch the kid," he said.

"Do you think they will get tired and quit coming after us?" I asked and hoped he would be honest with me.

"The whole culture is based on power and doms aren't used to being thwarted. I need to find a way to make them think they have won, but make it all an illusion. If it gets much worse I want to get you and the kids out of here. You're my Achilles heel."

"Edward, if we leave, we leave together, okay?" He didn't answer so I turned to face him and look into his eyes, "Okay?"

He stared at me with eyes I didn't recognize. They didn't express pain, or worry, or some sinister plot he was concocting, but with gratitude or maybe amazement. I wasn't sure what he was feeling and it caught me off guard. I lay my head on his chest and ran my hands up his shirt and over the scars the sick people in his life had left him with.

"Edward, do you remember when you taught Beth to skip?" I asked him in a soft voice.

"Mmmm," he answered with his cheek resting against the top of my head.

Beth had insisted her one legged hop was skipping and Edward told her she was not skipping but doing a horse trot. He showed her how to use both of her legs and she skipped around the house for a solid week. When he put her to bed one night she brought it up.

"Daddy, how did you learn to skip?"

"I learned from your mommy," he told her and I tried to understand how that could be possible. I had been taught by a kindergarten teacher in Forks.

"Was mommy a good skipper?" she asked.

"Oh yes, when I was really sad, your mommy would take my hand and we would skip off and play for hours," he said and I had fallen into tears as I listened.

"And then you were happy?" she asked.

"Yes, it would make me very happy," he told her.

I was lost in the memory when Edward asked, "What brought on that question?"

I tried so hard to keep my voice steady, but my tears were so close to the surface and I couldn't keep them back, "I wish I had really been there, and not just in your mind. I miss the things we did together," I cried knowing full well we never actually did them, but it was only Edward's coping mechanism.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella, you were there. You were as real to me then, as you are right now," he said softly.

"Edward, don't squeeze me out of this. Please don't make plans in your head and keep me in the dark. I want to fight with you this time," I begged him.

Before he could answer the phone rang. We both looked at it with dread. People who knew us well called our cell phones; the house phone could only mean something was wrong. I picked it up to find it was Beth's school asking me to meet with the principal as soon as possible. Fella was right, again.

I headed to the school as Edward headed to his desk to set up extra security. I walked into the office to find Beth waiting for me. I gave her a hug and she huffed loudly in irritation. "What's going on?" I asked her.

"I flashed my class," she said as her chin rose to challenge me.

"What?" I asked with a chuckle that sounded more like a cough.

"Some kids hadn't seen the pictures yet, so I stood and lifted my shirt." She actually stood to show me and I covered my mouth with my hand so I wouldn't laugh.

"It gets worse," she said as she sat back down.

I couldn't imagine what could be worse unless she removed her jeans, too. I gave her a cautious nod to continue and she leaned in close so we wouldn't be heard. "They were saying stuff about dad, calling him gay and saying he was a man whore, then doing impressions of him."

"And you just ignored it, right?"

Her head fell and I knew something bad was coming. "Beth, what did you do?"

"I defended him," she said as her chin set in defiance again.

"How?"

The door opened at that moment and we were ushered into the principal's office. The man only glanced at us and continued looking at a file he was holding. We sat for several moments in silence and my own stubborn nature was beginning to come to the surface.

"Excuse me, but was I called in here for a purpose?" I asked him to get his attention.

"Beth is being expelled for two days, for her inappropriate language and actions," he said as he sat back and folded his arms.

"You're aware of what she has been dealing with, aren't you?" I asked incredulously. I couldn't believe Beth was the one in trouble when someone was systematically tearing apart her life.

"Yes, I have been in touch with the police and we are working to find how the server was hacked into. We will correct any flaws to stop future episodes."

"Great, but future episodes don't concern me. My daughter showed up today to face the humiliation head on, and was then subjected to disparaging comments about her father. I would hope that would be taken into consideration…"

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm sure your husband is used to disparaging remarks. He shared the details with the world and now expects everyone to remain quiet? Maybe he should have taken things into consideration for his daughter's sake."

It took everything I had to remain seated and not fly across his desk and rip his tongue out of his mouth. I held my hands together to keep them from shaking and turned to address Beth. "Honey, can you wait outside for a moment?"

"No way, I want to see how two adults work this out," she said with a laugh.

"Your daughter obviously takes after you, Mrs. Cullen, and not her father," the pudgy man said with contempt.

"Are you referring to his submissive life?" I asked with a deep threatening voice.

"Is that how it is referred?" he asked back.

"As an educator I hope you are more observant than the ones who saw the burns, and bites, and scars, on my husband as a child and did nothing. I would think your advanced schooling taught you about abused children and how fragile they are as adults. As a man I know you understand holding power over your partner is not love. My husband rose above everything people did to him. He's a healthy man, who loves his family, and wants to help others. I hope my children turn out exactly like him."

I stood and pulled Beth up by her arm to escort her out of his office. I didn't care what the school thought about my daughter's behavior. I was proud, no matter what she did, at the way she defended her father. Two days of suspension was nothing in the face of what she had been dealing with.

As we drove home she sat quietly and stared out the window. I didn't know if I should press her about what happened or let it come out naturally. I planned on calling Carlisle the moment we got home. When we pulled into the garage I asked, "Have you seen Riley?"

"Once, he just stood by his locker and stared at me," she shrugged and got out of the car.

Edward met us at the door and waited for one of us to say something. Beth headed to her room and slammed the door.

I told him the little information I had and watched him walk slowly down the hallway and knock on Beth's door. I didn't hear her respond, but maybe Edward did. He opened the door and walked in, leaving it open, so I could hear as I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall.

He pulled up a chair next to her bed and sat down. "Bethy girl, the first night you slept in your room I sat just like this. I couldn't force myself to leave. I was fascinated by simply watching you sleep, but disturbing thoughts began to filter through my head."

"I wondered if I had done the right thing by leaving and had my answer as you slept. I gave you the biggest gift I could by leaving; I only knew how to deal with children in an abusive way. I stared at your beautiful face and thought, 'what if I had hurt her?'"

"And then something so heart wrenching entered my mind that I almost couldn't deal with the pain it caused. I knew someday you were going to fall in love and another man would take you away. I had no idea how I could ever walk you down the aisle and hand you over to someone else, and you were not even three years old when I thought this. I can't lose you," he cried.

I could hear Beth crying and I had to wipe my own tears, too. Edward was so raw and so exposed I didn't know how he could continue on.

"Dad," she said to interrupt him. "I am so much like mom and everyone says how much Fella is like you. I thought it was because he got to have you right from the beginning and I didn't. I want to be kind and loving, but I get too angry and I'm too stubborn. I was so proud of mom today, and I'm happy now that I am like her."

"You're mother always defended me, no matter what people said."

"I will too, I just need to learn a better way to do it," she said sounding so ashamed.

"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked softly.

"Some boys were saying stuff, about you and your partner, or dominatrix, whatever she was called. They got pretty crude and I just snapped."

"And…" Edward pressed.

"The girl next to me had a purse with long straps, so I grabbed it and threw it over the guy's head and choked him, telling him to do it right if he was going to pretend he was you. And, I may have used some pretty bad language in there somewhere," she admitted.

Edward laughed and agreed with her, "You really are so much like your mother."

Beth laughed too and then sniffed a couple of times. "Dad, why did you let that woman hurt you so badly?" she asked him.

"It is hard for a healthy person to understand, it is particularly hard for you now, because I'm not the man I used to be. She brought sex into my life, and then combined it with more abuse and called it love. I wanted love so badly, but I didn't know what it was. I couldn't expect Bella to love me, because she didn't know all the horrible things that had happened to me. I was taught it was the closest thing to love I would ever be capable of."

"Did you have orgies?" she asked and I almost gasped from shock at her question. I had read about the lifestyle in his book, but never talked specifically to Edward and his personal experiences.

"Not in the sense you think of the word," Edward tried to explain calmly. "Dominance is about power and it takes place within some very unhealthy parameters. It wasn't only about what she wanted; I was able to control things by my reactions to her. She liked to show people what we did, but if she crossed the lines I allowed, I refused to react."

"But then she would beat you, right?"

"Right, and it would make me feel powerful, because after the beatings she would care for me and treat me tenderly. I could control it by causing her to beat me. The problem is, it escalates. It would take more and more to earn the beatings and her beatings got worse and worse. It becomes dangerous because there is a fine line between adding intensity and causing death."

"I think you're very brave, dad," she said through tears.

"Thank you, Bethy girl, your mother taught me how."

I closed my eyes and felt the pounding in my chest. I was so lucky to be married to Edward, and stupid asses like the principal were not worth my time. Edward left her room and looked down at me after shutting her door. He held out his hand and said softly, "Come show me how much you love me."

I let him help me up and lead me to the bedroom. I shut the door and when I turned he was standing right behind me. He pushed me against the wall as his hands began removing my clothes. I let him do whatever he wanted as I stared at the three pictures on the far wall, drawn by us as children.

I picked up Fella from school and he smiled when I told him he could sit up front. "A call?" he asked.

"Yeah, a call," I admitted.

"Is she grounded and mad, or could she use a hug?" he asked further.

I reached over and messed his hair, truly blessed with such a terrific son, "She could use a hug, but check her mood first," I added in warning. I knew how quickly teenage girl's moods changed.

"Is Dad home?" he asked and I nodded, "Do you think he'll have time for batting practice before my game?"

"He'll love it, and call your grandpa, I bet he would like to come to the game," I suggested. "I think I'll just order pizza tonight so invite them to eat with us, too."

"I like it when the school calls," he said with a laugh.

I looked at him with a serious face and said, "Fella this is for you, not Beth. You deserve a night of attention."

His smile widened and he looked out the window as he put his chin on his palm. His jaw line looked so much like Edward's and I wondered how differently Edward's life would have been if Carlisle and Esme had adopted him first. He would have been gentle, and loving, and confident, just like his son.

We stopped at a light and the girls in the car next to us began waving and winking at Fella, having no idea of his 'not quite thirteen' age. I had to admit I was a bit grateful Edward wasn't raised like his son; he would have been taken long before I would have been able to find him.

When we got home Fella headed down the hallway and knocked on Beth's door. She opened it and said a quick, "Yeah?"

"How did today go?" he asked her.

"Great, I got expelled," she said flippantly.

His mouth fell open and he gasped in shock causing Beth to laugh. "Dougie Mitchell's brother said the pictures of you were hot," he told his sister and she instantly stood a bit taller.

"Tell Dougie Mitchell, his brother is a perv," she said but her pride was evident.

Edward walked out of his office and Fella turned to talk to his father, "Can you give me some batting practice?"

"Sure, and we don't have to worry about Hunk anymore," Edward said and Fella looked confused. He was never aware of having to worry about Hunk in the first place. They headed out back and I reminded Fella to call his grandparents before I turned to Beth.

"I want you to stay close tonight, don't wander off alone or get too far from the stands," I cautioned her.

"I really think it's over, Riley hasn't even tried to contact me," she said and went back into her room. I truly hoped she was right.

I stayed in the kitchen, making a carrot cake, as I watched Edward and Fella. He was such an amazing father and would lean his long body over to speak directly to his son's face. Every successful swing was interrupted with praise.

I was adding frosting to the cake when Esme walked in and gave me a hug. "How are things going?" she asked.

"Well, Beth got suspended for two days, but other than that, it's really not too bad," I told her.

The buzzer rang on the gate and I looked at the monitor to see the pizza delivery boy. I reached for the button and quickly pulled my hand back. "Is something wrong?" Esme asked.

"New policy, nothing comes in this place. I'll have to walk to the gate," I explained and began wiping off my hands.

"I'll go talk to Beth," Esme said and we parted ways.

I broke into a slow jog and saw how the young man looked irritated that he had to wait so long. I covered the key pad with my hand before punching in the code. The gate swung open and I walked to his car and handed him the money as he handed me the pizzas.

My eye caught the attention of a man walking by with a dog on a leash. I noticed he was dressed in all black and looked at me with a stern expression. I watched him continue down the road and wondered if I was just becoming paranoid.

We all sat around the table and Beth rolled her eyes when I wrapped a towel around Fella's neck so he wouldn't get pizza sauce on his uniform. Edward was acting weird, he kept getting up and going to his office and constantly looking at his phone.

"Are you expecting a call?" I asked him.

"No, I'm downloading some apps," he said with a smile.

"When can I have a phone again?" Beth asked her father.

"Hum…let me see, you won't need one for the next two days," he teased her and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"You can use mine," Fella offered and Beth snorted.

"I don't want little boys calling me to brag about the size of their boogers," she said.

"We stopped doing that in third grade," Fella objected and I had to intervene to stop all booger conversation at the dinner table.

"You can use mine tonight," I offered her. "I want a way to get hold of you, just in case."

"Are you going to hit a homerun?" Esme asked Fella.

"I'm feeling the pressure," he smiled and wiped his hands nervously on the towel. "I'll try, just for you, grandma."

Esme placed her hand over her heart and Beth pretended to gag. Edward shook the bill of Fella's hat and winked at him. I glanced at Carlisle and noticed how he kept his eyes on Edward. He was worried about his son and it got me a little freaked. Edward stood again and headed to his office.

Carlisle's brow furrowed as he sat in deep thought. He finally snapped out of his trance and saw me looking at him. I raised my eyebrows and he smiled and gave his head a quick shake in an attempt to stop my worrying.

We all rode together to the game and when we pulled out of the front gate a security service car was parked to the side. "Beth, your babysitter's here," Fella laughed.

"Yours had to stop for more diapers," she said back to him.

"Naw, this bulge is just a cup," he said pounding on his athletic supporter with his knuckles.

"You're gross," Beth said and scooted further from her brother.

We pulled into the parking lot, all scanning the area for anything dangerous or upsetting. Beth saw some of her friends and headed right for them. "Stay close," Edward yelled to her and she waved without looking back.

I took Edward's hand and felt added comfort having Carlisle and Esme with us. We found a spot at the top of the bleachers and sat with pounding hearts. Carlisle sat next to Edward and Esme sat next to me. I heard Carlisle say, "May I see your phone, son?"

Edward hesitated and finally handed it over. I watched Carlisle look around at various applications and figured he was simply interested in the phone. The game started and Edward's behavior continued. He would look at his phone constantly and now Carlisle would, too.

I tried to ignore them and kept my eye on Beth. At one point she began walking with some friends toward the park area and I stood to go get her, but she looked back, pulling on her friends arm and they headed back to the ball fields.

Our team came running in from the field and Edward suddenly jumped up and said, "Go buy Fella a Gatorade," as he took the steps two at a time. He jogged up to the dugout and said something to Fella and I watched my son pour out the liquid in the cup he was holding.

I hurried over to the concession stand and wondered if this was going to be our life from now on, afraid to drink a cup of water for fear we were being poisoned.

After the third inning Edward glanced at his phone and stiffened. He tried to casually stand and look around as if he was stretching his legs. Carlisle looked at him and said he was going to run to the restroom. I watched as he passed the facilities and moved closer to Beth, but continued watching the game. My heart was pounding in fear.

Fella was up to bat, having walked the first time, and smiled at Esme. She held up her crossed fingers and he nodded. I was trying to watch my son, while I kept looking at Carlisle watching over Beth. Fella finally stepped into the batter's box.

It was a full count when he pulled the pitch to the left side of the field and barely beat the throw from the third baseman, his long legs making all the difference. I cheered loudly and he looked at his grandma and held up his hands with a shrug.

Fella took a big step off the base, ready to steal if he got the signal from his coach. I sat down and Esme said with pride, "He's very athletic, and looks like he is so much older than the other boys."

"I know, I worry about people treating him older. I want him to stay a little boy forever," I said with a sigh.

Esme looked around for Carlisle and asked, "What's going on with Carlisle and Edward?"

"I don't know, but I plan on finding out tonight," I said with irritation. I glanced up at Edward and saw him looking at the parking lot.

"Edward, are you watching the game?" I asked him.

"Uh huh," he answered without turning around.

I went back to watching the game and saw Fella slide back to the base as the pitcher tried to pick him off. He stood with a big smile and tried to dust off the dirt billowing from his uniform. I wondered why I even bothered with the towel at dinner time.

I took a moment to look for Beth as Fella worked on his uniform. I watched her laughing with her friends when a loud bang sounded from the trees behind the field. Beth screamed and ducked behind friends making them all laugh. Everything began moving in slow motion.

Edward took off down the bleachers, running faster than I knew he could. He threw his keys to Carlisle as he passed and I watched as Carlisle ran toward our SUV, as Edward continued to run toward the trees.

Chaos was going on all around us as the kids ran into the dugout for protection. I sought out Beth, making sure she was okay, then I turned to look for Fella, my own screaming filled the air as I saw him lying awkwardly in the dirt, still on first base.

Life ceased to have meaning for me.

* * *

**Surrogate author's note: Sandi didn't ever beg for reviews...but I'm asking for a note from you, the readers, about what you think...pretty please? **


	13. SotF 4

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 4

I couldn't get my legs to move. My appendages were numb and I could only hear a loud swishing noise in my head as all sound became muffled. I put my hands on the metal bench in front of me and tried to walk as I held on, almost crawling to the end of the aisle.

I had to reach my son and he seemed miles away as I stumbled and staggered my way forward. Men began running onto the field and blocked my view as I grabbed onto the chain link fence of the backstop. I caught sight of Beth running onto the field toward her fallen brother, toward her own possible demise, and I screamed in pain as I slid down the fencing.

Esme pulled me from the ground and held me as I arched back in anguish. He was just a boy, a kind, sweet, little boy and I couldn't understand how anyone would want to hurt him. Several mothers gathered around me with their own tears, shocked at what was happening and grateful it wasn't their little boys.

I couldn't catch my breath as I screamed, "No," into the air hysterically. I heard a siren growing louder and the flashing lights sent me back to that awful day when Beth was taken from her bed. Was there any place we could go to hide from the awful people who wanted us to pay for our happiness?

I had one moment of clear thought and realized Edward was going after the person who did this. He ran right to them without knowing his son was lying in the dirt. I would lose them both at the same time and there wouldn't be anyone to fix it like last time. Someone grabbed my face and held me firmly. I made out Beth's face and reached for her to hold onto; determined nobody would take her from me, too.

"Mom, Fella's been hit with a dart. He can't move, but he's asking for you," she said and I couldn't understand her words.

"MOTHER," she screamed at me. "Fella wants you."

I turned to see him being loaded onto a stretcher and ran toward him. I grabbed his face and saw him smile at me as I cried all over him. The paramedic asked me to get in and I quickly followed them into the ambulance. "I didn't get to bat again," he said sadly and my heart jumped into my throat.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked the two men checking his vitals and starting a line of fluids.

"He's been hit with a dart, it has some type of paralyzing property," they tried to explain but I couldn't concentrate on anything.

The ambulance pulled into the hospital emergency room and Fella was quickly taken from my sight. I was given a clipboard of papers to fill out and I couldn't even remember our address. I was worried about Edward and Carlisle and then realized Beth and Esme were stranded at the park and worried about them, too.

I didn't have my phone because Beth had it. I felt so lost and nobody would give me any information on my son. I sat on a chair in the waiting room with the clipboard on my lap and cried. Edward entered, flying through the doors in a panic. He was sweating and breathing heavily and I looked at him, unable to move, wanting it to be a dream. But the look in his eyes told me it was not a dream and we had to find the strength somewhere to carry on.

We headed toward each other, knowing our strength always came from one another. He pulled me into his arms, which were shaking badly, and I held him with my eyes closed. I wondered if I kept them closed if everything would melt away, leaving just Edward and I.

A nurse approached me and asked if I had finished with the forms. I shook my head and she walked away. Beth walked through the door with Carlisle and Esme. I watched as Carlisle headed back behind the wall separating us from our son.

Esme picked up the clipboard and began filling out what she could. "Did you find him?" I asked Edward.

"No, but I have proof he was there," he said as he stared at the wall his father disappeared behind.

"Edward," I said through clenched teeth, "I asked you not to do this to me. I asked you to tell me if you were doing something and not keep me in the dark. I. Asked. You."

He looked down at me with a hurt expression and said, "I'll protect us, Bella."

"No," I said shaking my head and pulled away from him. "No, you don't get to do this. My baby was shot, it was a dart this time, but next time it could be a bullet right into his brain. You tell me everything you know or I'm taking my kids and going to Forks."

Beth was staring at us with a new fear in her eyes. The stress of this may be too much for Edward and I to handle. This might be the final straw in the weight of the burden we could bear.

"If we cower to them we will be doing it forever," Edward yelled at me, "I know what I'm doing."

"When do you concede? What will it take to make you throw your hands in the air? Does Beth have to be raped, Fella lose a limb, and maybe my car explodes when I start the ignition? Tell me what it will take, Edward, for you to finally admit you can't stop this?"

He took a step towards me and lowered his voice, but his anger kicked up a notch. "You don't know what that bastard put me through. I will not, do you hear me, I will NOT let them do this to me again."

"How do you know what you're doing is even legal? Who is advising you on this, Edward?"

"Legal, these people don't care about legal. You can't fight them with the law, they have no respect for the law," he yelled and Beth began to cry.

Carlisle came to talk to us and we both waited anxiously for his news. He motioned for us all to sit but Edward refused. I closed my eyes as the wedge planted deeper between us.

"The dart contained venom. He's been given anti-venom and now we have to wait and see how his body responds," Carlisle told us.

"Can I see him?" I asked.

"They have given him pain medication. He is pretty out of it right now…"

"I don't care, I want to be with him," I said as I stood. Carlisle stood and led me toward the room, but I turned to see Edward staying put.

"Are you coming?" I asked him.

"I have to talk to the officers first," he said softly and I nodded.

"Be sure and tell them everything you know," I said cynically as I shook my head. Edward's jaw tightened and he turned away from me. Beth walked over and put her arm around her father and locked eyes with me. She was drawing a line in the sand and letting me know Forks was not going to be an option for her.

I had a limited amount of energy left and used it to go see my son. His room was dark and he was hooked up to an assortment of monitors. I let the nurse in me step forward and I made a note of all the medications and checked his oxygen saturation level and heart rate.

I finally sat next to his bed, took his hand in mine, and held it to my lips as I cried. I remembered as a toddler how he would smile when I walked into his room after his nap. He would hold out his arms and say, "I dweam of you, mommy."

"Sweet dreams?" I would ask him.

He would throw his hands in the air and say, "Yesh."

I felt my tears making his hand damp and I pulled back and wiped his hand dry. "Have sweet dreams, Fella," I said softly. I pulled my knees up and held them tightly, staring at my son as he slept.

I never spoke to a doctor and assumed he had met with Edward. I was dozing off when the infusion machine began to beep. A nurse came in and I stretched my legs and stood to watch her work. She added another bag and I looked at its contents. "More anti-venom?" I asked her.

"Yes, two doses should do it," she said and held Fella's arm up to look at the puncture site just below his shoulder.

"When were his last labs taken?" I asked and she looked at the computer before saying, "Upon admission."

"Can you ask the doctor to order more?" I asked and she smiled and nodded at me. "Have you seen my husband?" I asked her and looked away before I could see her expression.

"He met with the officers and then took his family home. He said he would be back."

"Thanks," I told her and went back to my chair.

"He should be out all night, if you want to get some rest we can call you when he wakes up," she offered.

I remembered using that line often when a visitor was hovering over one of my patients. I wondered if she really expected me to go home and leave my son here alone. She didn't know a population of sexual deviants wanted to hurt my family.

I scooted closer to his bed and let my head rest next to his leg as my arm draped over him. I fell asleep wanting to believe I was standing watch over my baby. I felt a hand on my back and I jumped in fear.

"Sorry, love." Edward said softly.

"Where's Beth?"

"With my parents, Charlie and Renee are coming in the morning," he told me and I felt anxious for my parents to come hold me together.

"Edward," I said as I wrapped my arms around his hips. "Take us away, far away. I am begging you to help me save our family."

He took my face in his hands and leaned his forehead to mine. "Bella, I can't run away. It would incite their need to destroy us; we would never be free if I ran. But, we can look at having you and the kids go."

I couldn't tell him Beth already made up her mind about that. She felt my fear was a weakness; she wouldn't support my decision to go into hiding.

"So how do we save our family?" I asked him as I looked in his eyes for assurance he knew what he was doing.

"By staying strong, we can't show our fear. It is exactly what they want and we can't let them know their tactics are working. We have to be strong, I know you can be strong, Bella."

I looked over at my son as the machine's made noise and he lay still. Edward walked over to kiss our boy and run his fingers through his hair. He placed his palm on Fella's heart and closed his eyes as he felt his son's heart beat under his hand.

"Did the doctor talk to you?" I finally asked.

"Yes, their main concern is the tissue around the puncture site. He was treated so quickly, since they had the correct anti-venom in supply, he should have a full recovery."

"Are the police doing anything?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Riley insists he was at work, they're checking with his employer and coworkers to see if his story checks out."

I felt hope drain from me. The Volturi's were wealthy people and I doubted Riley actually had a job, but an alibi would be provided for him. I felt the need to get far from Seattle again, but decided to wait until my father arrived and get his perspective.

Edward sat in the recliner and held out his arms for me. I walked over and climbed onto his lap. He tilted the chair back and we both fell asleep.

Early the next morning someone showed up to draw blood for lab work. I climbed out of the chair, stiff and sore, and looked at what tests were ordered. Fella stirred when she stuck him with the needle, so I moved up to speak to him.

"Are you in pain, son?" I asked as I rubbed his forehead.

"No," he whispered and tried desperately to open his eyes.

"Just rest, mommy and daddy are here with you."

He nodded his head and tried to smile before saying, "Did we win?"

I laughed and lied to him, "Of course you did."

"Dad," he called out and Edward walked to the other side of the bed and took hold of his hand.

"Yes, son."

"Can we practice batting?"

"Sure, as soon as the rain lets up," Edward told him and Fella smiled before drifting off again.

We decided to go to the cafeteria for some food as ate in silence. Edward finally looked at me with wet eyes and said, "I miss him."

"Who?" I asked.

"Fella, he always had something to share with me or something to say to make me smile. My days were always made a bit brighter by him," he said as his chin quivered.

"Edward, he is your son, that's for sure. I remember getting in trouble when we were little because I didn't want to brush my teeth. I was so anxious to play with you I was willing to risk cavities," I laughed at the memory.

"Do you remember when you got me to shower by myself at the psychiatric hospital?" he asked and I had to really think back in time.

"Vaguely, I remember how much I hated Emmett handling you so roughly."

"You walked me to the shower and when I began removing my clothing you left, why?"

"I was sixteen," I reminded him.

He chuckled and leaned closer to me, "I would have looked."

"I was afraid," I said softly.

"Of me?" he asked with surprise.

"No, of seeing what they did to you," I admitted.

"I never notice my scars now," he said with a melancholy voice, so I reached out and placed my hand over his.

"I notice them, and it makes me love you even more." I said honestly.

He looked at me for several moments and finally told me what I was waiting for him to say. "I placed a tracking devise on Riley's car. I've been tracking his every move. I knew he came to the park but I couldn't see his car anywhere."

"How did you get it on his car?" I asked in shock.

"I went to the school. It was the only place I could get to his car without setting off alarms."

"What did the police say?" I asked.

"I didn't tell them. I have to catch him Bella, or none of it matters. I can fix this, but it has to be done unconventionally," he said as he searched my eyes for…something, showing I would go along with his plan.

"Is there a chance I could lose you, or it could ruin your recovery?" I asked and saw exactly what I feared seeing. His eyes flickered just a bit, and my heart told me what his couldn't. He was going back in, the world that took so much from him, was now taking it from me. I looked away as my tears fell and I took a deep breath.

"I think I'll lose you either way," he said softly and I felt my head nod in agreement. If he did nothing, I would go to save my children, if he tried to fix it, I would leave him for his actions.

"Edward," I said with conviction, "If you let another woman touch you, we're done."

He opened his mouth to speak, but my parents came into view at that moment. I ran to them and held on for support as my knees buckled. My father held me tightly and assured me over and over again he was there to help.

I left Edward with my father, knowing if he was hiding something my father would bring it into the open. I took my mother to Fella's room and was so happy to see him open his eyes. A nurse followed us in with a tray of food and I took it from her hands.

She raised the bed so Fella could sit up and my heart hurt when he winced and cried out in pain. My mother took the tray from my hands so I could comfort my son. "Do you need any medication," I asked him.

"No, I'll be brave," he said softly.

"You heal faster when your body is relaxed," the nurse told him, "Bravery will just keep you here longer."

I noticed how his hands were shaking so I pulled up a chair next to his bed. "Honey, you rest and I'll feed you," I told him and picked up the spoon.

"Mom," he said softly, "Don't let Beth know you fed me, okay?"

"I promise," I said with a smile.

He ate most of the food before Edward and Charlie came to see him. He smiled at the sight of his father and seemed to sit up a bit taller. Edward's entire face lit up when he saw his son looking at him. He walked to the side of the bed and leaned over to kiss him.

"You look like you're taking it easy, the lawn isn't going to mow itself," Edward teased.

"I think Beth will handle it for me," Fella answered and we all laughed at the thought of Beth willingly doing work.

"I heard about your homerun," Charlie said proudly.

"I really hoped to have another one. I'm hard to pitch to since I'm so tall," Fella repeated and Charlie dove in to the dynamics of baseball.

I watched Edward look sadly at his son, when his eye locked with mine I smiled and he swallowed hard. I wondered if our time was over, if fate allowed us only so many years and we had used them all. Would we be able to tread water in the sick world he had been a part of without drowning? Edward was willing to try, I wasn't so sure.

When Carlisle, Esme and Beth came to visit, Edward and Charlie left to talk further. Renee went with them and would wait at the house for me and Beth.

"I'm so sorry, Fella," Beth cried as she threw her arms around him and he yelled out in pain, causing Beth to cry harder.

"It's okay," he said with a tight jaw, looking so much like Edward. "I'm sure they would have shot at you, if you were athletic at all."

"I'll stick to modeling my underwear," she laughed and wiped her eyes.

"Dad said you have to mow the lawn for me," he announced, and her mouth fell open wide.

"You'll have to have an amputation before that will happen," she said as she shook her head.

Beth was chatting with her brother and he seemed to be growing tired so I called the nurse for his pain medication so he could rest.

Edward kept vigil at home while I handled things at the hospital. Esme came by the next afternoon and sent me home to shower and change clothes. I was standing under the hot spray when Edward opened the shower door and looked at me.

"Hi," I said and tried to smile.

"I feel like I haven't seen you for so long," he said.

"Fella should be released on Tuesday," I said as I rinsed the lather from my hair.

"Can I take Beth to a seminar tomorrow?" he asked.

"Sure, if she wants to go."

"Can we talk, after your shower?" he asked with nervous eyes.

I nodded and felt a shiver run through me. I could feel the wedge between us sink lower and deeper. I took extra time with my shower. I toweled off and dried my hair before coming into the bedroom. Edward was sitting on the bed and I could tell how nervous he was. I sat next to him and took a deep breath.

"Beth has been getting threatening letters," he said and I shut my eyes in despair. "They come in the mail and are words cut from books. She hasn't seen them and I've given them to the officers. I talked to Charlie about my plan and he can't condone it, but he understands my desire to do it."

"How involved do you have to be?" I asked with dread.

"I need to get inside that house," he said bluntly.

"Why?"

"I need to do something, and I can't tell you for your own safety."

I began to cry and he grabbed my hand. "Bella, I'm willing to let you do it with me, but I have to know you can do what will be expected."

"I don't understand, aren't you going to break in?" I asked him.

"There is going to be a party, a masquerade, and very…specific…things happen at those parties. I'm not sure you can pull it off," he said sadly.

My naïve mind thought of the costumes we had used, like his mask and my angel wings, but I knew that was not what he was talking about. He was talking about things so intense he didn't believe I could participate, so another woman would have to take my place.

"You expect me to let you walk in there with another woman?" I asked appalled.

"If you can't do it, we need to openly and loudly separate, so I can go in with someone else." The pain in his eyes did nothing to soften the blow of his words. I instantly thought of Tanya and wondered if he wanted to experience just a taste of his old life again.

"Who?" I asked as my tears fell.

His head dropped and he shook it lightly. "Does it really matter?" he said as his tears matched mine.

"I'll do whatever you need me to do, just tell me and I'll do it," I said as panic gripped my soul.

"Can you be a dom?" he asked as I shook my head up and down vehemently. "Can you hurt me?" he whispered and I only stared at him. "Can you make me bleed?"

And with those words the wedge split us in two.

* * *

**Surrogate author's note: Sandi didn't ever beg for reviews...but I'm asking for a note from you, the readers, about what you think...pretty please? **


	14. SotF Chapter 5

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 5

I couldn't move, my blood seemed to thicken in my veins and my life was slowly coming to a halt. I looked at the wall with the stick figure drawings and it was exactly how I felt. Everything was gone and just a simple image of me existed.

I thought about some of the chapters I had read in his book about different devices and apparatus used to cause pain and intensify the climax, things that would leave marks and scars. The dominate partner gained pleasure by using these things, I was sickened by them. The submissive partner would give everything he or she had, including flesh and blood, just to bring joy. I would never find joy from Edward's sacrifice.

"You've thought this through Edward, who would you take if I couldn't do it?" I asked outright and prepared for the answer.

"A former patient from the clinic, a young woman named Heidi; she understands how that world works and can read the tempo and mood of the games. She is…tolerant…for a dominate. I could have her bring her partner and stop by, if you want to ask questions or watch her work." His eyes couldn't look at mine and his voice was soft and hesitant.

I felt a very unnatural urge to slap him. After everything we had gone through I never once had the desire to hit Edward. I snapped and stared at my red, stinging hand, in shock. He didn't move a muscle. He remained perfectly still and let me humiliate him by slapping him in his own home. I stood to move away from him. I didn't trust myself in such close proximity.

My heart was beating wildly and I couldn't form the words I was looking for. I stuttered and gasped as I held my chest in order to keep my heart from spilling onto the ground. I spoke as I moved away. I heard my voice and I heard the words, but my mind didn't understand why I was saying them to my husband, "I should have married Jake."

Edward stood and I could see the imprint of my hand on his cheek. He looked at me with an expression I didn't recognize. His eyes were angry, but also more alive than I had ever seen them before. "Finally, you hit me, I guess you had it in you all along," he said angrily. I backed up and let him pass me to walk out the door.

I heard a noise and looked up to see Beth standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and she looked terrified. I held my hand out and she ran to me. I was meaning to comfort her, but my loud, agonizing sobs, put her into tears.

I cried just like I did when I was taken from under the merry-go-round, just like the day Edward left the mental hospital, exactly like the moment he walk out because I was pregnant, and of course, the day Beth was kidnapped. I had too many painful memories where Edward and I were concerned. My heart would heal only to be shredded again.

My father and mother finally came into my room and took me from Beth's arms. "Give us a minute," my mom said to Beth and she hurried as fast as she could out of the room.

I stared at my parents and asked the age old question, "Why?" I wanted them to tell me what I had done to make love so uncontainable for me. Why Edward and I were forced to separate constantly instead of living boring mundane lives.

"Bella," my father said forcefully, but with tears in his eyes. "These things are very hard for the authorities to deal with. They need solid proof, and sometimes that comes in the form of someone being seriously hurt or killed."

"Fella was seriously hurt," I reminded him.

"And you have no proof it was Riley," he reminded me back. "People can't be arrested for their sexual peccadilloes. Edward is a public figure of sorts; it will be hard for him to go into hiding. It will also put an end to the great work he does for children."

"So, you want me to let my husband play bondage sex games with another woman?" I cried.

"No, I am telling you to listen to him, hear him out, and let him bounce ideas off of you." I was shaking my head. My father didn't understand the things I did. This wasn't something Edward could dabble in, it would destroy all of his hard work, and it would destroy me to watch.

The next day my parents stayed with Fella at the hospital and I took Beth to Edward's seminar. We came in late and sat in the back of the room. Edward was talking to the group about changing their inner monologue to positive messages. He asked each person to say something positive about themselves. It was heartbreaking to watch them strive for one little thing to say.

One young man caught Beth's attention. He was around her age, very handsome, and held his head down most of the time. He had been sexually abused by a scout leader and was struggling with his identity. When the group took a break Beth approached him. They chatted for a few moments, and the boy began smiling, and lifting his head a little more.

I listened to some of their conversation as I pretended to be engrossed in a book. I was very proud of my daughter.

"You're lucky to have the father you do," Peter told her.

"I just barely found out about his past," Beth admitted.

"Did you freak out?" he asked and his head dropped.

"No, he's who he is because of his life experiences. It doesn't define him, it only helped mold him into the great man he is," she said and I chuckled to myself.

"I don't talk to girls at my school," Peter said in a sad voice, and I noticed how he moved away from Beth a bit.

"I don't think you should," Beth said with a giggle and I looked up to see why she would say such a thing to this fragile boy. Peter's face looked so hurt and Beth leaned over to look into his eyes and said, "I think you should only talk to me."

Peter smiled and even blushed a little making Beth laugh. When Edward started the seminar again Peter was smiling and participating more. At the end of the meeting Edward had each person stand and say something good about themselves one more time. He stood at their side and whispered positive messages into their ears.

Peter was quiet for a moment so Edward whispered in his ear and a huge smile grew across his face. He said very softly, "Beth Cullen thinks I'm hot."

"Dad," Beth yelled and the whole room broke into laughter and applause.

When the group was excused Beth and Peter made their way back to each other and exchanged phone numbers. Edward and I stood next to each other awkwardly. We had not slept in the same bed for days and I was going to be back at the hospital again after dropping Beth at home.

"I think Beth enjoyed watching you work," I said and Edward smiled and nodded.

He rubbed his neck and said, "I'll stop by the grocery store, anything you need?"

"Oh, I can do it," I offered. "My parents won't mind staying with Fella a bit longer."

"I can do it, Bella. I've shopped before," he said with irritation.

"I'm not trying to fight with you Edward, I'll do the shopping because I know what we need," I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"Forget it," he mumbled and I shook my head and turned to see Beth watching us very closely.

I felt exposed and the stress we were dealing with was obvious for everyone to see. I told Beth I would be waiting for her in the car and she walked over to talk to Edward. She eventually made her way to the car and told me she had permission to go eat with Peter and he would bring her home.

I drove off, feeling like I was being squeezed out by my own family. I stopped at the grocery store and had everything put away before Edward came home. He walked in and headed to our room to change. I followed him and watched as he changed into jeans and a t-shirt. He looked at me a couple of times but never said anything.

When he was finished I finally spoke to him. "Edward, I want to apologize, God, I have no idea why I said that to you. The slap, I don't, I mean I won't….God, I am so sorry," I said as tears fell down my face.

"You said you would never hurt me, Bella, the slap was nothing. If you want Jake, go, I won't stop you."

He left the room and I stood there too stunned to speak. Two weeks ago we were so happy, now we were broken. I drove to the hospital to relieve my parents. They could tell something was wrong and I told them I had a headache, but I would be fine.

Fella wasn't as easily fooled. "Mom, you look sad," he said with his own sad eyes.

"I'm fine, I miss having you at home and it's hard to sleep here," I lied.

"You don't have to stay," he offered.

"There is no place else in the world I would want to be," I said and kissed his cheek.

He watched television while I sat in a chair and tried to come up with some way to save my marriage and family. When he finally fell asleep I sat in the darkness with my legs over the side of the recliner. I stared up at the ceiling as my tears fell down the side of my face and into my hair.

The door opened and I didn't bother sitting up. I could care less what the nurse thought so I closed my eyes until she left. I felt a finger trace my tears from the side of my face and I looked over to see Edward kneeling in front of me.

"Do you want to be my Fella?" I whispered.

"Always," he said and leaned in for a soft kiss.

"I'm sorry," I said against his lips.

"Me too," he answered.

I stood up and he pulled me into his arms and folded his body around mine. I sighed loudly as the guilt and shame lifted off of me. He took a couple of deep breaths before pulling out of my arms and sitting. I climbed on his lap and buried my face in his neck. He moved his head to the side and I kissed his skin and sucked gently.

He moaned and I increased the pressure as he began breathing rapidly. We were quickly getting out of control and became oblivious to where we were or the fact our son was lying in the bed just a couple of feet from us. A nurse walked in and Edward and I both jumped.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she said and we quickly told her it was fine. "I guess this guy will be leaving us tomorrow," she said sadly.

"Really, a day early?" I asked.

"That is what the doctor said when he came by this evening," she told me.

I felt like things were slowly coming together and for the first time in days I had hope we would beat this. I told Edward to head home, so he could take Beth to school the next day, and walked him into the hallway.

He turned to look down the hallway and I gasped when I saw his neck. "Oh my God," I laughed and covered my mouth with my hand.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing, drive safely," I said and gave him a quick kiss and went back into Fella's room.

I easily fell asleep this time and dreamed of my Edward, loving me, back on the island in Brazil. Fella woke me up by calling out for me. I jumped up and went quickly to his bedside.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, but, I had a dream that I kept growing and became a giant. It was so cool."

"I think you will stop at about six foot two, like your father," I assured him. "I heard you are getting kicked out of here today."

"Really?" he asked with joy.

"Of course you will have to stay home from school for a week, can you put up with me hovering over you with popsicles and soup?"

"Make it popsicles and pizza and you have a deal," he smiled.

I held out my hand and he shook it decisively.

When Fella climbed into the car, dressed in his regular clothes it was the greatest feeling. I stopped by Wendy's and got him a burger and a frosty which he said was the best thing he had ever tasted. When we pulled into the garage Edward ran out to give him a big hug.

"I have the family room all set up. You can lie on the couch and play video games all day," Edward said as he led Fella into the house.

"Man, I like being shot with a dart full of venom," Fella joked.

Edward looked at me and pointed at his neck with narrowed eyes. "I'll get even," he said and I quickly flashed my chest at him before heading into the house.

I walked into the kitchen and noticed the mail lying on the table. I picked it up and looked for a suspicious letter, nothing unusual was found. I joined everyone in the family room and Fella was laughing as his Grandpa Swan tried his hand at a game.

By later in the afternoon my parents headed back to Forks. Edward picked up Beth from school and when she walked through the door she headed straight for her brother. "Guess what I have, fungus?" she said loudly.

"You have a fungus?" he asked.

"No, idiot, I was calling you a fungus."

"No, you didn't. You said, 'guess what I have' and then you said 'fungus.'"

"I know. 'Guess what I have' and then your name, 'fungus,'" Beth tried to explain.

"My name is Fella not Fungus, so you actually said you have a fungus," he pushed.

"Your name is Edward and at your age you should be humiliated by the name Fella," she said totally losing her original point.

"I like my nickname," he protested and Beth huffed loudly.

"Forget it," she said and stood to leave.

"Good, I didn't want to see your fungus, anyway," he said with a pout.

Beth reached in her back pack and threw a folder down next to Fella and stormed out. He picked it up and groaned as he saw it was full of homework. I watched Beth stop at Edward's office door and knock before going inside. I wondered what was going on so I headed to his office myself.

I peeked inside and Edward waved me in. I walked over and sat on the edge of his desk. "Beth wants to drive," Edward told me and I smiled at her.

She had been with her grandma Cullen when she was twelve and witnessed a car run a red light and smash into a van from a day care center. She had no desire to drive when she turned sixteen and we told her to take her time and let us know when she was ready.

"Of course, I want a Jaguar," Beth said trying to keep a straight face.

"I can get a deal on a Suburban," Edward said to me with a serious expression and Beth gasped loudly making us both laugh.

"I'll call and get you set up for some driver's education," I promised and got up to leave the room. Beth stepped in front of me to keep me in the there. She hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and finally just came out with what she wanted.

"Can I invite Peter over?"

I looked at Edward and he motioned for both Beth and I to sit down. I noticed how nervous Beth seemed. Edward sat forward to talk seriously with his daughter.

"Beth, Peter is in recovery and working through some difficult feelings. His sexuality is in question and I don't want you to end up getting hurt if he doesn't choose to have a romantic relationship with you."

"I know," Beth said a little too quickly.

"He may just need a friend right now, are you okay with that?" he asked.

Beth looked at her hands for a moment and struggled with what she wanted to say. She finally said, "Well, how does that work, I mean…stuff….happened to you, did you wonder if you were gay?"

I peeked over at Edward for his reaction and he looked to be deep in thought. I felt myself tense and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to answer or not. He let out a loud breath and looked back at Beth.

"I have met so many abuse victims and the response to abuse is unique. Some became bisexual, some became asexual, and others homosexual. But it doesn't mean they would have been something different without the abuse. Peter is young and he'll find his path."

Beth nodded and looked a bit sad. I didn't know if I should discourage her involvement with Peter or not. It could be a long hard road, filled with heartbreak, but I looked at Edward and knew it was so worth it.

"Any questions?" Edward asked Beth, and she shook her head with disgust "Just get rid of that hickey before I die of humiliation."

After she left, I walked over to sit on Edward's lap. "No letters today," I said and he shook his head no.

I asked what he was working on and he said Riley's car had not left the driveway for two days, so he was a bit concerned. I felt a sense of dread and just wanted a good night's sleep in my own bed before facing anymore drama. We had a quiet family dinner and settled in for the night.

I fell asleep before Edward even climbed in bed. I was awakened by the sound of Edward softly crying and mumbling in his sleep. He was pulled into a tight ball and his teeth were clenched tightly as he kept asking for help.

I moved to touch him lightly and he rolled onto his back, fully aroused, before reaching out for me. I called out his name and he pulled me onto him as he panted loudly. He put his hand in my hair and wrapped it tightly causing me to cry out in pain. He rolled us over and pulled my head back by my hair and began biting my ear.

"Oh God Tanya," he moaned and my blood turned cold.

I began to fight him, pushing him with my arms, but he quickly pinned them down. I was crying and swinging my legs to get him off of me as he ground his pelvis against me. All my efforts were just encouraging him to step up his forcefulness and he grabbed the front of my nightgown ripping it down the front, before biting me harshly on my breast.

I finally relaxed and held perfectly still. His breathing settled and he slowly fell to his side and continued on with his sleep. I crawled from the bed and headed to the bathroom. I sat on the floor against the tub and cried in loud aching sobs. I couldn't control my shaking and I held my knees to my chest.

I sat there crying until the sun came up. Edward walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. His eyes widened and he rushed over to me. "Bella, what happened?" he asked in a panic.

I pushed him away and turned to my side so I wouldn't have to look at him. "Bella, are you hurt?" he begged and tried to touch me again.

"Don't touch me," I screamed. "Don't put your hands on me again." I grabbed the torn nightgown and held it over my chest.

"You have to tell me what happened, Bella, please. Who hurt you?"

"You," I yelled at him. "You did this, after calling me Tanya. You wouldn't stop," I sobbed into my hands.

He backed up in revulsion and his face turned pale. He tried to speak but he only mumbled unintelligible words. "Just leave," I screamed at him and he turned to run. I could hear him dressing quickly and the sound of the door slamming woke the kids.

Beth found me first and when she knelt in front of me I grabbed her tightly to my sore chest. She cried too, not sure what was going on, but terrified her family was ending. "Where's dad?" she asked.

I pulled back and tried to wipe my tears away. She saw my torn gown and looked into my eyes. "Did Dad do that?"

"Not on purpose, he was asleep," I said and watched her brow furrow in confusion.

"He was having a nightmare and I tried to wake him." I looked up to see Fella watching me and Beth with such pain in his eyes. I stood and told them both I was fine and just needed a quick shower before making breakfast.

When I walked into the kitchen, dressed and ready for the day, I found breakfast already made by Beth. I hugged her and thanked her before sitting down to eat. We sat quietly and not even Fella's sweetness could pull us from the heavy mood.

I made Fella come with us to drop off Beth at school. She climbed from the car and walked quickly away without looking back. I drove off and took a long, deep breath. Fella looked at me for a few moments and went back to looking out the car window. I felt horrible for putting this kind of pressure on my children.

"Do you feel like stopping by Grandpa and Grandma Cullen's?" I asked Fella.

"Sure, is Dad there?"

I didn't think about the possibility of Edward going to his father's for help and wished I had kept my suggestion to myself. "I don't know, he may have gone to his office at the clinic," I told him honestly.

We pulled up to the house and I saw Edward's car. I didn't know what to say to him and hoped he was locked in a room with his father and I wouldn't have to confront things just yet. Esme answered the door and pulled me into her arms.

"I wanted Fella to get out of the house and feel a bit normal," I lied. "I didn't know Edward was here."

"He's a mess, Bella. Let me take Fella for a smoothie so you can talk to him?" I nodded and she took Fella's hand and led him to the garage.

I walked down the hallway to Carlisle's office door. I knocked softly and then opened the door. Edward was sitting with his head in his hands and his eyes were swollen and red. I walked over to sit next to him on the arm of the chair.

"Bella, are you okay?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine. I think my pride was wounded," I admitted.

"Don't do that," Edward said to me, "I hurt you and I'm big enough to hear about it."

"Really, because I'm pretty sure you ran to your daddy, instead of hearing about it," I said in anger.

"If you're making me responsible for my dreams now, we're in really serious trouble," Edward said with his own anger.

"Just how often do you dream of Tanya? And not dreams of her causing you pain, but dreams that get you aroused and moaning loudly."

"It's the same thing," he said as his jaw tensed.

"Bella," Carlisle cut in, "Edward is being pulled back in because he is trying to find a way to keep Beth safe, so his memories and feelings are coming out in his subconscious. It is perfectly normal for him to dream about Tanya at this time."

"Did you tell your father about Heidi?" I asked as I looked into Edward's eyes.

His head dropped and I knew the answer, so I turned to Carlisle and said, "Edward wants to get inside the Volutri's house by attending a masquerade party with a domme named Heidi, because she can read the mood and tempo of the games," I said with disgust, "But the generous woman would be willing to let me watch what she will be doing with my husband on her partner first. Isn't that thoughtful of her?"

"I think this morning proved why you can't do it," Edward pointed out.

"So is this where we are headed, I have to start smacking you around to keep our marriage together?" I asked him.

"Bella, did you hit Edward?" Carlisle asked me outright and I dropped my head in shame. "You need to understand the thoughts it stirred in Edward, something he never felt was possible is now something that weighs on his mind. He will try to push you, whether it is conscious or subconscious, and it needs to be addressed."

I looked at Edward in shock. His years of recovery have been wiped away by a punk kid and an angry wife. He was thrust back into that world by Riley and I made it so much worse by letting him know I was capable of hitting him. His dreams were no longer of holding me in his arms but of the intensity Tanya had given him, his body remembered her after all these years.

"Edward, you need to decide if you want to live that life again. I can't fight this for you, but I will never hit you again, ever. If you can get better, come home, if not, stay here."

I walked out the door and back into my life as a single mother.


	15. SotF Chapter 6

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 6

I didn't pick Beth up until dinnertime. She had driving lessons after school and then hung out with her friend for a little while. She was excited to see Peter that night and didn't even notice Edward wasn't around.

She quickly opened the gate when Peter drove up and I watched the monitor to make sure nobody else came in with him. Beth ran out to the driveway and gave him a hug before taking his hand and bringing him inside. I said hello and when Beth insisted Fella leave the family room I let him come into my room to watch television.

"Where's Dad?" he asked and I tried to act as natural as possible.

"He's working on some things," I said and wondered if he was at his parent's home or with Heidi. I realized nothing had come in the mail and began to feel Riley may have moved on to another girl.

I walked into the garage and called Edward on my cell phone. He answered quickly but his voice sounded far away. "I just wanted to let you know nothing came in the mail and Peter is here with Beth," I told him.

"Okay, great," he answered and didn't bother asking anything else.

"Um…if you aren't coming home, can you please call the kids and tell them goodnight."

"Sure, I'll call them," he promised and grew quiet again.

"Okay, thanks," I waited a moment and finally said, "Goodnight, Edward."

"Sleep well, Bella," he said softly.

I hung up the phone and walked back into the house. When I passed the family room I caught a glimpse of Peter and Beth kissing passionately. I reached around the wall and turned the lights back on and they both jumped up. Beth glared at me and Peter dropped his head in shame.

I headed back into my room to find Fella asleep with the television on. I snuggled up next to him and was soon snoring deeply. I woke up in the middle of the night to see the television still on. I got up and headed down the hallway to see the family room television still on, too. I looked around for Beth and couldn't find her.

Panic was building quickly and I ran outside to see Peter's car gone, so I headed to the kitchen to call Edward just as Beth came walking in from the garage in her pajamas. "Where have you been?" I yelled loudly.

"In the garage, man would you chill," Beth said back angrily.

"Chill, you want me to chill? In case you haven't noticed it is one-thirty in the morning and we are in the middle of a bit of a lock down, young lady. Why were you in the garage?" I asked as I glared at her.

"I was talking to Dad, in case you haven't noticed he hasn't been home," she glared back at me.

I felt like I had been shot with a dart. My body went numb and my heart hurt badly. I knew Edward wouldn't confide in Beth, but I was so confused and so hurt. I didn't ask her what her father said, I hoped she would fill me in, but she only headed to her room.

I shut off the lights and the televisions and got back in bed with Fella. He stirred a little, but I held his hand, and he went right back to sleep. I stared at his face, which was so much like Edward's and wondered if his wife would put all her faith in him. I couldn't imagine Fella ever hurting anyone. I cried myself to sleep, holding my baby's hand.

I drove Beth to school the next morning and was looking forward to her being able to drive someday. Fella brought a pillow and blanket and went to sleep on the back seat. I could tell Beth was tired but when I asked her about it she only shrugged.

"I think you and Peter need to slow down a bit," I said and she looked away. "I'm only saying that because I moved too quickly with your father and ended up hurting us both."

"Dad said it was fine to kiss Peter, if he was willing," she said to dismiss me and I had to fight back tears.

We pulled up to the school and she got out of the car and walked away without looking back. I sat there staring at her retreating form when someone knocked lightly on my window. A young man dressed in a white shirt and tie stood next to my car. I lowered the window just an inched, "May I help you?" I asked.

"Are you Isabella Cullen?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered and he held out a manila envelope so I lowered the window a bit further.

"Mrs. Cullen you have officially been served by the court system of the state of Washington," he said with a smile and walked away.

"Wonderful," I mumbled and figured the Volturi's were suing us for accusing their son. I quickly opened the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers and looked at the front page. My hands went numb and I began breathing quickly, as I dropped the stack of papers.

"Mom, is anything wrong?" Fella asked me.

I couldn't answer. I heard a car honk behind me and I motioned for them to go around. I sat in front of the school, unable to move or speak, wondering why my husband was so quick to divorce me. In one day he had papers drawn up and ready to be filed.

Slowly I began to get angry. He had to be considering this for a long time to have everything in place so fast. I put my car in drive and sped to the Cullen's house. Fella wasn't dressed and had to come into the house with a blanket wrapped around his boxers and t-shirt.

"Where's Edward?" I asked Esme.

"He's at the clinic, is something wrong?" she asked with worried eyes.

"Can you watch Fella for about an hour?" I asked as I began heading to the car without waiting for a response.

I drove to the clinic and rushed through the door. I headed to Edward's office but it was empty. I looked in Carlisle's office and it was empty, too. I was heading back to the main desk when I ran into Rosalie. She gave me a sideway glance and asked, "What did he do?"

"Have you seen him?" I asked as my anger built.

"Not today," she said softly.

"Do you know a former patient named Heidi?" I asked.

"You know I can't give you that information," she said softly.

"If Emmett was divorcing you for Heidi, I would give it to you," I said as tears fell from my eyes.

"Bella, come on, you're exaggerating," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"I was just served papers as I dropped off Beth at school. He actually had me served in front of my son, so don't defend him," I said angrily.

"Oh my God," she said softly and took hold of my arm and pulled me into the room. "What's going on?"

"Everything is such a mess," I cried, "Beth is being targeted by the family of the man who had her kidnapped so long ago. Edward believes he has to go back into that world to save her, but it is tearing us apart."

"So where does Heidi come in?" she asked.

"I don't know what he has planned and I don't want to put you in danger, Rose. He needs a domme to work with and felt Heidi was, 'tolerant'," I said with revulsion.

"Are you sure he doesn't just find her hot, and he needs an excuse?" she asked.

I stared at her as my mouth fell open, "Thanks Rose, just what I needed to hear."

I walked out of the room and headed down the hallway. Rosalie came running after me to apologize but I kept walking. She followed me outside and finally relented, "Fine, I'll give you her address, but if you tell a soul where you got it I will never forgive you."

I waited for her to return and handed me a small card with an address in the middle of the city. I drove to the high rise apartment and noticed Edward's car parked out front. I felt sick inside and let my last sliver of hope blow away with the wind.

I knocked hard on the door and just as it opened I realized I was not dressed to confront a beautiful young woman. I had on my 'mom clothes' and no makeup. Heidi would instantly feel sorry for Edward and reward him for putting up with such a frumpy woman for so long. And a reward for Edward would most likely be a fresh scar.

I stared sheepishly at the woman in front of me. She was tall and thin, gauntly thin, with a dress hanging on her bony frame. Her hair was long and thick and her eyes looked huge on her skeletal face. She looked like a model and moved her long appendages gracefully.

"I want to speak to Edward," I said quickly and she turned to look behind her at someone in the other room.

I pushed past and walked to the living room where Edward and another man sat. I walked directly in front of him and crossed my arms as I tried to contain my anger. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I said through clenched teeth.

He dropped his head and I reached out to grab his hair to pull his head up. "Look at me; you're a man so act like it."

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked.

"You served me at the school, in front of Fella, why would you do that?"

He refused to answer and I stared at him, seeing the pain in his eyes before he looked away. "Is this part of the separating loudly, Edward?" I asked quietly.

"Bella, you can't do this, so I had to take action," he said without looking at me.

"Do what, have sex with someone else? I am so happy you can, what strength of character you must have, Edward," I yelled as my tears began to fall.

"I'm not weak anymore, Bella," he said with anger and stood to face me. I saw the hickey on his neck but it wasn't what hurt my heart beyond explanation, it was the large metal chain barely poking out from beneath his shirt.

I had to grab onto the back of a chair to continue standing. "You couldn't wait for us to be over?" I asked with only a whisper.

"I don't have time to wait," he answered as he fought his own tears.

"Nothing is happening, she isn't even getting letters anymore," I said and began to truly wonder if he was using this as an excuse to get out of our marriage, so he could return to his former life.

"She's in danger, trust me," he said with a tight jaw.

"Trust you?" I shook my head and laughed without humor. "You need to understand what you are doing to us. Beth is on your side and pushing me out of her life. Fella is so sweet that he won't understand any of this, so you are changing his personality forever. And for the first time since I was five years old, I am finding it really hard to love you anymore."

"You know I wouldn't do anything I didn't think was necessary," he said to convince me, but I only shook my head. He reached out for me and I saw his left hand, missing his wedding ring, and I pulled away from him.

"You aren't mine anymore, you belong to her," I said looking at Heidi. The woman looked remorseful but stood proud and looked directly at me, like any good dominate would. I looked at the other man, not understanding how the whole dynamic worked and then back at Edward's pained face.

I took a step back and pointed at him. "You are not the only one with a plan," I said to startle him. "I can save my daughter too, and I'm not talking about removing her from here, but actually stopping that horrible family."

"Bella," he yelled loudly, but I put my hand up to stop him.

"I'm not wearing a collar," I said as I pulled my shirt to reveal my empty neck, "And you served me with divorce papers, so you don't get to say a word to me."

"You're going to get hurt, or worse yet, get Beth hurt," he said to sway me.

I laughed and shook my head, "We're already hurt, thanks to you."

Heidi finally stepped toward me and spoke softly. Her voice surprised me; I wasn't expecting it to sound so…normal. "Bella, if you like, I can show you, with Felix, what you can expect at the party. Maybe you are more capable than Edward thinks."

I swallowed deeply and became terrified she was going to bring out whips and chains. I didn't want to be able to visualize what she would do with Edward, but became curious if it would be something I could actually handle. I looked at Edward and noticed how his eyes seemed to brighten at the idea. I had no idea if watching this would make things better or worse for him.

I gave a quick nod and crossed my arms to stop my body from shaking. She came even closer to me and placed her hand on my arm. Her fingers were cold and I had the desire to breathe warm air onto her hands and feed her. "I'll talk my way through this and let you know what goes on in my head," she said and then turned to face Edward. "Do you want to tell her what the sub will be thinking, let her hear your thoughts?"

He looked absolutely terrified and it broke my heart, not his fear, but his obvious discomfort at letting me see him so exposed. I thought we were a team, partners, together on everything, but a part of Edward would never be mine.

"I asked you a question," Heidi said forcefully and Edward quickly nodded at me.

I felt sick to my stomach.

She walked in front of the couch and stood in the middle of the room. Her whole demeanor changed and I saw Felix lower his head. "My heart rate is picking up," she said aloud, "At the thought of Felix giving me pleasure."

She looked at Edward and glared until he finally spoke. "She wants him, and that alone he finds amazing. He wants to make her happy so she will love him."

She grabbed Felix by the front of the shirt and pulled him to his feet. "I want to give him a taste of what I want this time, so he can prepare mentally to please me." She slapped him hard across the face and pushed him onto his knees before looking at Edward.

"Intensity, she wants this to be wild and intense. I'll resist, I mean, he'll resist to kick it up a bit for her," Edward said and I noticed how his breathing picked up.

"Stay on your knees and lean back onto your hands," she said to Felix and he leaned back with his hands flat on the ground, pulling at the sockets of his shoulders.

"He's getting aroused, knowing she will test his strength. He anxious to feel her body against his," Edward said without any prompting.

I felt my own breathing pick up and didn't see anything so far that would be too extreme for me.

She straddled his lap and he hissed with the contact. Edward swallowed deeply and let out a panted breath. Heidi laid her body against Felix's so the weight of her was on his arms. She pushed with her legs to increase the strain but Felix held perfectly still. His arms began to shake but he never moved or tried to reposition them.

She finally stood and pulled a narrow padded bench from the side of the sofa and placed it under Felix so only his head hung over. He looked much more relaxed but Edward tensed a bit. I watched Edward carefully when she hung something over her neck and attached it under Felix's body as she straddled him again. It looked like a sling, as if she would lift him and carry all of his weight. She placed something in Felix's mouth and he bit down on it.

"I want it hard, Felix," she said in a deep voice as she removed his jeans, pushing them down his thighs.

"He's thankful she is moving the metal zipper away, so the electricity won't burn him," Edward said softly and I looked back in horror. Her dress hung over Felix's body and didn't show me any intimate parts, but I could see what was going to happen.

She was standing over him with her legs wide and hit a button on the sling sending Felix screaming and arching upward. Her head fell back as she laughed in pleasure as his body connected with hers. When she stopped the electricity he fell back onto the bench.

Edward was panting and I could see he was aroused. His teeth were clenched and Heidi yelled out his name to continue talking. "Again, he wants it again, so he can hear her pleasure, he doesn't care about the burning in his back and the heat in his molars from his fillings. He wants her to be happy, and the waiting for it again is torture," Edward said with a strained voice.

"Do you want it again?" Heidi asked Felix and he nodded quickly. This time she reached down and put her hand over his throat, pushing as his head remained draped over the edge. She was cutting off his air supply and when she hit the button he arched silently this time.

"I don't want him thinking about his own pleasure, only mine," Heidi said as she struggled to speak. Felix was turning red and his eyes rolled into his head as his veins bulged.

I backed up and tried to stop the vomit from spilling out of me, but I couldn't. I heaved onto the floor as Edward turned to look at me with terrified eyes. "God, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said as he rushed to my side.

I shook my head and moved away from him as my stomach continued to heave unproductively. I began to cry and felt my entire world coming undone. This was what Edward considered tolerant and it excited him. This was what he had craved in the past and left me long ago to work his way out of. It was right in front of me and I couldn't save him or make him stop wanting it, but more importantly I needed to save Beth.

I ran from the room and to my car. I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I never heard Edward approach the car or climb inside the passenger side. He was just sitting there, softly crying when I looked up.

I reached out in anger and grabbed the chain around his neck and broke it as I pulled viciously. I opened my door and threw it to the ground. "You're still mine, and until the divorce is final you will never belong to her," I screamed at him.

"I'm sinking, Bella," he cried into his hands, "I'm sinking so fast and I can't stop it."

I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly as we both sobbed. I was desperate to find a way out of our predicament and even considered putting the kids into foster care to protect them, but I wouldn't be able to go one night without my babies. Edward was right; I had to get them out of here, so he could save them.

"I have no reason to live if you stop loving me," he said into my hair.

I pulled his face to mine and I kissed him passionately. His touch was rough and I could tell he was fighting the urge to push me into hurting him. We held our lips together as we cried out the heartbreak we were feeling.

"I loved you, Edward, for as long as it was possible, I loved you," I said as he kissed my neck.

"I know, Bella, thank you," he said and then pulled out of my arms, got out of the car, and walked away.

I felt like I was dying, I had never experienced pain so completely as this. I couldn't move and I couldn't drive. I couldn't imagine ever doing regular things again, like eating or sleeping. I wanted something to take the pain away, but nothing aside from death seemed like a solution.

I had no idea how long I was there, and couldn't even act surprised when Esme and Carlisle showed up to get me. I was placed in Carlisle's car as Esme followed us home. Carlisle helped me into the house and led me down the hallway to my bed.

"Where's Fella?" I managed to ask.

"Edward is with him until we return," he said softly and I only began crying louder.

"Bella, I'm going to give you a shot, it will help you sleep," he said but I pulled my arm from his.

"No, my kids," I cried.

"They will stay the night with us," he told me and I finally gave in. I felt the stick in my arm and everything softly faded into darkness.

I gave in, never wanting to think about this day again.


	16. SotF Chapter 7

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 7

I was consumed by my grief. It ate away at me as I tried to continue on with life. Beth was never home, staying with friends or out with Peter. Fella returned to school and began talking less and less. He never returned to baseball and said it was out of concern for his team. I knew it was because Edward wasn't here to hold batting practice with him.

The only thing that didn't happen was Riley. We never got anymore threats and Beth was never bothered by him at school. It was as if they were satisfied with destroying Edward's marriage.

Beth got her driver's license and Edward bought her a nice, safe, Volvo. It wasn't as sporty as she wanted but she was happy none the less. I got a lawyer and was given the house, sole custody of the kids and support, but the divorce was still far from being finalized.

Life moved forward, but my heart remained broken. I never physically saw Edward. He picked up the kids from school when he wanted time with them and Esme or Carlisle brought them home. I had not even heard his voice for over a month when I got a call one day.

I was in the grocery store and answered without looking who was calling. "Hello," I answered in the lifeless voice I now used.

"Bella?" a soft voice asked and I gasped as my knees weakened. I didn't answer, but froze where I was, standing right in the middle of the aisle.

"It's Edward," he said softly and I still couldn't answer. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, I'm grocery shopping," I said numbly.

"Oh, okay. I just wanted to tell you some things, can you call me later tonight?" he asked with a shaky voice.

"You could…I mean if you want…I know the kids would like it if you came for dinner," I offered as I prepared my heart for his rejection.

"Bella," he said with just a breath and my broken heart began to bleed.

"I'll call after the kids go to bed," I told him and he hung up without another word.

I continued to push the cart around the store but I never picked anything off the shelf. I eventually left the cart and headed out to my car. I looked up just as a familiar face entered the little shop next to the grocery store. I walked over to look at the store I had never noticed before and found it was a catering company.

I walked inside to see Mrs. Volturi sit at a small desk with a consultant. I began browsing through a catalog as I actually eavesdropped on their conversation.

"We have everything ready for Saturday night," the clerk told her.

"I want to add another sushi girl and I want them wearing body paint to look like mermaids," she said in her thick accent.

"If they have on paint the food can't rest directly on their bodies, but we can set clear platters on them."

"That's fine, are the live statues going to be a problem?" Mrs. Volturi asked.

"Not at all, we have plenty for that night. Do you still want them blindfolded?"

"Yes, I do."

"Now the cake, we can't seal it until the person jumping out is inside. Do…"

"We will take care of it, just have the cake there before the party," Mrs. Volturi said adamantly.

I put my head down as she walked out and she never glanced in my direction. The young woman walked over to help me and I could tell how stressed she was. "Sounds like quite the party," I laughed and the girl rolled her eyes.

"They are so weird, but they pay really well," she admitted, "Can I help you with anything?"

"Yes, actually, I am working on a book about how to throw a great party. I would love to volunteer to help out Saturday night, free of charge. I just need to see various parties for research," I lied easily.

The girl's eyes lit up for joy. "Can you wear body paint and have food served off of your body?" she asked me.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes, all you do is lie there and keep your eyes closed, that's it," she explained. I jumped at the opportunity and she wrote down where to go and what time. I had no idea why I was doing this. I guess I needed to make sure Edward was okay, or maybe I was just so thrilled to hear his voice I had a desire to see him, no matter who he was with.

I picked up Fella from school and told him I would order out for dinner. He smiled, but remained quiet. I nudged him with my elbow and asked, "You doing okay, big guy?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he said and I noticed how he tried not to cry, sending me right into tears. We drove home in silence and when I pulled into the garage I turned to face him.

"I'm sorry, son. If there was any way possible to fix this, I would do it," I said as my tears fell.

"Mom, I think it's like when you were five at the orphanage. There were things you could have done, but you didn't know to think of them. I wish I knew how to think of them, for you and dad, but I don't know yet," he tried to explain.

"It is so easy to look back, Fella. If we could go back in time, Beth would stay away from Riley, but we can't. My problems with Daddy are so complicated and there isn't any way to fix them. But, I'm still looking for a way, I won't stop looking, okay?" I asked him and he gave me a small smile.

Beth walked in the door at dinner time and informed me she wouldn't be eating as she headed to her room. I decided to take Fella out for dinner so we climbed in the car and headed to Chili's. When we pulled up to a light and loud motorcycle pulled up next to me. I glanced over to see Riley with a girl sitting behind him.

I reached for my phone, to tell Edward Riley wasn't driving his car because he had a motorcycle but then realized it wouldn't do any good. The boy wasn't our issue anymore; Edward's desire to return to the lifestyle he reviled so much tore us apart.

I watched them take off when the light changed and slowly moved forward. I walked with Fella into the restaurant and was seated at a booth in the back. We were sharing some chips and salsa when I glanced at a nice looking couple the hostess was seating, and my hand stopped in mid air.

Tanya sat first and Edward slid in the seat across from her. Her body blocked my view of Edward and Fella turned to see what I was looking at. I was frozen to my seat and couldn't move. I wanted to tell Edward to leave and take his whore somewhere his son wouldn't have to watch, but I was so broken by the sight of him with Tanya I couldn't respond.

Fella rose slowly and walked over to the booth to look at his father. I sat there and literally watched the innocence of childhood roll away as the heavy mantle of protector settled upon my son. The expression on Fella'a face was absolutely heartbreaking.

"I think you should leave, Dad," Fella said with a clear voice and straight shoulders.

Edward looked around and finally locked eyes with me. I stared in utter disbelief.

"This has to be your son," Tanya said with a laugh, "My God; he's the spitting image of you."

"Yes," Fella answered looking at Tanya, "That was why I called him Dad."

"Son, this is Tanya," Edward said as his eyes left mine.

"I really don't care," Fella chuckled, "I asked you to leave."

Edward's face paled and he looked at his son with nothing but agony. I wasn't sure what to do. Fella was obviously sticking up for me, but I hated to see something come between him and his father. I was such a selfish person that I hoped Edward would come running to my table and fill me with happiness again. I wanted it so badly that I let my son take the burden of the rejection for me.

"He obviously takes after his mother," Tanya said hatefully and I began to stand when Fella handled her for me.

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" he asked. "My mother is here for dinner to take her mind off of things for just one evening. I'm here to make sure she can, so Dad, please leave," he said calmly.

Edward began to slide out of the booth but Tanya said harshly, "We are not letting a kid kick us out of here, sit down, Edward. Go away little boy."

Fella grabbed her water and dumped it right into her lap before saying, "I think you better go change your wet clothing."

She grabbed Fella's arm and I jumped up just as Edward reached for Tanya's wrist, but we were both stunned by what happened next. Fella twisted his arm around, breaking her hold and now holding onto Tanya's arm. "I may look like my father, but the similarity ends there," Fella said with a dead calm that gave me goose bumps.

Tanya nodded and finally moved out of the booth and took Edward's arm. He looked at Fella and opened his mouth to say something, but let his head drop and turned to leave.

I watched my son walk back to his seat and take a long drink of his water before looking at me. I tried to smile but I was shaking too much. "How long have you known?" I finally asked him.

"Grandpa still keeps Dad's books in his library, I can't help it if Beth never reads and I do," he said with a sly grin.

"Are you okay? I mean, do you have any questions or any feelings you want to express?"

He laughed and said, "Mom, I get it, I really do. Dad was totally messed up by a lot of people. I can't blame him."

At that moment Edward walked up to our booth and scooted in next to Fella. He turned to face his son and said, "I'm sorry, I can't apologize enough to you, son. I never meant to disrespect your mother, I would never do that," he said as he glanced at me.

"Edward," I said, "Fella has read your books, long before Beth."

Edward looked like he was quickly reaching his limit of what he could deal with. He rubbed his palms in his eyes, just as he used to long ago when stress weighed on him. His knee was bouncing furiously and shaking the table. I reached out and took one of his hands and held it tightly.

His eyes moved to look at me and I could see relief spread across his face. He kept his hand in mine and turned to speak to his son, "Is there something I can explain or help you understand?"

"Yeah, why did you come back?" Fella asked.

"I met a lot of people on my book tours who were parents and…"

"No, Dad," Fella laughed, "Tonight, right now, why did you come back?"

"Oh, I didn't want you to think I was…I mean, I wanted you to know I was sorry," he said and glanced at me again. I squeezed his hand and he relaxed a bit, keeping his hand in mine.

"Okay, I accept your apology," Fella said with a smile, "Now, why are you holding Mom's hand?"

I tried to pull my hand back but Edward held it tightly. "I want to apologize to her, too," Edward said and looked at me.

"I accept your apology, too," I said softly as my eyes filled with tears.

"You need to go now, Dad," Fella prompted and Edward swallowed before nodding.

"Thank you," he said to us both and then stood to leave. He set my hand down softly on the table and then walked away. I got a text a few moments later from Edward asking me to still call him later tonight.

I tried to make small talk with Fella throughout dinner, but my mind kept wandering back to Tanya. I had no idea why Edward would be with her unless they were back together. He wasn't just working with Heidi, but back in a relationship with Tanya. I now had to consider the possibility of removing Edward from my children's lives.

I got the kids down for the night and sat on my bed to call Edward. I knew this was going to be emotionally exhausting and hoped I had the energy for it. I dialed his number and he answered on the first ring.

"I was waiting," he said as a greeting.

"I had to help Beth with some studying. She has finals tomorrow."

"I can't believe she'll be a junior next year," he said with sadness.

"Fella's turning thirteen in a month, it hurts," I laughed.

"You're a great mother, Bella," he said and my smile fell.

"They need a father, too," I said.

"You'll find a great man," Edward said and it angered me.

"Is this why you wanted me to call, to hear you hand over the reins of fatherhood to someone else?"

"I want to make sure you understand a few things. I am fully aware of the great family I had. My kids are amazing, and my wife was unbelievable," he said sadly.

"So why did you leave us?" I asked him pointedly.

"Because I had to finally man up," he said to confuse me.

I huffed and refused to go round and round this subject again.

"I want to ask for a huge favor," he said and a chill of remembrance shot through me.

I sat up and felt my heart beating wildly. "No," I yelled to him. "Don't you dare Edward, not again."

He remained quiet and I let him know I was fully aware this time. "I know what is happening on Saturday night, I won't let this happen," I cried. "Don't you dare say goodbye without me knowing. Our kids need you, Edward. If they have to accept Tanya as a stepmom, we'll work it out."

"God, Bella, don't," he said with a tight voice.

"Edward," I begged, "You never listened to me, you always pushed me away, thinking it was what was best for me. I need you, even if we can't be together, I need to know you are on this earth and happy."

"I'm not trying to get myself killed, Bella. I just need to make sure they don't bother me again so Beth and Fella will be safe," he tried to assure me.

"I will know, Edward. I can't tell you how, but I will know if you do anything dangerous on Saturday," I told him.

"Damn it Bella, what are you trying to do?" he said in a worried voice.

"I'm doing what I have to do to protect my family, you don't get to be the only one protecting us," I said angrily. "So what exactly is the favor you are asking me for?"

"I wanted to hear you say you love me, one last time," he said very quietly.

"I can't," I said just as softly as I told the biggest of all lies, "Because I'm not sure I do love you anymore. But, I want to ask you for a huge favor, will you come for dinner on Sunday?"

"Come on…Bella…"

"I am asking you a question, Edward; will you come to dinner on Sunday?"

"No," he said just barely above a whisper.

"Goodbye," I said and hung up the phone.

I was more determined than ever to be there on Saturday night. I dug through our closet to find a handgun Edward bought years ago. I locked in a clip full of bullets and put it in my gym bag. I wasn't going to let Edward give up his life when it should be everyone else in that room who deserved to die.

The next day I was a nervous wreck. The kids were excited that school was ending and making plans for the summer. Each had plans to spend the night with friends on Saturday night and I felt relief that nobody had to know I would be gone all evening.

"Beth," I called out as she headed to Bailey's, hoping for a cordial conversation before I risked my life for her. She turned to give me an irritated glance. "Have fun, honey. I know it feels good to be away from the house and for that I am truly sorry."

"It isn't that I don't want to be here, I just don't want to think about stuff," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

"I know," I tried to smile. This was the second time Beth had just me in her life and I made the environment scream with Edward's absence. I didn't know how to be only Bella, because I had made Mrs. Cullen a necessity instead of a priority. "I love you, Beth."

"I know, Mom," she said with a weak smile and left the house.

Fella dragged his sleeping bag and paintball gear into the room and I looked at the large bag. "Are you moving out?" I asked with a laugh.

"No, I know where my bread is buttered," he said and I laughed, knowing he got the expression from my father.

I held his face in my hands and said, "Be careful, I would hate for this beautiful face to be scarred," before kissing his nose.

"It would give me character, like Dad," he said and I felt my heart twist.

I would give anything for Edward to have less character and be unable to walk back into the darkness so easily. The thought of what he would be doing this night made me sick to my stomach. It wasn't the sex, although that would be the end of us, it was the violence which hurt me so badly. Why couldn't my love be enough, his loved filled all the empty spots in my soul, why couldn't mine fill him?

Beth honked her horn and Fella walked to the back door before turning to look at me, "Mom, we'll both be okay."

"You're both better than okay," I said and blew him a kiss. My little boy was a young man now, all because his parents were both too damaged to let him remain a child any longer.

I showed up at the Volutri's house at the assigned time and much to my humiliation, received a total body wax. The painting was amazing. I was completely nude, but felt totally covered.

We were told to keep our eyes closed the entire night and pretend we were mermaids who had come ashore to die. Platters of cold sushi were placed on our bodies and a rolling table was used to wheel us into the room. I was wearing a long blond wig and with the heavy, wild makeup I was sure not even Edward would be able to recognize me.

My heart was beating wildly so the caterer placed a large piece of palm leaf over my neck so it wasn't so noticeable. The room was loud and lively and people instantly began taking food from the platters. I listened for any familiar voice, especially Edward's.

Someone announced 'play rooms' available with monitors around the main hall, for others to watch what was going on inside the rooms. I felt disgusted and had to force myself to remain calm. As the night wore on I became very bored. I could hear loud sexual sounds and tried to sing songs in my head or plan out Christmas gifts for next year to keep from listening. They became background noise after a couple of hours and no longer bothered me.

Suddenly everyone was called to the main hall and the lights were turned low. I smiled at the thought of the night ending drama free, but my celebration was too soon. Marcus took the microphone and announced a traitor was in their midst. I felt my limbs go numb and my whole body began to shake. He called for Edward to step forward.

I could hear the mumbling and gasps from around the room, but nothing more. Someone touched my arm and I jumped in fright. "Sorry, we can get cleaned up now," a young man painted as a merman said.

I sat up and looked around the dark room. I couldn't see any faces and all the wait staff were clearing out. I began moving bits of food off of me as slowly as possible to remain in the main room. Marcus took the microphone again and said, "I didn't think he would be man enough to step forward. I have a little motivation."

A screen, which surrounded the top of the large room, showed Beth lying on a pillow asleep. I quickly ducked under the table so I could keep watching and the room filled with laughter. "How's she doing, son?" Marcus asked.

The image moved from Beth to someone else and I covered my mouth so I wouldn't scream. It was Peter and he was running his fingers down Beth's face. She never moved and I realized it was previously taped. I had let him into our home and let him have access to Beth whenever he wanted. I was so focused on my marriage falling apart I forgot the original issue that damaged us in the first place. We had stopped protecting our daughter.

My heart was exploding out of my chest. "Edward, come out and play," Marcus said in jest. I searched the room and heard Marcus say, "No, well, we'll see, I have yet another surprise, so you have ten minutes or she's dead."

I hurried out from under the table and ran into the kitchen to find my gym bag. I would threaten to kill Marcus until Peter let Beth go, but I wasn't certain they were even holding her. I saw three men pushing the large wooden cake into a closet and walk away after looking at their watches.

I grabbed my bag and entered the closet. I knew something was up with the cake and expected to find Edward inside. I was hoping he would be there and I could give him the gun as I set out to find the kids.

I was stunned when I pried open the lid to find Beth and Fella tied and gagged inside the cake. Their eyes were huge and I motioned for them to be quiet as I quickly untied them and helped them climb out.

"Are you okay?" I asked as all three of us cried with relief.

"I hope Dad kills Riley," Beth said as she wiped her tears.

"Did he touch you?" I asked and prepared myself for the worst.

"No, he's a freaking pussy," she said hatefully and I wasn't sure what she meant. I looked at Fella knowing gender meant little to these people and asked him the same thing.

"I was supposed to be at the hospital, to see you," he said with confusion, "Nobody hurt me, but they plan on killing Dad."

I handed Beth my phone from my bag, took out the gun and began climbing back inside the cake. "Mom, what are you doing?" Beth cried.

"I'm saving your father, now get out of this house and call for help, stay together, DO NOT leave each other for any reason," I said and shut the lid of the cake. I could hear the door open and close and had to hope my kids would make it out alive. I wasn't so sure about me and Edward.

I sat in there for what seemed like hours until the door opened and the cake was pushed into the main room. I could hear Marcus on the microphone talking and laughing with the guests. "Now we will see the main attraction," he announced like a circus ringmaster. "Edward, will you do us the honors?"

I felt my heart sink. Edward had stepped forward, and they had him in their grasp. I held the gun tightly as rustling could be heard above me. I moved to the far edge of the round enclosure and when the lid opened I could see Edward's bloody face. His jaw was tight, like he was terrified at what he was going to find inside the wooden cake. I held up the gun and his mouth twitched as he tried not to smile.

He exhaled loudly and put his head against the rim of the cake and let his hands drop inside. I reached up and placed the gun in his hand and kissed his fingers. He held out his free hand and took mine to pull me up. I stood and Marcus looked at me in shock as Edward turned and grabbed him around the neck, placing the gun to his temple.

"How do you like being the main attraction, you stupid fuck," Edward said into his ear.

The room began getting nervous and many headed for the door, afraid the police would be bursting in at any moment. "You can't prove anything," Marcus said with a sneer.

"I'm afraid you are wrong," Edward said pushing the gun harder against his head. "Did you get it all, love?" Edward called out and I looked at him, thinking he was talking to me. A woman's loud voice came over the sound system saying, "I got it all."

"I have a video of everything that went on here tonight, everything you streamed through your system copied onto mine. If you come near me again, it goes right to my lawyer. If my children get so much as a hangnail it goes to the police, and I am fully aware which officers were here tonight. Leave me alone, and I will leave you alone."

One of the attending officers looked at Marcus in desperation. "The police have been called, the place is being surrounded," he called out.

"We can all walk out as consenting adults or you go down for kidnapping, you decide," Edward said.

Marcus finally nodded and Edward turned to me as he opened up the cake, "Jump in and pretend you're working the party."

The doorbell rang and Edward turned to Marcus, "Let's go speak to the officers."

I waited in the darkness until someone opened the lid of the cake and looked in at me. I looked up at the officer and said, "When am I supposed to jump out, the music never started?"

He held out his hand to help me out and Edward wrapped a blanket around me. I noticed his face was cleaned up and faint bruises were forming. The room was full of officers and Edward and I were led to a separate location. "Mrs. Cullen, were you here to save your children?"

"No," I chuckled. "My kids came to stop me from doing this, but as you can see the paint makes it not so obvious I was naked. It was just a surprise for my husband, they were overreacting. I'm so sorry they felt they needed to make up a story to get me out of here."

"Do you have a gun on you?" I was asked.

"A gun, heaven's no," I laughed again. "Where would I put it?" I said looking down at my painted on costume.

"If you won't talk to us, there is nothing we can do," an officer said into my ear.

"My father is a police chief. I know the police can help if I need them, I just don't need them," I said with a smile.

It was three in the morning when we were finally told we could leave. Edward walked with his arm around me and took me to his car. I looked up and said softly, "My car is down the street."

He chuckled and said, "Get in, Bella." He handed me a long shirt of his to cover myself with.

I got in and only then noticed the costume he was wearing. His leather pants clung tightly to his legs and his shirt was torn and bloody. I didn't know if it was from Marcus or Heidi so I didn't' ask. He drove to his parent's house where our children came running out to greet us.

Beth was hysterical and holding us tightly. I was so worried about her development and if she would ever learn to trust a man.

Fella hugged me tightly and said, "Mom, you make a great mermaid." I had the sweetest son in the world.

We walked into the house and I saw Peter standing in the foyer staring at me. I ran at him, ready to scratch his eyes out, when Edward tackled me from behind.

"No, Bella, he's been helping me," Edward said quickly. I looked at the scared young man and Beth ran over to put her arms around him protectively.

"Riley's the ass, not Peter," she said and smiled up at him.

"We're safe now," Edward said into my ear. "We're all safe, forever."

I felt like a weight had been removed from my shoulders and I pulled my children to me as I cried. But something resonated in my brain, playing over, and over again. Edward's words, "Did you get it all, love?" I was no longer his love and he had moved on. He was keeping my children safe, but we were over, and I needed to understand that.

I finally pulled back and looked at Edward. "Thank you," I said and he nodded awkwardly and turned to leave.

Esme let me use her shower and I cleaned all the paint off of my body and changed back into my clothes. I walked into the kitchen to find everyone eating waffles Esme made and growing tired. Carlisle took me aside and sat in front of me in his office.

"Bella, I think you need a break. Leave the kids with us and go to Brazil to relax. I will work with Beth and Fella and help them deal with their trauma," he suggested.

I began to cry and wasn't sure I could be there without Edward. The island held so many memories for us. I wanted to be with my kids right now, to find strength in them. I had nothing to give and hoped they could bolster me for a bit.

"How do so many healthy years just fall away?" I asked in tears.

"Bella, imagine if Edward was a drug addict, and he had to take drugs for two months to protect his children, he's had a relapse, that is all," Carlisle tried to explain.

"But this is different; this is about our life together. He's been with other women and I can't overlook that," I said as my heart broke even more.

"I seriously doubt he's had sex with them, it isn't the sex he craves, but the intensity of the release. He would most likely give in to the violence before the sex," Carlisle tried to explain, but he didn't hear the words I had heard.

I took a deep breath and sat back in the chair. "You're right; I need to get away to sort everything out. Can you send my kids after a bit? We need to regroup and see what life is going to look like for us now."

Carlisle nodded and said softly, "I'll see if I can get anywhere with Edward and let you know."

I shook my head, "I can't fix him, I never could. I have my hands full trying to fix myself. I don't want to be terrified all the time I'll lose him, and I don't want to find another man to replace him. I need to learn how to be Bella."

I left, to pull myself together, and to face my future.


	17. SotF Chapter 8

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

There are 11 chapters.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 8

I sat on the dock, watching the boats pass by, and wondering what Edward was doing. I wanted to hate him, and hope he never found love again, but I couldn't. It would be like hating Fella, and that just wasn't possible.

I decided to take a page out of Edward's recovery plan and write down all my feelings. I started with finding Edward with Tanya all those years ago. I wrote how much it hurt me to see the man I loved so much being treated so badly. I wrote about trying to make it work as a couple and how I had messed up time and time again because I pushed him too fast.

I realized I didn't have a clue how to help Edward and only wanted him to love me the way I wanted. I also realized how much the normalcy of our relationship after leaving the island wore on him. He had strength I didn't appreciate, to stay as long as he did.

I wrote about having Beth and how much I missed sharing everything with Edward. How angry I was at him for not rising to the occasion and continuing on with the charade. I wrote about Jake, the real victim in all of this. I had tried so hard to be the girl he needed, but never gave him my whole heart.

I wrote about falling in love with Edward all over again when he showed up healthy. I loved being a mother and having Fella let me see the boy Edward could have been, but our lives never seemed to find happiness except in spurts of time. We didn't start out happy and maybe we just didn't know how to find it.

I always thought my life started the day I met Edward at the age of five, but I now realized that wasn't true. I had a beginning that didn't involve him, he wasn't my creator, my birth mother was. I decided to do something I had never once given a thought to in my entire life. I decided to find my birth mother. Maybe if I fixed something from the beginning, my middle and end would be easier to figure out.

I called my lawyer and gave him all the information my parents had given to me. Two days later I got a call. My mother was still in the Seattle area, now married, and I had a sister. I dialed her number with shaking hands and felt tears form when I heard a woman answer.

"Hi, is this Carol?" I asked and had to clear my throat to repeat myself.

"Yes, who is calling?"

"I'm really sorry to just call out of the blue, but my name is Bella Cullen, I was you're daughter," I said and then held my breath.

"Isabella?" she said in a whisper.

"Yeah, I don't want anything," I said quickly, when the truth was I wanted everything from her. I wanted her to tell me all the reasons my life sucked and give me the tools to change it all. "I had great parents," I told her to take away her guilt.

"I was so young," she said and I could hear her tears.

"Yeah, I know, please don't feel like I am trying to burden you, I just wanted to know about you and about my sister," I said and my voice broke.

"Your sister is named Bree, she lives in Portland with her husband and children," she informed me.

I covered my mouth with my hand and sobbed silently. I had a sister and my children had cousins. I could feel a missing piece of my soul click into place. When she heard me crying she offered her sympathy. "Oh honey, what's wrong?"

"No, I'm happy, I really am," I managed to say.

"What made you call after so many years," she asked.

"I'm looking back over the years," I explained, "And there are things I am trying to understand. My marriage just ended." I didn't plan on spilling that information but I had no control of my words, I was talking from a place of pain.

"I'm sorry, was it mutual or a decision made by only one of you?"

"I still love him," I said and began crying again.

"Have you told him?" she asked me.

"He knows it will always be him. We met in state custody when I was five and he has a permanent place in my heart, but he thinks leaving me is the right thing to do."

"Isabella," she said softly. "When we do what is right for another person it causes a permanent scar. You've left me with a very deep scar, but it doesn't remove the love. I love you as much as the day I gave birth to you. Maybe he is doing what is right, but it doesn't mean he loves you any less."

I closed my eyes as the tears fell freely down my face. I was talking to my mother and she was giving me tender advice, just as I would do for Beth. I decided to confide in her and said, "I am so afraid to live without him. I have the means to go on, just not the desire."

"I went through hell in my life," she admitted, "And I learned one thing, forgiveness. It isn't something you say, it has to be lived every single day. Stop looking back, Isabella, only look forward."

"Are you happy?" I asked her.

"Very, and now even more so," she said and I could hear her smile.

"I would love to meet you and Bree," I said with my own smile.

"Where do you live?" she asked.

"Seattle, but I'm in Brazil right now."

"Brazil," she gasped. "Are you working or vacationing?"

"I'm healing," I said honestly. "I have a daughter and a son still in Seattle."

I heard her let out a sob and realized they were her grandchildren and I should have mentioned them sooner. "I have a daughter named Beth, she's sixteen and so strong and so stubborn, just like me," I laughed. "My son is named Edward, but we call him Fella, he is turning thirteen soon, he is such a sweet boy."

"Are they with their father?" she asked and I closed my eyes.

"No," I answered softly, "With his parents."

"Come see me when you get back," she said and I quickly agreed. I hung up and felt a bit better. I put my writing aside and went out to sit along the shore. I thought over her words and knew I had to stop looking back. I didn't know if Edward would ever want me again, but I knew he would always be a part of my life through Beth and Fella, and maybe that would be enough for us.

I stood and began walking along the shoreline. The sand was like powder and my toes sank softly as I walked. I had my hands in my hoodie pockets and kept my head down, making plans to get my nursing credentials up to date and go back to work.

I was lost in the gentle feeling of the waves hitting my legs as I continued walking, knowing I was getting far from the house. I wasn't sure how big the island was or if it was even possible to walk around the whole thing. I just kept walking while I could and didn't worry about night time coming anytime soon.

When I got tired I stopped and sat on the sand to watch the water move with the wind. I felt like I had finally, finally, unwound and felt my hopes begin to soothe me. I headed back to the house and planned on making some tiramisu to celebrate my change of attitude. When the dock came into view I was shocked to see a small boat tied to the port.

I was so excited to see my kids and ran the rest of the way. I was gasping for air as I ran into the house and skidded to a stop. I was trying to control my heavy breathing, but now I wasn't sure if it was from the running or from staring into Edward's eyes.

He looked stunned and I could tell he didn't know I was here. I suddenly worried about the possibility he wasn't here alone and I would see the new woman in his life. My entire newfound attitude quickly fell away and my eyes lowered as I spoke.

"Carlisle sent me here, the kids are coming in a few days," I said to explain why I was standing in front of him. He chuckled and I looked up to see why he was laughing.

"Carlisle sent me here, too," he explained.

I smiled and shook my head; of course he would try to fix things for us. I walked over and sat down, suddenly very tired from all my walking and then running. Edward walked over to sit in a chair across from me.

"How long have you been here?" I asked him.

"Just a few minutes, I haven't brought my luggage in yet, so if you would prefer I leave, I understand."

"Are you alone?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Yes, are you?" he asked me and I realized he was having the same fear I was experiencing.

I nodded and tried to see if he had a chain around his neck. He noticed what I was doing and pulled his tee down to reveal nothing.

I had a lump in my throat and found it hard to speak. I wanted to ask him about Tanya and who 'love' was, but I also wanted to only look forward toward a happy, healthy life, so I wasn't sure what to do.

"I found my birth mom," I told him and wondered if he would find it a painful subject or not. His mouth fell open and he looked totally shocked.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know," I told him, "I just felt it was time. I have a sister in Portland."

"That's great Bella, I'm really happy for you," he said and we both sat quietly.

The silence was becoming awkward and I looked back at the dock. "Did you rent the boat?" I asked.

"No, I bought it, I planned on staying for quite awhile," he said and swallowed deeply.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll leave," I said as I stood, having no idea why I would actually stand. It would take hours to make arrangements to leave. I also worried about the kids coming, but now I wasn't so certain Carlisle would actually send them.

"No, don't go," he said quickly and I slowly sat back down.

We returned to our awkward silence and I looked at the kitchen. "I was going to make some tiramisu, are you hungry?" I asked.

"Tiramisu, for dinner?" he laughed.

"I'll make you something to eat first," I told him and headed for the kitchen.

"I have supplies in the boat, I'll bring them in," he said walking to the door.

"Do you want some help?" I asked.

He didn't answer and only shook his head as he walked toward the dock. I stood at the door and watched him, feeling the familiar ache in my heart at his perfect body. It wasn't perfect to other people, he was scarred and marked, but it was perfect to me.

He loaded boxes onto a dolly and wheeled them into the house as he made several trips. I pulled the boxes of kitchen supplies onto the counters to put away on the shelves. In less than an hour everything was put away, except his luggage which sat in the hallway, neither one of us knowing which room to put it in.

I pulled out the rum and began making my dish. Edward came over and poured a glass of the rum and added a bit of coke. "Hey, either share or make me one," I said and he quickly handed me the glass and poured himself another.

I made a chicken and rice dish and stuck it in the oven before I got too loopy to cook. Edward was one drink ahead of me and I was beginning to feel giddy. It was sad that we needed to be wasted to be in the same house together, but it took all the awkwardness away.

"You looked great as a mermaid," he said as he swayed a bit and had to hold onto the counter.

"You bet your ass I did," I laughed.

"It was much better than my invisible man costume."

"No, you're wrong," I said, "My costume didn't have any working parts."

"You are wrong, love," he said, "It had many working parts."

My smile fell when he used the word, love, and I remembered he had someone else in his life. "What was your costume? I noticed the leather pants," I said to change my focus.

"Marque de Sade," he said softly and looked away from me. I poured another drink and had to hold onto the counter to walk. He watched me closely and when I stumbled he jumped in my way to catch me.

"Sorry, I'm not used to drinking on an empty stomach," I explained and he laughed loudly. He opened a cabinet and handed me a large bowl.

"You are going to feel like shit tomorrow," he warned me.

"It's okay, I've felt like shit for the last couple of months," I said without realizing I would hurt him.

He dropped his head and sat quietly before I looked over at him. "Oh, grow a pair, Edward. We are both ignoring the elephant in the room, so relax."

"God, you can be such a bitch," he said and I nodded in agreement.

He tossed back his drink and poured another one, both of us trying to wipe out the memory of our failed life together. I smiled at him and said, "Why didn't you become an alcoholic or a drug addict?"

"There may be hope for me yet," he said raising his glass.

"It would have been easier than taking all the beatings, although not with such rewarding endings," I laughed.

He shrugged and said, "Not all that rewarding."

"Really," I laughed and shook my head at him. "You were robbed."

"Absolutely," he laughed with me. "When you always have to work to keep from getting off, it ruins the whole experience."

"You've grown, sir," I teased. "I thought the suspense was the whole point."

"I found it was much more fun trying to keep you from getting off," he said with a thick voice and I laughed louder.

"I think you've lost the whole point to sex, dear."

"Not at all," he said confidently. "What fun is it, if it is over too quickly?"

Our eyes locked and I looked at his smiling face. He was still so beautiful, time had only improved him. All the memories of the nights he spent loving me flooded my mind and I had to quickly take another drink to remain in my seat.

"It was always fun," I admitted. "You had core strength after all."

"My past wasn't a total loss," he said as he took another drink.

I was twirling my hair around my fingers and brought it in front of my face and sighed, "I found a grey hair," I complained. "I'm getting old."

Edward laughed loudly and I frowned at him through my hair. "Only one, I may have been less of an ass than I thought," he offered and then added softly, "You're still gorgeous."

I watched his hand raise with his long fingers wrapped around the glass. He put his lips to the rim and as the glass tilted his eyes looked right at me. I unconsciously licked my lips and he smiled as he swallowed. The buzzer went off on the oven and I stood and walked wobbly to the kitchen.

Edward put his hands on my shoulders and moved me to the side. "You're in no condition to be reaching into a hot oven," he said and pulled the dish from the shelf.

"I'm not drunk," I said in defense.

"Yeah, and I'm not screwed up," he challenged.

I looked at him for a moment and laughed, "Oh shit, I'm drunk."

He laughed with me and took a big scoop out of the dish and dumped it on my plate before setting it next to me. He made a plate for himself and took a bite before spitting it quickly back onto his plate. He grabbed his drink and tried to cool off his mouth while I laughed loudly.

"Stop laughing or I'll throw you in the ocean again," he threatened.

"Oooh, so dominating," I teased and grabbed his napkin off his lap. "I took your napkin, are you going to cry about it?"

"You're going to be sorry, Bella," he said as he lowered his head and gave me his sexy stare.

"You're too drunk to carry me down the dock," I pointed out.

"I'm not too drunk to post you against that wall," he said with a nod of his head.

"Well, I'm not drunk enough to beat your ass first, so dream on, babe." I took a hesitant bite of my food and Edward watched me closely. He picked up his fork and blew on it before putting it in his mouth. We ate in silence for awhile and he asked if I wanted more rum.

He stood and I looked up right as he pulled the napkin from my hand and held it out of my reach. I stood up from my chair and tried to jump for it, but I only fell into his body and he laughed. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him before quickly grabbing his gym shorts and pulling them down to his knees.

His arm came down in shock to grab his shorts and I pulled the napkin from his hand and turned to run. He pulled up his shorts in one quick motion and came after me catching me after only a couple of steps. He grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off my feet as I tried to squirm my way out of his arms. He stumbled down the hallway having to use the wall to steady himself, and kicked open the bedroom door.

I was able to get free and turned to face him just as he tackled me onto the bed and kept his weight over me to hold me still. I was breathing heavily and laughing, but his face was serious. I worried that I had hurt his feelings and was ready to apologize as he held my hands over my head and leaned in, placing his mouth on mine.

I inhaled sharply as my body exploded with electricity shooting through me. Somewhere deep inside I knew this should not be happening and it would make things so much worse, but I missed him, and I needed him, and I wanted to feel his love one more time.

I kissed him as if I was trying to devour him. I could hear both of us moaning and it only fed my desire. My legs automatically wrapped around him as his hands moved to my bottom. He pulled me into his body as he pushed against mine. I held his face in my hands to keep him attached to my mouth as I gasped for air.

He rolled us and I began moving against him, finding the motion I needed from him, as his jaw tightened and his head fell back. He looked like he was in pain from the restraint he was using, trying to keep himself from hurting me, but wanting me to hurt him so badly. For a split second I almost ignored him. I wanted him so badly I considered closing my eyes and just taking what I wanted, but that had been done too often to Edward, for me to do it, too.

I pulled away and fell onto my back as I tried to calm my excited body. My ache was raging inside me and not even the rum could dull it.

"I'm sorry," he offered quietly and I turned to roll off the bed and headed into the kitchen.

"It's okay," I lied and held onto the wall as I left the room.

I poured more rum in my glass and drank it without the coke.


	18. SotF Chapter 9

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 9

I woke up with my head lying on the table and the sun filtering through the windows. My head felt like I was hit with a hammer and my body felt like I had been hit by a car. I tried to move, but it caused horrible pain, so I stayed where I was and moaned loudly.

I felt someone take my hand and place some medication in it, so I sat up but kept my eyes closed. I popped whatever was in my hand into my mouth and swallowed without any liquid.

"I'll make you a warm bath," Edward said softly and I couldn't make myself respond for fear of pain.

He left my side and I refused to think about last night, because crying would hurt my head. I waited for him to return and let him lead me down the dark hallway into the bathroom. He sat me on the side of the tub and began removing my clothes.

He laughed when he saw the results of my body wax and I took a chance and mumbled, "Shut-up."

"Aren't you a little old to go on benders," he teased.

I climbed in the hot water and sat back as he placed a cloth on my head. "Why aren't you hurting?" I asked and then quickly said, "Never mind."

"What?" he pressed.

"Nothing, you probably are hurting and enjoying it," I said spitefully.

He laughed and I only gave him a disgusted tsk of my tongue. He used a second rag to let the warm water drip down my body as he leaned against the tub on his knees.

"I thought you were very brave," he said softly and I took a deep breath.

"To kiss you?" I asked and he laughed again.

"No, to do what you did that night," he said softly again. I could tell his chin was sitting on the edge of the tub by the way he was talking so I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair.

"What was your plan if I wasn't there to hand you a gun?" I asked.

"Offer myself," he said as a whisper.

I wanted to ask something so badly, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. I was already in excruciating pain so I decided to go ahead and ask. "If I looked at the stuff you taped, would I see you anywhere on the screen?"

"Yes," he said softly.

"With Tanya," I asked.

"No, Heidi, but it wasn't what it would seem," he said and I finally opened my eyes to look at him.

"I wouldn't see you being submissive to Heidi?"

"Yes, you would see that, but what she showed you at her apartment gave me an idea," he said refusing to look at me.

"And."

"She wasn't naked under the dress, we never, well, you know," he said shamefully.

"Did she really electrocute you?"

He nodded without speaking and turned to sit his back against the tub. I continued to run my hands through his hair and remembered Carlisle's words about Edward giving in to the violence but not the sex.

"Edward," I said in a soft voice, "You know what I need to know, don't make me ask."

He took a deep breath and said, "She helped me with the taping."

"You called her love," I pointed out.

"Because several people in that room heard me call Tanya that before; I had to make it seem real."

"Are you going back to her?" I finally asked to have everything out in the open.

"Do you think I could fix it again?" he asked sounding so sad, and so hopeful.

I felt my heart twist in my chest and answered honestly, "Only if you go away again."

"If I do, my children will hate me," he said as tears fell from his eyes.

"Okay, then stay and keep a relationship with them," I said sadly knowing I was giving him permission to be with Tanya, just to keep him in his kids' lives.

I would finally do what I should have done so many years ago. I needed to let go of Edward and stand up for myself against the world. I would meet my birth mom and my sister and strive to have a relationship with them. I would work on my own shortcomings and try to be more like Fella, kind and loving, to others. It was different this time, I wouldn't try to forget Edward, or fill his spot with someone else; I would work to find happiness within myself.

He shocked me by sitting forward and hiding his face in his knees as he began to cry. His sobs were loud, agonizing, shedding of tears. He was crying for the boy who deserved loving parents, and for the man who deserved a loving relationship. He cried for his children and the tainted relationship he would have with them, but he was also crying out of pain from losing me.

I climbed out of the tub and knelt in front of him, wrapping my arms around him. I spoke into his ear saying softly. "Edward Cullen, I love you so much. Be happy; find a way to be happy."

He lowered his legs and pulled me onto his lap, holding me straddled onto him. "You deserve love, so much love. You are a kind, sexy man. You deserve tenderness, someone to hold you close, and love you with everything she has," I continued to say and felt him come alive under me.

He began kissing my neck as he continued to cry and I continued to speak to him. "You were such a wonderful little boy; you brought me nothing but happiness. As a man, you satisfied me in every way possible. Your body is amazing, Edward. "

He inhaled sharply as he pulled me tighter to him.

"You were my first kiss, the first boy to touch my breast," I said directly into his ear and his hands moved up to cup my exposed chest. "I felt your love, and I wanted to give you back what you gave me," I continued. "I want to give you everything, over and over until all the pain is gone."

His breathing was becoming labored and I reached down to free him from his shorts. "Your kisses were so amazing, and you held me softly as we moved together. Your body is perfection."

His head fell back and he yelled out as we connected. I kept talking, loudly now, as I struggled to keep my own composure. "You always knew where to touch me and how to bring my body alive, only you, Edward. Yes, like that," I gasped as he began to move my hips and knead my flesh tenderly."

He growled loudly and I saw tears fall from his eyes, but they weren't tears of pain or remorse. "Do you feel how much I love you?" I said as I rocked back and forth on him.

"Yes," he yelled out and I moved to speak into his ear again.

"I feel you," I whispered, "I feel all of you and I want more, give me more, Edward."

His hands shot out and he grabbed the edge of the tub on both sides as his entire body tightened. "Now," I yelled loudly, "Give it to me now."

His entire body rose off the ground as he screamed out in passion. My body erupted in wave after wave of the most incredible feeling I couldn't explain. It consumed me and wouldn't stop as he flipped me onto my back, right on the cold tiled floor, and brought me over the edge again.

He collapsed onto me as I held him so tightly in my arms, refusing to let him go. I was crying loudly along with him as we professed our love for one another unceasingly. I didn't understand what happened. My soul knew what to do although my brain had no idea. He needed me to show him how to love, to erase the perversion out of his head and fill it with only love.

He finally raised his head and gave me tender kisses. I smiled against his mouth and his kiss deepened into the most loving kiss I could imagine. He leaned his forehead against mine and said, "I love you, Bella, you continue to save me."

"You're mine," I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

"I'm yours," he agreed.

We spent the entire day in bed talking about silly, mundane things. We didn't talk about the drama we had been dealing with or even the kids. We talked about us; we had been mom and dad for so long we forgot how to be Edward and Bella. The day was absolutely perfect.

The next day we ended up lying on the sand next to the soft waves, and decided to talk about what happened. "How did you find Peter?" I asked him.

"Peter came to me. He is the son of Marcus and his mistress; he was molested by Aro as a young boy. He was put in my seminar on purpose to get close to me, but his relationship with Beth developed naturally. Marcus sent him after her, since Riley never got anywhere. Peter came to tell me, luckily, I can't imagine what would have happened without him."

"How did Marcus get both Beth and Fella?" I asked.

"Our house was bugged. He knew where they were staying and had an officer pick them up, saying you had been in an accident."

"Bugged?" I asked in shock.

"Yes, that was why I had to say some of the things I said when you called. I had to make them believe we were falling apart, I just didn't know we really were," he said sadly.

"The dream?" I asked and saw the pain it caused him.

"I'm sorry, I have no memory of any of it," he admitted.

I nodded and knew it would be an issue that would arise again and I only hoped we could deal with it together. "Okay, what is our plan to move forward," I asked and he smiled and rolled over onto me.

"First of all, we need to remove our clothing," he laughed and I nodded in agreement.

We both heard a boat at the same time and looked over to see our children being ferried to the dock. Edward growled loudly and let his head drop onto my chest. "He sends them now," he complained.

"I'm sure they're here to keep us from killing each other," I laughed.

"If you move one inch it will kill me," he said as he kissed his way back to my mouth. For an instant I wondered if the kids would protest too much if we paid the boat to take them back to the airport.

When the engine cut out we jumped up and began brushing the sand off of our bodies and headed to the dock. Beth walked up first, leaving the luggage for Fella to worry about.

"Were you guys making out?" she asked in disgust.

I hugged her tightly and Edward wrapped his arms around us both. Fella walked up and held his hand out for Edward to shake. Instead Edward moved his hand out of the way and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Mom," Fella said to me after our hug, "I think you need to stay off beaches with Dad, he can't seem to control himself."

"I plan to take him to the beach often," I laughed and wrapped my arm around Edward's waist.

"You're both gross," Beth said and Edward grabbed my face in his hands and began licking me with his mouth wide open. Beth screamed and walked away.

We all headed to the house and I felt like I was experiencing a miracle. I had my family, together and happy, all in the same room. We sat around and planned out our activities for the next few days. Beth finally turned to Fella and said, "Okay, tell them."

"Oh please, no bad news, okay?" I begged.

Beth laughed and said, "It's not bad news, well, unless he didn't do it right."

Edward and I both turned to look at our sweet son and his face blushed. "I kissed a girl," he said with a funny grin. I gasped and Edward held out his hand for a high five.

"You're only a baby," I protested.

Fella had to bite his lip to keep from smiling and Beth stuck her head next to his and said, "She's in high school, too."

"What?" I yelled and Edward put his hand up again for another celebratory high five, so I pulled his arm back down.

"She's a freshman, only one year older than me," Fella said in his defense.

"Take him for a walk and talk to him about protection and respect," I instructed Edward and then immediately recanted. "No, I'll do it."

Fella put his hands up and said, "I'm not talking to either of you about sex. No offense, but when it comes to relationships, you two are dumb and dumber."

"No offense taken," Edward said quickly but I gasped in protest. I couldn't believe our children were so much more capable than me and Edward; maybe we had done something right in raising them. I decided to ask Carlisle to talk with Fella. I had hope he would turn into a better adult than his obviously stunted parents.

We enjoyed our family time together and nobody brought up the nightmare of the past two months. Our children seemed to still trust in our love for them and that was all I could ask for. One night I had a particular flash of genius. Edward was having another dream and he pulled into a tight ball and panted loudly.

I jumped out of bed, not wanting to be within reach of him, and listened as he cried out for what his body was wanting. I was angry that he was still so conditioned for pain after all the years I spent loving him tenderly. I walked into the bathroom and filled a bowl full of ice cold water. I stood next to him and called his name softly.

He rolled onto his back, fully aroused and breathing in shallow gasps of air. I dumped the water right over him and watched as he shot up out of the bed yelling in confusion. "I'm so sorry," I lied. "I must have tripped."

"What the hell, Bella?" he screamed at me.

He was obviously no longer feeling amorous and I grabbed the dry blanket and curled up on my side of the bed. "Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Dream like that again, and it will be a bucket of paint," I threatened. His eyes widened in understanding and a slow smile grew on his face.

"You know I don't do it on purpose," he chuckled and I quickly added, "Yeah, and I didn't dump the bowl on purpose either."

He removed his wet clothes and scooted over so he was up against me and away from the wet sheets. "Is this your new conditioning plan?" he asked as he kissed my ear.

"If it doesn't work, I'm getting a dog," I threatened.

"I love you," he whispered.

I turned onto my back and looked up at him with a smile. "Never leave me," I whispered and he shook his head back and forth as he continued to look into my eyes. "Are you ready to go home?" I asked him.

"Yes, to our home, and to our bed, and with our kids."

Carlisle was our savior yet again. He isolated us from the world and our love glued us back together. I no longer considered our marriage too solid for small cracks to emerge, but I was diligent at keeping watch with a trowel and spackle always ready.

I set up a big family barbeque for Fella's birthday and invited my birth mother and my half sister's family. Charlie and Renee came from Forks and Carlisle and Esme were there as always. I wanted the day to be perfect and stressed over every single detail.

"Mom, can I invite Peter?" Beth asked. I took a deep breath, I knew it wasn't right to blame Peter for his father's actions, but he was a constant reminder, which quite frankly I would like to do without.

"I don't want you giving all your attention to him, you have cousins I would like for you to know," I explained.

"But what if they're losers; I need a buffer," she complained.

"Elizabeth Marie Cullen, you don't get to choose your family, oh wait," I said thinking about Edward and his parents. Beth broke into laughter and walked away as she called Peter.

Renee and Charlie arrived first and I made sure to give them extra hugs and kisses. I didn't want them to feel like they were being replaced. Renee brought a photo album to give to Carol containing pictures of me throughout the years. It was such a kind thing to do.

Edward acted like he wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and disappear. I gave him extra space and tried not to add anymore stress. Fella tried to get him interested in a game of catch but Edward kept losing focus. He finally said, "Dad, teach me some Capoeira moves."

It worked, and Edward spent all morning working with Fella.

When the buzzer rang at the front gate I froze. Edward came over to give me a quick kiss and then opened the gate. Two vehicles pulled in and I felt myself being led to the front of the house. My mouth was dry and I wanted to appear happy and easy going, but I was shaking too badly to pull it off.

A woman stepped from the first car and I saw my own face in hers. I stepped forward and she pulled me into her arms and sobbed loudly. Her reaction was nothing compared to the screaming coming from the woman jumping out of the SUV. She ran at us and joined in the hug. I kept trying to pull back to see Bree's face but she was holding me too tightly.

When we finally pulled away I wiped my eyes to look at the two women I was blood relations with. The younger woman, Bree, was my height and coloring but had differently shaped eyes. Her mouth was just like mine and Beth's. The two families formed sides, mine behind me, and Bree's behind her.

I reached out for my mother's hand and pulled her forward. "This is Renee Swan, my mother," I announced. Carol pulled my mother into her arms and thanked her repeatedly. I noticed tears in my father's eyes, my tough no nonsense father, so I pulled him into my arms, too.

Next, I introduced Edward, and Carol gave me a quick wink. Finally, I brought in my kids and the Cullens. Bree introduced her three children, a boy Fella's age and two little girls. Beth was so relieved to have Peter in attendance. Bree's father, and Carol's husband was named, Harry. He was a kind man who loved the outdoors. He hit it off with Charlie right from the start.

We all went into the back yard and Bree gave me an embarrassed look, "I hate to impose Bella, but we just got a puppy. Would you mind if I tie him to a tree?"

Her son opened the car door and a huge dog bounded out and ran right for us. Everything was happening in slow motion. Beth held out her arms hoping the dog would come for her, Fella tried to get in front of his father, and Edward turned just in time to see the dog jump up to lick him.

Edward was not fully situated so the dog knocked him off balance and he fell to the ground as the big brute began licking his face with his long sloppy tongue.

Bree's husband, Seth, pulled the dog away and Edward looked at me in absolute revulsion. His hands were frozen in the air and his face was wet and dripping. "Bella," Edward said with no emotion at all and I stood over him as I looked down at his face.

"Yes, dear?" I asked trying so hard not to laugh.

"Where's my gun?"

"You're not shooting a dog in front of children," I informed him.

"I'm not going to shoot the dog," he said adamantly. "You no longer have a sister."

Bree actually took a step toward her husband in fear as the rest of us laughed loudly. "Edward is not a dog kind of guy," I informed them and showed Seth to the dog pen we still had up from Hunk, while Edward cleaned up.

I was in the kitchen getting the cake ready to bring outside when Fella walked up to look at it. It was made to look like a baseball diamond with miniature players made from marzipan and he smiled widely. I handed him the candles and felt my tears forming as he placed them on the cake.

"Mom, you'll ruin my birthday if you cry," he said without even looking at me.

"You're a teenager, how did that even happen?" I asked as I wiped my eyes.

He let out a deep breath and shook his head a bit. "I feel…stuck," he said with a melancholy voice. He finally finished with the candles and looked up at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a bit of worry.

"I don't feel like I fit into my body yet, I have everything I could ever want, but I feel like I want…something and just don't know what it is," he tried to explain.

I reached out and took his hand in mine and smiled, "You'll feel that way for about ten more years, and then it all makes sense."

"Dad had endured so much by my age, it doesn't seem fair," he said sadly.

Edward walked up behind him and circled his arms around Fella. "You have no idea how much joy it brings me to know you haven't had to endure the things I did, son," he said into his ear. "I never had a birthday cake as a child, but knowing my son will never be able to say that makes my day."

"I'm so glad you're home," Fella said.

"I'm so glad you're my son," Edward responded.

We took the cake outside and when all the candles were lit Fella turned to Edward and said, "Dad, can you help me blow them out?"

I held up the camera and took a picture of Edward and his son as they leaned over the cake and blew out the candles together. It became my favorite picture ever. Fella was now a teenager, the age where fathers and sons begin to butt heads and struggle to understand each other. It would be one difficulty Edward would not have to face in his life.

The entire day was so perfect and I felt like I had finally set everything right in my life. All the time I spent trying to fix Edward and it was me needing the work. I would only look forward and live forgiveness every day so I wouldn't miss a moment of the happiness right before me.

I was taught that by my mother.

Edward's dreams became further and further apart. The last time he cried out for pain, I reached for the small recorder lying on the bedside table and hit play. I watched his reaction as the sounds of our children laughing with their father, as they all jumped on a trampoline, soothed his soul and brought a smile to his sleeping face.

I no longer worried about Edward's old life taking him away, and now had the confidence to know I would always be able to keep him. My love for Edward would show me what I needed to do to make us last forever.

I was Isabella, given away in pain, leaving a scar on my mother's heart. I was adopted by Charlie and Renee Swan, and raised with love. I am the mother of a beautiful, spunky girl and a sweet, tender boy, but the most important thing in my life, is the fact I am Mrs. Edward Cullen.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.

* * *

**Surrogate author's note: Thoughts? Sandi would love to hear from you. **

**There is one more chapter, it's in EPOV's. **

**And then there is the epilogue.**

**You WILL need tissues, well, I did!**


	19. SotF EPOV

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 10

**I added one chapter with Edward's POV so you can get a sense of how hard he is working to save his recovery and his family….and how much love he has for Bella. They have a lot of good that needs saving…if they can both pull their heads out!**

**EPOV**

I tried to think of anyone with the expertise I would need to hack into the video system at the party. I purposely refused to consider the one person I knew with the contacts I needed. I wondered aloud to Heidi if I could hire someone to do something so dangerous and illegal.

"Don't be stupid, Edward," she said as she pulled my hair back harshly. I reached up and pushed her hand away angrily. I was wearing her collar but she knew it wasn't a real relationship. "You need someone you can trust and someone with their own grudge against Marcus, you need Tanya."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with Tanya right now, I'm too vulnerable," I said with disgust for myself.

Heidi laughed and sat on my lap. I kept my arms to my side and when she leaned in to kiss me I turned away. "Kiss me, Edward," she said with a threatening tone and I stood up, letting her fall to the ground.

Her expression turned to rage and she jumped off the floor. She stood in front of me and her hand rose to slap me. I caught her arm to stop her, but I could feel my body shaking with need; it just wasn't need for her. The memory of Bella's hand making contact with my face left me breathless. I shut my eyes tightly to stop the fantasy from playing out in my head.

"Don't," was all I managed to say and Heidi backed away from me.

"You're stronger than you think, Edward. Call Tanya, before you get yourself killed," she said and left the room.

I stared at her phone sitting next to her couch and felt sick at just the thought of what I needed to do. I forced myself to think of Beth. She got a note from a classmate when she was ten, telling her he loved her. She was mortified by the teasing from the other boys and I had sat with her on the bed to comfort her.

"Bethy girl, the boy was very brave to tell you something so nice, it is easy to be mean, but when someone says something nice you tell them, thank you."

"What if he wants to kiss me?" she asked with big scared eyes.

"You tell him your Daddy will knock his teeth out," I told her and she threw her arms around me in relief.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Hello," Tanya answered, I felt my stomach tighten with the painful memories.

"Uh, hi, um it's Edward."

There was nothing but silence on both ends of the phone. I forced my hands to unclench from the fists they were pulled into and speak.

"Tanya, I need your help. You know I would never call unless I had no other options," I began with.

"If that is supposed to convince me of something, you can shove it up your ass, Edward."

"I need you to help me take out Marcus Volturi," I said to get it over with.

"Why?"

I could tell how angry she was and I could feel my body reacting to it. I let the phone fall and took a couple of deep breaths. God, I was so weak and I was terrified it would get my children killed. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to Beth or Fella. They were the only decent things I had ever done and I would die before I let them down.

"He's going after my kids," I said softly.

"Jesus, Edward," she mumbled. "You just can't do anything right, can you? Are you going to cause me problems with your wife?"

"No."

"Fine, where can we meet privately?"

"Not privately, meet me at Chili's tonight at seven," I said quickly and I heard her chuckle. She knew I couldn't be alone with her because of my weakness. I hoped to be back home in time for Bella's phone call. I would have to tell her I had met with Tanya and listen to her disappointment and anger.

Heidi walked back into the room and handed me a mouth guard. I was there to practice our routine, because that was exactly what it would be, a choreographed routine. When she showed Bella the electricity wrap it gave me an idea. Heidi would wear a costume with a long full skirt.

My screams from the pain would be real, but we would not be having sex. I wouldn't do that to Bella, no matter how unworthy I was of her. Heidi could be as rough as she wanted and I would take it, but sex was off the table completely.

"Can I use the nipple clamps and attach them to your collar?" she asked.

"No, you can us the fingernail shanks, but you have to remain clothed," I told her as I unbuttoned my shirt.

"What if I get too rough and leave a scar?" she laughed but her laughter stopped when I removed my shirt. "Oh my God, did Tanya do all of that?" she said softly and her eyes looked remorseful.

"Only some of it," I said and walked over to get onto my knees. She hesitated until I looked right into her eyes, something never done by a sub when on their knees.

"Don't push me, Edward," she threatened as she came to stand behind me. She ran her hands down my chest and when she kept going into my jeans I grabbed her hands and held them tightly.

"Let go," she said into my ear but I squeezed harder.

She rammed her knee into my spine and I arched back in pain. She pulled the bench forward and pushed me onto it before straddling the front of me. She placed something on her finger and ran the sharp edge from my bellybutton to my throat.

"Do you want me to hurt you?" she asked as she pressed the tip into my flesh.

"Yes," I said with a thick voice.

"Will you scream out?" she asked and I nodded pushing the point causing it to break the skin. It burned and stung and felt so familiar. My breathing was labored as I felt the need rising up inside of me. This was real; it was the Edward I kept suppressed. I deserved this because I was evil and disgusting. I hurt my children and I hurt the only woman I will ever love.

I was only vaguely aware of her connecting the wrap around my body. The point of the metal was still perched precariously at the base of my neck and I longed for the feeling of it slicing into my skin. It would mark me forever as the weak, unworthy, sick bastard I was.

The electricity surged through my body as I arched, unknowingly screaming out with the unbelievable pleasure, "Bella!"

When I left I was so weak I could hardly walk. We determined a gag would be needed to stop me from yelling for the woman I loved. I sat in my car and looked down at the blood seeping through my shirt. I was bleeding for Bella, but she would be sickened by my offering.

I was grateful Esme or Carlisle were not home to see the condition I was in. I showered and treated my wounds after carefully hiding the collar in my drawer. I showed up to Chili's a bit late and found Tanya pacing outside the restaurant.

"Hello," I said with a terrified voice. Her eyes went right to my neck and I knew she was looking for a collar.

"What do you need?" she asked and I wondered if we would actually eat or forgo the whole dinner part.

"I need to break into Marcus' film system, he's having a party Saturday and I need to copy every single thing he films."

"The play rooms?" she asked and looked a bit scared.

"Everything, can your brother help?" I asked hoping she would force him into helping just for her own hatred of the Volturi's.

"I can do it, I just need to know what you're going to do with the film," she demanded.

"I'm going to trade it for my life, but actually have everything copied onto my own system at my house."

She tossed her cigarette and motioned for me to open the door. I was hesitant to do it, not wanting to appear submissive to her, but hell, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. I finally reached out and opened the door and noticed the smile form on her face.

I felt the urge to leave, but I needed her help to save Beth, and there was a small part of me, probably a lot larger than I would admit, that felt like I had come home. I knew I needed to readjust my seminars and point out the need to keep negative thoughts suppressed, not replaced, those things become so ingrained it is impossible to get rid of them altogether.

I was planning to start the conversation with my adamant refusal to return to being a sub, after the hostess took us to our table and a waitress set our water and utensils down. I took a deep breath and then gasped when I saw Fella approach. I looked around quickly and hoped he was with Beth, not Bella, but my eyes locked on hers.

I saw her beautiful face and I wanted to pull her into my arms. I was ready to go to her when Fella asked me to leave. My kind son, who never had a cruel thing to say, asked me to take my date and leave the restaurant. I felt panic rising in my chest as I realized I was staring at the destruction of my family.

I had a million thoughts going through my head until Tanya grabbed Fella's arm. I would rip her arm from her socket if she hurt him, but it was him hurting her. He had twisted her arm and was holding her so tightly her hand was shaking. She finally stood to take my arm and I smiled at the feel of fear in her touch.

"Go across the street and get us a table, I'll be there in a few minutes," I instructed her and turned back into the restaurant.

I sat next to my son to apologize. It was physically painful to keep everything to myself and not tell him the pretense I was trying to pull off. Bella told me he had read my books and I felt like my life was imploding in on me. Beth said she understood, but then her family fell apart. How would I ever get Fella to understand?

Bella took my hand in hers and the warmth spread through me like a poison. I didn't deserve her kindness, or her tender touch. I was bad, and broken, and nothing but heartache to her. I apologized; she thought it was for showing up with Tanya, but it was for so much more. I hurt her in my dream and I made her feel weak because she couldn't walk into a den of perversion with me. I made an angel hit me, and an apology was nowhere near what she deserved.

When I got outside I sent her a text message asking her to call tonight. I needed to gain strength from her one last time. I needed to use her love to fill me, before heading back to the pain and fear.

"You have no idea how much I want to beat your ass," Tanya said in anger when I finally sat across from her.

"Get in line," I said and took a long drink of water.

"I ordered you a drink," she said but I quickly shook my head; I was not about to lose control tonight. "How do you do it, Edward? How do you live such a boring life with rotten kids and a bitch for a wife?"

"Can you get into the house?" I asked ignoring her attempt to bait me.

She took a sip from her drink and chuckled to herself. "You didn't used to doubt me, ever."

"What do you need from me to get everything copied onto my system?" I asked as I continued to ignore.

"I need the video code off of your security system, and I need your security people to be off the clock."

"Done," I said.

"You're just going to hand it over?" she asked as she gave me a sideways glance.

"Sure, because if you cross me, I'll kill you," I said adamantly.

"Oh please, stop being so melodramatic. I owe Marcus."

I didn't ask her for details because I really didn't care if they tore each other apart. Once I got something to blackmail him with, I was good.

"Are you going to the party?" she asked me and I nodded.

"With someone you don't know," was all I offered. I saw her eyes react and I thought I saw sorrow. I almost blurted out the fact it would be a charade, but I kept my mouth shut.

Our food arrived and I felt a bit pissed that she ordered for me, but I did leave her sitting here alone so I picked up my fork and ate quickly. I didn't feel the need to talk during our meal, because it was something Tanya never allowed. We ate and I quickly left.

I was lying on my bed, waiting for Bella to call when Carlisle walked into the room. I saw the tension in his face and the sadness in his eyes; I was hurting more good people. "I'm sorry," I said and he shook his head to stop me.

"You are a good father, Edward," he said with a soft voice. "I have seen many sides to you, but your love for your children has been impressive."

"Do you think some day, maybe years from now, they will understand I did it all for them?" I asked as my tears fell.

"Fella needs you to teach him how to be a man, but Beth, she needs you to show her men can be dependable," he said to tear my soul.

"Dad," I said and had to put my fingers over my lips to gain control of my voice. "Promise me you'll look after my kids, if anything happens to me."

"And Bella?" he asked to finish the rip.

"Help her find a good man, a man who deserves her," I said and tried to keep my chin from shaking.

"Edward, I have hope you can come out of this healthy, but I'm not sure. You have amazed me in the past, but this just may be too much, son. So I want you to know one thing…Esme and I will always love you, so please fight; fight for all of those people who love you."

He pulled me into his arms and I wanted to cry like a child for my father to fix everything for me. But fixing things was my job now; I had to fix things for Beth and Fella.

When my phone rang my mouth went dry. This could very well be my last conversation with Bella forever. I wanted to hear from her heart that she loved me, but she couldn't say it. She wasn't sure anymore and I knew we were truly over. I had all the courage I needed now. It didn't matter if I lived or died. I would no longer be an embarrassment for my children and Bella would stop hurting because of me.

I would still keep up the pretense with Heidi. I had my own pride and I wouldn't die knowing I had given my body to another woman. My heart and passion belonged to Bella; only my screams and blood would Heidi get.

I was putting on my costume when Beth called. I stared at the phone, not sure if I could handle hearing her voice right now. I closed my eyes and answered the call.

"Hi, Bethy girl."

"Daddy," she cried.

"Beth," I screamed knowing that bastard had her.

"Riley's making me call," she said with fear. "They left to get Fella. Dad, don't let them hurt Fella."

"Listen, honey, it will be okay. I'll take care of it and you'll be fine. How did they get you?"

"A policeman showed up at Bailey's and said Mom had been hurt, he said we were going to the hospital he they took me to Riley. He says you're going to die. Don't come here, Daddy, just save Fella," she yelled as someone took the phone from her hand.

"Yes, Daddy, save Fella," Riley mocked her.

Beth was truly like Bella, wanting me to save her brother and let her go. She was my princess; I would never just walk away without doing everything in my power to save her. I felt a determined calm spread through me. The Volturi's didn't count on my willingness to die for my family and if I was headed to hell, they were coming with me.

"Riley," I said calmly, "I suggest you take a good long look at that useless appendage between your legs, because you're going to lose it tonight. You won't have to worry about anyone finding out you're impotent because you'll be known simply as dickless from now on."

He was silent, wondering how I got the information Peter had given me. I could tell he was riled and wasn't quite sure how to respond, so I took advantage of his silence.

"If I find them unharmed, I'll reconsider. As you can tell, I know a lot about you, Riley; from the medication you take for asthma, to the John Varvatos cologne you wear. This isn't your fight, so step aside and I'll forget all about you, if not, you'll pay, too."

The phone went dead and I rushed to get ready. I met Heidi down the street from the house and picked her up. We used the valet and walked into the house dressed in 1700's period costumes as the Marquis de Sade and a wench. I had on leather pants with a white peasant shirt and leather vest. A powdered wig covered my head and I wore a black mask. Heidi had on a long gown with a corset revealing most of her breasts. Her red mask matched her dress and she carried a satchel with various toys inside.

A steward approached us and held out a tray of condoms. "Oh please, like this is our first party," Heidi said and pushed the tray aside as I kept my head submissively down.

"Would you like some food?" Heidi asked and I remained quiet with my head lowered.

"Are you going to answer me, or shall I punish you?" she asked and I felt my heart leap.

"Do you really want my stomach full of sushi when you shock me?" I asked her and she laughed loudly.

She leaned into me and I turned my face so I wouldn't be staring down into her cleavage. "I understand you now, Edward," she whispered.

"And?"

"And I know what you want. You want it rough and painful, so you can feel like a naughty boy. You're trash aren't you, Edward? Nothing but filthy trash who needs punished for existing. If you had any balls you would have blown your brains out years ago. I'm going to hurt you, for daring to live."

I was gasping for air and needed her to hurt me now. She grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs. When we entered the empty room, stocked with every devise imaginable, she turned and punched me in the chin. I moaned loudly when she ripped my shirt and bit my chest.

"No," I called out, not wanting her lips on me, and she slapped me again.

"Don't tell me to go, I will go when I feel ready," she said to cover for me.

She opened her bag and placed the mouth piece in my mouth before covering it with a gag tied behind my head. Her mouth came to my ear and she whispered, "Try to touch my breast and I'll set up the scene."

She came in front of me and I let my hand reach up for her but she quickly slapped it down. "Don't touch me. I want you to lie there and take it, understand?"

I kept my head down and she pulled me by the shirt over to the small bench. Our routine was perfect and anyone watching the monitors would have believed it was real. We left the room with my chest bleeding and Heidi flushed from her own performance.

Nobody seemed to notice us and I was actually able to recognize some of the players after all these years. Heidi pointed out a few police officers in attendance and not as security. It worked perfectly into my plan.

When the lights dimmed I knew it was time for Marcus to make a move. I didn't respond when they showed the film of Beth and Riley, because I had been in the room when it was made. His next threat brought me forward. When he threatened to kill my daughter I had to step up.

I pulled off my wig and walked towards the old man. He nodded to someone next to him and a foot came up to hit me right in the face. I fell to my knees and it was Marcus who hit me next with a police baton. I refused to respond. This was just for show; the real fight was yet to come.

I didn't fight when two men held my arms as Marcus continued to hit me. He was old and weak but I tossed my head with each blow to make him think he was having an impact.

When the cake rolled out I knew my children would be inside. I had to hope Tanya was getting the live stream so I could bargain for their lives. I was surprised he asked me to open the lid. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I would have to look at my children's terrified faces.

When I looked down I almost fell to the ground in relief. I actually had to lean my head on the edge of the cake. My hand wrapped around the stock of the gun and I felt Bella kiss my fingers. The very life source she always provided me surged through my body. This was a fight we were going to win, but the more important one, I had already lost.

* * *

**Surrogate author's note: Thoughts? Sandi would love to hear from you. **

**Up next is the epilogue.**

**You WILL need tissues, well, I did!**


	20. Sins of the Father Epilogue

**UNTIL FFN GETS SORTED...I'LL POST THIS SEQUEL HERE.**

Name: **Sins of the Father**

Author: **Sdfreeze**

**This is the sequel to _Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down_, you'll need to read that story first.**

Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**This story has mature themes of abuse, violence and BDSM gone badly wrong.**

This story is about learning to survive and live well.

**If these themes upset you, please do not continue reading.**

This story was last published on 6/17/10.

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for **THE CUBE **story.

http: / / www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931

**All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in THE CUBE discussion forum, to keep them together.**

* * *

Chapter: 11

**WARNING: TISSUES WILL BE NEEDED**

Time is a funny thing, minutes tick by at a steady rate, and each day lasts twenty-four hours, with three hundred and sixty five days in a year. I couldn't understand how it suddenly seemed to fly by. My babies grew up and began their own lives.

Beth became a nurse and married a veterinarian. He was ten years older than her, but Beth adored him and they were so perfect together. She met him when she took her dog in for shots and he was the first man to sweep Beth off her feet.

Her wedding was unique, just like Beth. She walked down the aisle with her father, who was pale and shaking, due to the fact her flower girl and ring bearer were yellow and chocolate Labradors.

When she danced with Edward at the reception to the song, "I Loved Her First," I thought they would both have to be sedated. He held her tightly with his eyes closed as the tears streamed down his face. Beth buried her face in his chest and her entire body shook with loud sobs that could be heard over the music.

Her house was constantly full of animals and Edward refused to visit her unless they came to our place. She had twin boys and a daughter five years later.

Fella's wedding was the most difficult for me. Edward had to hold me tightly to keep me from tackling the bride and ripping her hair out for stealing my sweet boy. He went to Costa Rica for a service project over the summer of his junior year in college, and returned home with a girl he couldn't peel his eyes off of. He was always kind to the girls he dated, but this one was different, he looked at her like she was his oxygen. My perfect little boy had fallen in love.

At the reception Fella took the microphone in his hand and spoke from his heart.

"I was lucky enough to be raised by amazing parents. Dad, you taught me what inner strength meant and how to rise above the hate, and fear, and obstacles life sends my way. You taught me the true meaning of being a man. Mom, you gave me unconditional love and taught me how to forgive, and look at the good inside of people, instead of the bad. You gave me a foundation I can lean on throughout my life. Beth, you were a great sister. You brought joy and humor to my life and I often wonder if you will ever know how much I look up to you and love you."

Beth was sobbing just like me and Edward. Fella turned to his beautiful bride and said, "When you accepted me, you accepted my family. I know they love you as much as I do, because my mother wouldn't give me to just anyone, and she gave me to you."

He was wrong, I wanted to keep him a little boy forever, my little boy, and I would never have to share his heart with anyone. But he chose a wonderful girl, who loved him with all her heart, so I couldn't complain, too much.

Fella became a psychiatrist and worked at Carlisle's clinic. He raised three daughters and was the gentlest father, aside from Edward, I had ever seen.

Carlisle, Esme, Charlie and Renee each passed as time moved on. We cried and felt the empty places in our lives which they had filled over the years. Edward and I began to face our own mortality. He was still so beautiful, but his full head of hair was now grey and his scars faded into the folds of his skin.

He wrote one last book about his fight to overcome his relapse. He toured for a year and this time our children got to see his courage and determination first hand. We had faced so many difficult days, but the hardest by far, was the day I was diagnosed with cancer.

I didn't feel cheated; I had more than my share of time on this earth, made so full by the young boy who decided one fateful day to help me. I fought so hard over the years to keep him, but the best things in life are worth the fight.

As my days wound down to only hours, I spent a few moments with each of my grandchildren, who were now adults. I tried to send them away knowing how much they were loved.

Beth sat by my bed and cried into my hair. I remembered when it was just me and her, trying to make it in the world, but Edward came back to us and changed our lives forever. "Mom, are you scared," she asked me.

"I'm afraid of going on without your father," I admitted. Edward was my life since I was five and death didn't scare me, only leaving him.

"How will Dad ever be happy without you?" she cried.

"Take care of him for me," I begged her and she nodded, unable to speak. "You are such a strong woman, Beth."

We talked about milestones in her life, reliving all the big moments, until I became too tired to continue. We said our final goodbye and I watched my princess walk from the room, so proud of the woman she became.

Meeting with Fella was going to be much harder, no matter how professional he wanted to be. He walked through the door, looking exactly like Edward as a middle-aged man, and my tired old eyes filled with tears at the sight of my husband from long ago.

He pulled up a chair and took my hand in his before leaning against the mattress and sobbing with anguished cries. "I'm so sorry I can't be stronger," he cried.

"You're still my sweet little boy," I told him. "I am so proud of you."

I let him cry, knowing his tender heart needed to release all the pain. He finally turned his head to look at me. "What was your greatest moment, mom?" he asked with his cheek on my hand.

"Ah, that's easy, the day I married your father," I told him as my mind traveled back in time. Edward was so handsome and when I placed my hand in his I could feel him shaking. He wasn't afraid; we already had a life together, a daughter, and a son on the way. He was shaking out of amazement that his life turned out the way it did.

"What would you change?" Fella asked and I knew he wanted information to pass down to my posterity.

I thought about it for a bit and finally said, "I would have kept mementos from your father as a child. He had so many from me and I wished I had kept more pieces of him."

"You were only five," Fella pointed out, but it didn't matter, it was my only regret.

"You need to tell Dad to move in with me," Fella said, "He can't live at Beth's with all the animals and I can't stand the thought of him being here alone."

I smiled and let Fella in on a secret, "He won't be alone; I'll be right here with him."

"Dad was so lucky to have you," he said as he smiled back at me.

"No, I was the lucky one, he just never knew it."

"There won't be a day that goes by that I won't miss you," Fella cried.

"Oh son, there won't be a day that goes by that I won't be looking in on you," I promised him.

"I'll let you in on my plans," Fella said with a smile and he wiped his tears from his face. "I have great women in my life, my mother, my sister, my wife, and my daughters. I plan to spend more one on one time with the great man in my life, my father. Although I will be a poor substitute for you."

"I'm so jealous," I teased and he laughed loudly bringing Edward into the room. Fella stood and patted his father on the back before giving me one last kiss, and a bit of my heart stopped beating as he left the room.

Edward climbed onto the bed and pulled my frail body into his arms. I sighed and inhaled, "I love how you still smell like a boy."

"It's the vaporub," he teased and I smiled.

I grew so tired and took a couple of labored breaths. "I'm ready now, Edward," I told him softly and his arms tightened around me.

"Are you in pain, love?" he whispered.

"No, I'm in your arms, where nothing can hurt me," I sighed.

"I would keep you in my arms forever, if I could," he said with tears.

"I would stay in your arms forever, if I could," I mumbled feeling dizzy and finally letting the darkness begin to close in on me.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella," Edward sobbed as he kissed the top of my head.

I used the last bit of breath to say, "Do you want…."

"Yes, love, yes," he said as he let his grief consume him.

I looked down at my Edward as he cried over my time worn body; he rocked me back and forth as his heart slowed from his pain. I smiled at him and wanted his eyes to meet mine, but his head remained buried in my long grey hair.

He shouldn't feel this hurt, his life held too much pain as it was. I called for him, wanting to take his hand and run and play. He lay back in the bed and pulled my old face toward his and kissed me deeply. I sighed knowing exactly what it would have felt like.

He let his head fall back onto the pillow and he looked up at the ceiling. "Look at me, Edward," I called to him, but his eyes remained upward. He took a deep breath and let it out so slowly, releasing all the air from his body. He didn't move and his eyes locked onto one spot above him.

This time I only had to speak in less than a whisper, just a soft blow of air which moved his hair ever so slightly. "Edward," the air called to him.

He smiled and sat up, leaving his body and his grief behind, and looked directly at me. I held out my hand and asked, "Do you want to be my fella?"

He grinned in the familiar way I loved and trusted from long ago, and took my hand. "Nothing can ever hurt me again," he said with the voice of a child.

"Never," I said, looking up at his tall body, "Do you want to go play?"

He nodded and said, "I remember how to skip."

I giggled and we turned, to skip hand in hand, only to find happiness and joy in front of us.

We were buried the same day and celebrated by the ones we loved so much in the world, knowing we would all be together soon enough. I had learned to live by looking forward, but could now spend eternity looking back. Time had no meaning anymore and things like pain and sorrow were long forgotten. But the love was still just as strong; it followed us as we journeyed through the memories of our lives.

I marveled at the parents Edward never remembered on earth, but knew with clarity where we existed now. A mother and father, who never meant to leave their loving son behind, but managed to breakthrough as a simple voice when he was at his lowest point, to remind him to fight.

I played with Edward as he grew and walked with him, hand in hand, as he looked back at the difficult times of his life. I would bring his eyes to mine and let him know the memories were past echoes and the pain was only a shadow.

He remained at my side as I watched the years without him, knowing with certainty now, he was coming back. We moved slowly through the mist of memories with our little family, pointing and laughing at the past which was so full of love.

We smiled at each other as time stretched into eternity with so many people to love now, our real parents, the Cullens, the Swans, Beth and her family, Fella and his family, and the circle grew continually, all of us together again.

But my favorite moments happened whenever we wanted; with a simple glance Edward and I could join hands and skip off together as children.

"Bella, Bella, Isabella?" he would ask.

"Do you want to be my fella?" I would giggle.

"Forever."

The End.

* * *

**Surrogate author's note: Thoughts? Sandi would love to hear from you. **

**Did you need tissues? I did!**


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